We had just turned twenty-one when it happened. Shredder had discovered our secret lair in the sewers, and had attacked us with an army of Foot Ninja.

Shredder had been the cause of our Master's demise. We had seen it happen first hand. Splinter had been cornered and beaten by the Foot. Shredder only stepped in at the last moment to finish him off, coward that he was. The Foot had beaten us by their sheer masses. We were held prisoner, watching the life drain from our aged Master, and then Shredder turned to finish us off too.

Only, Raphael and Leonardo had an unspoken plan of action ready to implement. While Shredder was distracted killing Splinter, Leonardo had turned suddenly and grabbed a katana from the sheath of the nearest ninja. Bringing the blade down on the ninjas holding him they were both surprised and doomed. Raphael rolled forward and attacked Mikey's assailants, barreling into them and taking at least six ninja down with him.

Energised by this new development, Mikey and I quickly followed our brothers examples. We knew we were outnumbered, but we were going to take as many ninja down with us as we could. Leonardo was locked in battle with Shredder over the body of our sensei, and the rest of us formed a line to protect him from the Foot.

We knew he'd beat Shredder. He'd done it before.

This time it was to the death. A fight Leo was going to finish for good. The only thing we could do was fight the Foot, and as we became more determined after watching the fate of our Master, we drove the hordes backward and away from the main fight.

We didn't have our customary weapons, as they'd been taken from us earlier. We took weapons from the ninja we had killed, mainly katana, and drove them back with sweeping arcs. Although these weren't our first choice in weapon, we were still well trained in the blade and had the advantage of working well together. The Foot seemed confused and almost frightened by our new resolve. Any teamwork they had established quickly dissolved as they tried to flee, realising the fight was now to the death - and they were likely to die on the battlefield unless they retreated.

Raphael was angrier than I had ever seen him. His blade killed many that day, and soon he had what he wanted - sai daggers stolen from a fallen foe. His kills became more personal, more bloody. He used everything Splinter had ever taught him and more, drawing from a dark place inside his mind. His eyes were almost evil in the darkness, and I shudder now thinking about that side of him.

Mikey was focused and quiet. His usual quips were gone with Splinter's life, and he fought with the blade quickly and neatly - disarming his adversaries and cutting them to ribbons. He had no words for once, no comebacks, no laughs. He was just ninja, working cleanly and efficiently.

I was angry and felt cold towards my adversaries. Whatever compassion I might have had died inside me the moment Splinter was killed. I was ruthless and killed quickly. I didn't let them linger. I did have access to a bo staff at one point in the battle, but the sword felt cleaner. Cut more deeply.

Mikey also kept to the sword, tucking a pair of nunchuks into his belt as a reserve weapon. Like me, he wanted to slice and cut, to destroy those who had destroyed us in murdering our sensei.

Before that day, we had really no idea what killing involved. We weren't murderers. We fought and tied up the bad guys, we didn't mete out final justice. The moments after Splinter was killed, something changed drastically within all four of us. We were executioners. We brought death.

The Foot were either dead or retreated, and we turned to watch the ongoing battle between Leo and Shredder. It was an even match, but we could see that Leo had an advantage. Shredder had been observing us during our battle and seen our cold resolve. He realised that Leo wasn't merely going to render him unconscious. He was going to kill Shredder, and Shredder was feeling something he had rarely felt before.

Fear.

It was fear that was the Shredder's downfall. His movements became frantic, and he started to make mistakes. The katana he held kept slipping in his sweaty grip. Leo capitalised on this, and drove him back, forcing him to his knees. The sword slipped from the Shredder's grasp and he tried to speak, tried to perhaps beg for mercy.

Leo didn't waste a second. The katana sliced cleanly through his neck and the Shredder's head dropped onto the floor with a slight thud. It was finally over. The Shredder was dead.

Leo slumped suddenly, his arms weakening and the katana dropping from his grasp. He made a slight sound, like a strangled gasp, and then sank to the ground. His bandana was soaked with tears.

I'd never seen Leo cry before. Not once. Even when things were bad, when Raph had almost died when we were fifteen, I'd never seen him cry.

Two bodies lay before him. The Shredder. Splinter.

Splinter, our sensei was dead. Lifeless. A furry corpse that held no more wisdom. No more guidance. We were on our own.

Shredder was dead. Dead from Leonardo's own hand. Dead from Leonardo's cold fury.

It was all too much for Leo to take in.

Gradually, we all moved forward. Leo was inconsolable as I reached him, pushing me away with his hand. I knocked his hand to one side and gave him a hug, possibly the only hug we've ever shared. I was a little unsure of what to do, so I just grabbed him and wrapped him up in my arms.

