My Baby's Got a Secret
Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. This fic will dive into MPREG, so I'll be using my go-to MPREG explanation like I did in When We're Older aka the Reddin gene. The gene is based on the Reddin character from the 1994 movie Junior. You should really watch it if you like mpreg. It's a good movie, I promise (I also don't have any rights to it either!) The idea behind this fic belongs to the lovely likesboyswholikeboys. The plot is all hers and she graciously allowed me to write my take on her awesome plot, so all my thanks go to her!
Warning: Discussions of infidelity!
Kurt sat stone still in the passenger seat of his dad's truck, watching as the road sped by, the yellowed streetlights casting waving shadows along the asphalt. His stomach was in knots and he felt like he was going to throw up, but he held it in, taking in slow, shallow breaths as he stared out of the window.
"You okay over there?" His father asked, letting his attention fall from the road for a quick second as he glanced over at his son.
"Blaine had a baby today. My baby, dad. How do you think I feel?"
"You want me to come in there with you?"
"No. I just- I need to see him alone first. You can come see... umm, come see the baby after I've talked to Blaine, if you don't care."
"You know I don't mind, kiddo. I just wanted to make sure you were going to be okay."
Kurt propped his elbow up on the windowsill, leaning his head against his hand before he closed his eyes and sighed. The truth was, he was so far from okay - he was barely hanging on actually. It felt like someone had smashed his heart all over again. Breaking up with Blaine was a killer. Trying to move on from Blaine was even worse, but now, now knowing that he had a child with Blaine... it hurt.
It hurt because he didn't even know. The baby was born that afternoon and according to Carole, it was full-term, right on time, so Blaine had been pregnant for 40 weeks and not once had he told anyone. There was a part of Kurt that felt terrible for his ex; he wondered what it was like to try to do all of that alone. How could Blaine have went to all of his appointments, dealt with his medications, and labored alone? What was he thinking in deciding to not tell a single soul about his pregnancy? Nobody knew and if it weren't for Blaine's mother being home that afternoon, it would've been a while before anyone even found out. Blaine had been planning on keeping the pregnancy and baby a secret for as long as possible - he planned on doing it all by himself... and that made Kurt's heart ache.
He hated that Blaine did that to himself. He hated that Blaine didn't tell him, that Blaine thought it was okay to hold back some pretty big information from him like he didn't deserve to know.
Kurt would have loved to have been there. From the get go, he would've loved being there for Blaine and watching him change with the growth of their child. He would have put off Vogue and New York for them, for their little family. But Blaine made sure that he didn't know.
Tears welled in his eyes for the millionth time that evening and he leaned away from the car door, ducking his head to press the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to stop the inevitable tears from falling. A shaky breath slipped from his lips and he felt his dad's hand pat his shoulder.
"You can cry, bud. I'm not gonna judge ya."
"Why didn't he tell me? Why did he keep this a secret?!" Kurt yelled, rubbing at his eyes with his fists. He sat back up after he'd scrubbed at his face, his cheeks reddened with anger. "I should've known! He should've told me!"
"I know, Kurt. You should've been the first to know. I don't know what was going through Blaine's head throughout all of this, but that's what you're gonna find out today. You're gonna go in there and meet your son and talk to Blaine and you'll be okay."
"I'm just so- I'm so fucking annoyed with him," the teen hissed, balling his hands into fists again. His body tensed up even more as they took that familiar turn to the hospital; it was now or never basically. He was going to see Blaine for the first time since they broke up that awful night in October and at the same time, he was going to meet the baby that he didn't even know existed until a few hours ago.
It was crazy... and terrifying. So ridiculously terrifying.
::::::::::
Blaine rolled onto his side, careful to not bump anything on his still hurting body against the mattress too hard. It was only a few hours after he'd given birth, so he was still very tender and sore all over, but while he was incredibly tired, he'd taken a long enough nap to soothe his exhaustion and was now ready to have some daddy-baby bonding time with his son. Yawning, he pushed the bedside nurse-call button and waited for someone to come in, quickly glancing around the room for his mother when he remembered that she was going to go break the news to his dad and brother while he rested.
God, they were going to be pissed at him, especially his dad, but Blaine barely had the energy to care at the moment. His body was still aching, he felt sweaty and gross, and all he wanted to do was hold his little boy again. His dad's upcoming rants about his irresponsibility and all that jazz could wait until later - much later, since he had more important things to deal with.
Within seconds of him pushing the button, one of his nurses from earlier slipped into the room, smiling when she noticed Blaine staring at her. "Ready for baby?"
"Yeah. How's he doing?"
"Charming the whole nursing staff so far. He's a sweet little guy, very well mannered. He's also very cute."
"Thank you."
"I'll go ahead and get him. I'll be right back," the nurse added before she disappeared from his sight, the door creaking shut behind her. Once she was gone, Blaine began the battle to sit up, careful of his healing body. Moving into a sitting position was painful; his lower half still throbbed uncomfortably despite the pain medication he'd been given after the birth, but while it was an annoying feeling, it wasn't too unbearable, so he pushed the discomfort away and prepared to see his baby again.
