I'm so sorry for the hold up but I struggled with the last part of this chapter.
Anyway, chapter 6 and the start of an explanation. I hope you like it.

As always a big thank you for all the reviews and liking of this story. I can't say it enough but it warms me up inside.

She's not sure the mission had been this quiet before or that the world has somehow come to a freezing halt. Just glancing beside the dark haired agent sitting in front of her, she can tell that the world is in fact still turning and that most are not aware of what's been going on. But to her, inside her little bubble that is her office it seems like an echo has settle in. Cause all she can hear are the last few words uttered in a soft but strong voice.

'look, I know that this is everything I ever wanted, ever dreamed about and I cannot thank you enough for the chances you gave me. Part of what I am today, is thanks to you Hetty and I'll never forget that. '

She can hear the words, understands the flattery and knows enough of Kensi to understand that they are uttered in truth. This is not some meaningless string of words but never the less they ring in something tragic, something that is about to change.

'But this mission you send me on? It's the same like my dad used to go on when I was little. And while he had been doing good over there, while I was doing something good over there, there is still this part that hurts, that won't settle down with just doing good. '

She wants to tell the other woman that she did good, that she's proud of what has been done and that the world is a safer place because of it. But she holds the words inside, also knowing that right now those words won't mean a thing. Cause she knows what's coming next and Kensi is right, there are things that won't go away by just being told that what you've done is good and that you somehow saved the world.

' I missed out on things, just like my dad did when he was gone. I missed Deeks birthday for a second year in a row, I missed Christmas, New year's eve, valentine's day. But that's not all, I missed day to day action with my team mates, with my partner and no matter what you tell me I won't get those times back. Being out there, not able to contact them or even talk to them it made me realize something. They drive me crazy, well Deeks does, but I don't care. All I know is that I don't want to miss another moment. So I suppose what I'm trying to say here is, that if I have to choose between being a super Special Agent or some ordinary woman but with Deeks on my side? I choose the last part because no matter how much I love this job, in the end it all comes down to this: Deeks is my everything.'

She can hear the words, crystal clear floating from one side of the desk to the other. And if she didn't do it already she would concede the fight right there and then. Because Kensi had listened to her, right before she left for Romania. She had gone out and found that one person to come home to, to have a life beside the secrecy they all live in. Breaking them up had a different outcome then she had expected, she stood to lose not one but two members of her little family. So when she finally finds the courage to speak, she might shock the younger agent. But not herself, after all being able to admit that you're wrong is not a weakness but a strength.

'What if you could have both?'

She senses his presence long before he's in her line of sight. He's moving slowly towards her, letting her know he's already picking up on her mood and decides to give her some time before entering her personal space.

'Hetty wants to talk to you.' She says as he stops in front of her.

'okay.' He slowly answers but doesn't move an inch from his spot. She can't see his face, with her sitting and him standing, she needs to look straight up and doesn't bother do so. But that doesn't mean she can't guess at the look on his face or why he's isn't moving.

'So why are you still standing here. You should know by now it's better to not keep Hetty waiting.'

'not before I figure out what's up with you. Hetty can wait.'

She can't help but wonder if she ever gets to know him like that, the way he seems to know her. He can't have any idea what the conversation between Hetty and her had been about, he can only rely on what he saw when he approached her and yet he knows something is up. Maybe another reason she's not looking up to him cause sometimes when he's looking at her, really looking, it feels like he can see right through everything. Every wall, every mask or lie she ever put up in her defense, it's like they don't exist when he's looking like that. It's a moment she loves and hates at the same time. She loves how he looks at her, really takes his time and the effort to look at her, to look at the real Kensi Blye and still be around. She hates the part where she feels naked and defenseless and the realization that when it comes to Deeks, there is no hiding what so ever.

'Princess, it's me. You know you can tell me everything right?' he says, well more asks as he finally comes down to her level and sits down next to her. She doesn't fail to notice the closeness, legs and arms touching, barely but they are. It gives her strength but it makes her fears come up as well. it's one thing informing Hetty of her decision, it's different telling Deeks. Especially when he offered only a day before and she had refused it.

'I, this morning, the conversation with Hetty?' she asks, he only nods. 'well, it's like this. I went over there, to Hetty, and I, euh, I informed her of my plan to resign'

The first couple of seconds pass in silence and she can see the flash of anger in his eyes. He keeps his mouth shut and she can see him working through the emotions. She truly shocked him with her news, she can tell by the way he's not capable of hiding his emotions. It's also amazing to see the self control this man has and when he finally speaks it's hard to believe the flash of anger she had seen in him only 30 seconds ago.

'why? I mean, I would…..' he starts, but she silences him with a hand on his face. And while she had been a sucker for a clean shaven face in her younger years, she's now completely attracted to scruff. Well his scruff that is.

'you would never ask and you did not ask. This is all my idea and I believed in it okay. This was my decision cause no matter what this job is not worth it if it means I can't spend time with you.'

He can't help the smile when the meaning behind her words filter through. And while he has no problem saying it, he knows it's a whole lot more difficult for her. So he takes her words for what they are, a veiled expression of love.

But when other words sink in the smile disappears.

'wait, you said you planned on informing her, does that mean that….' He asks

'It means that there is no more plan.' She explains. ' I went in there fully intent on telling her and doing it but then….'

'Hetty got in the way.' He says. 'Well I for one can say I'm glad she did, on this occasion.'

He pulls her close when he says that and they sit there for a couple of minutes. Just enjoying the sunshine and each other.

'you should go' she speaks after while, waking him up from his daydream.

'what?' he asks.

'You should go! Hetty's waiting for you.'

'oh right' he kisses the top of her head and gets up, reluctantly.

He's almost at the door when he turns and looks at her.

'Just out of curiosity. What would you have done if she had accepted ?'

'You think Monty would benefit from a stay at home mom?' she absolutely loves to see his face light up with the smile. 'And I suppose I could get used to be a trophy wife.'

He looks at her, first with a frown and then there is that smile again when he figures out the meaning behind her words.

'So you figured if you resigned that I would follow you and become a big shot lawyer?'

She doesn't reply, only looks at him trying to gauge his reaction. She doesn't need to wait long for it though.

'you figured correctly.'

TBC