Next one!
Will be a Kensi and Deeks intertwined, it just made it easier to write it like this.
I do apologize for the end :)

Let me know what you think and a gigantic thank you to everyone reviewing and/or liking this story. It just makes me smile:)

Five

She's cold. No matter where she spend the last few months, or the place she has returned to, she's cold and she's pretty sure that no blanket will be able to warm her up. She's picking at the label on the bottle, waiting his return. Monty needing a little comfort break is the reason of her loneliness but she's also fearing the return of the duo. While the afternoon had been blissfully sweet and hot at the same time, the evening has turned into a cold affair. They have been spending it on his couch, having a home cooked dinner and watching some mindless TV. Deeks had gone silent and she hadn't been able to coax more than 10 words out of him. He had been absent, like he was working through things. The way he had actually leaped to get Monty outside, avoiding her eyes had her worried.

It's not that he doesn't love her, she knows that. Beside he had spend the entire afternoon telling and showing her how much he did. But there is something on his mind, something heavy and probably painful. Something small or stupid wouldn't keep him this quiet and pensive.
If she's honest, all she wants to do is forget about it, ignore it and pretend nothing is going on. But she can't. It's like a big thing between them, keeping him away from her, even when she's back in LA and spend the better part of the afternoon and evening in his arms. But this is Deeks, as much as he loves to talk he can be quiet and stubborn about things and if he doesn't want her to know, she'll not know. And so when she hears the key in the lock, she can only hope he's ready to talk and they can solve whatever that is standing between them.

He can feel her eyes on him the second he's fully inside the door. He puts away Monty's leach and walks towards the kitchen to grab another beer. He knows this is the moment to spill, no matter what he wants or fears. He'll have to tell her and will probably have to hurt her. He can only hope to find the right words, the ones that make her listen and not walk out on him. He can only pray she'll give him that at least.

As he gets back to the living room he opts to sit on the coffee table right in front of her. He can see the worry on her face, but tries to ignore it. He needs it and she deserves this.

'Kensi, I ' he starts, grabbing her hands and taking them in his. ' I love you, more then I'll ever be able to show you but I do okay. I want you to, no, I need you to know that.'

She wants to relax at the warmth his hands give her but his words freeze her heart. Nothing good can come from this, he would never start like that if he wanted to say something that wouldn't change their life, their situation. She wants to pull back her hands, run and hide but he doesn't let go. It's like he has her on some sort of lockdown so the only thing she can do is listen to him.

'One of the reason you were chosen for that mission is me.' He starts, words suddenly finding their way back to him. 'Because of the behavior, the awkwardness Hetty believed it to be better to split us up. Only she decided to send you half way across the globe with no means of communications and making me believe there was no way back. You were gone and that was it. '

Her heart breaks for him and she wants to tell him that is was all a lie, that she came back and if she has a say in it, she's here to stay. Only there is always the Hetty factor and in the end it's the tiny little terror that will decide their fate.

'And I know you can take care of yourself, you proved it in the last months. And you did good over there. I know it may not seem like that all the time, but you really did Kens, you did something good for this world and I'm proud of you. It's just, I can't stand the idea that I was the reason you were put in harm's way and I'll not be the reason Hetty decides to send you once again somewhere harm full or to a place I can't back you up. I'll not, you mean too much to me.'

So here it comes, she thinks as she looks at her hands in his. This is the moment he'll tell her that they better stop doing this, that it's better for them to be apart and in a safe place. She wants to scream and yell at him, tell him that this is wrong, that Hetty has been wrong and that they belong together. But she remains speechless, powerless to defend herself against the fate that's coming.

'So I've been thinking and I think it's better that I go back to LAPD'

Her head snaps up so fast she nearly gives herself a whiplash. She didn't see this one come and it's not happening.

No, no, no, no, this is not and this will not happen.

'Kens,' he starts and she realize she actually spoke the words.

'No, Deeks, this will not happen. You'll not go back to LAPD. You can't be sitting here, talking about being worried I'm being send to dangerous places and no back up and then go back to LAPD okay. You cannot do that. ' she says suddenly angry. Not at him but at the world, at her boss who put them in this place.

'I'll talk to Hetty, I'll….' She's not sure what she'll do but she will tell Hetty and somehow make her see reason.

'Kens'

'NO Deeks! We'll figure this out okay. No matter what Hetty said or did, no matter what the future brings, we'll figure this out.'

Waking up in his arms is pretty much heaven on earth. She had only woken up a few minutes ago and she's taking every advantage of him still being asleep. She takes the time to study his features, softened by sleep. She can almost picture the young boy he once was, although by now she knows it wasn't a happy boy. It makes her marvel at the transformation he must have made in his life, starting for a small boy that was the target of at least one of his parents anger to a full grown man who looks at life with a smile plastered on his face.

She knows part of it, a large part of it is a mask. A mask that protects him from the outside, but by now she knows the man behind the mask and is amazed by his strength. He managed to escape it all and he seemingly wants to see the good in people. If even he, if even her partner can't see the positive in the situation they are in, if he's willing to go back to a team that doesn't give a crap about him,… . She's not sure what to make of that, how to deal with that. She'll talk to Hetty, she promised Deeks and she keeps her promises but this is Hetty they are talking about. She's not sure Hetty has ever been in a situation where someone else tells her what to do. If not, yeah well she has no idea what to do about that.

'We'll figure it out Kens' she suddenly hears in her ear and turns to look into his blue eyes.

It's a testament to how well he knows her, how he can seemingly read her mind. And where she had been the one to console him yesterday evening, to promise him that everything well be alright, he takes on the role today and silences the butterflies in her stomach.

He does wake another sort of butterflies and she leans in to silence those.
It's Monty's scratching on the door that interrupts them. They want to ignore it, but when he starts to whine she takes pity on the dog. Kissing him once last time she rolls away from.

'I'll take Monty for a walk, you go surf' she says as she gets out of bed.

'Really?' he asks from his place between the sheets.

'well' she starts as she makes her way to the bathroom. 'since you'll be at the beach I wouldn't mind some…..'

'donuts from that little shop. Got it' He finishes as he gets up too. Just as she closes the door she catches a glimpse of him muttering that's my girl. And can't hide the smile on her face. Despite the situation at work, this part of her life is certainly back on track.

The happy mood that found them this morning is gone by the time they step inside the mission. It feels like coming home, well a second home but it's also a somewhat painful return.

There are the normal greetings between friends that haven't seen each other for a long time. It's a nice moment filled with laughter and hugs, but the mood suddenly changes as Hetty makes her way into the group.

'I believe your presence is requested up in OPS' she tells the guys and they start to walk away. Deeks lingers a little longer but a look from Hetty and a nod from herself he turns and follows Sam and Callen on the stairs.

'Miss Blye, It's good to see you back here. You did good over there but never the less we're glad you're back with us.' She looks as her boss, trying to find some clue that she's lying or twisting the truth. She can't see any but this is Hetty.

'Something on your mind?' Hetty asks as she seemingly seems to pick up on her mood. Her mouth is suddenly dry, but her resolve only gets stronger. The way Hetty is looking at her, trying to gauge her reactions, or better the lack of them. She has no idea what the other woman is thinking, but she finds herself in a position where she doesn't want to know. She's past caring what her boss wants or thinks. This is her life and her happiness and if she needs to take this step, then so be it.

'yeah, mm, I would like…. ' she starts. It's harder then she believed it to be, but she needs this and can't back down now.

'I would like to inform you that I'm resigning.'

TBC