A/N: School has gotten super busy so I will be super slow at updating for the next few weeks.
When Regina woke, the first thing she realized was that she couldn't breathe.
Not literally. There was air enough, seeping through the cracks in the stonework in this old, almost forgotten part of the castle. It was cold – Regina realized that, too.
There was something else missing, something as important as air. Something her body needed just as desperately.
"Magic," someone said, and Regina lifted her head as much as she could manage. That was when she realized where she was, how she'd gotten there. The bars between her and the Blue Fairy made that all too clear. "The cell blocks it."
The fairy's face was too small and unfocused for Regina to say for sure, but she could just imagine that sanctimonious smirk. She let her head fall back down to the cot.
That was the first time she knew how deep magic went. Rumplestiltskin had been right all those years ago. It had its hooks in her and had no desire to let go. It was a part of her, and she was suffocating without it.
Once Blue had finished gloating, they thankfully left Regina alone aside from periodic appearances by the guards. Later, when her mind was clear enough to actually think, she was grateful that no one had seen her that day. Food and water were brought to her, but she was too weak to get up. For hours she endured painful spasms and a terrible fever. She vomited until there was nothing left in her, and just rolling towards the edge of the cot to do so was exhausting. And all the while, the sensation that something was pressing down on her chest, squeezing her lungs, threatening to smother her.
By the time Snow White and her prince dragged Regina out for her execution, she'd adjusted to the absence of magic. She was able to hold her head high.
Regina stepped out of the car to help Henry with his things, and that was when she realized that he didn't have anything with him. "I don't want to leave," he protested before she could say anything. "Not like this. We didn't say goodbye to everybody."
Ruby shrugged apologetically. "I had to physically force him into the car to get him here."
Regina came around the front of the car to join them. "I know this isn't ideal, Henry," she explained, "but it's really important that we go now." She glanced in at Emma, who was resting her head against the passenger window and staring down the road that led out of Storybrooke.
"Why?" Henry whined.
Regina didn't want to lie to him, but she certainly wasn't going to tell him what had nearly happened. What Emma had almost done. That would only crush him. "Someone is going to get hurt if we don't leave," she told him.
"But Emma can still take care of you."
Regina raised a hand to her forehead, trying to resist the urge to magic him into the back seat. She was usually well-equipped to deal with his moods, but not on top of everything else. Not with a broken Emma on her hands and breakdown of her own looming closer. Not when she kept reliving the attack again and again, this time with the sickening knowledge of who had been with her.
Ruby picked up on this. She didn't know what had happened, but she could see the toll David's involvement was taking on the two women. "Henry can stay here for a day," she offered. "It'll give him time to say his goodbyes and pack up his things. Granny and I will watch him."
"Why can't I stay with Grandma and…"
Regina cut him off. "No. You will stay with Ruby or you will come with us."
Henry turned and got back into Ruby's car sullenly. The younger brunette offered Regina a hesitant smile. "You and Emma do what you need. Henry will be fine."
"Thank you." Still, Regina was hesitant to get back into her car. Leaving Storybrooke without Henry a few weeks before had been surprisingly easy, but now? Now she just wanted him with them so they could drive and drive and never turn back.
Emma didn't say a word when Regina did get in, although whether that meant she had heard the whole exchange through the window or she was just too deep in her thoughts to care, Regina didn't know. Ruby's car started back down the road towards town, and Regina headed the other way.
Crossing the town line got Emma's attention. She gasped at the feeling of magic being ripped away from her, like all of the air had gone out of the car. Emma reached out instinctively, and Regina took her hand. "It's okay," she promised, even though she knew it wasn't. Emma's exposure to magic hadn't been long, but Regina knew all too well how it felt to have it ripped away. She could still feel it now, just a bit, although she'd adjusted to it over the years.
Emma's grasp on Regina loosened, and Regina was shocked to hear her whimper. She resisted the urge to pull over to the side of the road, choosing instead to press on until she got Emma somewhere more comfortable and private.
"It's the magic," Regina explained, although Emma gave no sign of having heard her.
