Disclaimer: Don't own!
He was so bored, he'd come to this stupid function for two reasons and they'd both disappointed him.
First was to make some new contacts, but there was barely anybody here worth knowing let alone any new business conquests to be made.
Secondly was to irritate the Iceman, but he'd sent Sherly in after those easily handled terrorists instead of making a fuss over him- and he didn't like being ignored!
So now he was standing by one of the balcony doors, looking over the crowd and deducing just how much chaos he could cause before he grew bored enough to just leave- and that is when he saw her.
Poised in the entrance way, head lifted proudly and without a trace of fear even though she obviously wasn't used to such surroundings and turning the heads of every man lucky enough to be standing near her. She was the most beautiful creäture Jim had ever laid eyes on.
And what was more was that she had an air of secrecy about her and- judging by the concealed gun under her skirts- was clearly not here for the dancing.
Calmly pushing through his Lady's admirers- he wasn't surprised that this mystery woman had gained such a following so quickly but he wouldn't allow any of these vultures to lay a single finger on this particular jewel- Jim held out his hand and asked, in a voice that brooked no argument, if she would like to dance.
If he had his way- and he always did- this lovely Lady would be all his before the night was through.
John had walked into the large ballroom and froze almost immediately.
'How am I supposed to find Sherlock and Greg in this press let alone watch their backs?' He thought as he surveyed the room.
Just then a man walked up to him with a predatory smile and a compliment on his lips, and then another, and then another, and then another. Before he'd even stepped fully into the room he'd been surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves.
John was quickly getting fed up, and was about to take a swing at one particularly crude individual- Wasn't he the Prince whose engagement they were supposed to be celebrating?- when a dark voice from out of his dreams- more like nightmares really, he still couldn't smell chlorine without getting the shakes- asked him to dance.
Making a quick decision- dance with the psychopath that had once strapped him to explosives, or continue to get leered at by men who made his flesh crawl- John grabbed Jim's proffered hand and let himself be whisked off into a slow waltz.
"My hero." He said in his sultry, feminine voice as he looked into Jim's eyes- or what he could see of them behind the half-mask- searching for any signs of recognition- though considering how good an actor Jim was it was unlikely that he'd see it even if it was there.
"Ah, my dear, if you only knew the truth..." Jim let his sentence trail off, clearly trying to unnerve and impress his dance partner.
But two could play at that game, and tonight wasn't a night that John would be backing down from any sort of challenge- certainly not after he'd been waxed half to death.
"But Jim, I thought you were here to fix it for me." John said with a small pout that quickly turned into a pleased smirk at the surprised face Jim was now supporting.
"My dear you were interesting before, but know I must say that I won't rest until I've uncovered all of your secrets. Let's start with: How do you know me?" Said the criminal genius once he picked his jaw up off the floor.
"Tsk, tsk. A woman is allowed to have her secrets, you know." John teased with a flirtatious wink as they spun once more around the room.
Though he was keeping most of his attention focused on the man holding him, John was also scanning the crowd looking for Sherlock and Greg. If he could only find them then he would feel much better.
"A woman can have her secrets, yes, but you are hardly a woman, now are you." Turning startled eyes upon his dance partner John tried to think of a retort but nothing came to mind.
"Ah, so I'm right. Don't worry, my dear, your secret is safe with. And I doubt that any other man here will be able to see through your disguise." Smirking, Jim led John through another twirl and that's when the doctor finally spotted his flatmate.
"So does that mean that Sherlock Holmes, the deductive genius, won't be able to figure it out either?" John teased as the music came to a stop.
Pulling Jim with him- he wasn't about to let the criminal genius out of his sight where the man could get up to all sorts of mischief- John headed over to where Sherlock and Greg were watching the crowd.
"Sherly! What a pleasant surprise to see you here, and dressed so sharply at that. This is a masked ball you know." Jim said by way of greeting and chastisement for Sherlock refusing to wear even a half mask.
"Jim." Sherlock barely glanced at the pair before turning back to face the shifting crowds.
"I see you've found another Adler." John visible bristled at the implication that he was anything like that Woman.
Before Jim could step forward to his defense- John found it strangely endearing that the psychopath was acting like a perfect gentleman towards him- John put on a fake smile and spoke up.
"I would thank you not to compare me to that slut. Oh! And you need to call your mother, you know how she worries." John forced himself to relax as piercing blue eyes finally latched onto him for more than a few seconds.
"Mycroft." He growled.
"I'm not working for him if that's what you're thinking- he tried to hire me once and I told his to piss off, he hasn't tried to since for some reason- I'm simply here as a favor, to protect you and the DI- though he didn't specify which one was the more important." By the time he finished speaking he had three sets of eyes fully locked on him and hanging off every word, though each for a different reason.
"And you'll protect us by dancing with my arch nemesis?" Sherlock asked in a scathing tone just as Greg asked:
"Who are you?" Ignoring Sherlock- which was no mean feat- John addressed Greg's inquiry.
