Author's Notes: Sorry for the delay in posting. I'll try to post as quickly as I can, but I don't have a computer and the spare time I did have is now really limited. I promise I will do the best I can :)
As always, you guys are amazing and I can't thank you enough for going on this ride with me!
Alex sat in a wheelchair in the middle of the surgical waiting room, his right leg propped up on the leg rest. What a sight he must make. People kept giving him strange looks that created an urge to punch anyone and everyone.
If he could he would be pacing. The feeling of helplessness and dread were eating him alive. Somewhere nearby his wife and baby were in an OR possibly dying and there was nothing he could do. He wasn't sure what he would do if something were to happen to either of them. He stared at his flexed hands and tried to hold back the tears he knew were coming. He had to be strong. He had made a few phone calls to update friends and family about Jo's status, but none of them would get here in time.
At that moment, Izzie walked through the doors, her eyes focused on the floor. Alex instinctively tried to stand before remembering his broken leg. His anxiety grew with each step of hers as she approached him reservedly.
"They are starting now. Her heart stopped on the way to the OR, but they got her back quickly."
Alex looked hopelessly at Izzie, his brain unable to form a single word.
She lowered herself into the chair next to him, "Daniels said he would send a resident out to let you know when the baby is delivered."
This time Alex found the strength to mumble, "Okay."
They sat in silence each preoccupied with their own thoughts before Izzie gently spoke, "Alex, Jo had a message for me to give you before she lost consciousness." Alex could only stare at her wordlessly and hoped his tearful eyes could convey his desire for her to continue. Izzie took a deep breath and looked away, "She said to tell you that you didn't shake on it."
Alex leaned back in the chair slowly and carefully rested his head on the support column behind him. He rubbed his eyes with his palms as new tears formed, "She knows."
Izzie looked at him with confusion, "Knows what?"
"She knows the baby is a girl. She knows I'm right. And she's trying to tell me that she's going to fight to stay around for me and our daughter."
Izzie stared at him with a perplexed look on her face, "You got all of that from what she said?"
Alex leaned forward and wiped his nose, "Yeah. Otherwise it would have been 'tell him I love him' or 'tell him I'm sorry'. She was trying to give me hope and telling me she's not going to give up easily." Alex then gave a broken laugh, "She's knocking on death's door and she's still trying to lift me up and give me hope. God, she drives me crazy sometimes." Izzie blinked several times and remained quiet. Alex continued to sniffle while staring at the floor in front of him. Izzie hesitantly moved her hand to his back to soothe him but he jerked at the contact, "Don't Iz. Just don't."
"Is there someone I can call for you?" she asked as she brought her hand back to her lap.
Alex slowly shook his head, "I've called everyone I can think of. My sister is actually in town today for a workshop. She was going to surprise us with a visit tonight, but I guess I one-upped her."
They remained in silence for a while. Alex could have sworn the clock on the wall was moving backwards. Suddenly an awkward young doctor came fumbling towards them, "Dr. Karev, you have a little girl. Four pounds, two ounces. Her initial Apgar was five, but it came up to a seven. She was having trouble breathing so she's been placed on a vent and she will need some blood and fluids, but I think she's going to be just fine. She's already been taken to the NICU."
Alex nodded solemnly as he stared at the floor, "You gonna test for neurological issues secondary to Jo's cardiac arrest?"
"Already ordered and Dr. Clifford is on his way, but she seems neurologically intact. She's very alert for a preemie born this early," the doctor said empathetically.
Alex nodded as his eyes filled with tears, "And Jo?" he asked, his voice breaking with emotion.
The resident sighed before venturing, "She's had several cardiac episodes on the table. They are still working to control the bleeding. It was a large abruption."
Alex nodded while looking at the young resident's shoes, "Why aren't they taking her uterus?"
"They think they can stop the bleeding without being that drastic."
Alex glanced up to glare ominously at the doctor causing the young man to take a small step back, "She's already coded once though? Take the damn uterus! She doesn't need it."
"Alex..." Izzie started hesitantly.
"She doesn't! Look, we of all people know just how many kids out there need good homes. We'll raise our daughter alone or we can adopt more, but I can't make it without her."
"You once said that about me."
Alex stared at Izzie in disbelief, his anger threatening to get the best of him, "Get out," he grounded out dangerously.
"Alex, I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from..." Izzie began.
"Are you deaf or just stupid? I don't want you here," Izzie continued to sit in the chair next to him which just fueled his rage, "Leave!" he bellowed causing some people nearby to jump including the resident who had scurried backwards towards the door.
"Just let me sit here with you," she begged gently. "You need..."
"Amber will be here soon. Until then I'll be fine on my own."
