Chapter Eight:
"Red Five, cut to the left!"
"On it, Red Leader."
Jaina Solo smiled widely as her Uncle obeyed her 'command', steering his X-Wing on a course away from an oncoming TIE fighter wing. He lined up beside her, aligning his S-foils with hers, mere inches away.
She led them directly at the oncoming TIEs as they crossed their path, and she let loose a volley of red laserfire, her Uncle following suit. The lead TIE flashed once, and was gone. Jaina crowed in delight, but the enthusiasm died as alarms blared in her cockpit, warning of a target lock.
"Watch your six, Lead!" Luke warned, his voice calm and focused.
"Copy that, thanks Five!" Jaina juked away, diving just as a torpedo flashed passed.
She saw her Uncle's X-wing climb before abruptly diving, and the two other TIE's flashed passed, missing him as he evaded their crossfire… and exploding in a brilliant red-orange ball of fire.
Jaina whistled. This was just a simulator flight, so she couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like to fly in real combat with the ace pilot in the simulator next to hers.
She shook her head to clear it and focused on the last set of TIE fighters now heading their way. Jaina swerved to avoid their green laserfire, first juking right and then jinking left. Her X-wing bucked when something caught her from behind, and her astromech trilled at her.
Jaina glanced at her tactical display, and saw that somehow a new ship had entered the battle, coming at her with ion canon blasts. She swore in Corellian, and dove to avoid a blast that would knock out her electrical systems and take her out of the fight.
The astro-droid tootled again, and she glanced at her readout. The ship was staying right on her tail, following her every move. Jaina bit her lip, trying not to panic. Panic clouded judgment, as Uncle Luke always said.
She tried to reach out for the Force, trusting it to guide her even as she wondered if it worked for fake dogfights.
Something told her to pull hard to port, so she did, and a proton torpedo flashed past her canopy. Following the urge to dive, she pushed her yolk forward, dipping her fighter into a steep nose-dive. But something caught her left wing, shattering the weapons placement there, and crippling her maneuverability.
Her droid blatted worriedly.
"Can it, droid!" Jaina snapped. "This is no time to freak out on me!"
Jaina heard her ship's proximity alarms blare loudly, and she used all her might to pull up to avoid colliding with the ship that had somehow gotten beneath her. Gritting her teeth, Jaina pulled harder on the yolk, willing her ship to obey her faster than it was.
"Red Five, I could use a hand here." Jaina gritted, sweat rolling down her face.
"On it, Boss."
She saw something flash by, and she felt her Uncle reach out to her in the Force, showing her what to do. She rolled her X-Wing and suddenly was clear of the collision course. But then something caught her from behind, and her screen went white as her ship 'exploded'.
Jaina growled in frustration, slumping into the pilot's couch.
A tap on the door behind her told her it was time to come out. She unstrapped her crash-webbing, and with a sigh, heaved herself out of the simulator. She glanced at the sim to her left as her uncle emerged, unruffled and serene.
A hand clapped her on the shoulder, and she turned to see Wedge Antilles grinning at her.
"You'd fit right in with Rogue Squadron, Jaina." He said happily. "'Can it droid!'" he quoted, chuckling.
"Well, he was being stupid." Jaina retorted.
"He was simply doing his job." Luke said mildly as he joined them, but he too, was grinning. "You make one heck of a pilot, Jaina."
"Thanks!" Jaina beamed. "You flew great too, Uncle Luke!"
He nodded his thanks, ruffling her now untidy head of hair. "Let's grab some grub, per Squadron custom."
"Na! Don't ruin her with the food, Luke!" Wedge said with a sour face. "We want her to come back, remember?"
"Come back?" Jaina repeated.
"You have the best sim scores I've seen in a long time." He praised her. "You have a place in the Rogues if you want it. When you're older." He added with a wink.
"Really?" She asked, her eyes alight with anticipation.
"I think her parents should have some heads up before you recruit their daughter." Luke said good-naturedly.
Wedge grimaced. "I don't want to face an angry Solo clan for that one."
They all laughed, and Luke turned to his niece.
"Well then Red Leader, where to for dinner?"
"I like Dex's Diner." Jaina said hopefully.
"Done." Luke agreed. "Thanks again, Wedge."
The men shook hands, clapping backs in a brief hug.
"Any time, old buddy." Wedge said. He turned and offered a salute to Jaina. "Red Leader, great flying. Come back another time, okay?"
"I'll try!" Jaina promised.
00000
Leia was lounging in her favorite position, snuggled with Han on the couch, when a soft knock at their door drew her attention. She answered it, wondering why Jaina didn't just punch in the codes. Her answer came when Luke shuffled through the door, practically carrying his sleeping niece.
"Tough day at the sims?" Han joked quietly.
Luke smiled broadly. "Actually, Wedge offered her a job."
Han sat up straighter, his eyes going wide. "Really?"
His brother-in-law nodded emphatically. "She's got quite the flying career ahead of her, if she has anything to say about it."
"That's my girl!" Han chuckled.
He was proud that his daughter had made such an impression on Wedge.
Leia motioned Luke to Jaina's room, and he carefully took her in, maneuvering expertly through the doorframe. Leia followed him, pulling back the covers so Luke could lay Jaina down. He kissed her forehead, brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face, and stood back as Leia covered her with the sheets.
They quietly closed the door, and stood together in the hallway, a discomfited silence settling between them. Leia motioned for the balcony and her brother obliged. Leia caught Han's eye: seeing the silent plea for privacy in her russet eyes, he nodded.
