Chapter Six:
Leia was just about to fall asleep when a raging storm in the Force grabbed her utter and complete attention. Han, already half asleep, barely glanced at her.
Leia sat up, trying to make sense of what she was feeling. Dark emotions swirled like a maelstrom a few floors below, steadily increasing in velocity as the people responsible reached the climax of their argument.
And at the center of this storm was a deep well of anguish.
And Luke.
Leia leapt out of bed.
"Han, I'm going out!" She called.
"What? Do you know what time it is?" Han grumbled in confusion.
Leia ignored him, throwing on her dress once more and rushing to the turbolift. When it arrived at her floor, Leia sent it to Luke's level.
The lift doors opened just as her brother staggered out of his door. He caught himself on the wall, breathing heavily for a moment. As soon as R2-D2 was out the door, Luke pulled himself upright and stalked toward the lift.
He didn't notice Leia until he walked in, and R2 greeted her.
When he did see her, he immediately slammed up his mental shields, though his surprise leaked out profusely.
"Leia, what are you doing up?" He asked, too casually.
"I felt all the darkness." Leia shuddered when she tried to touch Luke in the Force and was met with an icy coldness. His presence was colder than liquid nitrogen. "What happened?"
"I'm leaving Coruscant." Luke stated flatly. "Right now."
Leia blinked. "In the middle of the night?"
"Yes, in the middle of the night!" Luke snapped.
Leia backed up a pace, suddenly frightened, causing Luke to bow his head in shame.
"I'm sorry Leia; I didn't mean to take my… frustration out on you." Luke whispered, rubbing his temples.
Leia said nothing while they left the building and walked to the hanger where the Millennium Falcon and Luke's X-wing were berthed. She could sense now that her brother was wound tighter than a stressed coil. One slip and he would snap.
She had never seen him so worked up, and it chilled her to the bone.
Luke used the Force to lift R2-D2 into the droid socket, and then climbed the ladder and leaned into the cockpit to request clearance to leave. Once he had it, Luke returned to Leia, and gave her a stiff hug.
"Will you be back before your museum visit?" Leia asked quietly.
Luke shrugged. "I don't know."
Leia touched his cheek, turning his face to hers. "Please, Luke, let me help you."
He simply stared at her, an internal war raging in those normally bright blue orbs. He closed his eyes, leaned into her palm, and then abruptly broke away. He got halfway up his ladder before he stopped, resting his forehead on the next rung.
Leia watched anxiously, not sure what to do for him. To her amazement, Luke's shoulders began to tremble, and he very slowly returned to the ground yet again. Leia leaned to get a view of his face and saw him biting a quivering bottom lip.
Without warning, Luke turned to Leia and crumpled against her, his legs giving out beneath him. He slumped to the ground, and Leia went with him, cradling him as he sobbed uncontrollably. His shoulders heaved mightily with each fresh wave of pain and tears.
Leia couldn't help but join him in his weeping, so strong was his despair and… isolation. Leia held her twin as he raged through a personal storm she only marginally understood. But what she inherently knew was that Luke desperately needed her just to be there, and not interrogate him.
Luke had been wounded immensely, she could feel now, to the extent that he had broken down almost entirely. Almost.
Something lay carefully hidden from her despite his current state, a fact that both amazed and irritated her. But she remained silent on the matter, somehow knowing that if she pushed him now, she would be doing irrevocable damage.
After several long minutes, Luke quieted, and simply clung to her. Then he pulled away, wiped at his face, and stood, offering her his hand. She took it and he hoisted her up, drawing her into a gentle embrace.
"Thank you, Leia." He whispered against her shoulder.
With that, he got into his flight suit, closed the cockpit, and lifted off. Leia backed away to a safe distance, watching him leave.
00000
Three weeks after her fight with Luke, Mara found herself in the mess hall aboard the Wild Karrde. She'd left as soon as Luke had, and she had now been aboard Talon Karrde's flagship for most of that time.
Karrde met her at her table that morning, and he laid a gentle hand on her arm.
"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly.
"Fine." Mara said dismissively. "What work do we have today?"
Karrde lifted an eyebrow, noting how many empty dishes lay about her, and she gave him a look of strained patience.
"I need something to do." Mara complained. "Anything."
Talon produced a datapad, and offered it to her. "If you could arrange a few meetings with the suppliers on this list, that would be most helpful."
"I'll get right on it." Mara promised, rising from her table.
She walked at a brisk pace to her office and closed the door behind her. She slumped into the chair behind her desk, running a hand over her face. She shook her head to clear it, and set to work, gratefully losing herself in the task at hand.
Some hours later a knock at her door made her look up from her work.
"Come in." She answered, stretching tired legs.
Shada D'ukal entered, carrying a steaming cup of caf. She placed the mug on the desk before Mara.
"A late welcome home gift." Shada said simply.
Mara gratefully accepted the mug. She sniffed at the contents, allowing the aroma to clear her muddled brain.
"Thanks. I need this." Mara said, taking a sip.
"So, where've you been?" Shada asked tentatively. "Karrde said only that you were dealing with some personal matters that would require time. We've all been filling in for you."
Mara stared, and as the full meaning of what she'd said sank in, Mara began to seethe inwardly.
"Karrde knows?" She asked dangerously.
"Knows what?" Shada pressed. "Are you alright?"
Mara looked at the woman, and with an effort kept her expression calm.
"Talon was telling the truth. I ran into some trouble on Coruscant, and I had to deal with it. End of story."