They sat in tense silence for a while before Izzie softly spoke, "Tell me about your wedding."
Alex scrunched his face in annoyance, "What?"
"It will help keep your mind off things."
Alex was silent for a second contemplating what to say, "There's not much to tell, we got married in the backyard."
"Seriously? The backyard? Why would you choose to..." Alex gave an irritated glare that Izzie quickly read, "Backyard huh? Was Meredith your best man again?"
Alex leaned back in the chair, "We uh didn't do a wedding party." He laughed slightly, "We had Meredith and Derek's kid as my ring bearer. He kept running off trying to clobber the flower girls with the little pillow even during the service." Alex chuckled, "It was great."
"Was it a big wedding?"
"Nah. I think it was thirty people tops. We were planning to go to the courthouse but Jo's friends told her she would want some pictures to show our kids one day. Plus Jo deserved a wedding. So we threw one together in about a week. Shepherd and Hunt cooked on the grill and Meredith and Arizona decorated. Callie made fancy snacks while Cristina and Bailey ordered everyone around. Webber convinced one of the chaplains from the hospital to officiate, who groaned when I cursed during my vows." Alex couldn't help but snicker before continuing, "The weather was clear and just the right temperature. It was a great day, then at the very end of the night it began to storm. Jo grabbed my hand and pulled me back outside to stand in the rain and said it was only fitting that we make out in the rain at our wedding since our relationship started in a thunderstorm. She's never like that so I couldn't tell her no. The whole thing was great."
"You cursed during your vows?" Izzie asked disbelievingly.
Alex gave a half smile and rubbed his hands on his thighs, "Yeah I decided to just wing it and said something like 'I'll spend the rest of my life working hard to make you happy' and tacked on a statement about making up for all the bad shit she went through as a kid." Alex smirked and shrugged his shoulders at Izzie's shocked face, "It's what I was thinking. Besides Jo loved it." Alex laughed again, "She got the biggest kick out of the chaplain cornering me afterwards in the middle of the party and lecturing me about respect."
At that moment an older doctor approached them, "Mr. Karev?"
Alex looked up anxiously, "Yeah that's me."
"I'm Dr. Daniels. Your wife is quite the fighter. She lost a good amount of blood, but we were able to stop the hemorrhage without removing her uterus. She had a couple of cardiac incidents due to the blood loss, but we were able to get her back to a normal rhythm quickly each time so I don't believe she should have any long-term effects. We'll keep her in ICU for tonight, but she can most likely be moved to a regular room tomorrow or the day after."
"Thank you," Alex said through tears, "Thank you."
Dr. Daniels smiled graciously, "Do you have any questions for me?"
"When can I see her?" Alex asked eagerly.
"It may be about an hour or so, I'll have someone come find you." Alex slowly nodded as the doctor turned to walk away.
"Alex, in the meantime you can go check on your daughter," Izzie encouraged softly.
Alex shook his head quickly, "No, I need to see Jo first. I need to see Jo."
"Alex you heard Dr. Daniels, it will be about an hour."
"And in that hour the NICU staff will be working hard on our baby to make sure she is fine. I'll just be in the way and I can't be in their way."
"You won't be in the way. I can wheel you in..."
"No! Look, I know what kind of things they are doing right now and I know I'll be in the way. Especially with this damn thing in the air," he said motioning towards his leg.
They sat in silence for a bit before Izzie suggested, "Why don't I go check on her for you and see what's going on?"
Alex laughed sarcastically, "No. No way do you get to see our baby before Jo does. No."
"Then I'll just sit here with you." Alex ignored her and stared at his hands.
They again fell into silence with Alex's thoughts racing about Jo and their life together. He couldn't believe all this was happening, the birth of their first child was supposed to be something great they could share together, not the scariest night of his life. Today should have been about him feeding her ice chips and rubbing her back and her squeezing the life out of his hand while yelling at him. Not cardiac arrests and ICU stays. And definitely not waiting for news with his ex-wife. He wasn't sure what caused him to start talking again and he was even more surprised by what came out, "When Jo found out about the pregnancy she didn't tell me right away. She wanted how she told me to be special. So she uh...she ordered an Iowa wrestling onesie online and hung it on the front of my closet while I was in the shower." He chuckled, "I walked past it three days without noticing before she gave up and tossed it on the countertop beside me as I cooked breakfast one morning before work. Said she hoped I would pay closer attention when there was actually a baby in the clothes." Alex gave a dry laugh and wiped his tears. "I need to go stay with her in the NICU. She needs at least one of us, and Jo will be really pissed if I don't go."
Izzie nodded, "Let me find someone to take you."