My Baby's Got a Secret
Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. This fic will dive into MPREG, so I'll be using my go-to MPREG explanation like I did in When We're Older aka the Reddin gene. The gene is based on the Reddin character from the 1994 movie Junior. You should really watch it if you like mpreg. It's a good movie, I promise (I also don't have any rights to it either!) The idea behind this fic belongs to the lovely likesboyswholikeboys. The plot is all hers and she graciously allowed me to write my take on her awesome plot, so all my thanks go to her!
"I want to talk... well, umm, about us."
Blaine watched Kurt hold Jace against him like the baby was the most precious thing in the world (and he was, but still the action made Blaine's heart swell every time.) The room was quiet minus the little snuffling noises Jace made as he stared up at his other dad and while the two look-a-likes bonded after several weeks of not seeing each other face-to-face, Blaine hovered in the background, stomach churning in anticipation.
What does Kurt want to talk about exactly? What's going on?
The sound of footsteps echoed through the main hall and then Nicholas peered into the living room, eyeing Blaine for a second before his eyes fell onto Kurt and Jace. "Are you guys hungry? Marisol's gonna put in an order at the Japanese place downtown and pick up something before she heads home. What did you two want?"
A thoughtful look passed on Kurt's face and then he glanced at Blaine, "I can't for the life of me remember what that place has. Did we ever eat there?"
"A few times," Blaine whispered, his heart dropping just a bit over the fact that Kurt didn't remember the tiny family owned restaurant that they'd frequented quite a bit during the time they dated. To him, it looked like the fresh newness of New York and their Asian restaurants took over the memories of the delicious food they ate together over the last few years. Frowning, Blaine continued. "You got shrimp tempura last time we went; you liked it a lot."
"Oh yeah! Could I get that please?"
Nicholas nodded and waited for Blaine to answer, scribbling down the boys' orders once Blaine decided on a platter of sushi and an order of takoyaki. "Alright, well I'm gonna go call your mom and we'll probably eat around 5, okay?" With that he disappeared, leaving the two boys and baby all alone once again. As soon as he was out of the room (and out of earshot), Kurt turned to Blaine, situating himself on the sofa so that he and Jace could stare at him.
"You know... this is going to sound stupid, but I'm really surprised your dad's talking to me. I always thought he hated me."
"Yeah, I know. I thought the same thing. I guess I was wrong. I usually am with him," Blaine said softly, looking towards the hallway where he could hear his dad talking on the phone somewhere else on the first floor. "He's been great with Jace and everything though. I thought he'd be angry about that as well, but he's been great."
"Your dad isn't as bad as you think. He loves you, it just took him a while to open up to you."
"Yeah, I know."
Kurt smiled, understanding, and he kissed Jace on top of the head. "I really missed this."
"He's missed you too. You... haven't answered your Skype the last few days. I thought something was wrong... that or you were mad at me. Which I understand, by the way. I was being an idiot. I just-"
"I was mad at you," the older boy whispered, eyes flicking up to Blaine's before he looked back at their son. "I was ticked at you because you were mad at me over something I couldn't control. I mean, yeah, Adam shouldn't have interrupted us that one night, but I didn't even know he was coming over. Rachel let him in as she was leaving for work and the next thing I know, he's walking in my room. I never expected him to do that nor did I ever want him to. I didn't want him to meet Jace like that."
At the thought of Adam meeting Jace, Blaine's heart stopped. He tucked himself further into the chair and picked at his socked feet, not about to glance up at his ex and see the sad look that was bound to be there. Because he's moved on and you haven't.
"Blaine?"
"Yes?"
"Adam and I broke up."
What? "What?"
Kurt bit his lip, his blue eyes closing for just a moment. "He was nice, he really was. It just... didn't work out. I wasn't ready for a serious commitment right now, not with Jace and everything. I couldn't develop a relationship or feelings for someone else when I don't know what I want in life right now anyway."
"What does that even mean?" Blaine asked cautiously. Eyes narrowed, he stared at his ex curiously, heart racing in his chest as Kurt opened his eyes and let his icy gaze fall onto him.
"It means that it's hard to move on when you're still painfully in love with someone else."
And there it was.
Like that, Blaine's breath wooshed out of his chest like a balloon that had just been popped. Every little bit of him deflated in relief and fear and his mouth fell open for a split second, snapping shut when he noticed the tears that glimmered in Kurt's eyes. "I don't understand."
Kurt looked up at the ceiling, trying his hardest not to break down. One of his hands was curled around Jace, hugging the baby close while the other stroked the infant's fine hair. A high pitched noise slipped from his lips and he shook his head, blinking rapidly as a few of the tears he tried to hide fell. "I kept on telling myself that I needed to move on from you, that you hurt me so bad and that I deserved better. But god, Blaine, I spent so many nights crying over you and about what happened between us and then when I thought I was finally moving on, I found out that I wasn't... not really.
"I brought Adam with me to the wedding because I thought if I had him with me, I'd be able to stay away from you. But then you didn't show up and I spent the entire time in Lima wondering about you - wondering where you were and everything. I even thought about coming here to see you but then I decided against it because who visits their cheating ex-boyfriend? I couldn't. So I went back to New York with Adam and tried to move on. I really, really tried and it didn't work.