Shada raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "End of story? I don't think I've ever seen Mara Jade take a leave of absence."
Mara stared at her quizzically.
"Oh come on, Mara." Shada reprimanded upon seeing the redhead's confusion. "What happened? Surely you remember requesting time off."
"Why do you care what happened?" Mara snapped, her patience evaporating like a drop of rain on Tatooine.
"Because we've all been in the dark covering for your stubborn backside, that's why!" Shada shot back. "The least you could do is give us a hint."
"Absolutely not." Mara ground out. "Karrde said it was personal, and that's how it's going to stay."
"Fine." Shada grated. "But don't expect any favors for a while."
"Wouldn't dream of it." Mara said.
Without another word, Mara jumped up and stormed out. Moments later, she was in Karrde's office, jabbing a finger at him.
"You knew?" She demanded. "How?"
Karrde cleared his throat, nodding behind her. She turned to see a few people sitting in chairs behind his desk. In her anger she'd completely missed their presence.
"If you gentlemen would excuse us, we have a few delicate matters to discuss." Karrde said politely.
Mara offered a fake apologetic smile, waiting until the door was locked to resume her rant.
"Who told you?" Mara demanded.
"Skywalker commed me to ask for your whereabouts the same night you were attacked." Karrde explained. "I asked him to keep me informed."
"So he just decided to take matters into his own hands." Mara grated. "How typical."
Karrde offered a reproving look. "Mara, he didn't want you to lose your job. How is that a bad thing? He knows how much you love your career."
She looked away, some of her anger dissolving, only to be replaced by guilt. "Who else knows?"
"As far as I know, Skywalker, one doctor, and I are the only ones." Karrde answered.
Mara nodded.
"Since we've already opened the proverbial can of worms, why are you here, Mara?"
She looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"You are supposed to be resting and recuperating." He said sternly. "And I know for a fact that even for Mara Jade that takes more than a couple days."
She glared. "I can manage." But even as she said it, Mara realized that the room was starting to spin, just a little.
Odd, I don't feel sick… she thought, taking a seat to hide her dizziness.
Karrde settled into his own chair, and leaned his elbows on the table. "When you returned to us, you were so taut no one was willing to go near you unless I threatened their careers. What I would like to know is what caused your… er, abrupt return?"
She didn't want to talk about it, but she knew she had to, and for some strange reason, Mara found herself trusting her employer completely.
"I asked Skywalker to have sex with me." She burst angrily, standing so suddenly she upended her chair. "And he refused me!"
Karrde made a valiant effort to hide his astonishment. This was the last thing he had expected to hear from her.
"I don't follow." He said cautiously.
She was pacing now. "I… had some issues the first day out of the med center. Luke got to me and told me I was beautiful, and worth loving." She vented, not caring that she was rambling. "So when I went home, I started to think, if you can call a screwed up brain capable of thought. I went off on a damned random tangent about what it would be like to make love. I mean really make love.
"I've never known what it was like. And I wanted to, with Skywalker. But he played me, toyed with my kriffing heart, the coward!"
Karrde tapped a finger to his chin thoughtfully.
"If I hear you correctly, it sounds to me like you were still rather distraught when this occurred. Correct?"
She nodded silently.
"And he refused you?" He pressed.
Another nod.
"How does that make Luke Skywalker a coward?" Karrde asked.
She stopped to look at him, anger evident in her stance. "He… I don't know." She admitted in defeat, her anger draining away momentarily.
"Mara, why did you want Luke to make love to you?"
She up-righted her chair, buying herself time to think. "I wanted to know what real love was. I've never known. I wanted him to show me…" she trailed off, losing her courage.
"What?" Talon urged.
"It's stupid." Mara muttered. "Child's stuff."
"And…?"
She looked up, her cheeks burning. "I wanted him to show me true love, okay? Stupid of me, childish."
Talon shook his head. "No. True love is something all beings search for, in one way or another. That does not make it childish; adults simply go about it differently."
Mara allowed a small smirk, but then her anger returned. "Well, he didn't show me. He backed away from me like I was diseased. And I felt him wanting to make love: he was visibly restraining himself." She laughed humorlessly.
Karrde leaned forward a touch more, a serious expression on his face.
"Mara, what Luke did was an act of love." He stated firmly.
"How can you say that?" Mara almost shouted. "He refused me!"
"Did you not say yourself that you were unable to think straight?"
"Yes." Mara snapped.
"So, naturally, you didn't really know what you were asking of Luke, and of yourself." Karrde surmised.
"I…" Mara started, somewhat taken aback.
"Mara, do you really think sex is what you needed that day?" Karrde asked. "Would you have woken happy the next morning?"
Mara stared at her hands, unable to answer. Her vision was starting to swim again, and the room was getting stiflingly hot.
"Mara?" Karrde insisted.
"No." She said quietly, not looking up.
"You would have resented the love making."
"Yes."
"And you would also resent Skywalker, even though you asked him to do it."
"Yes." Her voice was a mere whisper now.
"So by refusing your request, Luke is a coward who knows nothing of love?" Karrde finished.
"No!" Mara hissed.
She tried to stand, but her legs wobbled, and she collapsed back into her chair, sweating profusely.
"Mara?" Karrde said, his tone suddenly anxious.
Mara barely heard him. She felt something warm and metallic smelling seep into her pants, just as her vision began to close in around her.
"Mara!"
She felt her head connect with something hard, and then darkness took her.