Chapter Four

Sluts With Swords!

I let Jack assume Captain's position. He was much better than I would be, anyway.

Especially since I don't know anything about ships.

"Jack, I meant to ask you," I said, walking up to the stern deck, "Did you get that compass back?"

"Aye, love," he said, standing at the wheel, looking all cool, "Not doing me much good though."

"How's that?"

"Well, I don't know if finding the Pearl is all I want right now. Here," he said, handing the compass to me, "Why don't you hold on to it for a while, and what it is you want?"

I knew what he was thinking.

See if it pointed to him, or what.

I took the compass from him and said, "Yeah, okay. I'll look after it."

I walked down to Orlagh, who was looking over the rail.

"Hiya," I said.

"Hi."

"Whatcha doing?"

"Looking at sea."

"Riight."

"What?"

"You're thinking about Will, aren't you?"

"No."

"Yeah you are."

"No, I am not."

"You are."

"How do you know?"

"I don't and that's the point."

I opened the compass and the needle swung around a couple of times before landing on Jack, looking all hot at the wheel.

Then it swung round a couple of hundred times before I shut it closed.

I opened it again, and it swung around and round, like it couldn't decide.

Weird.

"Is that Jack's compass?" Orlagh asked, leaning in to see.

"Yeah," I said and shook it, "I think it's broke."

"How?"

"It can't decide where to point."

"Maybe it's not broke, maybe you just don't know what you want."

"Nooo. I want Jack. You and I and nearly everyone knows that. So it's banjaxed."

"Here, give it here."

Orlagh took it from me, and it pointed east.

"You want to go south," I said, "That must be where Will is!"

"Oi! Jack!" I yelled up to him.

"Aye?"

"Where we headed?"

"Tortuga!"

"Tortuga?" Orlagh yelled

"Tortuga?" Holly said.

"Not Tortuga!" Elizabeth said.

"Aye," I said to her, "Tortuga."

Tortuga has got to be the dirtiest, smelliest, funnest town in the whole Caribbean.

When we got there, it must've been about ten o'clock.

There was violence, drink and girls everywhere.

"Well, love," Jack said, slipping his hand around my waist again (this time is stayed there), "This is Tortuga. What do you think?"

"If every town in the world was like this one, no man would ever feel unwanted?"

"Correct," he said, looking around, "Now..."

Then I caught sight of someone we really needed to avoid.

Actually, two people.

"Jack," I said, "Jack, you'd want to let go of my waist and turn around. Now."

"What? Why?"

"Oh my God," Orlagh said, catching sight of them, "Er, Jack, S and G stage left!!!!"

"S and G?"

"Well, well, look who it is!" Giselle said, walking up to Jack, "Jack Sparrow. How are you, darling?"

"Giselle!" Jack said, letting go of my waist, "Never better. Well, you're just looking ravishing, aren't you?"

"Jack!" Scarlett called from behind her, "Don't forget me now."

"Scarlett! Hehahahaha," he said, as they looked at us four girls.

"And who are these lovely lasses, hm?" Giselle asked.

Jack turned to us.

"Well, er..." he said.

"Oh, well, I'm his sister," I said, "Gabrielle. Nice to meet you... Giselle, ain't it?"

"Yeah," she said, cocking an eyebrow at my clothes.

"These others are just my mates," I said, motioning to the other three girls, "Jack was just dropping us off... we'll be in the tavern, 'kay?"

I led the other girls away from Scarlett and Giselle.

We all looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Oh, my God," Orlagh said, "That was so awkward!"

"He's gonna get a right beating," I said, looking past Elizabeth to Jack, who was talking to Scarlett and Giselle.

"Is he?" Elizabeth said, looking back too.

"Well, he'd better," Orlagh said, "We don't have time to wait around for him to get shagged."

I looked at her threateningly.

"Not that he will, maybe," she said reassuringly, "It's probably- probably just- Elizabeth! Get some rum, please!"

She scampered off inside the Faithful Bride tavern.

As we watched Jack flirting with Gis and Scarly, I felt the 'cold stab of jealousy' and decided not to watch Moulin Rouge any more because I have started to spout it.

I knew I shouldn't be jealous, and duh, I knew nothing was going to happen. But if something did happen, between me and Jack that is, that it would never be serious.

I'd just go back to my time and think, "Listen, girl. You are the luckiest chick here. You had a thing with Jack Sparrow, aka Johnny Depp, aka The Hottest Man on the Planet. So don't you dare say that everyone has better thighs than you. Because you are luckier than ANY of them."