"Oh! I almost forgot to introduce myself." Pulling a piece of paper from his sleeve- not that he really needed it, but the prop would serve to irritate Sherlock more- John began to go over his fake history.
Mycroft had designed it to specifically help throw Sherlock off the track of figuring out that it was really John.
"Don't deny that you are who you are, that will simply make you stand out more to him. Just tease him with your real identity while flaunting the fact that you haven't told him your real name, he won't suspect that you are really John Watson in a dress until after you are all safely home from the ball." Keeping this in mind John began to read off the main facts of who he was tonight.
"My name is Joan Henrietta Wilson. I was a nurse with the RAMC, I was medically discharged with the rank of Captain after sustaining an injury in my right leg giving me a limp." All four men looked down at his right leg as he picked it up and twirled his foot a moment.
"Let's just assume that I had physiotherapy and that's why it's gone." He said with grin as he went back to his list.
"I'm currently sharing a flat with a mentally challenged," Jim began laughing at this point, and Greg wasn't too far behind him, "man, who needs constant supervision and attention or else he devolves into a stroppy mess." The affronted look on Sherlock's face nearly made John join the other two in their laugh.
"Now I'd love to stay and chat, but I'd rather dance; and if I'm not mistaken that woman over there, taking a bribe, is the one you're supposed to be keeping an eye on." As the detective turned to see that his target was indeed taking a bribe- out in public and with no regard as to who saw, he sneered at the woman's sheer stupidity- Greg leaned into John's personal space to ask:
"Next dance is mine, yeah?" Nodding in agreement, John let Jim lead him back to the dance floor.
"So... Joan. Interesting name. Would you mind telling me your real one?" Giving a flirtatious smirk- the same one that had made Mycroft blush and now was making Jim's pulse pick up- John batted his eyelashes and purred out:
"And what makes you think that I would give you a straight answer?" Jim's laugh followed them across the floor and into the the next song.
"My dear, I think I'll keep you." John was startled to realize that the prospect of Jim 'keeping' him was an upsetting one, quite the opposite in fact if he was being honest.
Jim was reluctant to part with 'Joan' when the DI approached for his dance, but he let his jewel go for a short time so as to make sure that they wouldn't be interrupted later by Sherlock's antics.
"And what do you want now, or have you finally lost interest in the hired help?" Holding in his temper- he really shouldn't be this sensitive about someone he only just met, but their was something about 'Joan' that just made him feel protective- Jim gave the detective his fakest smile.
"Hardly, she is quite the woman after all. No, I'm here to help you." His statement was met by a scoff.
"Honestly I am. I want to get to know Joan better and I can hardly do that if she's constantly watching out for you, and poised to spring to your aid at the slightest provocation. So I'll help you stop these petty terrorists so that you can leave and I can get back to my gem of a dance partner." Sherlock grudgingly accepted Jim's help after that, but he made a mental note to find out more about this 'Joan' woman- any person that could capture Jim Moriarty's interest was certainly worth a second glance.
Their second uninterrupted dance ended and Greg led 'Joan' to one side of the dance floor to begin the search for the geniuses.
"So. Mycroft sent you?" Greg asked as they each began searching the crowded room for signs of the two men that had seemingly disappeared into thin air.
"Yes, and I believe that it was concern for your safety that finally convinced him to send me in. He cares deeply for you, you know." Blushing lightly, Greg brought John's hand to his lips and lightly kissed 'Joan's' knuckles.
"I know, but a Lady's opinion can put to rest the most unwarranted of concerns. Thank you." Before he could reply the geniuses popped up behind them with matching satisfied grins.
Recognizing Sherlock's 'I just got away with something I shouldn't have' look, John slipped a petulant frown on his face and scolded the two men.
"Don't tell me I've missed out on the fun, you should have come get me! As lovely as dancing with Greg has been I would have loved to take part in whatever you two have been up to." Letting his frown fade he replaced it with a teasing smile.
"And just when did you two get close enough to start solving crimes together?" Turning to Sherlock, 'Joan' met his eyes with an innocent stare.
"I thought you only took that doctor of yours crime solving, don't tell me you're cheating on him!" As Sherlock tried to find his voice- John decided that he would need to wear a dress more often if he was able to render his flatmate speechless by teasing him while wearing one- Jim grabbed John and started back towards the circling dancers.
But before they could get into position and take their first step, Sherlock interceded himself and whisked John away from a furiously glaring Jim.
"I'm not too sure that that was a wise move on your part." John started as they made their first turn.
"He knew what I would do, that's why he was trying to get you away from me as soon as possible." When nothing more was forth coming from the detective- who was obviously and furiously trying to deduce everything he could about 'Joan'- John pressed for more answers.
"And why would he want to keep us apart?" Instead of answering the question, Sherlock began listing his deductions.