For the few seconds he'd laid eyes on his son (and held him) earlier, Blaine knew that he had an unbreakable bond with his little boy. Holding him against his chest and hearing him cry for the first time was one of the greatest moments of his life. Just knowing that his son was out there in the world and healthy made Blaine's heart burst with love - he adored his child. He loved him and even though his fears about becoming a father overwhelmed him earlier that day, he was so ready to just take the bull by the horns and hop into parenthood. Deep down, he was still scared about raising the baby on his own (sure, he'd probably have help from his mother, but that's not what he was stuck on), but he knew he would do anything in his power to give his child everything he'd ever want.
And then, if one day he asked about his other dad, Blaine would tell him. He'd never ban his son from asking about his other father. He still wasn't sure if he wanted to tell Kurt just yet since his ex was super busy killing it at NYADA, but maybe one day he'd confess everything to Kurt.
One day. But not any day soon.
(Of course, he couldn't be more wrong about how soon it would've been.)
A knock at the door jerked him from his thoughts and Blaine turned his attention in that direction, telling whomever was outside to just come on in. He was pretty sure it was his mother - she had only gone to call a few of their relatives and that was that, but when the door opened, someone he was never expecting to see that day walked in.
Kurt stepped into the room, tired eyed and quiet, his gaze slowly falling onto the bed where Blaine sat. He was pale except for the reddened flush of his cheeks and nose and when Blaine took a better look at his ex's face, he immediately figured out that look. He'd seen it before, never really directed at him, but he knew it and the second he saw it on Kurt's face, he shrunk down in his bed.
Kurt was livid, pissed beyond belief; he also looked like he'd aged a few years as well. His hair was flopping in front of his eyes (which Blaine quickly noted were red-ringed) and he crossed his arms over his chest once he stopped fully a few feet away from Blaine's bed. The two teens looked at each other, eyeing the other up and down as they took in each other's appearances. Blaine could see all of Kurt's emotions plain as day on his face: betrayal, fear, anger, disgust... everything was just painted on there like a mosaic.
And Blaine was the one who put them there.
"Kurt-"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
A heavy weight settled on Blaine's chest and he looked away, darting his eyes to his hands that laid linked on his blanketed legs. A familiar tightness formed in his throat, pinching at the nerves in his face as he struggled to fight the deep ache within him. The things he was feeling at that very moment threatened to surpass the pain that his labor caused him - this was heartbreak, this was torture.
"Kurt, I-"
"I... I get this phone call today from my dad and he says that you'd given birth to a baby... and then he sends me a picture. A picture! And I- I looked at it because how was I supposed to know that the baby's mine? No one ever told me I was going to be a father, but... but I looked anyway just to see a-and he looks just like me. And god, Blaine, you didn't even tell me! You've been pregnant since last summer and you didn't even speak a word to me!"
Kurt's broken voice struck Blaine like a whip, lashing against his heart with each stuttered breath and hitched whine. It was worse than when he made Kurt cry after confessing he'd cheated on him. This time, Kurt was lost, so shattered by Blaine's lack of consideration for his feelings, and it read all over his stature. The heavy secret that Blaine held within him for almost ten months had passed over, now weighing down on Kurt's shoulders... and Kurt could barely hold it up.
Unlike Blaine, who had almost a year's time to take in the news that he was going to be a parent, Kurt had everything thrown onto him within a hour. All of a sudden, there was another life in the world that Kurt helped create, one that he didn't even know about, and from that moment on, his life had changed forever. No longer was he just a college freshman, struggling his way through school and work to make ends meet. No longer was he just a careless teen with a whole lot of time to live his life; now he was a father. There was someone else in the world who would need him, would rely on him, and Kurt just found out about this person mere hours ago.
...and Blaine had known all along.
"You were pregnant when you cheated on me," Kurt hissed, his fists balling up against his sides. He was glaring at Blaine through his tears, upper lip curled into a snarl as he stared at his ex. There was hate - god, so much hate - written all over his face and Blaine felt his heart, which had been so full with love after the baby was born, begin to shatter at the look directed at him.
Kurt had never looked at him like that before. Not ever and yet this one moment, this time, he hated Blaine.
"Kurt, I'm so sorry. I thought-" He began, gasping out the words as his throat began to lock up with unshed sobs. "I thought-"
"You thought what? That I'd be angry with you for getting pregnant?! That I'd be mad that you were having my baby! What the hell, Blaine?!" Kurt threw his arms in the air, letting his hands fall to his head before he pulled a bit at his hair, tugging the strands between his fingers in irritation. "Why didn't you tell me? Why couldn't you have told me instead of cheating on me?!"
"I didn't want- I didn't- Kurt, I'm sorry."
Kurt sneered, seconds away from opening up his mouth again, seconds away from tearing into Blaine with his words when there was a knock on the door. Both men froze and Kurt immediately went to scrub at his face, wiping away what he could of the tears that littered his cheeks. Blaine rubbed at his eyes as well and then offered a quiet greeting to whoever was outside to come in, frowning when the nurse from earlier appeared in the doorway, her eyes falling onto the two men cautiously.
"Something wrong in here, Mr. Anderson?" She asked, catching Blaine's wide-eyed, hurt look before she turned towards Kurt and saw a somewhat matching look on the other man's face. "Do I need to call security?"