Which would, maybe, be true.

Besides, I can still reminisce on the fact that he did snog me, and fabulously.

Anyway, Elizabeth came back outside with three bottles of rum.

"What about me?" Holly said as Elizabeth handed me and Orlagh a bottle each.

"You don't get any," Orlagh said, uncorking her bottle.

"Why?"

"You're a whelp and a twat, remember?" I told her.

"Oh yeah... what?"

And just then we wintessed a legendary scene.

Jack, in mid-flirt being slapped by both Scarlett and Giselle.

Not simultaneously, thank God, because that would hurt bad.

Anyway, they stalked off, as they do, and Jack came over to us, rubbing his jaw.

I took my first swig of rum there and then.

Christ it was strong.

"Rum!" Jack exclaimed, looking at me, Orlagh and Liz's bottles, "None for me?"

I thrust my bottle at him.

"We'll share it," I said.

"Not happening," he said before taking a swig.

"Tch. Typico," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Where are we going, and are we there yet?" Holly whined.

"Going to find Gibbs?" Orlagh suggested.

"Spot on, Yunny," Jack said, and she smiled proudly. Good for her.

Anyway, Gibbs was in only one place and one place only.

Wallowing with the pigs, of course.

Cue water splash!

"Aaah!!!" Gibbs yelled.

Then he saw who it was.

"Jack! Elizabeth!" he said, and got up, "So good to see ye!"

"I'd be glad to see you to, Gibbs, if you hadn't let my bloody sodding ship get away!" Jack shouted at him.

"Calm the hell down!" I said.

"Sorry."

"S'arite."

"Anyway," Jack continued, regaining his composure, "we had a little time travelling incident. But the point is I'm back safe and sound! But, the Pearl is still out of my hands, so. Gather us up a crew!"

"Um... er," Gibbs said, eyeing the rum.

Jack rolled his eyes and tugged Elizabeth's rum out of her hand.

"Jaack!" she moaned (no not that way, you dirty fools).

"He needs it more than you do," Jack replied.

I smiled at the ground. Ha ha ha. Elizabeth had no rum.

"Come on," Jack said, leading us away from Gibbs, "We need somewhere to sleep for the night."

I found out then that not only was the Faithful Bride a tavern, but an inn too. This was something I didn't know, as you can tell.

"Two rooms, mate," Jack said and pushed some silver coins toward the man behind the counter.

He nodded and handed him two keys.

"What? But there's five of us," Holly, Resident Queen of Stating the Obivous said.

"You girls can share a bed, can't you?" he said, walking up the stairs of the inn.

"Or," he looked at me pointedly, "someone could share with me..."

"Not yet," I replied.

He led us down the hall to our rooms, the other three piling in before me, leaving just me and Jack in the hallway.

Now, being a new writer, I don't have a clue what Mary Sues are.

But I am assuming that they are really cheesy soppy romance stories concerning Jack and a girl called Mary Sue Something Something, because I have read the first chapter of Revenge Is My Middle Name, about all the Mary Sues that need to be killed and apparently they all have extremely long names.

Anyway, I hope this is not a very Mary Sue mo right here.

"Are you sure you don't want to join me, Velma?" Jack said, looking me with those brown puppy dog eyes (awww, MELT!), "Because I can get very lonely..."

"No, thanks, Jackie," I said, smiling, "No chance of a shag tonight, I'm afraid."

Er, coolness out the window. I sounded like myself.

EW!

Anyway, Jack looked trés disappointed and puppy doggish.

Aw, you bitch, I thought, Go and give him a hug for Christ's sake.

I did better than that.

I just approached him slowly, wrapped my arms round his neck and kissed him softly, no tongues or wha.

He did that holdy-tight thing that he did before, when we were swirling through the Vortex of Terror (note to self; stop watching Finding Nemo), and I knew that he was going to go on to second base (not generally used in Ireland, but I know what it is), so I pulled away from him.

"Now, that don't mean we're an item, Captain Sparrow," I said, "That was just a pity snog."

He handed me the key to my (and Orlagh, Elizabeth and Holly's) room.

"Good enough for me."

"Night, Jack."

"Sweet dreams, love," he said and disappeared into his room.

I opened the door to mine and heard an, "Oh God! Ow! Ow, ow ow!" from behind the door.

I looked and saw Orlagh, Elizabeth and Holly sitting there, Elizabeth holding her nose.

"You alright Liz?"

"Yeah," she said muffled as she took her hand away from her nose. It wasn't bleeding. Sodding drama queen.

"What the frig were you doing?"

