AN: you guys. You know how much I love you.
Chapter eight was actually the one you've just read PLUS this one. For editorial reasons it was split into two, to make it easier on you readers, because it was long and a LOT was going on, so I was worried it was too much to take in all at once. If that's not the case, I'd like to know about it, because when I end up writing 7k+ words chapters again, it would be great to know that I don't have to split them anymore. Splitting SUCKS. I won't do it again!
But anyway.
Moosey Mayhem ma gurl, with gratitude.
::READERS' CORNER::
BelieverOfManyThings - happy you liked the setting and the pace, as well as the feels! ;) Will you be the first one to leave a comment again? Lol. Thank you.
Beguilingirl - sorry sorry sorry for that most cruel cliffhanger! I hope this chapter satisfies your need to know who it was in the video feed, because it's going to be a pivotal point for Tony. But you got it right! Well done! I can't describe how it feels to be 'crowned the monarch of tangible angst and gut wrenching despair' - not in a prolific manner. It feels *good* though. Squeeee. Thank you for that! *hug* I did re-read that part you mentioned, trying to see it the way you must. It makes me happy to have enchanted you with it! Please write again!
Gigi - gurl, you spoil me! *hug* I think you're going be more than interested when you see where I'm going with the Loki has feels he never wanted or expected thing. It's going to be *good* I promise. ;)
Sorry for the chapter length -see top of page for AN, it's all there- I promise not to do that again! What you said, about keeping the story all cohesive despite the character focus changes, and the jumping forwards or flashing backwards ... I am striving really hard for this. It's great to know that I have achieved it! And to know that you're impressed by it... that's even better! Looking forward to hearing from you again - hopefully signed in?
Ursos, fantasia-49 - Thank you! I'm so so happy you've told me about the feels this story stirs within you. I will strive to make it an ongoing thing. ;) There is some theme park of feels coming up next; buckle your seatbelts! And write again!
CHAPTER SUMMARY: In which startling discoveries are made, and we learn how deep Loki's control truly goes. There are revelations in store for Tony. And Pepper? She starts fighting back.
*Chapter Nine: If All Else Perished*
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Haunt me in my dreams
If you please
Your breath
Is with me now and always
It's like a breeze
- 'Haunt Me', Sade
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Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. - Edna St. Vincent Millay
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KIDNAPPED DAY 8: LOCATION AS YET UNKNOWN
Pepper sat on the cold floor in the darkened room, back against the wall, huddling in a corner and trying to make herself as small as possible. And in the darkness the savage screams continued.
The voices were raw and high, and they sounded either as if they were in great pain, or maybe they were just nameless monsters come to torture her, to eat her up in their bottomless paunches, and her skin crawled as she felt their hungry eyes on her.
One scream turned particularly vicious and Pepper stifled her own frightened sounds, her back hitting the corner behind her, reinforcing the fact that she was trapped.
"Be quiet, be quiet, be quiet, be quiet, be quiet, be quie—"
The monsters cackled. Awww.
-(Icy sweat trickles down her spine as it crawls in terror)-
You be quiet, they crooned, and their words were poison, serpentine tongues hissing down her ear-
-(Pepper's heart drops out of her chest)-
They were real, they were real, they were real, they were-
With a jolt borne out of abject terror she found her feet under her and sprang upright, then she bolted out the door. She ran towards the corridor and her terror blinded her. She couldn't think straight. She didn't want to turn around for fear of seeing them hot on her heels, so she kept her head down and ran, her heart in her throat. Her shoeless feet crashed down the wooden steps. Her instep bent wrong from the momentum of her mad escape, and she screamed as she bent forward, tucking in on herself, and tumbled heavily down the stairs.
When she opened her eyes, everything hurt down to her bones. There was silence now. The place was still dark, but at least she could not detect their presence any more. With a groan, Pepper forced herself off her back and into a sitting position. Nothing felt broken, which was good. She gingerly got to her feet, and a strangled moan escaped her as she bent double again, clutching her hip. It hurt a lot. She hoped it was nothing serious.
She couldn't stay in the house right now. Not after they had come. In her pained, confused, tired state, Pepper dazedly wandered over to the French doors that led out onto the patio overlooking the cliffs, wanting fresh air and open space. The grass felt cool and springy under her soles. She hobbled quietly over the turf, cautious in the dark outdoors. She lifted her face as her hair caught the wind and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes.
