Artemis gazed at his class. Carefully walking across the front, his head held high, he exuded an aura of power. Any students who might have given him trouble because of his age thought twice. Artemis held a sheet in front of him, taking role call. To keep himself entertained, he counted the letters in each name. Hermione. eight letters. eight, a nice round number. Four times two. Two cubed. Artemis decided he liked the number two more. Theodore. Also eight letters. Neville. seven letters. A prime number. The same number of letters as in his own name. Artemis nodded to himself approvingly. Pansy. five letters. Also a prime number, five was by far one of the most useful numbers. Harry. The survivor of the Killing Curse. Draco. A clever boy born into the aristocracy. Both had five letters in their name. Actually, come to think of it, Holly had five letters in her name as well, didn't she? Ronald. six letters. A useful if sometimes painful number. Both Butler and Juliet had six letters in their names. Having completed role, he set the sheet next to his desk and turned to face the class.

"I am Professor Artemis Fowl." Huh, five words. Interesting how just those five words can grab and hold the attention of everyone in the room. Artemis mentally shook himself. It was class time. Time to stop with the counting.

"You may call me Professor Fowl. I will not allow for anyone to call me anything else. I will tell you that I intend to teach you more than just defense. You will also be learning management, communication, and interaction. I will be bringing in guest speakers, whom you are to treat kindly and with respect, no matter your opinion of them. If you do not, you will suffer a detention with me and have thirty house points deducted for each disrespect. As for your assignments, I expect each one to be written with correct grammar and punctuation. I will be grading each essay according to O.W.L standards and will give you a letter grade based on that. However, for every grammar or spelling mistake, I will lower your grade by one letter. Every weekend, you will be expected to research a spell,creature, or legendary item of your choice not covered in class. You will write up six inches on it and hand it in on Monday. You will do this project every weekend, in addition to your normal homework, except for on holidays. Any questions?"

The class was silent, somewhat shocked by the strictness of the grading and the sheer amount of homework it seemed they would be getting. Artemis returned to his desk at the front of the classroom and picked up a small pile of papers.

"Good. If you think of any questions later, do not be afraid to ask. Wands away." There were several confused looks passed between students, but they reluctantly put their wands away. "Now, I understand that your previous education in this subject has been fragmented by the variety of teachers you have had over the last few years, some of whom should never have been in the same room as students." Harry Potter stood up indignantly.

"If you're talking about Professor Lupin, he was the best teacher we ever had!" Lupin. five letters. Artemis stopped his speech and looked at Harry calmly. He despised being interrupted.

"As it happens, I was talking primarily about my esteemed colleague Professor Lockhart." Lockhart. eight letters. two times four. "Since this is the first incident in my class, I shall let you go with a warning Mr. Potter. In the future, you will raise your hand and you will not shout. You will speak calmly and discuss any issues in a rational manner. Now, since your education has had so many difficulties, I will start with a quiz and a homework assignment." There was a collective groan around the class. Artemis chose to ignore it, however undignified it might have been, because these were children.

Children. Children indeed. Their eyes told stories of hardship and pain, but they still were children. Maturity can be gained faster through harsh circumstances, but it was not guaranteed. Mr. Potter, for example, seemed to have difficulty controlling his emotions still, despite everything he had been through. A child. But a sad child. On who had seen far too much. One who had been the receiving end of many destructive plots. Had Artemis ever caused someone's eyes to look like that?

"Your quiz should take no longer than twenty minutes, but I am giving you until the end of the period to do it. Your homework assignment then is to list every curse, counter-curse, jinx, or other battle friendly spell you can remember off the top of your head. I don't want you to do any research for this assignment." There was some cheering. Artemis smirked. They would be doing plenty of research later on. He just wanted to see what spells they truly knew. The quiz was more about situations and creatures than spells.

"When you finish the quiz, please bring it up to my desk and start on your homework." Artemis said, returning to his desk. He looked over his papers for Fowl Industries. He had hired some of the best businessmen to watch his company in his absence, but major decisions still came to him to make. Artemis wasn't sure how he felt about leaving his company in others' hands. At the time, it had seemed like it would be a good idea. His father was there to micro-manage, to make sure they didn't try to steal the company or run it into the ground. Big decisions still came to Artemis. However, it was his company now. His father had officially put him in charge of it since he was now eighteen (at least, it had been eighteen years since he was born and that was what his father went by. Artemis had actually been only living for fifteen years) and Artemis planned to keep it successful while going legal. The more he focused on it, the more queasy he felt about the decision.

A test landed in front of him, cutting off his thoughts as he read the name across the top. Hermione Granger. eight then seven. He looked up to see the brown haired girl looking at him. Or was she looking at his papers? Artemis flipped over the paper regarding company finances to cover the rest.

