It had been a week since Gabrielle had her dream/vision. She was still not sure what exactly that it was. The only thing that she was sure of that she was slowly getting her appetite and her strength back. Her body was still suffering from the abuse that she had unfortunately been piling on it for the last three months. But now she was taking care of herself as was her daughter. Aphrodite was never far from her side either.
After being so alone, with the exception of the few times she allowed herself to actually acknowledge the presence of the Goddess of Love, it felt very strange if not unnerving to have Eve and a handful of her followers constantly around. Of course the bard would have felt better if they had been able to go back to Greece. While she had traveled all over the known world with Xena, that was the place that she felt closest to her soulmate. It was where they were both from.
However Aphrodite, in her own cryptic way, was adamant that they not only should but needed to stay in Egypt. The petite blond feared that it was because they would need to involve the Egyptian Gods. Her own Gods had been enough for her. As she thought once again how Aphrodite was the exception to that rule still the bard and the Gods really didn't mix well. Of course the way that her mind had taken the loss of her soulmate there really was no one that she mixed well with.
Gabrielle groaned slightly as she moved her shoulder. Her leg was healing nicely. Her head wound was almost nonexistent. The thing that was plaguing her still was the arrow wound in her shoulder. She couldn't help but think how that was most likely her fault as she had torn the stitches so shortly after receiving them. That was never a good thing having to redo stitches. It was ironic just how close the arrow wound was to the one that had almost cost her her life many, many years ago.
The bard had been moved from the pallet to one of the padded chairs. The curtains of the lone window were only half drawn allowing some of the afternoon sunlight to spill in. It was, the petite blond reflected, the most comfortable that she had felt since that hateful day in Japa. It could be because of finding family. It could be because her body was finally at rest. Or it could be because for the first time in over three months she had actual hope of being reunited with the other half of her soul.
There was a light knock on the door to her small chambers to which she called a more bitter 'enter' than she had truly intended. Eve entered with what appeared some scrolls and more fresh fruit. The bard watched the slightly younger woman move with a grace that she had seen her soulmate move with a million times. For warriors, both the women also had this ability to move in a way that it captured everyone's attention. The messenger set down the fruit on the table but kept the parchment in her hand.
"How are you feeling, Mom?" Eve had taken to calling Gabrielle 'mom' and when she did refer to Xena it was as 'mother'. To her it was a way to distinguish the two women that she knew deep down she was so much a part of. Of course the bard had still not felt all that comfortable with articulating just how she was feeling so a shrug of her good shoulder was her answer. "You at least look better. And I see you've finished your lunch. I brought you a snack." This got a roll of the beautiful green eyes. "I also brought you these."
Gabrielle took the scrolls but ignored the fruit at least for now. Her stomach was somewhere between rumbly at being hungry and being upset at being full for most of the time for the past week. There was almost like this physical vibration that was coming from the weathered and faded looking scrolls. When finally she opened them it was with reverence and care that she unrolled them. One look told her these were no ordinary scrolls. These were HER scrolls.
The one that she had chosen was ironic to her. She had not seen the words on the parchment since they had been frozen. The scroll recounted the first meeting between the forlorn warrior and the idealistic young bard. Most of the things that they had left behind had been lost. Of course this particular scroll was one that she had long ago left with the academy in Athens. Carefully she rolled the first scroll up and took out the second one. It was equally shocking to find the one there. It was the one that she had written not long after she had awoke from the ordeal with Hope.
By now her hand was slightly trembling as so she took extra care as she rolled it up. The third one was not a very thick scroll and she could not help but wonder what its contents were. The condition of this one was more recent, that was obvious by the condition of the parchment and the brightness of the familiar ink strokes. It was from the time right before they left for Japa. She had left the scroll with Aphrodite knowing that the Goddess would take care of it and see that it would get into the proper hands.
There was a tear in the petite blond's eye as she managed to look up at her daughter. Once again she rolled up the scroll and just looked into eyes that reminded her of the subject of the scrolls. Without exception every adventure that was penned by her hand was about her soulmate. There were very few stories that were actually made up. All her tales were a variation on something that had actually happened. Of course that did not count her diaries or her love poems. "How did you get these?"