"Eavesdropping," Orlagh said simply.

"What's a shag?" Holly asked.

"Shut up," Orlagh said, "You gave him a pity snog?"

"Yeah," I said, throwing the key on the dressing table and sitting on the bed with the others.

"A pity snog?" Orlagh repeated.

"Yes... so?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with me?"

"Let's just say," she said, taking her shoes off, "if I was you, I would've did him there and then."

"That's sick."

"I know."

We sat in silence for about a minute.

"So," Elizabeth said, "what do you think about our situation? Where do you think Barbossa is?"

"Elizabeth, no offence," I said, shaking my hair out, "but you are the most boring conversationalist. I really don't want to talk about pirate business."

"Well, I thought a girl like you would love that," she said, sneering, "I heard your grandfather was Captain Chevalle?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, I just thought that you be more-"

"Listen WHO CARES if I'm not so much a bloody pirate as everyone else is? It doesn't BLOODY MATTER! What matters is- is- mnapple!"

They all looked at me strangely.

"That's my thing," Orlagh said.

"Right, sorry," I said, all huffy.

We sat in silence for a while, me all thick about nothing.

"You should've just did him," Orlagh said, breaking the silence, "It would be better for everyone."

I contemplated this for a second.

"Yeah, Yunjin is right," Elizabeth said (ugh, she was speaking again), "I mean, you've kissed him-"

"Twice," I said, holding up two fingers.

"Twice? Oh, right, well, twice," she continued, "So, really you should give in and let him- er, take you."

"But she's only-"

"Shut up, Gretchen."

I stayed awake all bloody night. That was two nights in a row, I think, and I was wrecked anyway.

So, naturally, I was the first one to hear Jack pounding at the door at like eight the next morning. Or something like that.

Before I answered the door, I raked my fingers through my hair, trying desperately to make it look even halfway decent.

Then I opened the door.

"Velma," Jack said, "Looking very stunning this morn, if I do say so myself. If a little tired. Anyway, get those girls up, would you?"

"Yeah, alright," I said, feeling a little bit groggy.

"Oy! Get up!"

That woke Orlagh and Elizabeth.

"M-morning," Elizabeth said.

"Why the shite are we up so early?" Orlagh moaned.

I shook Holly and narrowly missed getting hit in the face.

So I picked up the Bible from the bottom drawer of the dressing table (ironic, isn't it, a Bible in an inn in Tortuga) and threw it at her.

It hit her hand and she screamed.

"Owww! That was sooorre!"

"Get over it," I said, "Come on."

Jack lead us out of the inn (heh, out of the inn) and down to the harbour, where Gibbs was with the new crew.

It was like the scene from CotBP when Jack's inspecting all the crew and then Zoe Saldana comes up and is fabulous (yay Zoe! Whooooo! and so on).

Jack looked through the crew, who were all mad, and I was sooo expecting 'What's the benefit for us?' to come, but instead...

Jack walks down the line, inspecting each new crew member, when he notices something strange about one of them.

Two of them, actually.

He grabs the brims of both their hats, pulls them off and-

CLARA

Holy shit.

ORLAGH

Holy shit!

ELIZABETH

Oh, no...

SLAP!

JACK

Oh, ow...

SLAP!

ORLAGH (TO JACK)

I bet this is like your worst nightmare come to life, isn't it?

Giselle and Scarlett smiled sweetly, in their pirate attire.

They looked so convincing!

"We want on your ship," Giselle said to Jack, who was rubbing his jaw (again).

"Why?" Jack said in a whiny kind of voice.

"Because," Scarlett said, "everyone underestimates us!"

"Oh, Scarlett," Jack said, "of course they do."

Scarlett gave him a threatening look

"Except for me," Jack said, holding is hands up in apology, "It's just, most people haven't been on the recieving end of your - never mind, actually."

"Well, anyways," Scarlett said, flicking back her red hair, "we want on the ship coz we want to prove that we are more than just sluts."

"Yeah, we're sluts with swords!" Giselle said.

"Shut up," Scarlett said.

"Soo-ree!" Giselle said, rolling her eyes.

"Right, but before you assume anything," Jack said, draping his arm around my shoulders, "She is not my sister. Thank God."

"Then who is she?" Giselle asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Captain Velma Mi Marie, pleased to meet you again," I said unenthusiastically.

"That's right," Jack said, "And I will be openly flirting with her, so don't... hit me."

Giselle held her hands up.

"You have our word, oh Captain!" she said, rolling her eyes and smiling at me.

This was the start of a beautiful friendship.