"No, no we're fine. It's okay really," Blaine whispered, looking back down at his hands again, ignoring the way his nurse was watching him and the way Kurt was nervously shifting on his feet.
"Are you sure? Absolutely sure?"
"Yes, everything's fine. Just... caught up in the excitement," he lied, knowing damn well that the woman probably heard the arguing from outside the room. He ducked his head lower and stared down at the thick white blanket covering his legs, feeling the shame from Kurt's heartbreak and from his previous lies hovering over him.
"Well," the nurse started, "if all's well in here, then I have a visitor who would really like to see his daddy." She stepped fully into the room, pulling a tiny clear crib behind her and Blaine glanced up, eyes darting to where Kurt stood and his heart threatened to leap out of his throat when he saw the breathless look on Kurt's face. His ex was standing there just a few feet away from the foot of the bed, hand pressed against the seam of his mouth as he watched the crib being wheeled in.
"Is that-" He asked, frozen in his spot. There were tears in his eyes and he looked like he was two seconds away from collapsing. That was his son. His child. Blaine locked eyes with him for a moment, his sight blurring as well, and nodded, looking back over at the nurse.
"Yeah, that's him," he whispered, smiling when the young attendant dipped her hands underneath the tiny bundle and lifted him from the crib. The baby, who had been sleepily blinking up at the ceiling during the whole discussion, opened his eyes a little wider and whined, the sound immediately burning through Kurt's heart.
"Does he... what's his name?"
"I haven't thought of one yet," Blaine murmured, allowing the nurse to set his son within his arms before she helped him adjust the way he was sitting. The little one in his arms yawned and blinked his blue eyes open again, staring up at Blaine when his daddy began to speak.
"He recognizes your voice," the nurse commented as she spun around and pulled a bottle from the crib. "He's probably hungry. He ate a little bit a few hours ago, but I've got a fresh bottle for him if he wants it." She helped Blaine settle and gently guided him to feed the infant, smiling when the baby took the bottle like she expected. "That's what I thought. Hungry little guy, he is. I'm going to let you have some bonding time with baby and then I'll swing back in and we can discuss some basics, alright? If you don't see me in a little while, page me and I'll help you burp him, okay? Have fun!" Smiling at the new father, the nurse left the room, but not without a passing look at Kurt.
Kurt didn't even notice the look. He was too far gone in looking at his son, watching how the little boy stared up at Blaine as he sucked on the bottle. The baby had a light dusting of dark blonde hair on his head and his tiny button nose looked a lot like Kurt's when he was a newborn. From where he was standing, Kurt could see how long his son was and he smiled to himself, wondering if his child would take after him in the height department. "How big is he?" He blurted out, mentally smacking himself for speaking so suddenly when he was still very, very mad at Blaine.
Blaine looked down at the child nestled in his arms and grinned, "He's little. Long, but little. He weighed in at six pounds, four ounces and he's twenty-and-a-half inches long, so he's a decent size. My obstetrician thought he'd be at least seven pounds, but he's a bit smaller than we expected." He brushed a finger against the downy locks on top of the baby's head and sighed, "He has more hair than I expected though. I thought he'd be bald actually."
"I wasn't bald when I was born."
"I wasn't either," Blaine whispered, glancing up at Kurt and noticing that his ex had moved closer to the bed. Kurt's focus was on the baby alone, but he was staring at their child with so much love in his eyes that it made Blaine's heart break a little more in his chest. "I just thought he'd be bald. Dad intuition, I guess? I don't know."
Kurt inched a bit closer to the bed, just enough that the upper part of his thigh was brushing the mattress at the foot of the bed. He hovered anxiously nearby and Blaine scooted his legs over, nodding his head towards the empty space. Kurt watched him, one eyebrow raised. "What?"
"You can sit if you want. I'm not going to deny you the right to see your baby."
"Yeah, but you can keep the fact that you're pregnant from me for nine months. Okay."
"Kurt, please," Blaine breathed, exasperated. He was so tired and he felt terrible for what he did, but he really didn't want to get into everything with the baby right there between them. Later... he'd rather hash this all out later when the baby was back in the nursery sleeping or when his mother was there and she could watch him while Kurt and Blaine argued it out. Or maybe they could duke it out when Blaine was released to go home. Whatever... anything was better than fighting right at that moment. "Can't we talk about this later?"
"Don't you think you owe me some sort of explanation as to why I didn't know about him? Don't you think I deserve to know why you didn't tell me or why you cheated on me when you knew damn well that it was my child you were carrying? How do you even justify that?"
"Kurt-"
"I just... I don't understand how you could do this to me," Kurt whispered. His voice was thick, broken, and every little crack in his tone made a shard of ice pierce Blaine's soul.
He felt so cold, so cruel. He'd spent so much time thinking about how the baby news would've affected Kurt's future that he didn't even think about Kurt's feelings about knowing at all. He didn't want Kurt to throw everything away for him and the baby. He didn't want Kurt to give up his dreams just to come back to Ohio and help Blaine out; he had a new, perfect life in New York. His phone calls throughout the time they were still dating were always about how perfect New York was, how fun New York was. He never acted like he missed Ohio at all... even though one of the most important parts of his life was still stuck back there waiting up for him.