Eve sat cross legged on the floor before her mom. She straightened the shawl that she had wrapped around her shoulders. It was quite hot but at the same time she almost always wore the garment. It was something that had come from her grandmother. "Actually, Ares rescued the earlier ones." When that got a raised eyebrow the messenger laughed softly. "Aphrodite was shocked to say the least. She was the one that managed to get the most recent scroll. They've been in her temple for the past few months. We thought you might like some reading material while you healed. Or I can provide you with…"
Gabrielle knew in an instant what her daughter wanted. While the visit with Xena had helped her start the healing process she was still very emotionally raw. Writing was just not in the cards. Of course part of that was because of the fact that her inspiration, while always in her heart, was not here in the flesh which made it hard to even want to write anything at the moment. "I appreciate the scrolls. Those I will read. I'm just not clear enough up here…" She pointed to her head. "To even attempt to write."
The slightly younger woman eyed her mom for the longest time before she decided that she was telling the truth. In the past Gabrielle never would have lied to Eve with the exception of maybe trying to protect her. Even then the bard always hated dishonesty. But this woman sitting there was an empty shell of the woman that she had known before she had traveled to the East spreading the word of Eli. "You have time. At least from what I've been told about your injuries."
The Battling Bard of Potadeia stiffened immediately at the choice of words of the woman that sat before her. Perhaps the young girl that had started traveling with Xena would have missed it. But not the best student of the warrior princess. That woman never missed a thing. "You are not telling me everything." The petite blond shifted carefully in her chair trying to get into a position that was menacing. "Tell me. I promise that I will not go off the deep end. Besides with these injuries I am hampered a bit."
"On this side we are basically at a standstill." A blond eyebrow rose encouraging Eve to continue with what she was saying. "Aphrodite and Ares are doing their best to convince at least one if not more of the Egyptian Gods to help. I'm afraid that Mother is going through a set of tests…" With a speed that the bard should have known she had, considering whose daughter she was, the messenger was quickly pinning the bard to her chair gently with one hand. "She does this willingly. You know she would do anything to be reunited with you."
Gabrielle's green eyes had grown cold once again. It was as if the last three months had wounded her heart and she no longer had the capacity to love or to trust or to forgive like she once had. The not trusting part was the most difficult as it hindered how she now led her life. The closest that she had felt to her old self was when Xena had held her in the dream world. Even after changing a little since the encounter she still felt herself with a mostly hardened heart.
Closing her eyes for a long moment she concentrated on one thing. She concentrated all the love that she felt and sent it to Xena. Most likely her warrior would need all the strength that she could get if the Egyptian Gods were anything like the Greek Gods. "And I would do anything for her." Her eyes never opened. Instead she held to an image. Some would wonder how it could give her comfort but right now besides the fresher memory of the dream world encounter it was the only thing that gave her comfort.
Her skin now had goose bumps on it and Eve watched in fascination as the bard's mind and body seemed to transport to another time and place right in front of her. The coolness of the skin was almost scary and quickly the messenger removed her hands from her mom. Gabrielle's head was leaning in an odd position as if trying to find something. Then her lips were moving and while not the greatest of lip readers the dark haired woman was sure that 'I love you Xena' had been what had been said.
Eve watched the petite blond for a long time. Though there was no wind she could swear she saw the short blond locks blowing. The skin was no longer hot to the touch instead if she got close enough the pale transparent skin was radiating coolness and not heat. The messenger shook her head thinking that this could only be one memory that was giving comfort to her mom. If it was the one that she though it was then it saddened her and made her wonder if Gabrielle really had faith in Xena or if she had resigned herself to let go and join her soulmate in The Elysian Fields.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Xena realized that no longer being aware of just how much time had passed was probably a good thing. From the pleas that she could hear from both the waking and sleeping bard she had a guess of just how much actual time her soulmate had to suffer without her. It had to have been at least a week since their encounter that was still making the warrior's heart ache. It was the most heart wrenching thing that she had gone through since watching Gabrielle take Hope with her. The thought that her bard was dead…
It made the warrior princess feel even guiltier, if that was possible, about having decided to remain in the land of the dead instead of fighting to get back to where she belonged. The warrior began pacing back and forth. Patience was never her strong suit and this was no different. It was and always had been the bard that had the patience and that was why she always had done the sensitive chats. That and she had a heart of gold.
