Time: October 19th, 2180
Location: Van Gorcey Park, Bekenstein
Be honest. Have you ever wanted to kill your boss?
That little drone that delights in making your life miserable? That makes you stay late and come in on weekends for no overtime? Micromanages you? Never once says anything positive about you? Or maybe you're one of the lucky few with a boss that actually treats you like a mature and rational sentient being? Well, Julissa Pruit was fed up with her boss. And rather than lodge a complaint with Human Resources or her union, she was gonna take matters into her own hands. You see, Julissa happened to be the housekeeper for a notorious weapons dealer who also fancied himself a patron of fine art. She wasn't in any position to file grievances even if she wanted to.
Because the dealer she worked for was a man named Donovan Hock.
Donovan had done well enough for himself to have a mansion built on the priciest real estate on planet Bekenstein, a veritable temple large enough to house the priceless works he collected along with his ego. When your illicit gains grant you free run of the galaxy, why even bother sweating the small stuff? That job fell on poor Ms. Pruit's shoulders as she struggled to keep Donovan's house in order while he was off dealing with buyers and sellers. He was out fairly often, the only relief she had from him, but upon each return he made up for lost time. Julissa stuck it out for two excruciating years. It seemed if even one day went by without Donovan ripping into her about some mistake she made or expectation she failed to meet, he couldn't function. Oh, Julissa hated him with a passion: his nitpicking, his inflated opinion of himself, his taste in clothing, in art… and that impenetrable accent! Donovan Hock was the Boss from Hell.
And he was also an obsessive compulsive.
He had a strange quirk when it came to pens. He would always hold and use them such that their clips faced away from him. And he insisted that anyone else in his presence should do likewise with theirs. This above all pissed off Julissa to no end, so she decided to make it his. Donovan had no shortage of enemies or competition, and Fate was certainly smiling on one of his fiercest rivals that day when she showed up offering her assistance in offing her employer. She even suggested the perfect means to do the job: rigging Donovan's favorite silver pen to explode. It was supposed to have been taken to be repaired and cleaned but instead it was handed over with assurances that a demolitions expert in the rival's service could modify the implement as Julissa desired. It would have made James Bond proud. The exploding pen was essentially a miniature Claymore that, when triggered, would blast deadly shrapnel towards the side opposite the pen clip. Donovan's little compulsion would become his undoing, revenge served with a side of irony. All she had to do now was get it back into his hands.
That morning was particularly busy as she tried to organize the house and staff for a party to be held for Donovan's clientele later in the evening. On top of whipping freshman staff members into shape and dealing with caterers, Julissa also had to contend with a delivery of more works Donovan had procured in his travels. Three hulking sculptures to be moved down and set up in the basement vault all before the stroke of six. Julissa was on the verge of a stroke herself. The deliverymen needed a signature - in ink, of all things - and as she frantically searched the house for a suitable implement her hired noobs were tripping over themselves yet again. Dazed, confused and just wanting the day to be over with, she ran into Donovan's office and grabbed a pen from his desk. She marched back up to the deliverymen, snatched the invoice from their hands and, unconsciously obeying Donovan's strange edict, turned her pen's clip outwards before clicking it open.
The blast tossed the hapless delivery folk backwards down the front porch. Stunned, injured, but still alive and intact. The same could not be said of Ms. Pruit, whose upper torso was parted from her hips, lying shredded and pockmarked on the floor, her face completely blown off. But a little thing like a botched assassination did not deter Donovan Hock from taking charge, ensuring that the mess was cleaned up quickly and that all was ready and in place for his party. Donovan would live to see another day and Julissa would never have to suffer under his hand ever again. She had literally signed her own death warrant in blood and smoke. In her case, the pen was indeed mightier than the sword.
And a whole lot messier…
Way #3030: Maid to Ordnance
Author's Thoughts and Notes:
- Donovan Hock was the main villain in the Mass Effect 2 DLC Stealing Memory, Kasumi Goto's loyalty mission.
- So far, that's ten tales of termination and counting! Keep posting your comments!