Raphael was speechless. He kept shaking his head, as if the entire thing confused him. As if he couldn't quite believe that Splinter was dead. Mikey was quiet too, just staring at me and Leo. His eyes wide, but his mind sharp and focused. I could see he was still in battle mode, ready to attack at a moment's notice. Of all of us, Mikey was the only one still prepared if the Foot returned to continue their fight.

"They won't come back." Leo had stopped sobbing, and was pushing me away with his hand. He wiped his eyes and got to his feet. "They wouldn't dare."

"Splinter?" It was only then that I realised how torn Raphael was. He was still trying to absorb the facts - that Splinter was gone. He was shaking his head and muttering to himself. He was angry and I could feel the rage brewing inside him. He turned and punched a wall, and I heard the crack of bone as he broke his hand.

He turned and walked away, muttering to himself.

Leonardo carefully picked up the broken body of Splinter. He held the furry body close, and made his way out of our den. We followed him silently, watching as he made his way to the surface. We went to April and Casey's apartment and they let us in; watching us with disbelief as Leo sank onto his knees with Splinter in his arms. He held Splinter for a long time, brushing his fur and talking softly to him.

Mikey had begun to tremble violently. He excused himself and locked himself away in the bathroom. I sank down on the sofa, watching Leo as he stroked and talked to our sensei.

It was over.

We had no idea where Raphael had gone. Mikey was in the bathroom, and hadn't come out yet. Leo was focused on the furry body in his arms. I was thinking of all the times Splinter had advised us, fought with us, given us a father's love. All that gone. Snuffed out by Shredder.

"Who did this?" April was cowering in Casey's arms at the back of the room. "Who did this?"

"Shredder." Leo spat the word out, his fist clenching. "Don't worry, we took care of it."

"I take it, Shredder is no longer drawing breath?" Casey asked, his body taut with anger. If we had said Shredder was alive, there was no doubt he would have gone off into the night alone to find our adversary himself.

"Shredder's dead." I confirmed, curling up on the couch. "It's over. Everything."

Leo looked sharply at me. "No, Don. Its not over. There is still Foot out there. Without Shredder they will take a new leader from the surviving clan and launch another assault. It's just a matter of time."

"What do we do?" I asked in a small voice.

"We carry on fighting. We draw them out and kill them all." Leo allowed Splinter's body to slide to the floor. He kissed the top of Splinter's head. "However long it takes."

I left the room in a haze, unable to think clearly. Knocking on the bathroom door, I called out to Mikey. "I need to use the bathroom, bro. You okay in there?"

No answer. I tried the door handle. It was locked.

"Mikey? Open the door or I'll kick it down."

I heard movement inside - of the lock being removed and the door opened slightly. Mikey's face appeared, and he looked awful. He looked paler than death, and had a resigned and broken expression on his face. "Be quick, Don. I need to come back in."

Mikey left the bathroom, and walked into April and Casey's bedroom. He sank onto the bed and closed his eyes, his arm shielding his face.

I walked over to the bed and sat beside him. Mikey looked up as he felt my weight on the bed, his eyes sore and red. "Thought you needed the bathroom." He turned away from me and lay with his shell facing me.

There were no words of comfort I could say. Splinter was gone. Mikey was shattered. So I just sat beside him, my hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. Usually, he would shrug me off but this time he allowed the contact. I rubbed his sore muscles, bruised from battle.

"I'm scared, Don."

"I know. Me too."

We buried Splinter. In the months that followed, we drove the Foot out of New York City for good. We were recognised for saving the city. We were granted honorary citizenship. All of this was wonderful, but we were empty inside. I wished Splinter could have seen us, seen all the amazing things we achieved after his death.

Raphael was quiet, subdued. The loss of Splinter had hit him hard, but he didn't talk about it. He couldn't bring himself to talk about it.

The second event that had led Raphael down the dark path of alcohol abuse had been the marriage of April to Casey. We were twenty-four when they tied the knot, and Raphael had been very quiet during the ceremony. He had been quiet during the reception, propping himself against the bar and ordering drink after drink until he could barely stand up. We took him home, rolled him into bed and turned off the light. He slept for two days solidly, barely touching the food we brought to him. On the third day, he went out and didn't return for three weeks. To this day we don't know what he was doing during those three weeks. When he returned he was distant and cold, a shell of his former self.

The drinking followed. Raphael had shut down. Given up.

The fact that Raph has been hurt is no big surprise to any of us. The extent of the damage is all we care about. We need to rally round and get Raph back on his feet, without the crutch, without his drinking.

It's going to be a long battle ahead.

But we'll face it together. As a team.

Donny