That caused Xena to stop pacing for a moment. I wish that you could feel what I am feeling. It's unfair that the thoughts of the dead cannot be heard or if not the thoughts than the feelings. I love you more than I ever have. I regret doing what I did. And I will spend the rest of eternity making it right. She sighed heavily only feeling a little better. All she wanted was to get whatever tests were waiting for her over with. In her present state of mind she was not sure how long her bard could hold out.
That was when she felt the familiar presence. The tall warrior stiffened more as she felt two more presences that she knew were those of Gods. They were unfamiliar and yet she just knew that they were there. "I know you are there." As if having waited for her to say that she knew that they were there, Ares appeared along with two female Goddesses one that had long waving hair and a bowl on her head. The second Goddess' hair was not as long and she had a scorpion atop her head.
Ares closed the gap between his protégé and himself. He opened his arms as if asking for a hug. Blue eyes grew cold and the warrior princess took on a defensive position. Sighing heavily he put his arms back at his side. "One day you'll actually like me." Before Xena could respond he turned to the two Goddesses standing and watching intently. "The one with the bowl is Nephthys. She is Goddess of women and lucky for you a friend of the dead. Her friend is Selkhet. She is a protector of women and known with the dead. Again lucky on all counts for you my warrior babe."
Xena rolled her eyes at the last statement. "You're starting to sound like your sister." The warrior princess looked around. "Speaking of the bleach blond Goddess, where is she?" Realizing that her actions could be taken as being disrespectful she quickly turned to the new Goddesses in her life. "I apologize. I didn't mean to not pay my respects. It's just that the leather clad God gets on my nerves sometimes. I'm sure you wonderful ladies will not." It took a lot but the warrior actually bowed her respect to the two women.
The God of War watched in fascination. The warrior princess had never before showed respect to any of the Gods of Mount Olympus. The closet would be his sister and he knew that was only because she and her little blond bimbo were close friends. The ladies returned the gesture of respect by nodding their heads. "Well now that we have the pleasantries out of the way we should begin. Oh and to answer your question, Aphrodite had volunteered to be your…" He tried to select the right words. "Second I guess is the best way to describe it."
That got a raised eyebrow from the warrior. If she was going to need a second one would think that Ares would be the perfect one for that. She assumed that the tests that she would be up against would have to do with fighting after all she was a warrior and Gabrielle was the Battling Bard of Potadeia so to her it only made sense. Of course add to that the fact that it was because of her warrior ways that things had been left the way that they had been in Japa.
But then again these two Goddesses that were standing before her obviously sizing her up had nothing to do with war or fighting. They had to do with women and death. Neither were something that Xena felt comfortable dealing with. The only woman that she had ever truly been completely herself without worry was Gabrielle. Even with her mother and daughter she felt she had to hide certain parts of herself. Anyone else in the past had been met when she was still basically an animal of sorts and therefore never had she truly opened herself up to anyone.
The warrior princess sighed knowing at that exact moment that this was going to be one of the hardest tests that she had ever faced. Fighting with a sword or using her strategic mind was one thing. Having to face the people, especially three women in particular, from her past was going beyond her comfort level. But then it wouldn't be a true test if it was easy now would it. "All right. I'll do whatever it is that you want me to do."
In less than a blink of an eye Xena found herself in a place she had not been in years. It was a place that she would just assume forgot yet it had taught her how to care for someone besides herself. She was back in that healer hut. Her legs had been broken. And she was lying there nearly helpless. That was until the soldiers broke in. The next thing she knew M'Lila had taken the arrow that was meant for her. Then the real fun began as she lost her mind with grief and in the process lost her soul.
"I'm sorry." Xena stood outside the cabin watching her younger self slink off into the night. It would be many moons before she could walk again. It would take meeting someone else that would have a profound effect on her life both physically and emotionally to have her legs healed properly. And yet it would take another very special woman to heal her soul. A very familiar voice asked why she was sorry. The warrior turned around to see the woman that had saved her from the cross. "I'm sorry because I was not worthy of the trust and love you showed me. I was still too much an animal."
"You are not sorry that I died protecting you." The visual of M'Lila standing there had the warrior's hairs standing on end. It was all the old memories flooding back. It was a time that had her teetering on continuing down the road that she had started with her brother's death. Had she not run into Caser would she be the same person that she was now? "I heard what you said. You are sorry for what you became not because of my death."