She opened her eyes.
Pepper was very familiar with the house, having lived in it both unofficially and then officially for well over a decade. She was familiar with its surroundings, and actually very fond to the point of glee of its small private beach.
She knew the sights, sounds, feels, and smells of it all.
Her amygdala told her that what she was smelling now had nothing to do with the memory scent of the salted ocean breeze. The air felt cooler as well, sharper. And it smelled nothing like the Malibu night breeze.
She walked forward, minding the obstacles in her path here and there, intending to reach the safety railings overlooking the drop straight down into ocean and jagged rocks. But she never made it that far. She was physically stopped by something. Having walked a certain way, Pepper knew that there was nothing in front of her for another ten steps until she reached the fencing. So that's why as soon as she came into contact with the mysterious something, she practically bumped into it and bounced backwards, stumbling until she landed once again on her rump. She dazedly looked up, squinting in the darkness. She felt confused. There should be nothing there!
She cautiously got to her feet again and stepped forward more slowly, mindful of the various aches that her body was beginning to manifest, not wanting to add more to the pain. Her hands were stretched out in front of her, feeling for the thing that halted her progress so abruptly. And then her fingers came into contact with something definitely unfamiliar. She puzzled over this. She couldn't see anything in the darkness, and the lights no longer functioned, so that problem could not be solved. She used her fingers and palms to form a mental picture of what she was touching, but this was difficult. The feeling underneath her fingers was peculiar. It felt thick and hard, and it was strong – she tested its strength, putting all her weight into it and pushing, but it did not give so much as an inch. She stretched her arms up above her as far as she could reach her. It seemed to be taller than she was. She walked sideways and still this barrier stood. How big was this thing?
What the hell was it?
It seemed to never end. Pepper knew for a fact that she had not reached the fencing yet, there were still a good ten steps to go, at least. And this felt nothing like the wooden bars warmed by the sun and smoothed by the sea brine. It felt like a wall. Only it wasn't made out of bricks, it wasn't even the glass the featured heavily inside the house, with all the windows and stunning views over the bay. This was something else. But she didn't know what it was. How could she not know what something in her own house was?! No one came here any more, except for Rhodey. No one lived here anymore, except for Pepper herself.
She tested the surface once again, looking for a break, a difference in textures, anything that might help her.
Her hands were tingling. She hadn't noticed that before. Why were her hands tingling? The cold?
Pepper felt the cold air as it nipped at her flesh, but her hands were the only things that tingled, so it couldn't be the cold. She walked up and down the length of the patio, but to no avail, the barrier stopped her, the barrier held, she couldn't reach the fencing. Pepper stopped prowling, feeling more and more the caged tiger that stared at nothing but the bars that had become its entire world, seeing nothing beyond them, for nothing else existed.
She was losing her mind; it was a sad truth. Her eyes told her that there was nothing, nothing there in front of her except for the night air, the ground under her feet, the end of the patio practically a stone's throw away. And yet there was something there that prevented her from going any further. But she could still see beyond it. It wasn't glass, she knew it wasn't. Pepper pressed her fingers up against it again, her palm flat on the surface. She paused.
It felt intangible. Invisible. Like it wasn't even there, except that it was. In-tan-gi-ble. She liked that word. It described this barrier aptly. Something that was there, but which could not be seen, only felt. Her mind had been playing tricks on her constantly, she should be used to it by now.
She rubbed her left hand, which felt strangely numb, briskly warming the fingers. Pepper squinted in the darkness, trying to see more but it was futile. Then she grew angry. She brought her left fist aggressively up to her chest and then swung forward, hard. She struck the surface and began pummelling it with both fists, making angry incoherent sounds. And that's when a bright hot flash of pain zinged her palms and fingers, her wrists, and travelled up her arms. She grew rigid from the pain and instinctively pushed away from the barrier with her hands with a startled yell. It burned her again and this time she screamed and backed away some more, cradling her abused hands to her chest in disbelief.
It's never gonna end. I will always be trapped here!
