The guys have been acting weird all day.

It began with Leo coming home early from his dojo with Mike in tow. Both of them looked flustered but wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Then Donny appeared as if from nowhere and he started to clean the flat!

Donny isn't the homely type, but here he was - mop in hand - dancing round the flat like a turtle possessed. When I asked him what the special occasion was, he just smiled knowingly at me and then carried on without saying a word.

Mike and Leo disappeared for hours. I was beginning to think of contacting missing persons when they arrived home with lots of shopping bags. Neither one would let me look inside, and they cornered themselves off in the kitchen and barricaded the door.

I was getting a little paranoid by now. There was obviously something going on, but I was out of the loop. Deliberately. They were keeping something from me!

I checked the date. It isn't my birthday, so what the shell is going on here? I knew it wasn't something bad because of the smiles on their faces, but I hate surprises.

I was getting nowhere with figuring out what was going on so I turned on the television and watched the news.

Then, about half an hour later, Mikey tried to sneak out of the flat without me seeing him. I caught him tiptoeing towards the door, and had it out with him there and then. Mikey looked uncomfortable as I grilled him, but just as I was getting somewhere, Leo emerged from the kitchen and sat me down. He told me it would all make sense soon, but I was getting angry with his evasive tactics.

When I looked over to where Mikey had been standing, the sneaky turtle had escaped. Leo had been a diversion so Mikey could make a run for it.

I decided to sit it out and watch some television, ignore the frantic clean up mission going on all around me, and see what was on the news.

That's where I am now. Sitting here and watching the news. Trying not to eavesdrop on the guys as they whisper to each other and share goofy grins.

Then, just as things can't get any weirder, the doorbell rings. I practically jump out of my shell, and watch to see if any of my brothers goes to the door. When I am satisfied that they will not open it, I head over and pull the door open with a grumpy, "What d'ya want?"

I fall quiet.

She is standing there.

The same girl I took the bullet for.

Standing there awkwardly, she smiles a little, and holds out her hand. "I think I owe you a well-earned thank you for the rescue. Thanks, Raphael."

My voice has gone, and my eyes must be as wide as saucers. Leo invites her in, and she warily moves into the flat, around my static form, and sits on the sofa.

"Mary." Mikey comes out of the kitchen and sits down next to her. "Thanks for coming. Raph's a little overwhelmed right now. He can't speak when he's shocked."

Smacking Mikey over the head gives me a sense of balance and normality. I sit on Mary's free side, and I find my hands shaking a little. "I've been trying to find you."

Mary blushes and looks down at the floor. "I know. I'm sorry for making you worry."

"Were you ... working nights?" I have no sense of etiquette and the fire that lights Mary's features suddenly has me freezing in horror. I have really offended the girl.

"I don't ... work nights, Raph. I'm a secretary for a legal firm. I was on a night out with friends. I like, well, used to like clubbing."

"Raph's not very good with people. He often offends them." Mikey grins, smoothly relaxing the room's tension with his quirky way. Thank God for Mikey being here!

"I'm sorry. Mike's right. I'm a bit of an ass." I try to keep the blush from my face, but it's very apparent that I'm uncomfortable.

We all sit down to eat together. Leo and Mikey have prepared something really nice - a pasta dish with smoked salmon. Donny leads the conversation with his view on the legal system which keeps the conversation flowing smoothly. At least I have three brothers who are not socially inept, and that keeps the limelight nicely off my blushing face.

Is talking to women really this hard? I'd never had a problem talking to April, and I really liked her. Still do. I never felt awkward with April or felt out of my depth, but here with this girl, I really don't have a clue what to do or what to say.

I'm so glad she's alive and well. Thriving in fact. If she has a problem with being out late, I'm only too happy to escort her to clubs and collect her when she leaves. I let her know this, and then fall into the shadows again as my brothers keep up the happy banter.

When she leaves, its Mikey who escorts her home. I shake her hand awkwardly, begging her not to thank me anymore, and wait until she leaves.

Then I sigh and sit down on the sofa.

That was hard.

Half an hour later, Mikey returns. He has a huge grin stamped on his face. He's just loving every minute of this.

"Dude, you are a total virgin." Mikey laughs, sliding down next to me. "I guess she isn't going to be the one to pop your cherry. You barely said a word to her all night."

"Leave him alone, Mike." Leo chides sternly. "He's just not used to being around ... women."

My hackles are rising. I feel threatened by my inexperience - I'm waiting for the teasing to really kick in. Mikey, however, falls silent. He broods for a moment, then he winks at me and sprints off to his diary. "Mikey. What are you up to?"

"Ever tried speed dating, Raph?" Mikey comes back with a small slip of paper. "I'm going. Want to come along?"

The last thing I want is another complication in my life. I'm fine with being single. "Drop it, Mike."

"But ..."

"I said, drop it, Mike!" I get to my feet, and head to my room. I'm pissed now, and glad I'm conveying a threatening message to the others. Don and Leo step out of my way, but before I can reach my room I feel Leo's hand on my shoulder.

I pause, not looking at Leo, waiting for him to let me go.

"April's not going to realise what she's been missing all these years and fall into your arms, Raph. It's time to let her go."

My shoulders tense and I pull myself free from Leo's hand. "I let April go a long time ago, Leo. That chapter is closed."

Trudging off to my room, I lock the door and let myself flop heavily onto the bed.

I've let April go. She was never mine to start with. I had no choice.

Suddenly, I feel tears prick my eyes.

Why do I always have to lie to everyone, especially myself.

Raph