"My life up there wasn't perfect," a voice interrupted and Blaine's eyes snapped up. He found Kurt staring at him with a destroyed look, as if he heard every single one of Blaine's thoughts - and that's when Blaine realized that he'd be thinking aloud. Kurt heard everything.
"I-"
"You weren't up there with me. I missed you every single day, Blaine. Every single day." Kurt paused, looking down at the baby before he looked back up at Blaine. "I didn't miss Ohio, yeah, that much was true. But I missed my heart... and that was you."
"You say this now, but it never felt like that to me," Blaine answered quietly. He adjusted his grip on the baby and tucked the infant closer to his chest, as if having his son closer would make him feel any better. Truth was, it didn't. Not really. Not with Kurt sitting in such close proximity, not with the anguished feeling overtaking him by the second. He could feel his anger and hurt bristling up all over his tired body. Having Kurt beside him telling him about how much he missed him pissed him off because he never felt like Kurt missed him at all, not with how much Kurt talked about New York and how perfect it was. It was like nothing could compare to the bright lights of the Big Apple. Blaine couldn't compare, he couldn't even keep Kurt's attention long enough in a conversation to even be relevant anymore. Kurt went to that city, became enthralled, and forgot all about the one person who urged him to follow his dreams.
Blaine never felt like he was a part of Kurt's dream after Kurt went to New York. It was like he was shoved out of the picture and for Kurt to tell him that he was missed felt like a big lie.
Sniffling, Blaine pulled the now-finished bottle away from the baby's lips and set it on the side table, using his free hand to punch at the nurse-call button. Within moments, his nurse came in, eyes darting between the two boys before she waltzed further into the room and began talking up a storm, gently guiding Blaine to burp the baby. In the midst of her explanations, Kurt stood up from the bed and wandered over to the window, staring outside at the snowy night sky. He couldn't watch Blaine learn how to take care of their child without wanting to burst into angry tears. He couldn't handle that damn nurse shooting him curious looks out of the corner of her eye anymore, as if she was judging him. If she was, she had no idea what the hell she was doing because this whole situation was complicated as fuck and she'd never understand why the two boys were so tense around each other.
Still lost in his thoughts, Kurt jumped when he heard the door to the room open. He spun around and caught the hazel eyes of Blaine's mother, catching the remorseful look in her stare as they watched each other.
"Kurt."
"Marisol."
"I'm glad you could make it."
"Yeah, me too."
In the midst of their conversation, the nurse and Blaine stopped what they were doing to stare at them. When the attendant caught Mrs. Anderson's eye, the older woman nodded at Kurt. "Oh, this is the baby's other father, Kurt. He just flew in from New York."
The nurse frowned for a second, but nodded nonetheless and gave Kurt a quiet greeting, turning her attention back to the squirming newborn laying on Blaine's bed. The two of them went back to swaddling the infant in his blanket while Marisol crept across the room and enveloped Kurt in a hug.
"I'm so sorry you had to find out this way," the woman whispered and Kurt squeezed her back, whispered in response, "Me too." They held each other for a little longer (this was the most interaction Kurt had ever had with the woman over the last few years he and Blaine had known each other) but finally Marisol pulled away and went over to where Blaine was, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
"How's my grandbaby?"
"Tired. He just ate and I think he's ready for a nap."
"And you?"
"I could use one too," Blaine said softly, chuckling a bit when the baby yawned. He cuddled his child a little closer and kissed the top of the baby's head, breathing in the little boy's scent before he passed him over to his mom.
"Can I hold him?" A hesitant voice asked and the whole room looked up to find Kurt standing at the foot of the bed, eyes focused on the sleepy baby in Mrs. Anderson's arms. He was watching his son with tons of love in his eyes and Marisol couldn't help but hand the baby over, smiling when Kurt took his child with ease. "Oh, wow."
"I think I'm going to go grab a cup of coffee," Mrs. Anderson commented, shooting a look at the nurse who was standing over near the crib. "Maybe let the boys have a few minutes alone." At that, the nurse's eyes widened and she mumbled something about being back later to take the infant back to the nursery and with that, both women left, leaving Kurt, Blaine, and their child alone in the room.
Kurt wandered around the place for a bit, quietly humming as he rocked the baby in his arms. Across from him, Blaine snuggled down in the bed, eyes sleepily watching his ex-boyfriend cradle their son. A long time ago, he imagined having kids with Kurt under very different circumstances. He knew that as a carrier, he and whoever he married in the future (of which, back then, he was a million percent sure was going to be Kurt) would have children that he'd bear, but never in his wildest dreams did he expect to become a teen dad. He imagined being married a few years, having a successful job, having graduated college and all that jazz before he became a daddy, but instead, life handed over one of its numerous surprises and now he was a single father.
It was strange.
But in that moment, watching his ex pace the room with their son, he felt... better, so to say. The weighty secret he carried for so long was finally out there in the open; Kurt knew, their families knew, and eventually his friends would know, but the most important thing was that Kurt was there. Still, Blaine felt terrible for having kept that secret for so long and while he was very much in love with the scene before him, the fact still remained that Kurt was incredibly upset with him over what happened, no matter how excited the other guy was about the new person in his life.
