STOP THE PRESS! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!

This is my chappy for a mate... Enjoy it! R&R, too.

The Last Chapter: Free's Diary

Dear Diary,

You are not going to believe this.

Yes, I am aware that you are lines on a page, but lines have feelings too.

And I am probably hurting you with the pen right now.

But I don't care.

I really, really don't care!

The Kraken could swallow me up right now, and I wouldn't give less of a flying fig's undergarments.

Because I would have the image in my head of me pulling Captain Jack Sparrow into a good, long, brilliant, tasty kiss. Actually, he pulled me in, but...never mind!

Right, I guess I had better tell you the story...

So, you know about my friend Clara, right? The one from Ireland? Yeah, well.

I was going to send her an email, and I did, I sent it, but I got this thing back telling me to follow a link. So I did, and I got this thingy back saying to follow a link. So I followed the link.

And got sucked into the computer. Yes. Into it.

Anyway, I ended up on the deck of the Flying Dutchman, which was beyond cool, obviously.

So I ended up talking to Will about all this stuff, and he told me this story of how'd they'd ended up in the twenty first century. And I was like, "Riiiiight." So, we were going off to save Elizabeth for what must've been the millionth time.

So I spent my couple of days on the Dutchman, and the blokes there are actually nice enough. After the few days, I could see we were approaching this island, so I did a very Sparrowesque-y thing. I got up on the sail like Jack did in Curse of the Black Pearl and At World's End and just sort of looked out to sea. It was kind of scary standing up on a bit of wood. I almost developed vertigo. But I didn't.

Anyway, the crew and I got into a longboat (because Will not being able to set foot on land for virtually ever) and rowed toward this island. And when we got there, there was a load of twenty first century people there. And they were really excited to see us.

I supposed they expected us to save them.

So I saw Bootstrap taking care of the Elizabeth issue, so I went in search of Jack. Mmmm...

Anyway.

I locked eyes with this girl about my age, dressed in this little blue dress that looked like something out of POTC.

I went over and said, "Hey, I'm Frederique. I'll be your rescuer this evening."

Yes, I know, I'm quite strange. But she was stranger.

She said, "OF COURSE you are! OF COURSE YOU ARE! How in the name of RUM did I not guess that? HOW? Ahahahahaha!"

And I was like, Okay, you are strange.

Then she said, "Free, heggo, my name is Clara. Also known as SparrowAngelMusicBaby!!!"

Then I practically died.

"Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Ahahaha! OF COURSE YOU ARE! OH MY GOD! My mad leprachaun e-pal! HAHAHA!!!"

We hugged and then Clara said, "But, here, listen, I have THE MADDEST story to tell you! Or maybe Will already told you, I don't know. But listen, whatever you do, do not call me Clara. Call me Velma, okay? It's a long and mad story. But- hold on. Listen. I want you to meet someone...and you will positively die when you meet him!"

So she lead me over to THE GOD that is CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I did die, practically.

Clara said to him, "Jack? This is Frederique. Free- yeah, you know who he is. Our very own Captain Jack Sparrow."

Somehow I did not go into total cardiac arrest right there on the spot.

I managed to say, "Captain Jack Sparrow, what a pleasure to meet you at last!"

After that, I met Orlagh, who is very cool. So we went on the Dutchman, leaving everyone else on the island behind, regretfully.

Clara told me all about their trip; the pirates coming to her house, them going to Port Royal, the Tortuga incident, Scarlett and Giselle joining the crew (that must've been fun) and coming to the island.

She also told me about how she and Jack are an extremely unofficial item. I was SO SO SO SO SO SO SO JEALOUS OF HER! Anyway, Orlagh was really upset over this guy called Sawyer, and I told her to just imagine him surrounded by sheep.

So she decided to give Will a go instead. But Jack the Sex God said that it was totally pointless because he was besotted with Elizabeth, which is unfortunately true.

And I said to him, "For someone as as gorgeous and smart as yourself, you truly do not know how to reassure someone, Jack."

And he said, "That is only true in some circles."

And Orlagh said, "I hate Elizabeth so much."

And we all nodded like really supportive nodding dog mates. Especially Jack.

So, later on, I was talking to Clara again, and she said I should go talk to Jack because he'll like me.

OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, so I went to find him, and I found him looking out to see and stuff like that.

I kind of lingered behind him for a few seconds, thinking of something to say, like, "Tis a mighty fine night!"

But that would be very very disturbing. So I said to him, "Captain Sparrow...I was just wondering if you could tell me the story of how you...escaped Nassau Port without firing a single shot?"

And he turned around and SMILED AT ME, with those great gold teeth, and told me the story.

I got lost in those eyes for a few bits, and the story was really really long, but so much the better.