A low growl escaped the warrior. Suddenly she felt this overwhelming feeling of love and it helped to calm and center herself. She knew exactly who was behind it and smiled. Gotta hold on to that throughout all these trials. This is why you are doing this for her. "You were so much more of a complete person then I was back then. I wasn't worthy of the love you tried showing me. I regret every day that I was not able to react fast enough. In many ways it would have been better if I would have just died that day. And yet, I would not have done the good I did in the end. The greatest good was loving her."
There were actually tears slowly trickling down the warrior's face. For once she did not care how it looked to others. Her emotions were on an overload with seeing M'Lila again and the fact that she knew that Gabrielle was in such pain. The figure that was the woman that had helped her and in some ways had been her first true love smiled sadly. "I always knew that you would be destined for great things. Not what he had set you up for." The smile that was upon her friend's face gave an ache to the warrior's heart. "I just wish it had been I that could have taken you on that journey. I have never hated you for how things turned out. I was only disappointed when you chose death over fighting for your love. You got it back once. Are you willing to go through anything to do it again?"
"I already said I was." Xena harshly wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. Emotions were not her strong suit. Dealing with emotions was just a plain nightmare. I still remember the first time you hugged me. You wanted support just after something bad of course had happened. Oh my bard I had no idea how to react. So I just let you hold me. Funny, we comforted each other. "I just wish I had Gabrielle here to help me face all that. But she is just too physically weak."
M'Lila made her way over to the emotionally wounded warrior. She gently touched her cheek and smiled. "She is always with you. She is in here…" At first she pointed to her head. "But more importantly she is in here…" This time she placed a hand over the taller woman's heart. "You have to remember that and hold on to that. Are you really ready to face the others?" Quickly she removed her hand. Even though Xena was dead she could feel the tension that touch brought.
"I don't know how many more times or many more ways I can say I will face anything so that Gabrielle and I can be together." Xena was now once again standing in her defensive position but with her arms crossed over her chest. It was a stance to say that she wanted no one but the bard to touch her in such an intimate way. "Bring it on." The last statement she looked over the shoulder of the woman that had meant so much to her and saw the three Gods standing there. "Just let me have it!"
A snap of the fingers and once again Xena found herself in a place that she never wanted to go. It was a place that she really never thought she would have to be again. It was shocking to her that they would bring her here. Dealing with M'Lila made sense. Dealing with either Lao Ma or Akemi would be one thing. Dealing with Marcus or Borias would also make sense at least in a certain way. But to find herself back on the cliff where she almost let her animal side and grief get the better of her?
It was her standing there with Gabrielle hovering over her head. It wasn't a shadow of the past. Before her soulmate could kick her and force both of them to fall to the ground she as gently as she could put the woman that she loved on the ground. Once again it hit her just how much physically her anger had hurt the bard. That didn't even include how much emotional pain that she had been in. Now she knew that the petite blond had been grieving the loss of their relationship as much as the loss of both Solon and Hope.
And what did the big bad hateful warrior do? She tried to kill the only thing that made life worth living. It had been horrible the way that Solon had died. But you never would have wanted that now would you my love. Gently she began to stroke the face of the woman that she loved. All she wanted was to pull the woman into her arms and take all the pain away. But that was not to be. All she could do was to be there for her instead of hurting her more.
Angry green eyes opened up and a scream startled the warrior so much that she was sitting in the grass next to the bard instead of kneeling. "I hate you!" Xena sat there and let the smaller hands of her soulmate hit her over and over again. She watched as the tears came and the words of hatred and pain seemed to flow freely. It was a lot to take in but she knew in the end that she deserved it and more. Not that either of them was blameless it was just that she never should have hurt her physically the way that she had. "I wish you were dead."
Tears streamed down Xena's face. The part of her that still and would forever ache for this time in her past wanted to say 'well you get you're wish' but she knew deep down that Gabrielle would never want her dead. That the bard could never hate her truly at least not that much. And yet the smaller fists kept hitting and hitting. One good hit got the warrior princess right in the nose. It stung just as much as if she were really alive. "I'm sorry." It was all she could say. It was all that she felt. That and "I love you." Would it be enough?