"Do you have a question Miss Granger?" He asked.

"Yes. Is there a length requirement or limit on the homework assignment?" She asked nicely. Artemis thought for a moment. He wanted then to describe the effects and uses of each spell, but he didn't want to spend longer than 10 minutes reading any individual assignment.

"No more than three sentences per spell description" Artemis replied. Hermione nodded and returned to her desk, pulling out a sheet of parchment and writing furiously. Artemis sighed. The rest of the classes that day (a third year class and a sixth year class) went well. Although, Artemis had to admit, he felt like his fifth year class had the most personality. Artemis, luckily, did not have to sit next to the pink toad at dinner that night. However, he couldn't help but feel as if she was watching him. Artemis had a suspicion as to why, she probably wanted his opinion of Hogwarts as an outsider, but he wanted to stay away from Umbridge. Umbridge. eight letters. four times two. He sighed.

After dinner, Artemis went to the library to read more about Wizards, their history, and in general to just learn more. Picking out a few titles which sounded interesting, Artemis took them back to his office with him. However, on his way, he passed by Umbridge's office. Pausing for a moment just outside the door, Artemis thought to himself. It was clear that Ms. Umbridge planned to speak with him. Perhaps he should be the on to break the ice, it would allow him more control over the conversation and reduce the chances of her trying to speak with him at a bad time. He had nothing to grade, having finished grading the quizzes for his classes just before dinner, and ten minutes spent conversing with someone, no matter how repugnant, was unlikely to affect his schedule. Shifting his books to his other arm, Artemis pulled out his wand and shrunk them. The five books were then deposited in his pockets as he knocked on the door.

"Come in" A voice far too sweet spoke. Artemis opened the door to the pink den. Walking in with purpose, he chose to leave the door open to get some fresh air into the room. Artemis noticed Harry bent over a paper, writing. Lines? What had Potter done to get a detention already? Umbridge seemed to notice Artemis' distraction.

"Mister Potter is serving a detention with me tonight" Artemis frowned. "What did you need me for dear?" Umbridge asked, drawing Artemis' attention away from Harry, who was leaning over his paper oddly.

"I heard that you were looking for me." Artemis responded. Umbridge 'ah'-ed and summoned a chair for Artemis.

"Please, sit down Professor. If I may ask, what is your opinion of Hogwarts?" Ms. Umbridge asked. Artemis sat down in the chair, trying not to be bothered by the color.

"I think that it is a fine establishment for teaching magic, even if it is behind the times" Artemis said. Umbridge nodded, as if agreeing.

"Would you like some tea, Professor Fowl?" She asked succinctly. Artemis shook his head, not trusting her to give him anything of any quality for consumption. "I agree with you completely about Hogwarts being behind the times. This school is in need of a rejuvenation. That is exactly what I plan to do here, Professor Fowl, and I hope to have your support for it." Artemis frowned, it seemed she had misconstrued his honest answer to fit her perception. He had not meant that standards were falling, he meant they were no longer high enough. The modern world was demanding more and more, outdated textbooks no longer cut it, especially with muggle advancements.

The muggles had already almost found the fairies underground, even if it was under the guidance of Opal, it was only a matter of time before they saw the wizards hiding among them. The wizard children needed not only to prepare for life as wizards after school, for which Artemis considered the Hogwarts curriculum to be excellent, but also for the probable soon discovery. They also needed more abstract lessons, things that are not handed over to you with a set of directions requiring no thinking, things like analyzing, politics, philosophy, psychology, and similar studies. Things that taught the students to think more for themselves. However, Artemis did not say anything. If she took his answer in a positive light, it would mean less work fending her off later.

"Perhaps. Why is Mister Potter serving detention, if I may ask?" A vague reply to her implied question and a question on another topic to distract her attention from it. How she responded would also help Artemis to know her psyche.

"I caught him spreading nasty lies about the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Nasty, attention seeking lies." Umbridge said, smirking in Harry's direction when he looked up. He quickly looked down, obviously not going to defend himself, and continued writing his lines.

It was very strange how he was hunched over the paper, hiding the writing with his left hand. It was clearly a forced position, most likely not one that someone would use naturally unless they were hunch-backed. It was an especially strange position for Mister Potter to assume since it was most certainly NOT the position he used while in Artemis' class. Studying him a bit more, Artemis also noticed he was writing with his right hand at an odd angle. Instead of angling his hand as he did normally, Mister Potter was keeping it firmly horizontal from him. Something that Artemis wondered about. It was one thing to hide what he was writing, he could have been messing around, drawing, or writing something else entirely just to make Umbridge angry at him (Why he would do that, especially since it is in no way beneficial to him, Artemis did not know, but he did not eliminate them as possibilities). However, the position his right hand was in only hid one thing, the back of it, at all times. Why would Mister Potter be hiding the back of his right hand?

