Hi you mad crazy voles out there! Yeah, next two chappys came in kind of a rush, but that's only because I want to get to a vair vair EXCLUSIVE chapter at the end, for a great mate of mine. It is from her POV. That chapter. Not this one. Or the next one. Okay, read on!

Chapter Five

The Compass Points SOUTH!

It was so much fun. It was so much fun.

They are so funny.

They are.

Really.

All throughout the journey to nowhere, Scarlett and Giselle entertained myself and Orlagh with tales of Tortuga, rum, and most importantly...

"Jack Sparrow!" Giselle trilled, "Oh my God!"

"Oh, he's so... I don't know. When he wants to be, anyway. Otherwise he's a right cock," Scarlett said, playing with her hair.

"Oh, God, I hear that," I said, tossing my hair.

We were sitting in the dining room of the captain's quarters.

"He can be, you know, romantic when he wants to be," Giselle said, "There was this once, when he was in Tortuga, about I don't know... four years ago, or something and he came to see me and it was the middle of the night, but he left me this trail of clues and I met him at the beach and then-"

"You shagged him, is what you did," Scarlett finished for her.

"Well...yeah."

"Ah, but that was cute, you have to admit," Orlagh said.

I took out Jack's compass and started to play with it.

"Ohmigod, Vel, is that Jack's compass?" Giselle asked.

"Yeah," I said, opening it, "he told me to look after it. Pft."

"Well, let's see!" Scarlett said, taking the compass, "What do we want most?"

Scarlett shook the compass, and it pointed to the chocolates on the table.

"Obviously!" Giselle said and took it from her.

The needle swung round, and then stopped, pointing at the chest of drawers.

We ran over to it and opened the top drawer.

Giselle pulled out a slutty looking red and black lacy corset.

"Of course, of course!" she said, holding it up against her, "How do I look?"

"Here, here, give it here," I said, and Giselle handed me the compass.

The needle swung round and round and then pointed to the door.

"The door?" I said, "I want... the door."

"Check behind it, fool," Orlagh said.

And the girls followed me over to the door, which I opened sharply.

"OW!"

"Jack!" Giselle said, poking her head round it, "You nosy cock!"

"I wasn't eavesdropping, if that's what you think," Jack said, getting up, "I was simply looking for... dry rot."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," I said, "Oh, and how do you think this looks on Giselle?"

Giselle held the corset up to herself again.

We girls errupted in laughter.

"You nosy strumpets!" he said.

I stopped laughing abruptly.

"I was going to give you a snog or five tonight, but now I don't think I will," I said, folding my arms.

"Aw, typical," he said, and walked away from us.

"Here, I haven't had a go yet," Orlagh said.

I gave her the compass and the needle swung around for about twenty years.

Then it stopped, pointing south.

At the window.

"Okay, so you want the window?" I said, giggling, "I don't share your tastes, but if-"

"No! Shut up!" Orlagh said, giggling too.

She walked out of the room.

I looked at Scarlett and Giselle, and they shrugged so we followed her.

She walked up to the stern deck, and stood next to Jack by the wheel.

"We need to go south," I heard her say.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Because I want to," she replied, "According to your compass."

"Show us," he said, "Aah. I see. Give it here."

She handed it to him.

"Mmhm," Jack said, nodding, "South it is!"

"Why south?" I wanted to know.

We were sitting on our own (well, with Holly) that evening in the dining room.

"I have no idea," Orlagh said, "Perhaps Will is south..."

"Orlagh."

"Yeah?"

"Orlagh?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Orlagh, oh my God!"

"What?!!"

"You haven't watched Lost for, like, two days now!"

"Oh my GOD! You're right! NOOO! My record is extinguished! What will I do?"

Orlagh looked very much tearful.

"Um," I said, "I know! We'll act out two whole episodes, just for you. And you be in them. And I'll be Jack."

"What about me?" Jack said, walking in at that moment.

"Nothing," I said, "Yunjin's just having a personal crisis."