Pepper stumbled back inside and crumbled onto the sofa, her shoulders heaving with her sobs. Her hands burned like she'd placed them on the hot stove. And she was trapped here, trapped, yes, and her life was in shambles and thinking straight was like scaling , and she'd lost her soulmate! Pepper cried even harder, feeling desolate, inconsolable. Tony was gone, she was alone and what was worse … she couldn't even remember their life together! Their engagement, their wedding, their marriage, their son … she knew nothing of it. She would never see him again – never be in his arms again, never argue and make up – and she didn't even have memories to comfort her.
She brought her knees up to her chest and his her face in the cushions, crying until she could cry no more, until she fell asleep.
That night the voices preyed on her weakness and pain like never before. She dreamed, but as she slept they still whispered in her ear, their hissing mockery, their loveless croons, cackling at her agony and stirring it up with their poisonous words until it became a cruel cycle.
Even in her dreams she was exhausted. Perhaps that's what they wanted more than anything. To keep her in a constant state of exhaustion so that she couldn't think straight, couldn't go anywhere, couldn't do anything.
Then.
Her mind grew strong for a split second, and her own voice spoke up, the sound of it resonating inside her, louder than their voices.
I would not bend.
They can't make me pliable. My mind is strong.
My mind is mine.
My mind is MINE! My mind is my mind is my mind is my mind is my mind is—
Then something happened. Her dream shifted entirely. There were no more voices. Not a ghoul was in sight, taunting and mocking her. She was no longer terribly afraid or confused. Instead she was somewhere she truly recognised. She was in the jet, late afternoon sun streaming in rays through the windows, fluffy white clouds prettying up the sky as they streamed past.
The leather seats were as comfortable as she remembered them. They smelled familiar and inviting. Pepper looked down and saw that her feet were bare, her toes pushing into the comfortable carpet. Her thighs flexed with satisfaction in their leather cradle, so comfortable and relaxing. She froze. There was someone sitting across from her. Pepper looked up—
And there he was.
Her heart slowed down and time ground to a halt, standing utterly still. Even the noise of the engines had been cut off. Silence reigned inside the interior of the plane.
His eyes caressed her face, and just looking at them – right there in front of her, so familiar and dear, so warm and full of the quiet love he reserved for her alone – it was too much. She felt her very soul stretch out of the cramped corner it had tucked itself into, felt it expand with mutual emotion (breathless). Felt it heal over. She was whole once more. She was complete.
His smile at that very moment was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Tears tracked smoothly down her face, but she smiled back at him. He looked at her steadily, smiling, loving her again. Her heart filled with peace, and she sighed.
"Here you are."
His eyebrow raised slightly, his face charming and boyish in his humour. "Here I am."
Tears ran down her face again. She looked down at her lap and then raised her eyes again so that they could drink him in.
The wanting and longing was so strong that she couldn't breathe for it. He bent his head slightly but never lost the smile, his luminous, loving eyes never wavered from her.
"I miss you." She spoke tremblingly, her voice unsteady and fraught with all the pain and longing and love locked away in her heart. The look on his face did not change much, but it became slightly more solemn. "I miss you too. I can't even tie my shoes without you." He smiled in that particular roguish way of his again. All she could do was smile weakly back at him.
"Tony I'm scared."
He breathed in and nodded, then got up out of his seat and came to crouch onto his knees right in front of her. His hand touched her leg (oh, it was heaven, it almost felt real) and he cradled her face with the other, pushing her hair gently out of the way. Pepper trembled at his touch, like it was their first time all over again. She bit her lip in an attempt to stem the sobs threatening to break out of her.
"I know. It'll all be over soon. It'll be quick, you know, like ripping a band-aid. And it'll all be over."
His hand was warm on her face. He bent forward and pressed his lips gently against her knee, closing his eyes for a moment. Her own hand rose to caress his hair, cradling his skull tenderly, rubbing circles onto his nape. It might have been a day like any other, with the two of them travelling to some place, maybe for business, maybe for pleasure. At the end of the day they would retire back into the place they 'd be staying at, and they would go to bed, and talk about the stuff they normally talked about, close and sleepy.
Pepper looked into his eyes again. "This is a dream."
He smiled crookedly at her, laugh lines creasing his handsome face, his warm brown eyes lighting up. "Yeah…but it's a pretty good one. I mean as far as dreams with you in them go. I'd love it if you wore something else though. Like racy, incredibly sexy lingerie. Or that fantastic blue dress, the one with no back. I like you in blue. Then again, you look good in black and red, too. You're just out-of-control-gorgeous."