"I see. Very well then Madam Umbridge, I'm afraid I must leave you know. I have papers to grade, I'm sure you understand. If you have any other questions for me, I will be available again tomorrow" Umbridge frowned at Artemis' abrupt departure. She opened her mouth to say something, but Artemis had already stood up and was almost to the door. Artemis sniffed the air absently as he passed Potter, the light coppery smell confirming his suspicions of the black quill (one which Mister Potter had never before used in Artemis' class). Closing the door behind him, Artemis kept his face composed.

Blood Quills were illegal, but Artemis didn't care about that. What he did care about, though, was that one of his students was in that room having his hand sliced open and being forced to write with his own blood. Artemis, though he highly disagreed with the practice and decided to bring it up with the headmaster, had to grudgingly concede that it was an excellent harsh punishment. Severe enough to really bother the students, but not so severe as to cause irreparable damage, if used correctly. However, Artemis doubted that Umbridge would limit herself to do that. She found too much joy in the student's pain. That was another issue. Umbridge may have been using it as punishment, but with everything going against her already, many of the students were likely to really turn against her with this punishment. If she wanted student support, she shouldn't have started out with such harsh punishment when she already had half the student body against her. Though Artemis could see the benefit in using blood quills for punishment, it was clear that Umbridge was only using them to assuage her own ego and to find enjoyment in the suffering of the children.

Blood Quills. Eleven letters. Artemis shook his head as he walked towards the headmasters office. Arriving at the gargoyle, he spoke the password and let himself in. He knocked gently on the door at the top of the stairs.

"Come in" Dumbledore's voice spoke. Artemis walked in to find Dumbledore rummaging through his desk, looking for something. Raising an eyebrow, Artemis decided to speak without waiting for Dumbledore to give a sign he was listening. Artemis had no doubt that the old man was listening, the way his attention flickered between his desk and Artemis said that much. And it wasn't like Artemis came here to discuss philosophy, he was here to report something he had seen. Although it was a bit insulting to know that he didn't have the headmaster's full attention, Artemis also knew that he didn't need it.

"Are you aware that Umbridge is using Blood Quills in her detentions?" He asked. Dumbledore immediately looked up, giving Artemis his full attention.

"Blood Quills?" He asked hollowly. Artemis nodded. Dumbledore sighed.

"I see. Thank you for telling me. Unfortunately, I cannot do anything about it unless a student reports it also." Artemis nodded. He knew the rules. For the firing of a teacher on the grounds of the teacher having illegal materials, both a student and a teacher needed to report a sighting of the illegal material, then an investigation would start. If the investigation proved conclusive, then the teacher could be fired. It was a long and tedious process, usually taking at least a month after the student and teacher had reported the sighting. Well, Artemis had stepped forward to be the teacher sighting. Now all that was needed was for a student to step forward. Based on how Mister Potter was trying to hide his paper from Artemis, he knew it wouldn't be him. Hopefully one of the other students wouldn't be as stupid.

Artemis nodded and left the room, leaving Dumbledore to continue searching for whatever it was he had lost. Walking back to his room, Artemis collapsed on his chairs, pulled out a book, and started reading.

"Who can tell me the two main subgroups of Vampires?" Artemis asked. "And a spell you could use against both groups to defend yourself" Miss Granger's hand shot up in the air first, as usual.

"Miss Granger"

"The two main subgroups of Vampires are Physical and Spiritual. Protego works well to defend yourself against both, but will only hold up against Physical Vampires for a few minutes." Hermione said quickly.

"Very good Miss Granger. 5 points to Gryffindor. Can you also tell me the different between the two groups in their feeding habits and their appearances?" Artemis asked, writing the bullet points of her words up on the board.

"Spiritual Vampires feed on emotion, similar to Dementors, life force, magic, or other ephemeral components. In fact, there is some debate about whether or not Dementors should be included in this category. Most Spiritual Vampires take on a very beautiful form to lure their prey into false security, often posing as victims of attack or abuse. They also often feed on a single person for several days, called a 'Haunting', though they usually do not kill their victims, their victims can often kill themselves.

Physical Vampires feed on physical aspects of people, most often blood. They tend to only feed on a given person once, and if they do so twice, it's not on purpose. Certain types kill their prey, while others allow them to live. Their physical appearance is usually very normal, but Physical Vampires which take in an excess of human blood often have different skin tones, usually a darkish purple color."

"Very good. Have another five points." Artemis said, writing what she had said up on the board in bullet point format. "For those of you wondering why we are reviewing Vampires, our first guest speaker will be one." There was a cry of outrage from the green cloaked side of the room. Artemis chose to wait it out.