"Then I found out you had a baby and I saw him and you and I knew I'd never be able to move on because I love you both so much. You hurt me so bad and I wanted to hate you, but after I came back and you told me everything, I realized that while I was angry at you for what you did. I was angry at myself for what I didn't do."
"Kurt-"
"I didn't treat you right. Not like I was supposed to, not like I promised. I just- I got so caught up in everything in New York and I didn't divide my time right. I spent more time doing stuff up there when I should have been making sure you were okay."
"No, that wasn't your job-"
"Yes, it was. I promised you we'd talk and I didn't follow through. I was supposed to be a good boyfriend; good boyfriends make sure their significant others are okay and they keep in touch when they're apart. Instead, I got sidetracked and I ignored you when you needed me the most and I'm sorry."
Blaine shook his head in disbelief, shocked by the apology but also feeling completely unworthy of it. It didn't feel right to him, to let Kurt sit there and apologize for stuff after the last few weeks and how Blaine treated him over Skype the other night. Sure, a few months ago, Blaine was hurting deeply from the whole ordeal - from the cheating, from watching Kurt date somebody else, and so on. But now, knowing that Kurt was there and pouring out his soul to him, Blaine felt horrible. "Kurt-"
"I love you, you know? I really do. I've loved you since the day we met and I loved you even though you broke my heart. I love you and Jace and even though I know I've broken your heart too, I hope that maybe you still-"
"I'll always love you," Blaine interrupted, wiping the tears from his eyes as they spilled down his face. Kurt was staring at him with such an open look, eyes wide and watery, his love (as well as regret) written all over his expression. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I don't think I could ever express how sorry I am for what I did."
"You've told me before and I forgive you. I do. I'm sorry too. For not treating you right and for hurting you as well."
The apology was too much. Those words coming from Kurt's mouth made everything within Blaine ache yet all he wanted to do was be closer to Kurt, close enough to let him know that it was okay, that he accepted Kurt's apology and wanted nothing more than the two of them to be friends (or even more) again. Fighting back tears, Blaine pushed himself forward and out of the chair, stumbling over to Kurt's side as he climbed onto the couch and gently (careful of Jace's position in Kurt's arms) pulled his ex into his arms. Both boys clung to each other, Kurt with one arm wrapped around Blaine while the other held Jace and Blaine with his arms tightly curled around Kurt's back. "I'm so sorry."
"I know. I'm sorry too. So sorry."
They both babbled apologies at each other, months of pain and anguish pouring from their souls as they held one another and it wasn't until Jace screamed that they stopped and pulled away. Kurt smiled, face wet and eyes shining as he looked down at his carbon copy of a son. The infant was squirming unhappily in his arms and Blaine immediately began to sing to him, causing Jace to shush instantly.
"How'd you do that?"
"We've been toying around with different songs to see which ones make Mister Jay-Jay happy. You should sing to him too; he'll love your voice." I do.
Kurt blushed and sniffled, wiping at his face with his shirt sleeve. Slowly, he maneuvered Jace in his arms so that the little one was laying on his thighs and once his son was staring up at him, Kurt tickled the babe's chin, cooing at his adorable little boy. "God, I've missed so much."
"You can make it up. You're home for a few weeks, right? You can stay here or take him for a few nights to stay at your dad's if you want... and I can tell you everything you need to know about-"
Before Blaine could finish his sentence, a mouth pressed against his, effectively silencing him from further discussion. Eyes popping open, he stared straight ahead at Kurt, shock registering throughout his whole body as his ex brought a hand up to cup the side of his face. Just the feel of Kurt's lips against his own made everything feel so much better; it was like he was being welcomed back into a whole room of warmth, like someone was waving the dark clouds away and now he could see sunshine. Closing his eyes, he leaned into the kiss and brought his own hand up to curl his fingers around Kurt's wrist. For several seconds, Kurt's lips moved against his own and then they were gone, leaving a tingling feeling behind as Kurt pulled apart.
"I hope you don't mind that I did that. I just... missed you. Missed this."
"I missed it too," Blaine said breathlessly, blinking his eyes open to find Kurt staring at him. Both boys watched each other for a few minutes, smiling lazily at one another until Jace decided to make himself known with yet another scream. "Oh, sorry baby boy. Were your daddies not paying enough attention to you?" Grinning, Blaine leaned down and kissed Jace's waving arm, leaning over to stage whisper at Kurt. "He gets that from you."
"Gets what from me?"
"Screaming when he's not being paid attention to."
"I do not scream!"
"Yeah, me and a bunch of other people would beg to differ," Blaine laughed, darting out of the way when Kurt swung at him. "No hitting in front of the baby. That'll teach him bad things."
"Shut up."
"Telling me to shut up is also a bad thing. It's very rude. Honestly, you should-" A cough from behind them broke them from the moment and Blaine turned around, eyes widening when he spotted his father standing in the doorway. The elder Anderson looked very amused by the sight before him and whenever he caught the reddening blush of both boys' cheeks, he smirked.
"Your mom's on her way here. She got out early. I just thought I'd let you know that she'll be here soon so you can figure out what you want to feed Jace. I can make him a bottle if you want me to. He hasn't eaten in a while."
