Disclaimer: Anything recognizable is owned by JE. I'm just borrowing them for a little while, but do I have to give Ranger back?
A/N: Thank you for all of the kind words (PMs and reviews) that you have left me. I appreciate all of them more than you could ever know.
Chapter 4
It's been three weeks since Lenny's funeral. The morning after the funeral, Mary Lou's phone began constantly ringing off the hook. You would think that it would have been other mothers in the 'Burg calling to offer Mary Lou help, but no. Instead, it was single 'Burg men (and a few married ones) that were calling to ask Mary Lou out to coffee, or dinner, or even to a movie. Mary Lou barely had time to hang up the phone before it would begin ringing again. Mary Lou eventually had to unplug her house phone. Only a handful of people close to Mary Lou had her cell phone number, so if anyone important needed to call they could reach her on her cell. I knew that people Grandma Mazur's age sometimes used the obituaries for speed dating, but this was just ridiculous. The men ranged from all ages. The youngest man being only twenty-seven years old to the oldest being eighty. I'm pretty sure that the only 'Burg men that didn't call to ask Mary Lou out were Joe, Carl Constanza, and Eddie Gazarra who is married to my cousin, Shirley. Joe, Carl, and Eddie have been stopping by once a week to take care of the yard work, so that it was one less thing that Mary Lou would have to worry about.
Today Mary Lou decided to dive into the job hunt. Mary Lou had called the button factory first thing to see if they were hiring, but was told that they had no positions available at the moment. She got the same answer at the personal products plant. Mary Lou decided to send Mikey, Tommy, and Danny over at friends' houses, so that we could search the classifieds in peace. There were newspapers spread all over Mary Lou's dining room table.
"I can't believe that strip clubs use classified ads to hire exotic dancers." Mary Lou mumbled. "There are at least seven ads looking for dancers."
"They have to find employees somewhere." I said, as I used a red felt tip marker to circle an ad for a file clerk position.
"I guess you're right." She said as she circled an ad.
I sat my marker down and looked at her. "Please tell me you didn't just circle a want ad for an exotic dancer."
"What?" Mary Lou said as she looked at me confused. "Good Lord, no! That was an ad for a receptionist at a real estate firm, but if I can't find a job in the next week or two, I may have to reconsider." She sat her pen down and stretched, as she tried to work a kink out of her neck. "Lenny's aunt and uncle had a small insurance policy that covered accidents on the farm. If I'm really careful that money should help keep us afloat, but I have three growing boys to feed and the bigger they get the more expensive it's going to become. I need to find a job fast. Hopefully, one that will have steady hours where I can stil be home with the boys in the evenings. I can always sell the plumbing business, but it will take time to find a buyer. It was such a small company being just the two of us. Lenny handled the plumbing and I handled the books. I won't be able to get very much money if and when I go to sell it."
"I'm going to the kitchen to get some more coffee. Want some?" I asked.
"Yeah, and bring me a piece of Mrs. Santini's cake." Mary Lou told me. Mary Lou's next door neighbor had brought a Chocolate Coconut Cake by yesterday afternoon that was amazing.
"Do you really think that I would go into a kitchen that has cake and not bring back a couple of pieces?" I asked in shock.
"A couple of pieces for you. I just want to make sure that one of the pieces you bring back is for me." Mary Lou laughed.
I came back into the dining room to find Mary Lou searching the internet for job openings in the area. "Find anything good?" I asked as I sat down a tray with two steaming cups of coffee and two slices of cake on the table.
"More of the same." Mary Lou said, before taking a bite of her piece of cake. "You know what? I realized something last night."
"What's that?" I asked, with a mouthful of cake.
"I was lying in bed last night, missing Lenny, and suddenly felt a peace come over me. It was sort of like when Lenny would hug me. That's when I realized that no matter what happens, the boys and I are going to be alright." Mary Lou explained.
"And you will be. Why don't we start working on your resume so that you can start applying for some of these jobs tomorrow? Mom said that she would watch Danny and Tommy tomorrow and I promised Mikey that I would take him to Rangeman tomorrow after his morning football practice. Ranger and Lester promised Mikey after the funeral that they would show him some exercises that could help him with football." I told her.
"Are you sure you don't mind taking him with you to Rangeman. I know that you probably need to be looking for skips instead. You haven't been searching for skips much in the last few weeks. The vein in Vinnie's forehead is probably about to pop." Mary Lou asked.
"I've called Connie or stop by the office almost every day. With the exception of a few regulars, people have been showing up for their court dates. I took Mooner and Dougie in yesterday before I came by here. Besides, when I take Mikey to Rangeman I will be working. Ranger asked me if I would start running searches two days a week. I'll be working on that while Mikey is in the Rangeman gym working with the guys."
"It sounds like a plan. It would probably be good for Mikey to be around some men anyway. With the exception of football practice, it's been hard to get him to leave the house. The only way I got him to leave today was telling him that I needed him and his brothers to go over to friends' houses, so that I could start looking for a job. I told him that his brothers would want to stay with him if he stayed here instead of going to a friend's house."
Mary Lou and I typed up a resume and printed multiple copies for her job search tomorrow. On my way out the door, Mary Lou stopped me and said, "I don't know how to thank you and your family for everything that you've been doing to help me."
"It's no problem. You would do the same for me if I were in your shoes." I shrugged.
"Of course I would, but I hope that you never have to experience this kind of heart ache. Of all the things that I thought I would experience in m y thirties, Lenny dying was never one of them. But despite going through this, I still wouldn't trade one day I spent with Lenny for anything. A little time with Lenny was much better than not having any time at all."
Later that night I was lying in bed in my thinking position. What Mary Lou had said earlier about 'having a little time with Lenny was better than no time at all' kept replaying over and over again in my mind. I would probably never experience the heartache of my husband dying, but the heartache of losing Ranger would be just as bad. I think that the fact the he could go on a mission and possibly never come back is why he keeps me at arm's length. He probably thinks that he's protecting me from going through what Mary Lou is experiencing. Lenny dying is proof that no one is guaranteed tomorrow. Lenny was at his aunt and uncle's farm, not in the middle of a war zone, and he's never coming back. Ranger doesn't seem to realize that he isn't protecting me from heartache, instead he's adding to it. Unfortunately, once Ranger gets something in his head, there's no convincing him otherwise.
On one hand I appreciate the fact that he thinks that he's trying to protect me. Ranger tends to have a one tract mind when it comes to protecting me physically or emotionally. One of these days, he needs to realize that he's not doing either one of us any favors.
On the other hand, it's not entirely his fault. I've wasted a lot of time with the on-again/off-again thing with Joe. And to be honest, I'm too chicken to admit my feeling to him. He's already sent me back to Joe once. What if I tell him how I feel and he tells me that I need to go back to Joe again? Or worse, what if I misread his actions and all that he really feels is nothing more than friendship.
Maybe things would change if I told him that I'm in love with him. Or maybe they wouldn't. I will probably never know because there is no way I'll ever be brave enough to confess my feelings.
A/N: Just a quick note. I know that phone calls asking a widow out the morning after the funeral seems a little extreme, but this actually happened to my mother. In fact, by the time we arrived home from the funeral there were messages on the answering machine wanting to take my mother out to lunch or coffee. Needless to say it was a long time before my mother began dating again.