"I would like to remind you all of the rules I have regarding guest speakers. You will treat them with respect, you will not be complaining about their presence, and you will keep an open mind regarding their opinions. Now, our guest speaker is a Royal Vampire. Who can tell me which subgroup Royal Vampires are under?" Again, Miss Granger's hand shot up into the air. Artemis nodded towards her.

"Royal Vampires are a subgroup of Physical Vampires. Their name comes from their age and their hierarchy, in which a council of nominated Princes rule over the species. Royal Vampires are characterized by two things. First off, is their lack of fangs. Royal Vampires, instead of fangs, have hardened and sharpened nails which they use to draw blood for drinking. Secondly, Royal Vampires are the only known Vampire species which does not have a natural aversion to wolves or werewolves, with the reverse being true as well in that Royal Vampires are the only known Vampire species which wolves and werewolves do not hate. The reason why is a closely guarded secret of the Royal Vampires, though it is believed that the two things are related."

"Very good, have ten points" Artemis replied. Royal Vampires. Thirteen letters. Six then eight. Curious that 'Vampires' should have eight letters, two times four, and that Royal Vampires should have thirteen. If Artemis was a superstitious person, he would have said it was double bad luck since thirteen was bad luck in western society and four was bad luck in both China and Japan. However, Artemis scoffed at things as unprovable as superstition.

"I will not tell you too much about our guest, I will leave that up to him to introduce himself. However, I expect everyone to be on their best behavior. Class dismissed." It had been a very long hour reviewing Vampires and what spells could and couldn't be used against them and, since it was his last class of the day, it was even longer. And still, his day wasn't over. Grading the papers until the sun fell, Artemis kept an eye on the time.

Soon after the sun had set, Artemis gathered his things and dropped them off in his office before leaving the castle. Walking in the dead of night towards the woods, Artemis began to get nervous. It was natural, he assured himself, to be scared. He was in the Forbidden Forest at night, even if he was on the edge. He tried to calm himself by repeating facts to himself. Assuring himself of his safety in this encounter. Tightly gripping his wand, his only way to defend himself, he slowly picked his way into the forest. Hearing a sound, Artemis spun around to face it, only to see nothing. Hundreds of different scenarios of how he could die this night were running through his head. Slowly, Artemis became aware of a gaze upon him. Turning, Artemis found himself facing a pair of bloodthirsty eyes focused entirely on him.

"I'm heading out for patrol now Foaly, do you still want me to check up on Artemis while I'm up there?" Holly asked over her headset as figured out which shuttle to take.

"Yeah, there's something strange going on with his tracker. As you know, we put one of my newest inventions on him, a VERILIN 67, which is very difficult to make involving lots of nano-technology and..."

"Foaly"

"...can be a bit dangerous though. Yeah?"

"Focus" Holly said. "Artemis. What makes you think something is up?"

"Sorry. My tracker records a lot of things in order to make sure that Artemis doesn't stick it on a dog or something. This includes height from the ground, blood pressure, and walking speed. Most everything is normal. Artemis seems to be following his normal routines, mostly in his house, attending some high society parties, traveling around the world, etc. I haven't really been looking closely at the numbers though and when I looked over them last night, I realized that some of them had been odd for the last several months."

"Last several months? Foaly, that's a long time to have the statistics be off" Holly chided.

"Well, it's really only two things. Blood pressure and pace. I rarely check those as is and I've been really busy the last few months working on a global warming project for the Council. Anyway, I'm sending you frequency of the tracking signal. It's in Omega waves, hiding it completely from human technology. It's revolutionary even for our technology, a new kind of wave related to radio waves of all things..."

"Foaly"

"and all it needs is a touch of uranium to make it work. Sorry" Holly rolled her eyes at Foaly's tangent, waiting impatiently for the signal to appear on the visual screen of her headset.

"So why do you think Artemis' signal is weird anyway?" Holly asked, not daring to complain about how long her headset was taking to load.

"Well, it could be explained by him having a leg injury. But that would be very difficult to accomplish for Artemis. The other possibility is that he put the tracker on someone with similar behaviors to himself or orders to act similar to himself. In other words, a fake. And based on past history, I'm leaning toward the latter." Foaly replied. Holly sighed. Though she trusted Artemis more often than not nowadays, it was always better to be safe. Besides, if it was just a leg injury, then Holly could heal it.

Once the signal loaded, Holly hopped into the shuttle for China. Artemis' signal was coming from a small town in the Tian Shan mountain range, though what kind of profit Artemis hoped to make there, Holly hadn't the faintest idea. She hoped to find him there though, there and with a leg injury. Because, so help her, if she found out that Artemis had put the signal on someone else and had been hiding from them for the last several months, there was going to be hell to pay.

Please Review! Oh, and I really would like a Beta reader. Any volunteers? PM me!