Still embarrassed, Blaine ducked his head but nodded anyway. Snickering, his father left the room and Kurt shook his head, reaching out to take one of Blaine's hands within his own.
"He looked like he was expecting something."
"I think he was surprised to see us sitting together."
"I'm a little surprised we're sitting together too, but I'm happy we are. I did really miss this." He squeezed Blaine's hand tightly and then swept his thumb against the smooth skin of Blaine's inner wrist. "I feel like I've missed so much."
"You'll catch up. I'll show you whatever you need."
"Even when it comes to learning Jace's favorite lullabies?"
"Especially when it comes to learning Jace's favorite lullabies."
::::::::::
After the unexpected kiss, Kurt and Blaine sat together on the couch, cooing at Jace and singing to him whenever he got a little cranky from being hungry. It only took Nicholas a few minutes to make Jace's bottle, so once that was done, he brought the fresh, warm bottle of formula to Kurt and then went to wait for his wife, leaving the small family alone to bond while he was gone.
Kurt spent the time feeding Jace in a state of awe; the last time he had the chance to feed his son was when Jace was just a tiny little guy and since then, the baby had grown ridiculously. He was longer, a little heavier, and he looked a lot more like a Hummel than he ever had before. His dirty blonde hair had grown quite a bit as well and was darker, edging more towards brown, and his blue eyes were dark like a stormy sky, just beautiful. Looking at him made a proud feeling swell in Kurt's heart and he couldn't help but admire how much he adored this child - his child.
Jace was a great eater too. He noshed on his bottle quietly, eyes wide open as he stared up at Kurt curiously, probably wondering why the guy he usually heard over a grainy computer connection was suddenly so much clearer and now holding him. "You probably are like: who are you?" Kurt babbled at his son as he fed him, cradling him close while Blaine sat beside them watching quietly. The other teen was dead silent, quieter than he'd been since Kurt arrived and while it could have been because he was tired (he did look completely wiped out), there also seemed to be something teetering there on the edge. Something strange. Something that Kurt couldn't put his finger on. "You okay?"
Blaine's eyes shot up, widening for a second as they caught Kurt's before he looked back down at the baby. "I'm fine. Sleepy mostly. But I'm okay."
"Just making sure." Keeping his gaze on Blaine, Kurt continued to feed and burp Jace, intrigued as to why his ex looked so far off after he'd been so close just moments before. It was like Blaine was a balloon waving around in the sky, seconds away from being untied from his post and floating off. God, from what Kurt could see, it was like Blaine was struggling with something... and Kurt just couldn't put a finger on it. Was it the kiss? What was it? Frowning, he patted Jace's back until the baby burped and once the little guy was snuggled against his chest, he closed his eyes, allowing his thoughts to continue to race with what could possibly be wrong with his ex.
:::::::::
The sounds of chopsticks clicking, utensils scraping on plates, and soft chewing were the only noises that filled the dining room as the Anderson family (and Kurt) sat down for dinner. Jace was resting against Kurt's shoulder while his father ate with one hand and while it was a little bit difficult to eat that way, Kurt wouldn't put Jace down for anything. On the other side of the table sat Blaine, the younger guy barely eating his sushi as he nudged each piece of raw tuna filled rice to the side and into a pat of wasabi; he'd hardly touched his plate since they sat down and the action worried Kurt, though he had yet to say anything.
Even the container of takoyaki remained opened and cooling, which made Kurt's stomach flip anxiously - because he knew how much Blaine loved them.
"Blaine-" He spoke, only to be interrupted by the voice of Mrs. Anderson, who began to speak to her son at the same time Kurt did.
"Honey, did you take your medication today?"
A fork clattered to the table and Kurt looked up, wide-eyed with shock as he stared across the table at Blaine and found his former lover blinking in horror at Marisol. Even with some of his vision blocked by Jace's tiny head, Kurt could see the blistering anger and overwhelming fear written all over Blaine's face, as if Kurt finding out he was taking some sort of medication was the worst thing to happen to him.
"Sweetheart?"
"Yes, I always do," was all Blaine could hiss out before he shook his head forcefully and pushed his chair away from the table, standing up. His hands made quick movements of picking up his barely eaten plate of food to put away and before Nicholas and Marisol were able to stop him from leaving, Blaine brushed them off, cheeks reddened in embarrassment as he disappeared in to the kitchen.
"Marisol!"
"You know he has to take his pills! He's been acting so off today. I thought he forgot to take them!"
"Well maybe he didn't want Kurt to know?"
At the mentioning of his name, all eyes fell onto Kurt and the boy stared back as steady as he could, mind wandering with the idea that Blaine was taking something he didn't want Kurt to know about... what it was, he didn't know, but god, did he want to.
"Kurt," Mr. Anderson began, pausing for a second to stare at the entryway to the room to see if Blaine had come back. He didn't. "Blaine didn't tell you about his medication, did he?"
"He never said anything about having to take any sort of pills."
Marisol nodded sadly, gently laying her chopsticks on her plate before she ran a hand through her thick black hair. "He's probably embarrassed, though he shouldn't be. Sometimes things become too much and you need a little help. He knows that."