"Oh, right."

Then he left.

Why did he just come in for no reason at all? Why was that???

Anyway.

"What episodes?" Orlagh asked.

"You pick," I said.

"Right...I pick Confidence Man and White Rabbit," she said.

"Okay... let me just think how Confidence M-"

I was interrupted by a big shudder going through the ship.

"What was that?" Holly said.

"I have no idea," I said, "But we'd want to go and check it out..."

We ran up to the stern deck, where Elizabeth was staring out over the railing.

"Elizabeth!" I called, "What the frig is going on?"

"I don't know!" she replied, "But-"

Then the ship shook again.

"Aah!" I said, "Okay, I'm scared now!"

"JaACK!" Orlagh yelled, "What's going on?"

"Ye'd want to hold on to something loves," he shouted back, "And hold on tight!"

Then we looked out towards the sea.

And we saw it.

Swirling there like... a blender.

A maelstrom.

A really big one.

And we were being sucked right into it.

"Oh my GOD!!!!!" I screamed, clutching on to the railing like my life depended on it. Well, it kind of did.

"THIS IS WORSE THAN THE WILD MOUSE IN TRAMÓR!!!!" Orlagh screamed.

"JAAAAACK!!!!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU????" I screamed twice as loud.

Then I saw him, right next to Holly and Gibbs.

"VEL! WHERE ARE SCARLETT AND GISELLE??????" Orlagh screamed at me.

"I DON'T KNOW! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

I woke up with sand in my eyes.

I hate that, coz it take ages to get out.

I rubbed my eyes, my head feeling heavy.

"Vel! Velma! Wake up, wake up!"

It was Orlagh.

"Or- Yun, what's going on?" I said groggily.

"You are never ever ever ever ever going to believe where we are!"

She sounded excited.

"Wake the others up, quickly!" she said, and set off waking up Holly (tough job, that).

"Gibbs," I said, poking him, "Gibbs. Wake up."

"Wha... wha?" he mumbled.

"We're somewhere and you're supposed to wake up."

"Mmm."

"Okay, have it your own way," I said. I looked up from him.

And my jaw dropped.

Again.

"Oh, my God," I said slowly, as they came running toward us, "Oh my goddy God."

"Who are they?"

"Where did they come from?"

A man took my hand, hauling me to my feet.

I would've fallen over, if it wasn't for the woman's hand on my back.

"You alright? Where did you come from?" he asked me.

"Are you here to rescue us?" the woman asked.

Then I recongised them, and realised why Orlagh was so excited.

I was so dumb.

How did I not know that Jack Shepherd and Kate Austen from Lost were hauling me to my feet, asking me if I was okay?

How did I not realise that???

I looked at the island, speechless, and there was their camp.

All of the tents, and the makeshift kitchen with all the Dharma Initiative food.

God.

I was living my best nightmare.

Hurrah.

"Are you here to rescue us?" Kate asked again.

"Uhh, what? No," I said, looking around, "Where's the ship?"

"Velma!"

I looked to my left.

Siobh and Irene were running toward me.

"Oh, my God, Gwen!" I said, and hugged her, "You're okay!"

Of course we had to stay in pirate mode, or else our cover would be blown.

If we let the Lost people know that we were twenty firsties, the PotC people would hate us for ever.

Because we lied, a lot.

And, soz Orlagh, Captain Jack Sparrow is WAAAY more important to me than Sayid Jarrah.

I just had to point that out.

"Wait... you know them?" Jack (Shepherd) asked Siobh and Irene.

"Yeah," Irene said, "They're our friends."

"Is this true?" Jack asked me, "Because they've been telling us a lot of crap about pirates since yesterday."

"Of course it's true," I said, "As for crap about pirates, you, sir, seem like a man of the land, so what would you know about piracy?"

"Look at their clothes!" I heard Claire Littleton say from a distance.

"Listen to me, where did you come from?" Jack (Shepherd) asked.