"I'm sorry, you know," Blaine murmured, his eyelashes sinking lower and lower as exhaustion began taking over his body. Kurt glanced up, not once stopping his quiet singing, but the look he gave Blaine was one that slightly read understanding even though it was laced with heartache.
And that look was the last thing Blaine saw before he fell asleep.
::::::::::
The following morning, Blaine woke up to crying.
He blinked open his sleep-thick eyes and followed the sound with his ears, turning his head to find his mother pacing the length of his bed, her arms wrapped around a blue-blanketed bundle. "Oh, look who's awake!" She squealed, spinning on her heel to wander over to the bed. "Look sweetie! Daddy's awake!" Leaning down, she gently laid the baby in Blaine's waiting arms, smiling when her son took his own child with ease, blinking down at him with love. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"
"Better. How long has he been awake?"
"Eh, they brought him in here about an hour ago but you were still sleeping, so I held him for a while. I think he'll be glad to be rid of me though. He's already a daddy's boy."
Blaine smirked, kissing his son's forehead as he held the boy a little closer. "We were all each other had for a while, so I guess I could understand that."
At his words, Marisol took a long, hard look at her son and sighed, sitting down at the edge of the bed. She placed a hand on her son's blanketed foot and looked him straight in the eye, watching as the hazel colored irises that were so much like her own stared back at her. "You know you didn't have to do this all alone. You could've came and told me at anytime."
"Mama-"
"I know you were scared, honey. I know. I know about the things you want to do. I remember the things you told me and your dad about how you want to go to school in New York and how you want to make it big on Broadway." She looked at her grandson, smiling a bit when the baby sighed. "Being pregnant is tough. I should know; I've done it twice. But still, sweetheart, you could have came to me at any time. I wouldn't have judged you, not a bit. I could've helped you. We could've done this together."
"I know."
"Though I would have made you tell Kurt."
Blaine looked up at that, eyes widening when he saw the serious look on his mother's face. "Really?"
"That boy deserved to know about his son, Blaine. I know you two broke up and things got tough for a while for you, but keeping that news from him wasn't very thoughtful at all. I know you thought you were helping him out in the long run, but you didn't see that boy yesterday-"
"Yes, I did," Blaine went to argue, only to be shot down by his mother raising a hand in the air to silence him. Quickly, he piped down, looking at the baby instead of at his mother as the familiar pang of shame hit him once again.
"Kurt's heartbroken over all this. I know you told me about the cheating issue, but you have to take into account that even though Kurt broke up with you over that, not once did you try to tell him about the baby."
"He got accepted into NYADA! What was I supposed to do? I was going to tell him. I was going to go to New York with Burt and I was going to tell him about the baby and then Burt said he got into NYADA and I wasn't about to pull him away from that, not after he worked so hard!"
"But how do you know that he would've left NYADA? How do you know that he wasn't going to try to put off his acceptance until after the baby was born? You didn't know, you didn't think, Blaine-"
Blaine sniffled, shaking his head. He knew she was trying to mean well, but it still hurt for him to hear that his decisions were completely selfish. He was thinking about Kurt during that whole time period; he put Kurt first, way before his needs. But, instead of it being selfless, it came out wrong and downright dirty. Feeling stupid, he began to cry, the tears free-falling. He felt like utter shit for what he did and for the way he hurt Kurt. "I didn't want to ruin his life anymore... I- that's all I've done since we've met. I've ruined him. I broke him, mom. I did."
"But now you can fix it."
"No, I can't."
"You can try. You've got to." The older woman scooted a little closer to her son and cupped her hand over the top of her grandbaby's head, stroking the soft hair there. "You've got to try... for Kurt, for yourself, and for him especially."
::::::::::
A few hours after Blaine woke up that morning, Kurt showed back up at the hospital.
He'd left not long after Blaine dozed off the night before, but not before he had a conversation with Marisol about the whole secrecy deal and the fact that nobody in Blaine's life picked up on the fact that he was pregnant and hiding it. They talked long after Blaine dozed off when the nurse slipped by to take the baby back to the nursery and the entire time they conversed, Kurt couldn't help but wonder how nobody at McKinley picked up on Blaine's distress. Granted, the night Blaine came to New York to confess cheating on him, Kurt didn't pick up on any weight gain or nothing of the sort that would point to Blaine being pregnant at the time. They'd even hugged and kissed the night Blaine showed up and not once had Kurt noticed a change in his then-boyfriend; at the time, he was so excited to see Blaine that his happiness overshadowed everything else that night... and then when the inevitable came crashing down, he couldn't bear to even be near Blaine with how betrayed he felt.
But knowing now that Blaine was in a severely fragile state at the time, he wondered what was going through his ex's head at the time of the cheating scandal. It just seemed strange to him that Blaine would find out he was pregnant with their child and then cheat on him like it was nothing, like the baby within his belly meant nothing. So, after having that little chat with Marisol the night before, Kurt came in that morning ready to talk, no matter how much Blaine didn't want to.
"Hey," Blaine greeted when Kurt stepped into the room; he shut the door behind him quietly since the baby was sleeping in the crib next to Blaine's bed.
"Hi."
"You're here early."
"Yeah, I couldn't sleep last night."
"I'm sorry."