"What do you mean?" The icy feeling of paralyzing distress splintered up his spine and Kurt hugged Jace a little closer. He felt the Andersons' eyes on him and instantly he knew that whatever he was going to hear wouldn't be good news, not with how quiet everything became. "Is he okay?"
"He will be. He's on anti-depressants right now. You see, the last few weeks have been really rough on him, Kurt, and you should know that because he may be acting differently around you. Nicholas and I have been worried sick about him. A few weeks ago, he walked right into our bedroom with Jace and kept on talking about how he couldn't do it anymore. He was so upset that night. I'm not sure what triggered it or if it was just a bunch of stuff that piled up and eventually exploded in him, but it wasn't pretty. We were so scared for him."
Oh god. Kurt swallowed heavily and, to calm his aching stomach, he distracted himself by rubbing his hand up and down his son's back, nuzzling his nose into Jace's soft hair. Thinking back far enough, he was sure he knew the night of which Marisol spoke - it was probably the evening he and Blaine argued about Jace coming to New York. That night Blaine said those very same words: I can't do this, and at the time, Kurt didn't really understand. But now he was scared to find out. Sighing, he stood up from the table and carefully passed Jace over to his grandfather. "I think I need to have a talk with Blaine."
Before either Anderson could respond, he fled the room and went into the kitchen, sad to find the area empty. A quick look out of the kitchen window yielded the same results, so Kurt dashed through the bottom floor and up the stairs, pausing in the hall when he noticed a soft glow trickling under the door to Blaine's bedroom.
"Blaine? Can I come in?" He asked as he knocked three soft rapts on the dark wood. On the other side, he could hear labored breathing and he thought about opening the door and entering anyway. However, the door swung open on its own, revealing a haggard looking Blaine in the doorway, eyes reddened and skin flushed. He looked ashamed. "Can we-"
"There's nothing to talk about."
"Blaine-"
"I said there's nothing to talk about!" The younger boy yelled, storming across the room to grab up a bottle of pills sitting on his dresser. He held the bottle in his hands tightly, knuckles white against the bright orange container and as he held them, Kurt's breath stuttered in his chest.
"Are those for your depression?"
"I'm not- they don't even work!" Blaine threw the bottle across the room and it crashed against the bedroom door, falling to the floor and (thankfully) not busting like Kurt feared it would. Once the offending object was out of his hands, Blaine crumpled to the floor, tucking himself into a ball. "I don't know what's wrong with me! Those pills aren't working and I feel like crap! I don't even know-"
Kurt picked up the bottle and made his way over to his ex, dropping to his knees in front of Blaine as he waited for the boy to look up at him. It took him a few moments to respond, but Blaine finally glanced up, teary eyed and upset as he took in Kurt's sympathetic look.
"I don't know what's wrong."
"You're getting help though. That's what matters, right? The pills might not feel like they're helping right now, but you just started on them. It takes some time." Kurt dropped the pills on the floor and scooted close to Blaine, placing a steady hand on his ex's trembling arms. "I'm not sure why you're scared of me knowing because I don't judge you. You've been... you've been dealing with so much lately and I didn't even notice."
"It's not your job to take care of me."
"But we're in this together, you and me and Jace. We both have to be at our best to take care of him and you're hurting... and I- I've been a cause of that."
Blaine shook his head violently, his wet gold eyes watching Kurt mournfully. "No. No, that's not true. I hurt you first. I didn't- you never- it was my fault."
"We could go over this all day, honey, but the fact remains that we both had our issues with our old relationship... but we can fix it, whether it be as friends or someday something a little more. I just- I don't want you to hide things from me, not like this. I want you to be okay. When you're okay, I'm okay." The words echoed in Blaine's ears much like the words they used to say to each other when they were dating and all it did was bring about a fresh batch of tears. Kurt immediately stilled, shocked that Blaine melted into another crying spell, and when the other boy's breath hitched with a broken sob, Kurt pulled him into his arms and held Blaine tight, murmuring into his ear. "It's okay. Shh, it'll be okay. I'm here. I'll help you. We'll get through this. We'll get through it."
He could only hope what he said was true.
::::::::::
A few days went by after Blaine's meltdown. Kurt still came by, occasionally spending the night at the Andersons so he could be next to Jace more. He was gonna be there for the entire summer; Santana was taking over his share of the rent since he wouldn't be there to help Rachel and Santana had the money to do so (especially since she hadn't paid a dime since she set foot in the loft a few months prior.) So, since he didn't have to worry about rent or anything, he came straight home to spend the summer with his family (which definitely included Blaine and Jace.) Being back in Lima was different, especially since Kurt was now pretty used to the busy streets of New York, but it was nice to be back home and see his dad.
And to get to spend more time with Jace obviously - because that was pretty important too.
Four days after Kurt showed up at the house, Cooper came home too. Like a whirlwind, the eldest Anderson brother swept into Lima like a man on a mission, ready to meet his nephew and spend time with the newest member of the family. Unlike Kurt and some of the others who were around when Blaine was released from the hospital, Cooper wasn't able to come home right after Jace's birth like he wanted. At that time, he was busy shooting another free credit commercial and he couldn't take the time to fly back to Ohio. But, now that filiming was done, he was back for a few weeks vacation and was there to hang out with his family.
