CHAPTER 11 : A CASTLE IN THE DISTANCE
Merlin was up well before dawn, he hadn't been able to sleep. He got his things together and went outside. True to his word, the landlord had notified the hostler that three guests would be leaving at day break. There was a lantern lit in the barn and their horses had been watered and fed. He slipped the man a silver coin thanking him.
Merlin got them saddled, ready to go once it was a little brighter outside. He had just buckled on his saddle bags and was tying on his bedroll when a yawning Spenser joined him, "Leon is settling with the landlord and his wife has packed us some food as we won't get any breakfast." Handing him Gulfa, Merlin led Burton and Leon's horse into the stable yard.
Leon arrived, "All ready to go, next stop Camelot!" The sun was beginning to catch the top of the trees as the three riders left the inn."
They had three hours of riding before the heavens again opened up. Merlin's spirits sank, they mightn't make it before nightfall. Nevertheless, he tried to concentrate not on his slippery reins and cold hands but on the fact that by the end of the day come hell or high water, he would know exactly what had happened to Arthur.
Around noon, the weather let up and they stopped. Their muscles were aching from the damp and cold. The horses were watered; they led them for a little while to get out the kinks in their own legs and feet before remounting. They ate their lunch as they rode and once again as if in punishment for leaving Camelot under false pretences, it started to rain but they put their heels to their horses and continued at a steady trot. Merlin knew exactly where he was when finally the wind and rain stopped and a weak sun intermittently shone through the grey clouds.
They were at the end of the valley leading to Camelot. One final hill to climb and miles away in the distance they would be able to see the castle. They walked their horses to the top of the hill and were relieved to see Camelot in the distance. Leon reckoned it was about ten miles away so they should, not exerting their horses be there in just over an hour…they would make it before dark.
Four miles away on Tor Scanton, the shout went up that the knights had been spotted. One guard jumped on his horse and rode as fast as he could to the castle. He finally galloped through the flat meadows and a sentry on one of the towers waved acknowledging his imminent arrival. He made his way to the sentry post and notified the guard on duty to ring the smaller welcoming bell announcing their return.
Gaius sighed in relief the bell tolled in a joyous rhythm and he knew the travellers had been seen. He put down what he was doing and threw a heavy cape over his shoulders; he wasn't going to miss this arrival.
Arthur jumped up from his table and lay the quill aside. His happiness was punctuated with guilt for not trusting implicitly someone as important in his life as Merlin. There was also remorse and an overwhelming need to have Merlin forgive him. Thomas brought him his boots and cloak and helped him get dressed.
Gawaine and Simon slapping each other on the back, raced to the stables and grabbed their horses determined to be the first people to meet the long awaited trio.
Geoffrey made his way slowly from the library to stand on the stairs beside Gaius awaiting their arrival. Sir Rupert as senior knight joined them. In the courtyard, the late afternoon sun shone on the expectant group gathered on the main steps.
-0-0-
The horses heard the approaching riders first and started pulling. Merlin caught sight of the waving arms and yells and knew once he saw Gawaine's smiling face that nothing was seriously wrong with Arthur. They skidded to a stop and dismounted, Gawaine giving everyone a bear hug including Leon with Simon doing the same a little more bashfully until he reached Spenser and then he clung on tight. Merlin smiled, hoping that Arthur's greeting would reflect those of his close friends.
"Did you get any news?" Gawaine wanted to know. Merlin let Leon answer him and laughed when Gawaine's eyes almost popped out of his head. "I'll show him the door, tomorrow," insisted Gawaine, "Causing all this trouble just for his own benefit."
Leon said, "Don't either of you say anything to the others when we get back. Arthur should be the first to know."
Simon said, "Anything we can do?"
Spenser said, "Arrange for a nice hot bath. I'm so wet that I think I'll have to peel my clothes off."
Laughing Gawaine said to Leon, "And I, Sir Knight, will arrange one for you even if I have to fill it with my own lily-white hands." Leon punched him affectionately in the arm. "And you, Merlin, I'm sure I know someone who will make sure that there is a bath of hot water ready for you at this very minute!"
"Who Gaius?" interrupted Simon with a grin.
Gawaine hugged Merlin again and said, "Take no notice of him; Arthur's been frantic about you."
They mounted up and the four knights and Merlin trotted along until they came to the flat meadows, racing across and up into the lower town and from there into the castle proper.
The clattering of hoof beats echoed off the facades of the building around the courtyard. Merlin's eyes sort out Arthur's and he noticed a hesitation in them and his heart dropped. He dismounted and followed Leon and Spenser to the bottom of the stairs. Both of them received a hug from Arthur. Merlin stood to one side not wanting to look as if he expected similar behaviour. His mind was screaming for some recognition. There stood Arthur a little thinner than when he left but he ignored him. The King put his arms across both his knights' shoulders and started to climb the stairs.
Gaius looked on in disbelief, "Stupid, stupid man!" He said under his breath.
Causing Geoffrey to say, "He fears being rejected after the way he treated him. Don't worry, it will all work out."
Merlin with rejection written all over his face, turned and glanced at Gaius who came forward and hugged him saying, "Be brave, he feels guilty and isn't sure that you will forgive him. Did you get any news!"