At the end, I went, "That really is amazing, Captain..." and twirled my hair around my finger, just to see what he would do.

And this is the last thing I expected...

While I was twirling my hair, I fluttered my eyelashes a bit, just for effect...and then he pulled me right up nearer to him and said, "Any time, love."

Any time, love!

Any time, love!

Anytime, love.

Any time, love.

Any time, love.

Hehehehehehehehehehheehhehehehe!

Ach! Shut up uncontrollable laughing, you uncontrollable laughing maniac!

Anyway...

So there I was, right up near to him, right up close to him, and I didn't start giggling like a maniac or anything when-- when he--

WHEN HE KISSED ME FULL ON THE LIPS FOR NO APPARENT REASON BUT IT WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!

Now I don't want to brag or gloat or anything, but... HA HA I SNOGGED CAPTAIN JACK AND YOU DIDN'T HA HA HA HA HA DI HA HA!

I am going to describe it in great detail now, so gird your loins...

I was right up near him, about to fall over the railing coz I could feel the heat of him next to me...and I remembered to smile very attractively, and he just smiled back and pulled me right up to him, and swept the hair that was on my face off my face and just kissed me. And it was fab, because his arm was there around my waist, and he was holding me right tightly...and I put my hand on his face, my eyes closed, SAVOURING THE FABBYNESS OF THE MOMENT!!!!!!!!

And we were probably that close to tounge action, when he stopped. And I was like, Nooo, Jack, nooooo, please, noooo in my head, because if I said it out loud I probably would've sounded like he was killing me, or I was a total nymphomaniac.

The other thing was that I nearly said, "Cor, nice snogging, Jackie." Then I would have been very much and literally insane.

This is what did happen, though...

He smiled at me again, again!, and I smiled back. I found myself saying, "Now, is this about Velma? Why you just stopped?"

Ooh, coolinosity at all times. Good work. I owe myself a Coke.

Then Jack said, "Oh, no, love. She doesn't want anything exclusive, and neither do I. The reason I stopped was you're just too good at it!"

I love it when he flatters me.

"You're not half bad yourself, Captain," I said, and flicked my hair, and walked away, in a flirty-at-all-times way.

I walked behind the stairs up to the place where the wheel is. The stern deck.

I crouched down behind the stairs and started to laugh, hard. I knew Jack couldn't see me, thank the Lord.

"Ahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" I laughed quietly. Bootstrap Bill passed and saw me and stared at me for about a century and a half and I said, "What'choo lookin' at?" and he cleared off. Just like that!

I decided to wait til later to tell Clara about my adventure, because I just wanted to savour it for another hour or two... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Later on, Jack came to me (oo-er) again.

"Free, could you do me a favour?" he asked, all cool and groovy looking. "Of course," I replied.

And he told me to write this note for Clara and I was like, "Cor, she's lucky to have you" and Jack said, "She doesn't have me, darling. But, thanks, all the same."

So we all descended to bed, and I passed Clara's hammocky thing, and it was just after Jack had been there on snogging business, and I said, "How nice was that, hm?"

"Lovely!" she said.

She seemed in a really good mood, as anyone would've been, so I just came straight out and told her.

"I kissed him earlier, d'you mind?"

That was quick.

"Of course I don't mind. Well. No. I don't. I told you he was my unofficial thing, so, no I don't care, it's fine."

And painless!

But I said, "You do so care."

And she said, "Okay, I give, I care a little...Night night."

"Don't let the...monkey bite," I warned.

And so I crept off to find a spare hammock, to dream of Captain Jack...and banana boats...for some reason...

The Real End

Ach! It's over! It's all over! I can't believe it! Oh, I'm so sad...

I want to give out some Thank U's...

RaphaelFanGirl101: My very first reviewer, thanks for readin' and laffin' and not getting too busy not to read and laff! I love Pirates of the Caribbean: The Treasures of the Lost Island. Vair good with knobs, even. I am going to read that Nemo fic! I promise you! Go Barbossa/Sawyer/Desmond/Charlie, it's your birthday, it's your birthday! GHOSTS ON A FROZEN TRAMPOLINE!

Captain Sparrow-luv: Ah, thanks, love. You are such a great reviewer, and absolutely bonkers. Which is so so so so so good! Because, really, everyone who is bonkers is the sanest of us all. This is why I am absolutely mad also. Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed your stint in the story and particularly the last chapter! I really hope I did you justice! Mail me, woman!

Ona Mission: Thank you, thank you for telling me NOT to center allign my stories. It's true. Everyone likes them better the other way. The right way. If you are going to center allign anything, center allign...a...beaver. Whatever that means. Rock on!

iNewf: You didn't review my story, but thanks for taking the piddly diddly out of DMC! Ha, ha di ha ha, vair amusant!