In the early hours of the morning, Regina was startled by the sound of Emma's voice. "I can't sleep," she said. "I'm so tired but I just can't."
Regina rolled over to see Emma's outline in the dark. "I can't either."
Emma felt better, physically, at least. Her mind was still a wreck. "How can you stand to be here with me?"
At that, Regina sat up and turned on the light. They both blinked, eyes trying desperately to adjust. "Why would you even ask that? Everything you've done, I've done a hundred times."
"Not that," Emma said, although now that it came up the guilt came back. Not because of the destruction she'd caused, but because Regina didn't know what really happened to Sidney or Whale. She tried to push the guilt away, full of too many emotions to admit more. "Because my father was the one who did that to you."
Regina looked Emma in the eye seriously. "You have nothing to do with that, Emma."
"It was my DNA."
"It has nothing to do with you," Regina repeated. "All you did was help me get answers."
"I can't stop thinking about it," Emma said, frowning. "It's disgusting and it's wrong. He touched you. How could he touch you?"
"It's my fault," Regina said, the thing that she couldn't stop thinking about tonight. "Do you have any idea how many times I tried to seduce him? All of them?"
"It's not your fault," Emma said immediately. "It doesn't matter what you did in the past. They had you completely helpless and they took advantage of you. That's not right."
"If there had been a trial I would have lost," Regina insisted.
"Then I'm glad I wasn't able to drag you through one." Emma curled closer to Regina, resting her head against the brunette's shoulder. "You don't deserve any of this. Any of the nonsense you've had to go through." She waved a hand lazily to suggest that she was thinking farther back than the attack. "Not even Henry being a little shit all the time."
"Emma!"
"I heard what happened when I was in the car," Emma explained. "I should have gotten up and wrestled him into the back seat."
Regina shook her head. "We're already enough of a mess as it is."
"Yeah." Emma couldn't argue with that.
Regina sank back down into the pillow, pulling the blonde in tightly. She didn't speak, the love swelling inside of her too overwhelming. She'd lost so many of the people she cared about, but she honestly couldn't say what she'd do without Emma. And not because of true love, although that helped. No, it was that Emma was and would always be her savior. No one else would go as far as Emma did to protect her. And while Regina wasn't happy with Emma's methods of protection, and while Emma was just about as helpless as she was right now, there was safety in her arms like Regina had never felt.
Regina kissed Emma, softly at first but then harder and deeper. She could feel Emma's denim against her bare legs as she opened her mouth to the blonde, applying her tongue. Emma needed this just as bad as she did and kissed back enthusiastically, one hand cupping the back of Regina's head and the other at her hip.
Emma pulled back suddenly, running her thumb over the silky material she found there. "Where are your pants?" she asked, and in that moment the tension broke. Regina laughed, and Emma quickly joined in. Regina couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed like this, if ever. But everything pent up in her released with that laughter.
"Over," Regina gasped between laughs. "Over there."
"You could warn a girl." Emma lifted her hips off the bed and wriggled out of her own jeans to make them even.
"Where's the fun in that?" Regina replied, her breathing returning to normal.
Emma rolled back into her former position, tangling her bare legs with Regina's. "You are so beautiful when you laugh. I'll have to make you do it more often."
Regina wordlessly pulled Emma in for another kiss, and another. They continued like this for a while, Emma bringing both of her hands up to Regina's hair to avoid the temptation to touch her. Once their lips were swollen and stinging, they separated at the mouths but not elsewhere. Regina couldn't be bothered to turn off the light so that they could attempt to sleep again, so they stayed there in the dim glow of the lamp, just looking at each other.
Just like the laughter, the tears overtook Regina suddenly. Emma didn't say a word, just stroking Regina's back until one and then the other fell asleep.
They both slept late, exhausted bodies taking full advantage of the morning. Regina was up first, and she carefully disentangled herself from Emma and headed for the bathroom.
She didn't feel right, although she couldn't quite explain why. Maybe the lack of magic had caught up with her after all. She felt vaguely weak, vaguely nauseous. She stood for a while in front of the mirror, studying her face.
She looked so tired these days. So worn.
When she showered, she found herself still touching the places where she had been injured gingerly, even though she'd healed herself a week before. This time, she caught herself doing it and scolded herself for being weak. And then, as if prompted by her thoughts, a wave of faintness came over her, and she pressed her hands flat against the walls of the shower to keep herself upright.
Regina touched her forehead to the wall, eyes closed. She stayed like that, begging her body to be strong again. Wishing her life could just go back to normal, whatever that meant.
She stayed until the water ran cold, and then she dried herself off and dressed herself in yesterday's clothes and returned to the bedroom.
Emma was awake and had turned on the TV, but as soon as Regina appeared she had her full attention. The blonde was about to wish her a good morning when she noticed how pale Regina had gone. "Are you okay?" she asked, immediately sitting up from the pillows. "What's wrong?"
Regina sat on the edge of the bed, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees and her head on her hands. "I'm dizzy," she said so softly that Emma had to mute the TV. "I feel like I'm going to be sick."
"You just need some breakfast," Emma assured her, moving to sit right behind her and rubbing circles on the damp back of her shirt. "Usually you've already eaten lunch by now."
Regina didn't answer, considering the option and finding it too easy. Too basic.
"Or maybe the magic got you, huh?" Emma got up and put her jeans back on. "I'm going to go get you something to eat." She hooked a few fingers under Regina's chin and urged her face up, offering her a light, fleeting kiss. "You're okay," she promised, although Regina certainly didn't look it.
"I'm okay," Regina echoed hollowly. She sat there unmoving, staring down at the carpet, until Emma returned with what looked like the entire contents of the vending machine down the hall.
Emma dropped the armful of snacks onto the bed beside Regina, then took a bottle of ginger ale from the crook of her elbow, unscrewed the cap, and offered it to the brunette. "For your stomach," she said, digging through the various snacks. "You probably don't like any of this junk, but let's get something in you and then find some real food."
Regina sipped at the ginger ale, watching as Emma held up various types of pretzels, crackers, and chips. The blonde had gotten so good at taking care of her, and as much as Regina hated being weak, she didn't mind it so much when Emma was there. After so many years of having to fend for herself, Regina finally had someone to lean on.
"What looks good to you?" Emma asked.
With a small smile, Regina took one of the chocolate bars. Emma smiled back.
"Chocolate for breakfast, Madame Mayor?" the blonde teased, shrugging before going for chocolate as well.
"Former mayor," Regina pointed out. "I'm sure I won't be able to find a new mayoral position on such short notice.
Emma flopped back onto the bed, watching Regina slowly regain her color. "So where are we going to go?"
"I don't know. I've never been much of anywhere else."
Emma considered. "Well, I've been a lot of places, but I liked Storybrooke best. I like that whole small town thing a lot more than I thought I would."
"And that would be less disruptive for Henry." Regina finished off the chocolate faster than she had thought possible.
"Forget Henry for a second," Emma said, breaking off a piece from her own candy when she saw that Regina was finished and holding it out to the brunette. "What do you want?"
Regina knew that she couldn't very well forget Henry. The first criteria that ran through her head were things like good schools. "Somewhere safe," she finally said, taking the candy from Emma. "Somewhere that feels like home."