"Blainey!"
"Coop, shut up. Jace's asleep."
Cooper grinned and stepped into the room, smile bursting wider as he took in his younger brother and the baby nestled within the boy's arms. Never in a million years did he expect his brother to become a teen dad, but there he was holding his child in his arms like a fragile package.
"Precious cargo?"
"The most." He paused, "How are you? When'd you get in?"
Cooper walked closer to the two and carefully hugged Blaine, smiling down at the sleeping babe in his arms. "I just got here actually. Dad picked me up. God, Blaine, look at you. You're all teen dad and stuff." He maneuvered around his brother so he could get a better look at the baby, "And holy crap, look at this dude! He doesn't look anything like you, thank god."
"Shut up."
"So, can I hold him?"
"He's asleep, Coop."
"So? Then he can sleep on me. Please?" The older brother batted his lashes dramatically and Blaine rolled his eyes, gently passing over Jace with ease before he plopped back down on his bed. Behind him, Cooper cooed at his nephew, chuckling when the baby's forehead crinkled due to the foreign voice that was interrupting his slumber.
"Coop, you're gonna wake him up! I just got him to sleep!"
"Well, he needs to meet his uncle Cooper! Now... who's a cute little baby? You are! Who should be in commercials for baby food? Jace should!" For a second, the man silenced then turned to look at Blaine. "What made you two come up with Jace anyway? I don't think I've ever heard you mention the name."
"Kurt and I used to marathon Teen Mom 2 back in the day. Jace was one of the names of one of the kids on there and we liked it. Kurt had every single one of those babies' names on his list and that's the one we settled on."
"Ahh, a name inspired by trashy reality tv. Sounds like you're gonna have a hell of a time explaining that to him." Chuckling, Cooper took a seat on the bed next to his sprawled out little brother, adjusting the baby in his arms so he could look at the two of them simultaneously. "It's a nice name though. It would've been better if he were named something awesome like Cooper or something - in honor of your kickass brother, but whatev." Beside him, Blaine rolled his eyes once more and Cooper smirked. "I can't believe you had him. That's crazy."
"Tell me about it. I never would've believed it had I not lived through it."
"What was it like? You know, giving birth and all that stuff? Was it like it is in the movies?"
"Not as dramatic. Painful as heck obviously." Blaine rolled onto his back and stretched out, tucking his arms behind his head. "Mom was a great help though. I don't think I would've made it had she not been there."
"Nah, you would've been fine. You're strong." Cooper trailed off, allowing the silence and Jace's soft sleepy whimpers fill the room. Several moments passed before he spoke again. "You know, I can't believe you didn't tell anyone about the pregnancy. Like, you went through the whole thing and nobody knew. That's a lot like that tv show. The one where the person didn't know they were pregnant? Except you did."
"Oh my god-"
"No! Can you imagine though? Nobody knew about the baby but you, but we could totally lie about that. You could be on that tv show! And I could play myself and we could change up the story a bit - like I could come home from LA and walk in on you in labor and freak out or something and then-"
"No Coop, god no." Mortified by the thought of his story ever being on tv (fabricated or not), Blaine sat up, glaring at his brother with a mixture of disgust and horror written on his face. "It's bad enough that it happened at all. The last thing I need to do is make a tv show about it."
"What do you mean: bad enough that it happened? Did you not want-"
"NO!" Panicked, Blaine shook his head and then lowered his voice as soon as he could when he realized that he scared Jace a little with the volume of his outburst. "No, I just- Jace is my life, Coop. I'll never regret having him at all. I just... regret what I did and how I did it. People deserved to know about him before he came. I lied to everybody to save myself and all I did was hurt everyone." Then quietly he added, "That's all I ever do."
"Blaine-"
"But I don't regret Jace. I'll never regret having him and keeping him. I'm his dad and I love him more than anything in this world."
Cooper nodded, quickly adding something to make the conversation a little lighter now that a dark shadow seemed to have taken over Blaine's entire presence. "Even more than bowties?"
"Especially more than bowties."
At that, the brothers quieted, both too enthralled by watching Jace sleep in his uncle's arms. Once again, Cooper remarked how strange it was to have a baby in the family and the more he spoke, the calmer Blaine felt having his big brother around again. Yawning, the younger Anderson scooted closer to his brother and son and closed his eyes, exhaustion winning him over after several hours of being busy with the baby. He was still fast asleep when Kurt arrived an hour later, surprised to see Cooper Anderson sitting on the bed with Blaine sleeping on his thigh and Jace nestled against his chest.
"Is he okay?"
"I don't know. I hope he will be. Did I- did I miss something?"
Kurt shrugged, "Your mom said he's on anti-depressants. He's supposed to be seeing a therapist soon. I'm not sure if he's depressed because of earlier things or if he's postpartum depressed, but what I do know is that I'm going to be there for him. I hate seeing him like this."
"You're not going to lead him on are you?"
Kurt's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Shit, that came out wrong. I...I didn't mean that to be rude or anything, I just- what are your plans after the summer ends?"
"I don't see how that matters."