She laughed at him indulgently. She could feel it all about to end. She tried to savour these last moments with all her strength. Wanting to hang on to this with all her strength. She didn't want to go back. She wanted to stay here for ever, where it was safe and warm, where he was here with her.
"Maybe next time. I'll come more prepared. We could listen to some music, too."
Pepper turned serious and looked at him urgently. She was waking up.
"When will I see you again? Tony! When will I see you again!"
But Tony couldn't talk anymore. The sun light no longer filtered through the windows and the interior of the jet was plunged into utter darkness. A roaring sound deafened her ears, and Pepper realised that he was gone again.
Tony jerked awake, surprised that he had fallen asleep without even realising it. It was very late, and there had been sluggish, very little progress. Papers were scattered on the desk in front of him, and he blearily blinked as the lamplight on the desk cut into his eyes. He had been dreaming – something. It was all fuzzy, his brain barely recalling the briefest flashes here and there. He'd dreamed something about being on the jet flying somewhere, and tying his shoes …
He shook the dream away, and doggedly started up where he left off. If he slept, it was for a very short amount of time, and more often than not, it wasn't voluntarily on his part.
Eight days had passed.
And to Tony, it seemed like living in fear was all he knew anymore.
Fear for her safety. Fear for her life. Fear for himself, because never in his wildest dreams could he have predicted this. If he had been able to predict it, Tony would have … done something to prevent this. He was crazed, the staff whispered. The loss of the woman he loved was more than he could take. Tony heard them talking about him sometimes, but he didn't care a rat's ass about it.
They were right, though. This experience had taught him the stark, naked truth; he couldn't live without her, whether it was in the most metaphorical or literal or even corny as hell sense. The more he tried to reason it out when he felt his own manic thoughts slipping out of control – the date and time, the whys and the hows and the whens of it starting (this all-encompassing, all-consuming love and need for this one person, when he'd sworn to himself it would never happen!) He couldn't come up with anything. It had been gradual. Slow, like a lazy Sunday morning, slow when nothing in his life ever felt like anything but fast, fast, fast.
Eight days.
And fear was all he was beginning to know.
Apart from the obvious fears, perhaps more than anything…his greatest fear (except for the agonising and crippling thought that he could end not ever seeing her again), was memory.
He was beginning to forget things about Pepper. And at first he hadn't realised it.
Small things like the way she bent her neck when she was brushing her hair. How her hands smoothed over her skirt during business hours when she felt nervous. Sometimes she pressed her lips together when she heard something (pertaining to him, to the company) that was painful. It was her ouch response. And then …(breath become strangled) … then there was her voice. Her touch. Tiny nuances of all these things, he was beginning to not recall properly. Because he hadn't ever taken the time to study her so well that he would remember it all, every little breath, every little word, every single move.
Time had grounded to a halt -
- And suddenly he felt it speed up again.
Tony shook himself awake and became manic, hyperactive once more, the restless man at work, the determined man on a mission – perhaps the most important mission of his life. He was going to find her and bring her home, safe and sound. There was no other option. There was no other plan.
He briefly looked at the time and saw that it was very late into the evening. There was a platter of food on a cart next to the desk, which … someone, probably Loretta… had left for him to eat. His dinner. It lay untouched. He had no time for that now! No time for anything except to find her! Who knew what she was living throu-
NO. Don't think like that Stark, don't think like that! Just focus on finding her for now. Madness lay in talk like that! Focus.
The police had no leads, but that was all he was interested in with regards to them. He wasn't waiting around for their investigation, he was doing his own. And since no ransom note or contact attempt had ever come, it was all he could do look over the same things again and again, in the hopes of seeing something that could help him.
Tony rewound the video and watched it again and again. Then he pulled up the blueprints of the hotel layout, and it didn't take long to figure out which camera he'd been looking at, and its position.
When implications were glass-clear in his head, he went breathless.
"JARVIS, use your SPAT Telescope, and look over the feeds of this time-frame, in this area of the island."
"The SPAT Telescope may not be all that useful, sir. Its satellite vision cams may not have recorded anything in this area in the time-frame relevant to Ms. Potts' disappearance."
