Chapter Nine:

Luke returned to his apartment, hesitant to enter, but he wanted to check and see if anyone had left him a message. He opened the door to the darkened room, and went straight to the comm. unit. There was only one message, from Cilghal.

Master Skywalker,

I regret to inform you that as of this time, my tests have not yielded results to anyone in the Republic. I do not know if the DNA would match someone in the Imperial records, but as far as my tests go, the identity of Mara's attacker is unknown.

My deepest sympathies and I hope all is well.

~Cilghal

Luke deleted the message, and stood to leave. Then he paused, glancing down at his sweaty outfit.

Making a quick decision, Luke ran to the refresher. Jumping in the shower he scrubbed all the grime off from his days in his fighter, and then got out. He toweled off and dressed in fresh clothes before leaving his apartment.

He was in his X-wing minutes later, and heading away from Coruscant. Once he jumped to lightspeed, Luke settled back in his seat with a resigned sigh. Nothing to do now but pass the time… hopefully without thinking of Mara Jade or the memories and depression her accusations had spurred.

He busied himself in any way possible, putting off the need for sleep for as long as he could. Eventually exhaustion won out, and he fell into blissful unconsciousness.

When Luke woke, it was to R2-D2 tweedling in his ear.

"I'm awake, Artoo." Luke said sleepily. He glanced at the readout, and blinked in shock. They were about to come out of hyperspace at Yavin VI. Luke had slept almost the entire time it took for him to get from Coruscant to Yavin.

I guess I was tired. Luke thought, rubbing at his throbbing forehead. I slept for too long though, my head hurts.

Luke waited for the timer to count to zero before he reverted to realspace. Starlines became pinpricks of light, a million diamonds in the blackest of velvet. And just ahead was Yavin, its giant rust colored bulk already filling his viewport.

Luke turned on his communications unit and hailed the temple.

"Master Skywalker, it is good to have you back!" the Jedi on watch said warmly. "Please proceed to the main hangar bay."

"Copy that, Watch. Thanks." Luke replied.

Yavin VI was his favorite place of residence, for a few reasons, many of which had to do with the open spaces not found on Coruscant. Not to mention the fact that one could breathe real air, and not the recycled stuff on the galaxy's capitol planet.

It also evoked in him a sense of peace that he never found on Coruscant… or at least under normal circumstances.

Heavy rain poured from the sky, and Luke could tell from the many large ponds now forming that this was one of the moon's multi-day storms. Lightning flashed as Luke descended further, and a loud clap of thunder erupted behind him.

Luke landed the ship easily, and popped the canopy, taking a deep breath of non-recycled air. Water poured from the top lip of the hangar like a newly formed waterfall, and as soon as Luke's ship was berthed, the doors rumbled closed to keep the excess water out.

Luke climbed out of the cockpit, allowing his students to retrieve R2-D2. Many of the younger children all bounced excitedly to greet him; their youthful faces alight with love for their master. Luke felt an unexpected ray of light pierce him as he listened to them tell him what they had learned, and how they had missed him. Luke's smile for them was genuine.

Some of the older students ushered the children away, and Tionne appeared, offering Luke a wave.

"Master Skywalker, welcome back. How was your trip?" Tionne asked.

"Actually, it was quite enjoyable." Luke replied, only half-truthfully. "My niece has quite the flying career ahead of her."

Tionne smiled in return. "Dinner is in about two hours, Master. Are you hungry?"

"Of course." He quipped.

A few hours later, Luke sat among his students, listening intently to all they had to tell him, and blissfully unaware of an approaching ship. He absorbed as much of their enthusiasm as his bleeding heart would allow, trying to find a way to mend the ever-beating organ.

Ever since that fight with Mara, Luke struggled to find a calm center. He'd been on slippery ground for weeks now, seeking ways to gain sure footing, but never finding one. His only bright spot was the life and vibrancy of his students, all of whom he loved. This was his family, the one he'd built, but it still felt like he was a single parent.

"I think I am ready to move on to lightsaber practice, Master." A young Jenet was saying.

Luke pulled his attention back to the present, and he gazed at the young woman patiently.

"And what makes you say that Asori?" He asked.

"I've been practicing during my down time, while I scavenge through the jungle." She said, a note of uncertainty starting to cloud her confidence. "I think I am ready to begin learning the basics at least."

"You are doing very well in your classes, Asori, but lightsaber training does not begin for your class for a few more weeks." He told her.

She looked downcast. "But what if I'm ready now, Master?"

He patted her shoulder affectionately. "Be patient Asori. And it is good that you practice on your own, it shows your devotion. But there are things you must learn in the classroom before you ever handle a real lightsaber."