"Okay. What I mean is... where are you and Blaine going to be after this? He's struggling right now, especially if he's on meds for it. He still loves you too, like a lot. I think having Jace made it harder for him to get over you too. So, what's it gonna do to him when you hop back on that plane and go back to New York? Where does that leave him and Jace?"
"He'll be going to New York with me. He always said he wanted to go to NYADA."
"Did he? 'Cause dad told me that Blaine hasn't said one word about what he's doing for college and neither him nor my mom have seen one acceptance letter in the mail even though they're sure that Blaine sent out applications. Do you know what he has planned or are you just hoping?"
Kurt's gaze flickered over to Blaine's sleeping form and he frowned. Truthfully, he had no idea what Blaine's college plans were - if he even had any after Jace's birth however. Over the last few days, Kurt spent most of his free time bonding with Jace and talking to Blaine about all things baby related. Not once had they even spoke about Blaine's plans over the summer or what he planned to do once he graduated. Graduation was only a week and a half away and while many of the other seniors knew which colleges they were attending, Blaine hadn't made a peep about his plans at all... and now Kurt was worried.
Because what if Blaine pushed all his plans aside for Jace? What if he wasn't planning on going to college anyway? What if he wasn't going to New York like they once talked about?
Sure, their discussions about living together in New York City came about when they were still together as a couple, but now that they had Jace, Kurt wanted those talks to blossom into something real. He wanted Blaine and their son with him in the city. He didn't want to get on a plane alone and go back by himself, not without the two people he loved the most. Scowling, Kurt crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head back and forth, his mind struggling to come to terms with what he just learned.
"I thought he- he's never said-"
"Then maybe you two should talk about it?" Cooper scooted away from Blaine's clingy form and stood up, adjusting his tired arms to move Jace into a better position. For a second, he stared longingly at the baby and then passed him over to Kurt, offering his brother's ex a gentle smile. "Just... take care of them, okay? Blaine loves you and he's made mistakes; he's an Anderson, we make tons of them, but eventually we learn. He's sorry for what he did and I think that's what his problem is - he keeps on beating himself up over it and he needs to stop. We've just gotta figure out how to help him move on."
"I know."
With no other words, Cooper left the room, leaving Kurt and his sleeping loves all by themselves in Blaine's warm bedroom. In his arms, Jace snuffled against Kurt's chest and sighed, happy to be held, and Kurt kissed the top of his head, eyes burning as he watched Blaine sleep on the bed across the room.
He had no idea what he was going to do next, but he needed to find out what happened to Blaine's college letters. He needed to know whether or not Blaine planned on going to school or staying home and while he figured he wouldn't like the answer he'd later get, he had to try. He just had to.
::::::::::
By the time graduation rolled around at the end of May, Blaine was ready to just get the hell out of McKinley. The taunts and remarks about him being a teenaged father were getting to him and some days, all he wanted to do was stay home and sleep all day long. He wasn't even sure why he even had to go to school anymore during those last few weeks. There weren't any clubs for him to go to as they'd all been disbanded due to disinterest and while he was able to hang out with some of his glee friends, it just wasn't the same. Nothing felt right anymore, especially since the student body began to treat him differently. God, there were days when he'd walk into school and immediately get assaulted with harsh words about his bastard child or things along those lines.
And those words hurt... because Jace never did anything to anyone. He was born, that was all. He didn't have a choice; he was brought into the world by an emotionally immature scared teenager and it wasn't his fault his parents weren't together. That was all Blaine's deal and he couldn't handle hearing people call his son horrible names. Call him names, yeah okay... call his baby names, hell no.
So... when the day of graduation came, Blaine was ready to get the hell out of there.
Nervously, he bounced on the edge of his feet and glanced around the hall, eyeing various members of his class as they all stood around in their red cap and gowns. Artie was two people ahead of him in line, hands busy tapping out a rhythm on the wheels of his chair. Tina was down the hall a little bit, excitedly chatting with some girl Blaine didn't know (but recognized from several of their classes)... and Sam, well, he was doing impersonations of various celebrities and video game characters to try to soothe the nerves of their classmates before they went out and did their walk to get their diplomas.
"So, are you excited?" Artie's voice dragged Blaine out of his observations and he turned to talk to his friend, smiling shyly as Artie smirked up at him.
"Am I exctied? Yeah, I guess. I'm just ready for this all to be over with."
"Tell me about it. I'm ready for college. New York, here I come!"
Blaine's eyes widened. He didn't know Artie was going to New York. "You're going to the city? Really?"
"Yup. I'm going to film school in the fall. I'm so ready for this. This is gonna be the start of something new and I can't wait to get out of Ohio and try to make it up there. I mean, Santana, Rachel, and Kurt did it, so why can't I?"
At the mentioning of Kurt, a tightness occurred behind Blaine's eyes. New York, that's where Kurt belonged, where he thrived, and where he'd go once the summer was over. Once again he'd be going where Blaine couldn't follow. Once again he'd be leaving Blaine behind. Like he's supposed to because he deserves better, his mind added and Blaine shook his head, gazing out towards the curtains that hid the graduating class from the audience's sight. Like expected, Artie turned away after a few moments of silence and that left Blaine alone with his thoughts once again. Sighing, he crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes, wishing that the day would hurry up and end so he could get home.