They made it to the next town in record time, even faster than Emma had rushed when she had a bleeding Regina in her car. The brunette left Emma in the car while she got them a hotel room and hurried back out to find the blonde shaking and weak.
Regina opened the passenger door and leaned in over Emma, seeing those green eyes that were bloodshot and frightened. "We need to get you inside," Regina said, although it was clear that this wasn't going to be a joint effort.
She carried Emma awkwardly, nothing like the easy way Emma could carry her. She just didn't have the strength, especially not since the attack. But there was no other option, no turning back, so she did her best, stopping frequently, frustrated tears rising in her eyes. It took a long time, but finally Regina unlocked the door and practically dragged Emma in. Once she managed to get the blonde onto the bed, she sat down heavily beside her.
Emma had been somewhat awake when they arrived, but now she had her eyes squeezed shut in pain. Regina knew that there was nothing she could do to help, not without magic of her own. She sat up against the headboard and trailed her fingers through Emma's hair. She held her knees up to her chest with her free arm, staring into the black screen of the TV.
Now that there was no task at hand, no stopping Emma or saving Emma or carrying Emma, Regina couldn't stop herself from thinking. Every interaction she'd ever had with Prince Charming or David Nolan ran through her mind, as if that would help somehow.
Charming had always been the one who wanted her dead, not Snow. Maybe it was to protect himself, to make sure he didn't shatter his entire world by getting too close to her. He wanted her dead and gone, not locked up in his dungeon where he might be tempted.
She leaned her head against her knees, giving up on Emma's hair and hugging her legs close with both arms. She couldn't even gloat about the fact that Snow had lost everything today. The price was just too great. Regina had long since given up on wishing the attack had never happened, but she couldn't help wishing that it had been someone else. Anyone else. Emma groaned beside her and tears filled Regina's eyes at the thought of what Emma had tried to do. And what Emma had already done.
Regina hadn't truly become the Evil Queen until the day she ripped her father's heart out. Something had shifted that day. And while Emma's father was certainly not the thing she loved most, the similarities were all too clear.
Hour passed like this, Regina deep in thought and Emma suffering. It was late before Regina realized she was hungry, and she gladly latched onto the simple job of finding the room service menu. She ordered for them both, not sure if Emma would want anything but not about to risk her going hungry once the kitchen was closed.
Emma finally opened her eyes again when she heard the commotion of the food coming in, squinting at Regina and the woman with the tray until the woman with the tray left. "What's wrong with me?" she asked hoarsely.
Regina jumped, not expecting to hear from Emma, and returned to her side. "Withdrawal."
Emma threw her arm over her eyes, deciding that the lights were just too bright. "Like drugs?" she asked, confused.
"Similar in some ways, yes. But this is because there's no magic here."
"But you're okay?"
"I'm fine, Emma," Regina promised. "I've been through this before, and I haven't used much magic recently anyway. Whereas you are new to magic and have been using a power too strong for your system."
Emma went silent for a moment, and Regina wondered whether she'd passed out. She was about to get up and get her dinner when Emma caught her wrist and stopped her. "I can hardly breathe."
"I know, love." Regina smiled sadly at the blonde, pulling Emma's arm away from her face so she could lean down and kiss her forehead. "It probably won't be much longer. Your exposure to magic has been fairly brief."
Emma covered her eyes with both hands this time and didn't respond, so Regina took the opportunity to eat quickly. Emma didn't seem to have any interest in moving, so the brunette put her plate into the mini fridge just in case and came back to join her.
"I took his heart," Emma said softly after another hour-long silence.
"I know." Not having packed anything for their escape, Regina spent a moment considering what to sleep in before taking off and folding her sweater and pants.
"He deserved it." Regina could tell from the bite in Emma's tone that she was feeling somewhat better.
"You need some sleep," Regina replied. "You'll feel better in the morning."
Emma peeked between her fingers. "Are you coming with me?"
Regina smiled at that. She slipped into bed in just a cami and underwear, turned off the light, and tugged Emma's hands out of the way to kiss her softly on the lips. "Anywhere," she promised.