Kurt couldn't respond to that, so he just shrugged out of his coat and set it on the chair that Marisol had been sleeping in earlier. The woman stepped out for a few hours, claiming she wanted to get some items for the baby, so since she was gone, that left Kurt and Blaine alone for however long she was gone. When his coat was safely sitting on the back of the chair, Kurt turned back to the bed, surprised to find Blaine sitting cross-legged and staring at him.
"You can sit," the younger boy said softly, gesturing to the mattress. When Kurt made to come over and sit, Blaine pushed himself farther back on the bed, hissing when the movement bothered his sore body.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Childbirth just takes a lot out of a person."
"I'm sorry you had to do that alone."
"My mom was here," Blaine whispered.
"Yeah, but... I would've been here if I knew."
"I know."
Kurt watched as his ex fidgeted with the blanket on his legs, his long fingers picking at the scratchy fabric as he kept his eyes away from Kurt's face. Just seeing how shrunken Blaine was making himself made Kurt's throat lock up a bit. He knew Blaine felt remorse over the things he'd done over the last year and he just couldn't get what Marisol had told him the night before out of his head.
He asked for you yesterday during the birth. He said he wanted you, Kurt, and it took me a bit to snap him out of it because he needed to keep pushing, but he was crying about you. He does feel bad over what happened, you know, no matter how quiet he gets when you try to talk to him about it. I know he still loves you and that you still love him even though he hurt you terribly. And Kurt, I understand your heartache and I understand that you're in pain, but if you can just talk to him and make him see your side of things, maybe he'll come around. If you two never ever get back together, that's fine, but you two have a baby to think about. Perhaps you can solve some things for him.
For him. Even though Kurt only knew about the baby for less than a day, he was already so in love with his son. Hell, the little guy was a spitting image of him for Christ's sake and despite the fact that he never imagined having a kid so young, he was already smitten with the babe. Smiling sadly, he reached out, gently taking one of Blaine's fidgety hands off of the blanket, lacing their fingers together. "I would've came home the second you needed me."
"I didn't want you to do that. You had an internship at Vogue and your dad told me you got into NYADA. Plus, you've got a new boyfriend. You have a life up there. I wasn't meant to be a part of that."
"That's bullshit and you know it. God, Blaine, when I went to New York for Nationals my junior year, I told Rachel that you were on board with our plan to make it to the city. My dream was to go up there and make it big with the love of my life and that's you."
"Was me."
"Is you. I still- god, Blaine, I still love you... despite what you did. I mean, god, I never wanted all of this to happen to us. We were supposed to make it, you know? You and I were supposed to beat the odds. We weren't like the others in New Directions. We were better than that... and then you- you cheated on me."
Blaine yanked his hand away, crossing his arms across his chest as he curled up tighter into himself. "I'm sorry. It was a mistake and it shouldn't have happened-"
"But it did."
"-and I've regretted it ever since."
"Why couldn't you have talked to me if you were feeling lonely? Remember that discussion we had with Miss Pillsbury about what happened with Chandler? Remember how-"
"We said we'd talk about it. That I would tell you if I felt lonely... but Kurt, I did. I tried. God, I tried all the freaking time and you never listened-"
"I-"
"I'd call you and you'd have to go because you were busy with Rachel or work or something. You kept cancelling our phone calls and our Skype dates and the night I won the election at school, you didn't even pick up the phone! God, I called you tons that week and you barely noticed I was trying to get in contact with you... and I- I was so scared because I was trying to figure out what to do about the baby and if I should even tell you or anybody else and then you kept blowing me off."
"I didn't mean to. I was so busy."
Blaine rolled his eyes, scoffing at Kurt's words. "You called me one day and I was so glad because I thought you were finally ready to talk, but instead you let me get two or three sentences in and then you hung up on me for gossip. For gossip, Kurt! I was trying to tell you about how much I missed you, I was trying to do what we talked about and you blew me off for some stupid gossip! How freaking important is your boyfriend compared to gossip, huh?!"
Kurt froze in his spot, eyes locked on to Blaine's now shaking form, watching as his ex uncrossed his arms and dropped his head into his hands as he began to cry. It was like a damn broke and all of a sudden, everything came spilling out. Blaine was bawling and the noise made the baby in the crib next to the bed stir, his soft whines mixing in with his father's loud sobs. "Blaine. Blaine, please?"
Pausing to suck in a deep breath, Blaine wiped his eyes with his fists and then wiped his wet palms on his hospital gown, turning towards the crib to grab the baby out from inside. "Shh," he soothed, still sniffling. He cradled the baby against his chest and tucked his face close to his son's head, rocking the infant back and forth as if he were trying to calm the baby down along with himself. "Daddy's got you. I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to wake you."
Kurt watched the moment quietly, tears in his eyes as he watched Blaine struggle to quit shaking as he held their son close. Looking at this side of Blaine right now made him wonder what all went on throughout the pregnancy, like how alone Blaine must've felt while he was trying to figure out what to do? God, he was still so disgusted with Blaine for lying to him, for cheating on him, and for breaking his heart. But as he just witnessed, he wondered how much of Blaine's heart he himself had broken. Gently, he reached out, letting his fingers brush against Blaine's knuckles, sighing when he felt how much Blaine's hands were trembling against his. His ex looked up, red eyes falling onto him and Kurt frowned.