Sure, it was nice being there with (some of) his classmates one more time before they graduated, but he felt so disconnected from most of them, so disconnected from everything really. Out there in the audience, his family and friends were waiting for him to get his diploma, but it felt so bittersweet to him. Unlike many of his peers, he wasn't doing anything after graduation except maybe getting a job and taking care of his son. He wasn't going out of state (or even out of town) for college. He wasn't even going to the community college; he was staying put at home. All his plans, all his big dreams disappeared that day he was told he was pregnant and god, while he would never blame Jace for having to pass up going to New York, he hated that he felt stuck in Lima.
A Lima loser.
He wasn't getting out like he planned, like he and Kurt planned. He had responsibilities. He had things to do for his son and he couldn't just bypass that because there were several big envelopes with his name on them waiting for him to open them and accept moving on into the next chapter of his life. Things had to wait and while he was sure that his family would be mad at him for not telling them about not going to college (though they shouldn't be too mad because it wouldn't be his first lie, honestly), he knew that while he respected their opinions, his life choices came down to him and him alone no matter how much it hurt.
"Blaine Devon Anderson!"
Blaine looked up, surprised to find that the line of graduates had been moving - graduation had started. He stepped out from behind the curtain and looked towards the audience, smiling slightly when he spotted his parents, Cooper, the Hudmels, and Kurt (who was bouncing Jace in his arms to the beat of the music) sitting in the front row. When he appeared in their sight, they all screamed, Kurt yelling the loudest as he took one of Jace's arms and made the baby wave.
"Yay Daddy! Yay! We love you!"
Grinning, Blaine walked over to his family and gave them all hugs, pausing for a second to kiss Jace on the top of his head before he ran onstage and took his diploma from Miss Pillsbury. Behind him, the crowd continued cheering as Principal Figgins called off the rest of the graduates names and by the time Blaine snapped back to reality, everyone around him was cheering and throwing their caps into the air.
"Can you believe we're done here? My god, dude! This is the best day ever!" Sam yelled, wrapping Blaine up in a one-armed hug. Tina and Artie rushed over to them as well and the four former New Directions members embraced, squeezing each other tight as Tina began to cry over their high school careers being over. Sam and Artie teased their friend for crying, but Blaine's thoughts were elsewhere as he watched Kurt come walking over towards him, Jace carefully held against his chest.
"Congrats guys," he greeted as he stepped into their sights. Sam and the others all gave hugs and kisses to him and Jace before they stepped off to find their own families; once they were gone, Kurt got closer and pulled Blaine into a hug, holding him tight before he stepped back with a shy smile. "I'm so proud of you."
Back in the day, those words coming from Kurt would've meant the world to Blaine, but this time, they barely caused a fizzle. He offered his ex a slight smile and then turned to Jace, taking the baby from his other dad before he nuzzled the child's hair. "Thank you. I'm glad you could come."
"I wouldn't have missed it."
"So... where'd my parents go?"
"Your mom's back there talking to my dad and Carole. Your dad's talking to Sam's dad... and Cooper? He's, uh, signing autographs?"
"I'm not surprised."
"So," Kurt started, lacing his fingers together as his eyes darted all over the filled auditorium. "Were you planning on going to dinner tonight with your family? Or were you just going home?"
"I don't know yet. I'd rather go home, but they'll probably want to go out. You wanna come?"
"I don't wanna impose."
"Please. You wouldn't be imposing. You're family, you know?"
Kurt blushed, "Well, if you guys do decide to go, then I'll tag along. Thanks for the invite."
"No problem."
As the two of them stood there in the bustling crowd, Blaine couldn't help but wonder what was going on in Kurt's head. His friend looked nervous, like being next to Blaine was awkward for him. It felt like they were shy best friends who were in love but afraid to tell each other... and Blaine didn't understand that feeling one bit. Because why would Kurt be feeling that way for him? They were done. They weren't together and they never were gonna be, despite that mistake of a kiss Kurt gave him a week before. It was a heat of the moment thing and Blaine played it off as such, knowing that he wouldn't let himself hurt Kurt anymore. Kurt needed to move on and he was going to tell him so... after dinner, of course.
::::::::::
The more Blaine thought about it, the more he realized that going out to dinner had been a bad idea from the get-go.
However he didn't say a word whenever he and his family piled in the car and went to Breadstix; it was just gonna be one hour at the restaurant and then he could go home and sleep like he wanted. But, unfortunately, other graduates had the same idea, so the place was crammed with former McKinley High students and their families and that meant that Blaine had to wait to get a table and had to see several people he wished he never had to deal with again. Walking into Breadstix made him feel nervous and angry because there were a few people who rudely pointed at him and whispered when he walked by, talking about him and Kurt before they pointed out the baby in the carseat being carried by Mr. Anderson.
He was the talk of the town basically, even though teen pregnancy wasn't an uncommon thing anymore, and it pissed him off.
Sour-faced, he sat down in his chair and waited for his dad to situate Jace's carseat in the seat between him and Kurt before he dug the baby's bottle out of his diaper bag. Kurt was talking to Cooper, too busy to notice the stone-faced look on Blaine's face; Marisol, however, spotted the look instantly and she shot a worried glance to her husband, the two sharing a significant stare with one another before they turned to Blaine.