"Don't argue with me! This is Pepper we're talking about! I won't leave anything untried that could help me understand what happened, and how to locate her. Get to work!"
"Yes, sir. I apologise. SPAT Telescope scanning commenced, estimated time of completion: three am."
The video footage played over again and again on the screen. The door opened on the side of the building, a staff's entrance, and a black woman wearing a hotel uniform stepped out, shutting the door behind her. She pulled a packet of cigarettes out of her pocket and lit one, inhaling deeply, soon surrounded by the smoke. Things looked completely normal and not at all interesting.
That is, until she abruptly looked to her right, almost as though she'd heard something, facing the direction of the camera, which rested up above her and provided a bird's eye point of view of the ground below.
The image wasn't very clear, and it was grainy and in black and white, in the darkness of the evening … but the frown on the woman's face could still be made out. She looked puzzled for a second, then shrugged and turned away from whatever she'd seen, puffing on her cigarette and crossing her other arm on her ribcage. Her head moved slightly from side to side, almost as if she was shaking it in denial, but this was mere speculation.
It all happened in thirty seconds.
She suddenly whipped her head round again, looking in the same direction as before. Whatever she was seeing was upsetting for her. Her cigarette hung slack from her mouth and then tumbled unheeded to the ground. She brought up her hand to cover her mouth, and it looked like she was gasping in dismay. She looked shocked, and – afraid. Whatever she was seeing, she was afraid.
She stood frozen like that for a handful more seconds, then she stumbled backwards, grasped the door and practically ran inside, banging it shut.
Thirty seconds. The time between her stepping out and lighting a cigarette, her odd and frightened reaction to something invisible to the camera, and then her hasty retreat back inside.
Tony's gut instincts had awakened again. They'd been brewing up a storm inside him in tandem to the hurricane that had suddenly swept destructively into his life, and swept away the thing he cherished the most. He was –
God.
He was back in that cave again. Helpless, burning with anger, unable to think or see straight. But this was worse. Oh, this was so much worse. At least then all that had happened or could have happened would have been on his own skin.
But Pepper –
He would not rest.
He would not stop.
He would turn over every goddamned rock in every corner of the planet until he found her.
Tony sat back in his chair. The video feed from the hotel camera played again and again on a loop on the computer screen, no more than a few minutes long. He stared at it as if trying to see through the screen and into the physical place the camera was pointed at. Then he dived for the phone on the desk and dialled.
"No! NO!"
Loki made a feral sound, speechless with fury. She had confounded him again, and somehow found a way out of his hypnos-visions into a dream of her own making. Only it seemed that she'd gone all the way, and made contact with Stark in her dreams. How could she have done it?! She'd been in his grasp this entire time. This should have been impossible!
She'd done it again. She'd surprised him again, and he had no knowledge of how she'd done it.
Curse her! Curse her power and resourcefulness! And curse Stark, too! None of this would have happened if she did not feel so strongly about him!
But it didn't matter. Loki realised he might have been too lenient towards her. No more. This time he would bring out the bigger weapons. This would be the last time she'd thwart him. He opened his eyes and stalked in search of her.
Some bonds defy distance and time and logic. Because some ties are simply meant to be. Loki did not understand this, though. All he knew was that his precious captive, whom he thought thoroughly subdued, had somehow found a way to reach out to her lover across distance and time with her soul via dreams. And this simply would not do. His ire rose at the thought of them inside that plane, at the restoring strength the dream had had on her mind and soul. In his mind's eye he saw again when Stark had crouched in front of her and then kissed her knee reverently. The way she had extended her hand and tenderly caressed Stark's head … A feral growl exploded out of him and his fists clenched.
"More." As he stalked with purpose to the place his captive resided, Loki's eyes glowed red and his hands crackled with magic.
Apparently I'm a monarch of angst and gut wrenching despair. Follow the queen, oh loyal minions. She adores you all - and your comments more.
;)
One last thing: the 'SPAT Telescope' is solely of my own invention. Don't be looking it up on Google - I'm expecting NASA to come contact me about it, and am ready to patent it. Until then, it is a SPying SATellite Telescope, which zooms in on a specific area of the Earth at certain times, all casual, and records what it sees of the ground, the people, vehicles etc. How do you think Iron Man knows exactly where to go to kick ass when no news reports have been made about rogue situations yet?
Write on mah lovelies!