"You really were in the Army at one point, you were discharged some time ago but have never let your old training get rusty. You are carrying a gun strapped to your right thigh and have access to it through an artful slit in the side of your dress, you also have the skill and inclination to use it- more so than you like to admit since you don't enjoy killing without a reason." John was valiantly biting his tongue on the urge to either argue his case or call the man before him brilliant.
"You don't often wear heels- haven't worn them in quite some time- but are truly enjoying the extra height afforded by them tonight. Also you are a man who is comfortable wearing drag, but you are not a drag queen- it's more of a hobby of yours that you are indulging in tonight than a way of life. Finally, you are finding yourself unexpectedly attracted to Jim Moriarty even though you know that you shouldn't be." Ending his spiel, Sherlock waited for a slap- the man in front of him was doing good at pretending to be female and so might very well resort to a feminine response- or a quick telling off.
After a few moments of neither eventuality happening he turned his eyes back to his dance partner, 'Joan' was wearing a soft smile and looking at him with something like awe in his eyes.
"Truly amazing." John whispered as the song ended.
As the next song began, and before Sherlock could form a reply- only one man had ever not hated him for his deductions and this certainly couldn't be him as John would never subject himself to wearing a dress, nor would he ever be comfortable in heels- Jim swept in and twirled 'Joan' away across the floor.
"We should have made a bet." John said as a jealous Jim pulled him further and further from a still stunned Sherlock.
"Why?" John smiled at his disgruntled dance partner.
"I'll tell you why if you tell me what you and Sherlock were up to." Jim pouted for only a moment before he began to speak.
"We cornered the people he was after, forced them to give recorded confessions and then turned them over to the Ice Man's people."
"And?"
"And what?"
"You two were far too smug for just having helped arrest some traitors and terrorists. So what else happened?" Jim hummed a moment before answering.
"I did mention that we 'forced them to confess', didn't I?" John just stared for a moment before beginning to laugh, he was finding it quite hard to keep his chuckles low and feminine as he was overcome with mirth.
"Now tell me why we should have made a bet, 'Joan'." Jim said once John had himself under control again.
"Oh, yes, well it seems Sherlock was able to tell that I'm not really a woman after all. So if we'd made a bet I would have won." Smiling, John led Jim off the dance floor and out onto a balcony. He really needed some fresh air to clear his head but for some reason he didn't want to part with Jim to do so.
Jim the dance partner and conversationalist was turning out to be someone very different to the psychotic bomber John had met before, and he was also still struggling with Sherlock's spot on deduction of his new-found attraction to the man.
"Yes, he is quite observant, but there is something that I can do that he never will." Jim said as the moved into the clear night air.
"And that is?" Turning to the brunette criminal at his side any remaining questions were answered by a pair of soft yet insistent lips claiming his own.
It started out gentle, so very gentle, but quickly grew heated as John gave himself over to the sensations.
John had never kissed a man before- hadn't even considered the idea since he was a teen and Harry had come out of the closet just to be disowned by their parents and ridiculed by their peers- but he was quickly coming to enjoy the overwhelming feeling of having his mouth dominated by Jim.
Breaking away for air, John rested his head against Jim's tux clad shoulder while he tried to calm his racing heart.
"I should go." He finally managed to get out.
"Why would you want to do that?" Jim asked in a voice as quiet as the one John had used.
"If I don't go now I don't think I'll ever be able to leave." Bringing his head up to once more look Jim in the eye, John was amazed at the open expression he saw there, it made his knees feel weak.
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Silencing all other protests with another kiss- this one so full of passion that John was surprised when they both didn't just burst into flames- a small sound from the entrance to the balcony made them pull apart.
It was a gun being cocked.
In the ensuing chaos of 'Joan's' escape, Sherlock approached Jim who was looking over the gun that had been dropped by the disguised man after he'd taken the bullet meant Jim's heart.
"He saved my life." The detective said nothing to this as there was no need to.
"I take it your badgering of your brother didn't elicit his real name." There was no need to elaborate further on just who was meant, they both wanted to know who the man that had caught their interest-and heart, in Jim's case- was.
"All he'll say is that it's not his secret to give and to figure it out for myself, and then he pestered me about calling Mummy again." Blowing out a huff of air, he was thoroughly dissatisfied with the events of the night, the detective looked over the gun in the criminal's hands as the body was being cordoned off and the guests ushered away from the scene.
A standard service gun- same model as John owned, another of Mycroft's little jokes he realized- no serial number and probably never been used before this night so that it would be completely untraceable. Sometimes his brother was just too good at what he did, Sherlock grudgingly admitted as he couldn't deduce a past to the gun to help them find the escaped 'Joan'.
"I'm going to find him, Sherlock." Said man looked over the speaking man at that.
It was more the tone of voice than the words that set alarms going off for the detective, he had heard that tone before from people being effected by sentiment.
"Even if I have to burn the World to a cinder, I will find him."