"So, son, how does it feel to be out of high school finally?"
"It feels like any other day, to be honest." Blaine murmured, his tone causing the rest of the table to look up at him. Kurt frowned at him, blue eyes flashing with concern, but Blaine brushed him off, ignoring him (and the rest of the family) to coo at Jace for a moment while he tried to slip the bottle's nipple between his son's clamped shut mouth. "C'mon Jay-Jay, time to eat. C'mon."
Kurt watched his ex feed their son with curious eyes, finally speaking after a beat of silence. "I understand that feeling. Well... kinda. I was just ready to get out of there mostly."
From there, the conversation branched into everyone else's high school experiences and Blaine couldn't bear to listen. He ordered his food when he was asked what he wanted, but after that he checked out of the conversation, busying himself with feeding Jace while everyone else chatted. Halfway through burping his son, another presence showed up at the table and he looked up, surprised to see one of his dad's friends standing at the edge of the booth. The man was chatting away with Nicholas, occasionally looking over at Blaine with a smile. It was when Mr. Anderson mentioned Blaine's graduation earlier that day that the man addressed Blaine specifically.
And that's when everything went to hell.
"So, Blaine... where are you going to college?"
Shit.
The whole table turned to look at him and Blaine felt his face grow hot with shame; nobody knew that he hid his acceptance letters in his bedroom. Nobody knew that he hadn't bothered to even check to see if he was accepted anywhere. Nobody knew... and here was this random guy asking him about his college plans when no one else around him ever bothered to ask the same thing.
"I, umm... I'm not going to college."
And like that, silence fell over the table like a heavy fog. Both of his parents stared at him in shock, horror etched on their faces like the news they'd just heard was the worst thing they heard all year. Kurt looked remorseful, like it was his fault Blaine wasn't going... and Cooper, well, it looked as if he didn't care - but that was to be expected. Cooper didn't believe in going to college anyway.
"You're not?"
"No, sir. I... Jace needs me at home, so I'm not going to college. Maybe later, when he's a little older, I guess. But not right now."
"Blaine-"
"Not now, mom." The teen hissed, rubbing his hand up and down Jace's back. He turned away from his family and went back into his own little world, ignoring the uproar around him when his dad's friend left the table and thousands of questions began being thrown his way. "I said not now," he growled out, glaring at his parents. The disappointed look on his mother's face made him feel like a failure and he stared down at his feet, ashamed that he made her even more upset with him.
God, he couldn't do anything right.
After that, the rest of dinner went by quietly. Blaine's appetite was completely gone by the time his food came, so he got a to-go box and packed up his whole plate without even bothering to touch it, much to Kurt's chagrin. Once everyone was done, they all (Kurt included) went back to the Anderson home where Blaine and his parents ended up in a verbal disagreement about his future. Kurt and Cooper hung in the background, ready to intervene if needed, but there really wasn't much they could do and Kurt couldn't help but feel at fault when Blaine yelled things like:
I can't leave him alone. Jace needs me!
I'm his father! I can't abandon him! College can wait!
No, I don't need to go to school. Why do I need to go right now? Why does it matter?
Jace is my son and this is my life! What does it have to do with you?
Blaine screamed himself hoarse, tears running down his face by the time he and his parents were done fighting. Within seconds, the boy tore up the stairs with Kurt following close behind and once he was in his room, he collapsed on the bed, sobbing fitfully as two strong arms wrapped around his thin waist.
"Oh Blaine-"
"Why do I keep upsetting everyone? I can't do anything right!"
"No one's mad at you. Your parents only want what's best for you. I only want what's best for you."
Blaine sucked in a shaky breath, shaking his head against Kurt's chest, his fingers clinging tightly to Kurt's shirt. "I can't keep doing this. I just can't."
"Do what, honey? Please talk to me. I want to help."
"I can't... d-do this. Everybody expects m-me to be okay and I can't. I d-don't know how r-right now."
"Oh honey-"
"I'm so tired, Kurt. I'm so freaking tired and scared and... I don't know."
From where he was laying against Kurt, he couldn't see his ex's face, but he could feel the tremors in Kurt's chest, could feel the way his former lover's body trembled from the stifled cries within him. "It'll be okay. I'm here, Blaine. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not. It'll be fine."
"Will it?" Blaine whispered, sniffling. His voice was soft, shaky, and he was clinging to Kurt so tight as if letting him go meant he'd leave for good. "Don't leave me, please."
"I'm not. I won't."
Nodding, Blaine closed his tired eyes and rested his head against Kurt's shoulder, scooting over after a while to listen to the steady beat of Kurt's heart. "I'm sorry," he exhaled as he began to doze off and it was only after he fell asleep that Kurt let himself finally fall to pieces.
A/N: This chapter fought me tooth and nail. I just couldn't get it written. Anyway, it's done and here it is. Umm, I think there's a chapter left plus an epilogue of some sorts for this (maybe... if I can get my mind straight, that is.) But there's lots of stuff going on, right? It'll be sorted out/talked about soon though. Anyway, let me know what you thought and thanks for reading!