"I understand Master." She bowed her head.

Luke watched her as she moved away, her presence still a bit sad, but she perked up when her friends called her to their table. Luke smiled wistfully, wishing it were that easy for him to just forget.

"This seat taken?"

Luke froze. He did not need the Force, or his eyes to know who that voice belonged to. It was several rigid moments before Luke was able to work moisture into a suddenly dry mouth.

Finally he turned around, and found the redhead standing beside the seat across from his. Luke shook his head without speaking, noticing that the level of noise in the mess hall had dimmed.

When had she gotten in, and how did I miss her presence?

Mara Jade sat at his table, not quite able to meet his eyes. She picked at the food on her plate distractedly for a moment, and then looked up. Her eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed as though she had been crying, but other than that Mara was as calm and collected as ever.

"How are you doing?" Mara asked quietly.

Luke just stared, not daring to speak. He did not want to cause a scene in front of the students.

"I, uh, thought I'd stay for a day or two, if you don't mind." She continued.

Grateful for a safer topic, Luke responded placidly. "Sure. Stay as long as you like, I think your usual room is available. Classes will be indoors tomorrow, due to the storms." He stood, grabbing his plate. "Excuse me."

Using the pretense that he was finished with his barely touched food, Luke deposited the tray, and left.

Instead of going to his quarters, Luke moved to the main entrance, and exited the Massassi temple. He ignored the rain that instantly drenched him, and broke into a run for the jungle, his heart hammering painfully as the jagged wound deepened.

00000

Mara sat where she was; face burning for the barest of seconds before she regained her composure. Many of the room's occupants were looking in her direction, no doubt wondering why their beloved Master would suddenly leave her like that.

Mara stared at her uneaten food, feeling Luke's presence get dimmer as he moved farther away.

Finally she could take it no longer. Using every ounce of self control she had, Mara calmly followed Luke from the room. She stretched out with the Force, trying to locate him, but she couldn't find him anywhere in the building.

Mara wandered the temple, looking for any trace of him. Finally she came to the front entrance, where a young girl stood staring at the partially open door.

Mara approached cautiously.

"Are you alright?" She asked the girl.

The child looked at Mara with big grey eyes. "I'm worried about Master Skywalker. He went outside in the storm, and hasn't come back." She turned back to the door.

"How long ago was this?" Mara pressed.

The girl blinked thoughtfully. "Ten minutes ago I think."

"Thank you." Mara said as she made to go out.

The girl grabbed her arm. "You can't go outside, the storms are dangerous!"

"I'll be okay. I need to find Lu… er, Master Skywalker." Mara said, and without another word, was out the door.

She shivered in the cold rain, but saw the deep impressions from Luke's boots leading into the jungle. Mara tracked him deep into the trees, and was grateful for the mild protection the canopy overhead provided against the rainwater.

A wicked bolt of chain lightning split the sky ahead, followed by a brilliant flash of sheet lightning that lit the forest like a holo booth. Mara lost track of Luke's boot prints and called on the Force to guide her.

Luke's presence was like a homing beacon to her, and she wondered if he was even attempting to shield his emotions. She soon found herself in a part of the jungle she did not know. Through the light provided by the random flashes above, Mara was able to navigate, but at a painstakingly slow pace.

By this rate, Skywalker will be ten years older when I find him. She groused.

But she had no right to blame him for his abrupt dismissal. He had every right to hate her, and yet, on some deep level, Mara wondered if he did in fact hate her. One thing she knew for certain, she was not leaving this planet until she had at the very least attempted to make things right with her best friend. Because she also knew that at some unknown point, Luke had become much more than just a friend to her.

Mara's sharp ears picked up the sound of ragged breathing, and she quickened her pace. She rounded a tree wider than a rancor was tall, and stopped in her tracks. There, in a cave she would have missed otherwise, sat her quarry.

He was positioned on the floor of his grotto, back to her, head low. She heard him sniffling, saw him wipe at his nose with one drenched arm. Mara gingerly stepped forward, mustering her fragile courage.

"Why are you here, Mara?" Luke asked when she was only inches from him. "Come to rub it in?"

Mara's step faltered momentarily. Rub it in?

Would she do that?

Yes, her inner critic told her, and you know you have rubbed things in his face before.

"No." She said aloud, resuming her walk until she stood beside him.

"Then why?"

"I…" am not good at this she thought. "I wanted to…" She looked hard at his sad face.

Mara sighed, and moved to sit in front of him. "You know I am terrible at these things." She began softly. "But I really am sorry, Luke."

He lifted his eyes to her face, seeking the truth of her words. Mara opened herself to him enough so that he could feel her sincerity.