"Tortuga," I said, "We were sailing south. We hit a maelstrom and we obviously ended up here. And our ship's nowhere to be seen."

"What? A maelstrom?" Kate said, not understanding.

"Yes, a maelstrom," I said, "A maelstrom, a really powerful whirlpool."

"And where did you say you came from again?" Jack (Shepherd!) asked.

"Tortuga," I repeated.

"And what year were you born in?"

"Is that some of your business?"

"What's your name?"

"I am Captain Velma Mi Marie. You?"

"Jack Shepherd."

I nodded, not letting him know that I knew this already.

Speaking of Jack...

I looked around, trying to find him. Sparrow, I mean.

He was nowhere to be seen...

I ran over to Orlagh, who was chatting to Charlie Pace.

"Yunjin, Yunjin!" I said, grabbing her, "Have you seen Jack?"

"Well, there's a Jack over there..." Charlie told me.

"No! I mean Sparrow!"

"No, I haven't seen him," Orlagh said.

I turned away and put my hands over my face.

"Oh, shite. Shite. Shite, shite, shite, shite, shite!!!"

"Are you alright?" a voice said from behind me.

I turned around.

It was Sun, this Korean chick who was married to another Korean fool called Jin.

She was my favourite girl in Lost.

"I'm fine," I said, "I just... can't find someone."

"Well, maybe I can help," she said helpfully. God, she was so bloody friendly.

"Right... he's tanned, with dreadlocks, and is a pirate," I told her, not expecting a helpful answer.

"I think he went in that tent with Sayid," she said, pointing to a blue tent ahead of us.

"Thanks!" I said and ran off to it.

I looked in and there was Jack, alright, and Sayid and Barbossa.

Only Jack and Barbossa were handcuffed to a piece of fuselage.

"What the hell are you doing?" I found myself exclaiming.

"Velma! I knew you'd miss me!" Jack said delightedly.

"Who are you?" Sayid Jarrah asked me.

He was Iraqi, handsome.

He was my third biggest crush in the world.

After Jack (Sparrow, dammit!) and Johnny Depp.

And Jack and Johnny were pretty much merged, so I was standing in a tent with my two biggest crushes and a really ugly-ass pirate.

Dear God.

"I am Captain Velma Mi Marie and what the frig are you doing to them? And who are you?" I told him, making myself look stern.

"My name is Sayid Jarrah," Sayid Jarrah said. I was so expecting him to say "And I am a torturer" but he didn't.

Instead he said, "And I am trying to get some truthful answers out of these two!"

"Both of you, stop lying," I said to the two pirates.

"We're not. Well, I'm not," Jack said, "Don't know about him, though."

"What are your names?" Sayid asked them.

"Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Captain Baarbossa."

"He wants your first name too, Hector!" I said irritably, "I can assure you, Mr. Jarrah, that these two are completely legit pirates. Really. And I pray God that you are not a member of the East India Trading Company."

Jack nodded and smiled.

"Pirates?" Sayid repeated, "There are no pirates anymore. Not ones like these, anyway."

"Where are you from, Sayid Jarrah?" Jack asked.

"Iraq," Sayid answered, "Why?"

"Any pirates down Iraq?"

"No."

"Do you want to know the names of our ships?" I asked him.

"You mean you're one too?" Sayid said.

"Well, yes. I did say Captain Mi Marie, did I?"

"Fine. What are your ships?"

"Well," I said, "My ship is called the... La Diamant Rouge."

"Is that French?" Sayid asked.

"Yes," I said, "And these two are currently fighting over a magnificent ship called the Black Pearl."

"Aye!" Barbossa agreed, "Now let me go, ye whelp!"

"Really, Mr. Jarrah," I pleaded, "They're not going to harm you."

"How do I know that your not one of them?"

"Them?" I said, pretending to not know about the Others, "I have no bloody idea what you're on about."

"Fine," Sayid said, "I'll let them go."

"Thank you!"

"But," Sayid said in a whisper, "I'll be watching you."

WTF?!