"Blaine... I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much I ignored you. I didn't- I was so caught up with the newness of everything up there, I didn't stop to really notice you were hurting. I didn't even see it and I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I should've spoken up more-"
"No. I should've noticed. God, we even talked about communication before I left and I didn't even hold up my end of the bargain." Kurt let his hand fall onto Blaine's, squeezing his ex-boyfriend's wrist. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I really didn't and I'm so sorry."
"I'm sorry too," Blaine whispered, his voice feather soft. "I've been the worst person and I ruined your life and you didn't deserve that."
"You ruined my life? What are you-"
"I broke your heart. I cheated on you with some stupid guy that I didn't even know and I didn't tell you about him," he looked down at the baby. The little boy had dozed off against his chest, long lashes brushing his rosy cheeks as he napped. "You deserve so much better than this."
"Blaine-"
Sniffling, Blaine began babbling, letting everything that happened over the course of their separation spill out. Kurt needed to know; Kurt deserved to know. "That guy- that guy I was with... I didn't even know him. You had been in New York for a few weeks and I just found out I was pregnant-"
"When?"
"The day after you left."
"Oh, Blaine-"
"-and I was scared. I didn't know what to tell you or if I even wanted to. I didn't know how I was going to handle everything. I was scared of my parents finding out or that you'd find out and want to come home. I mean, we spent so long trying to get you to New York and you finally went and you were going to conquer that city and make NYADA realize what they passed up... and then I found out I was going to have a baby. And I- I couldn't break that to you, not when you were so happy to finally get out of Ohio. Not when you were so excited to be in the city and especially not after you got the internship at Vogue."
Kurt shook his head, "None of that would've mattered to me-"
"But it mattered to me. Because it made you happy. You were finally making it up there and if I told you about him, you would've just came back."
"You made me happy. I would've came back in a heartbeat if I had known."
"And I didn't want that for you-"
"But what about what I want? What about my opinion?"
Blaine paused, his hand stopping its circular rubbing motions on the baby's back as he glanced up at Kurt with wide golden eyes. "I didn't mean-"
"You keep on talking about not wanting me to do this or do that, but you've never even thought about what my feelings were on the matter. I loved you, I still love you, and I love our son... I would've came back for both of you. That would've been my choice, Blaine. Mine."
The two teens sat there in the silence, Blaine letting Kurt's words sink in while Kurt watched his ex and son, observing the tender way Blaine held the baby against him. He knew his words hit Blaine to the core and he wondered if the other boy finally understood why Kurt was so upset about all of this. Sure, he was broken up about the cheating, but what really hurt him was the fact that Blaine kept such a big secret from him. He basically jipped Kurt out of the experience of the pregnancy. Kurt didn't get to see any ultrasounds, he didn't get to feel the baby kick, or watch Blaine grow. He didn't get to relish in the excitement of having a baby, he didn't get to run around the city looking for cute clothes for their child. He wasn't there at Blaine's side when their son was being born. He missed everything.
Sure, he'd be able to watch the baby grow up now, but a huge part of Kurt's heart ached over missing all the other stuff... and he wondered if Blaine understood that.
"Do you mind if I hold him for a little bit?" He asked, his eyes gauging the look on Blaine's face as his ex sat there in silence. Blaine nodded and handed the baby over, letting Kurt envelope the infant with his strong arms before he pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head against his legs. "Blaine... you okay?"
"I never meant to hurt you. I just... I wasn't even thinking. This whole time, I was so scared, Kurt. I know that's not an excuse for anything I did, but I just- I was terrified of everything. I was scared to tell you because you worked so hard to get away and now I know I should've said something because you deserved to know... and I messed that up. I mess everything up."
"Blaine-"
"The guy I was with... he found me online. I didn't know what to do, so I posted in a male pregnancy forum looking for advice. He started commenting on my posts, telling me I shouldn't be doing this alone, and trying to cheer me up. I thought he was a decent guy, just trying to be friendly, you know? But then he found me on facebook and... that's when things changed."
Kurt nodded to let Blaine know he was listening and then he stood up, walking around the room with the baby nestled against his chest, his nose nuzzled against the fine hair on top of the child's head.
Blaine continued, "I don't even know how he found me, but he did. He started messaging me and poking me on there and then he started sending me these... suggestive messages. I ignored them because I was trying to talk to you and get back on track with us, but that day after the gossip issue, I was so mad that I... I went over to his house." Kurt paused in his pacing for a moment before he went back to walking around the room and Blaine took that as a sign to move on.
"So I went to his place and he was so nice to me. He was comforting me about how upset I was over what was happening with you and then he said somethings about you that I told him not to say because he didn't know you and you didn't know about the baby, but he blew me off and kissed me instead. And like, Kurt, I don't even know what happened there. One second he was kissing me and I just... I felt wanted. Like for once in a long time, someone actually wanted me, wanted to listen to me, wanted to know how I feeling."
Kurt bit his lip, shaking his head slowly, and Blaine could see how annoyed he was by the whole thing and what Blaine just said, but he pushed on.