"I know what you went through to… to help me." Mara continued. "And I was ungrateful."

Luke's staccato laugh was bitter as Corellian whiskey. "Ungrateful?" He mocked.

"Let me finish." Mara hissed.

Luke closed his mouth, so Mara went on.

"I was wrong to take my anger out on you. I know you took me in, and I… I can't really repay you for that." She looked down at her hands. "I know now why you refused my request. I had a little heart-to-heart with Talon if you can believe it."

Mara indeed felt a ripple of shocked surprise jolt through Luke at that revelation.

"He helped me to see what I could not see then. What I didn't want to see, I guess." Mara balled her fists. "I don't know what I was thinking, Skywalker. I… I wanted to know what it was really like to be loved. And I got so carried away that I never once stopped to actually consider what I was doing."

She forced herself to meet his azure gaze. "I was so wrong, Luke, to force myself on you like I did. I couldn't see that you were indeed showing me what love is really all about." Hesitantly, Mara reached out to touch Luke's hand. "You saw what I couldn't, you knew I would regret every moment of it later. And you were man enough to protect me from myself."

Luke glanced at their hands.

"But you were right about me." He whispered hoarsely. "I am doomed when it comes to love."

Mara shook her head vehemently. "No, Luke. I was wrong."

It was Luke's turn to shake his head, and in a flash he was on his feet, pacing agitatedly.

"I am a failure, Mara." He all but shouted. "You hit the nail on the head better than you might realize."

"What are you talking about?" Mara demanded, rising to her own feet.

"I…" Luke stopped, and then began again. "Women and I do not seem to mix. You said it yourself; all I do is lay ruin to their lives, in one way or another." As he continued, Luke began to count off on his fingers. "Shira Brie turned out to be a Dark Jedi, but only after I shot her down. Gaeriel Captison couldn't get passed her own ways, chose someone who shared her beliefs, and then got killed in helping me years after. Mary was killed during an Imperial invasion, Jem died protecting me from some Dark Jedi, and Akanah played me for a kriffing fool." He took a shuddering breath. "And don't even get me started on Callista."

Mara watched as he abruptly stopped pacing, and looked at the digits of his hands.

"Six." He said tersely.

Mara blinked. "What?"

"The answer to your question in my apartment: I have ruined the lives of at least six women." He slumped against the rock wall, clutching at his chest as if he could force his heart to stop feeling. "Seven if I count you."

Mara felt shame eat at her from the inside out, as she realized what she had saddled Luke with for over a month.

"Well, at least you've had heartbreak."

At his incredulous look, she held her hands up. "What I meant is that at least you have lived a real life. Yes those relationships fell through, but you did have them. You have loved, and given yourself to others." Mara closed her eyes. "What have I ever done except push people away? Even you."

For a long time, they said nothing.

"I had no idea this was eating you up like this." She said weakly, breaking the silence.

Luke snorted. "What did you expect from a tenth-rate backwater Farmboy?"

"I didn't mean that." Mara protested, irritated that he kept using her words against her. "I was just spouting angry nonsense."

"Were you?" He challenged, though it lacked any real weight coming as it did from the floor where he still sat.

Mara closed her eyes and counted mentally to ten.

"Luke, I don't know what I can say, if there is anything to say, to make things better. I have no training for this, and I'm lost, but damned if I'm not giving it my best shot." She said softly. "I know I hurt you. And I deserve your hate, I accept that. But if you will permit me to be selfish one last time…"

Her courage failed her at that point, and she too, returned to the floor. She pulled her knees to her chest.

"Luke, I need my best friend." Tears sprang forth without warning, spilling form her eyes of their own accord. "I hate myself for what I did to you. Old habits die hard, and I just held everything from the attack in so tight. It was all bottled up nice and pretty, or so I thought."

Mara swiped at her cheeks. "And when that bottle finally burst, all that pain and anger needed someplace to go. You just happened, like usual, to be in the crosshairs. I don't know what to do Luke; this is all uncharted territory for me." She sniffed. "When Vered had me on that table, I was petrified. Palpatine made me do many things, but never once did he order me to sleep with anyone. My body and my love were always mine to give."

She paused at his flash of enraged realization. "What?"

"You know who attacked you?" He asked, his expression unreadable.

Mara nodded.

"And you didn't go after him?" Luke asked, and this time, his sense changed.

Mara shook her head, "I already had my… victory… there."

Luke's presence filled with a new respect… and something else began to unravel in him. Something she couldn't define just yet, but she found that indeed she was very much drawn to him in a different way now.

Mara began to open up her memories, and she told him about that night.