Once outside, Leia closed the door behind them, and turned to see Luke sitting on a chair with his head bowed. His cheerful countenance was gone now, and she saw his true appearance, one he had been careful to shield Jaina from.
He looked much thinner than Leia had first thought, and he had dark circles under his eyes, which were now dull and cloudy as he glanced up, sensing her scrutiny.
He looks like hell. Leia surmised.
"Luke, you need to talk to someone about what's wrong." Leia said gently, but firmly. "I respected your request the first time, but seeing you now, I want an explanation."
He looked at the cityscape, silent. After several long minutes, he let out a deep sigh.
"I am so lonely, Leia." He said in a cracked whisper, a single tear sliding down his worn face. "I have no one to go home to at night, no one to welcome me after a long, arduous day, and nobody to simply talk to, or just sit with."
His voice was so sorrowful that Leia felt her heart wrench.
"I see you with Han, when I come to visit, and… when you sit together, I can't help but envy you. And then the kids." He ran a hand through his unruly blonde hair. "I love them like they were my own, but…"
"But you wish they actually were yours." Leia finished for him.
He sniffed, looking away ashamedly. "Does that make me a horrible brother and uncle?"
"Absolutely not, Luke." Leia assured him. "It makes you human."
He lifted his head briefly, casting a sidelong glance at her. "But I'm a Jedi Master." His voice was as stale as old bread. "I'm supposed to not want those things. I'm supposed to be better than that."
"I don't believe that for one second." Leia chastised him. "You may be a Jedi, but you are still a man. You have dreams, and you have needs."
"But no one to share them with." Luke grated. "No one will stick around long enough… to…" His voice cracked again, and he let his words die off.
"Long enough for what?" Leia pressed, taking a seat beside him.
Now that he was talking, she didn't want him to lose his courage.
"How am I supposed to form a real relationship with anyone when no one will stick around long enough to give me a fighting chance?" He said, the words tumbling from him like milk from a pitcher. "And why can't I fall in love with a woman who doesn't have serious issues? Why must it always be someone who can't get passed their own dilemmas and let me help?"
He put his face in his hands. "I either meet someone who is so damned stubborn they won't let me in, or when they do, they're killed. I am so tire of it! I am so sick of being alone! I want…"
He hiccupped a sob, biting back angry, acidic tears. Holding out his hands a bit, Luke continued. "I want someone to hold, I want a family. I want someone to love me not for my power in the Force, not to help me find my parents… not to feel ashamed because they're not my 'equal'." He used his fingers to make quotation marks in the air. "I want someone to love Luke Skywalker: the Farmboy from Tatooine, the man who only seems to come to life in an X-wing, and with no one but a metal droid to have a conversation with.
"I want to know what it's like to go to bed holding someone and have them be there in the morning. Not to run off when I have no chance to stop them. I want to be loved just for the sake of being loved." Luke was openly weeping now. "For once, it would be great to be at peace, to have a say in what I do with my own life and free time. I am so tired of being the galaxy's only capable hero. I love being a Jedi, and I love teaching the ways of the Force, those things do bring me great joy."
He paused for breath. "But I am more than a Jedi Master. As you've said, I have dreams. But I've been so long without a bright, hopeful future that I can't even remember what those dreams are." He looked up at the sky, trying to see the stars he knew were there. "I used to lie in the sand at night on Tatooine, when my Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen were fast asleep. I would gaze at the stars, which stretched from one horizon to the next unimpeded. I would lay there and dream of what it would be like to fly among those stars.
"I loved to pretend I was in a cockpit, flying through maneuvers and answering to no one for days at a time. I dreamed of becoming a pilot. It wasn't until I met Ben Kenobi that the notion of becoming a Jedi ever entered my mind. And I only wanted it then, at the time, because of my father. And even him I lost."
Luke took a ragged breath of air.
"Everyone I love goes away." He said, sounding like that small child Leia could imagine from Luke's description. "Everyone. Sometimes, I wonder of it's even worth it anymore."
When she was sure Luke was finished, Leia sat contemplating the heavy load he had just laid bare. She could now see the profound burden he had been carrying ever since Bespin.
No. Leia realized. It started before that, maybe even before we'd met.
She leaned forward to wrap him in a gentle hug, leaning her head against his shoulder.
"Not everyone you love has gone." She reminded him, sending him mental pictures of the children, of Han and Chewie.
"And you." Luke added, lacing an arm around her waist in turn. "You're the most important one for me, little sister."
She smiled warmly at his attempt at levity: they had no idea who was older, so any quips to the contrary were a private joke they shared. But she was also touched by his tender care.
"I know you feel like it will never happen," Leia said softly. "But you have trusted the Force this far, so don't give up on it now Luke. Things happen when they are meant to happen." She took his hand, still leaning her head on his shoulder. "I guess some things just take longer than others."
He let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm tired of waiting."
"Nothing worthwhile is ever easy." Leia reminded him, squeezing his hand. "When you find that special someone, I'll bet she's going to be more than you ever imagined."
"Don't you mean 'if'?" He said dejectedly.
"No. It will happen."
"How can you be so sure?"
Leia pulled back, reached over and with gentle kindness turned him to look at her.
"Because I have faith: and if anyone in this galaxy deserves to be happy, it's you Luke." She kissed his cheek. "Don't give up hope."
He nodded wordlessly, and she wrapped him in an encouraging embrace.