"He kept kissing me and the next thing I remember, he was touching me and I freaked out. When I snapped back, my shirt was off and he had... he touched my belly. And it was like someone poured a gallon of ice water on me. Some other guy who wasn't the father of my child was touching my belly and I felt so bad; you have to believe me. That's why I came up to New York to tell you... because I didn't want you to hear it anywhere else."
"You mean like how I heard about my own child's birth?" Kurt's voice was low and venomous, his anger starting to seep through, and the tone made Blaine shiver.
"I'm sorry."
"You keep saying that, but do you really mean it?"
The icy words directed at him hurt, but Blaine nodded nonetheless, hoping that Kurt would understand that he was truly sorry for everything he did. He twiddled his fingers in his lap, his fingernails cutting into his palms when he curled his hands into fists. "I will be sorry for the rest of my life," he murmured, sucking in a shuddery breath as another round of sobs threatened to spill out. "I know you probably don't want to even deal with me right now, but I am sorry and I'll be sorry forever."
Silently, Kurt walked over to the crib and carefully laid the baby inside, brushing his hand over the little one's cheek before he stepped back and wandered over to where his coat lay. Without another look at Blaine, he shrugged the coat on and headed towards the door, ignoring the increasing sniffing sounds from the other side of the room.
"I need some time to think," he stated plainly, opening the door. "I'll talk to you later."
"Kurt, wait, please-"
And then he was gone.
::::::::::
"Where's Kurt? Wasn't he stopping by?"
Blaine opened his eyes, pushing away from the pillows when he heard his mother's voice. Kurt left over an hour before and Blaine ended up crying himself to sleep, now waking because his mother was taking the baby from his crib, a fresh bottle in her hand.
"Did Kurt come today?"
"We got into a fight."
"Oh, honey, I'm sorry."
"If I see him again, it'll probably be for something like custody or something. I wouldn't blame him. I'd take me to court too. He'll give the baby a better life than I ever could-"
"Hey now, enough of that." Marisol scolded, glaring daggers at her son as she began to sit down in the chair she'd been frequenting lots over the last 24 hours. Before she sat completely down, she paused and turned, brushing a piece of folded up paper off of the seat. "Is this yours?" She asked Blaine, gesturing at the paper.
"No, it's probably Kurt's. He had his coat over there earlier. It's probably a speech he wrote about how much he hates me."
"What did I just say? Stop that." His mother hissed again, carefully leaning down to grab up the paper with her free hand. Once she had it in her grasp, she settled back down again and unfolded the note, holding it open with her elbow while her hands stayed busy holding and feeding her grandson. "Oh..."
"Is it a speech?"
"No, now stop quit freaking out. You're not about to throw yourself a pity party over a fight, Blaine. Kurt's probably upset over the things he's learned over the last day and it was probably better for him to leave instead of staying here and fighting with you."
"He wouldn't even talk to me though. I made him so mad."
"Well, what did you say?"
"I told him about Eli and what happened there."
"Well, what were you expecting? For him to be happy you told him?"
"I was being honest; he needed to know the whole story. I just- I know he has every right to be mad at me. Hell, I'm mad at me, but still... it hurts."
Marisol nodded, her eyes scanning the paper on her lap. "Yes, well sweetheart, it will hurt for a while. But you've gotta move past it. Slipping away isn't good for you, especially now that you have a baby to take care of. You've gotta put some of your needs behind you and worry about him. He's little and very vulnerable, and he's going to need you for a long time."
"It's hard though. Everytime I look at him, I see Kurt."
"That's what happens when you have a child with someone, honey." She said, smirking when Blaine scoffed at her. Still grinning, she rose up from the chair and used her slightly free hand to drop the folded paper on Blaine's bed. "Perhaps you should take a look at this."
"I don't think Kurt would want-"
"Just look at it, Blaine. You'll see."
So Blaine opened the paper, eyes widening when he caught scratchy scrawl all over the page. Blue ink ran rampant over the paper and every single word scribbled on it made Blaine's heart stop in his chest. There were tons of names, tons (including names of various famous actors or musicians) written all over the page. As Blaine's eyes scanned the list, he couldn't help but smile at the random pairings of first and middle names - many were considered traditional boy names, but there were also mixes of girl and unisex ones as well. Some of them were names that Blaine recognized from the past, ones that he and Kurt discussed late at night while they were laying in bed, naked and cuddling after a beautiful evening of sex. Some of the names Blaine liked were paired alongside with middle names Kurt had once mentioned and the sight of them written on paper in Kurt's scrawl made Blaine's throat tighten up.
But nothing could've prepared him for what he saw at the bottom of the page; there, written smaller than the names, was the name Hummel-Anderson, and upon seeing it, Blaine wept.
A/N: I swore this would only be two chapters and yet this chapter ran away from me so I suppose there will be another chapter. Hopefully that one will be the last (complete with a mini-epilogue) and then I can put all my focus back onto Two Steps Back. I hope to update that fic soon so if you're reading that too, keep a lookout! Anyway, thank you for the reviews last chapter and I hope you liked this one. If there's anything about Kurt and Blaine's discussion that you feel I should touch up on more in the next chapter or if there's something I missed, let me know. Also, the baby needs a name, so I'm open to suggestions! Thanks everyone!