"That and more!" said Merlin with a grin. At that very moment unknown to Merlin, Arthur had glanced over at him. His heart dropped hurt by the fact that Gaius had received a grin while he had received not even a smile.
Gawaine came over to Merlin when Gaius and Geoffrey left. "What the fuck happened there? He's been going on about your return and he couldn't move his arse to greet you properly?"
"Gawaine, it's all right. He was following protocol. He can hug his knights but how would it seem if he had done the same to his dismissed manservant?"
"Merlin, no one would have taken offence. He often hugs you…and I've seen him do a lot more than hug you."
Merlin blushed, he remembered Gawaine coming upon them in a deserted corridor. He'd passed them and when Merlin had pulled away from Arthur's arms, Gawaine had laughingly said, 'Carry on, Men!' and continuing on his way. Arthur and he had relocated to the turret room and taken his advice.
"See you at supper then."
"No, I think I will eat at Gaius's unless he insists I go to the dining hall with him. Then I will sit at his table as a court physician's assistant should."
"Merlin, don't sell yourself short. By this time tomorrow, I bet you five tankards of ale that Arthur has spoken to you and tried to explain things. If not, I'll be forced to consume them all be myself unless you would want to drown your sorrows at the tavern."
Merlin couldn't help but smile, Gawaine always raised his spirits by talking nonsense which always contained a modicum of truth and support.
Suddenly Merlin's body was enveloped in a hug. He glanced down to see Treva grinning up at him. "Oh, Merlin, I was so worried. Arthur was sick and no one let me see him and you weren't there...next time you go away promise to take me with you!"
He wrapped his arms around the boy, kissed the top of his head and said, "I'm sorry but you knew that I was safe as I was with Leon and Spenser."
"But I only found out that last week when Gauis told me that I had to stop worrying as I was making myself sick and that you would be coming home soon. If they had told me sooner, Henry and I could have gone out looking for you. I thought you had left forever..."
A tear rolled down Treva's cheek and Merlin brushed it away saying, "Never! Remember that I will always come back." He hugged the boy to him and smiled at Gawaine thinking that at least someone was happy to see him
-0-0-
The most exciting thing Merlin could recall about supper that night was when Romney's manservant had approached Gaius telling him that his services were needed by the midwife for the Lady Mathilda. Gaius had nodded and turning to Merlin had said kindly, "Now, don't stay up all night worrying. If things run as they usually do, I won't be back much before dawn. Babies have a habit of arrived with the sun. Try to get some sleep, tomorrow is another day and you will probably be called to attend the meeting which I'm sure Arthur will want to have with the three of you."
Merlin nodded. A nervous Romney walked over to the table and said, "I'll go up with you, Gaius. I haven't a clue what I should be doing."
"Well," said Gaius, "The first thing is not to worry. Babies take their own time in being born and Mathilda has been healthy so I am not expecting any problems. We'll go down to get my supplies and then head straight to your chambers. Mathilda will be well looked after by her maidservants. You can see her before the baby arrives and then afterwards you can come in and visit your wife and new baby. If you prefer, you can stay down here with your friends and I'll send someone for you." Romney shook his head.
Merlin seeing this as a great opportunity for leaving the dining hall, offered to get the supplies and meet Gaius back at Romney's chambers. Gaius was going to refuse but looking at Merlin's face, he realised that maybe the man had done his duty by attending the supper for the returning knights and accepted his offer.
Most of the babies born in Camelot arrived without any problems. Merlin knew that it was keeping them alive which was difficult, an illness could sweep through a castle wiping out all the children under the age of five. Probably around a third of all youngsters died. Merlin was sure that it was because Romney was a knight, a close acquaintance of Arthur and it was his first child that the midwife had decided to keep Gaius appraised of the situation just in case…
None of the knights were surprised to see Romney with Gaius as all of Arthur's close friends knew that Romney was soon to be a father and the married ones had been offering both helpful and not so helpful advice. Rook and Gielbert as fathers had continually teased him and poor Romney in the end tried to avoid them. Every time anyone walked into the room, someone would say, "Romney, it's time!"
Gawaine who had been keeping his eye on Arthur, noticed the King's eyes following Merlin as he walked across the floor following Romney and Gaius out the door.
Arthur had to keep himself seated. He'd seen Merlin with Gaius when he had first come in. In welcoming Leon and Spenser back, he had made no reference to Merlin having accompanied them. Not that he didn't want to but felt that he couldn't have controlled his voice. It upset him seeing Merlin across the room. He had his regrets, he should have made an effort to welcome him when he had seen him at the bottom of the steps but he hadn't…and the opportunity had passed.
Leon had leant over to him after his speech saying, "Arthur, Merlin was with us!"
Arthur snapped guiltily, "Deciding on whom I publicly welcome home and thank, is none of your business. I…"
Leon put in his place glanced across the floor at Merlin and saw a subdued person not the friendly outgoing man Spenser and he had just spent five weeks with. 'Well...' he thought, 'At least, he has Gaius until this mess is straightened out.' He was interrupted in his thoughts when Arthur spoke.
"That was uncalled for, I'm sorry, Leon, just got a lot on my mind."
"No need to apologise, Arthur. I know that things have not been easy while we have been away. Once, we have a meeting with Geoffrey and Gaius, I'm sure that you will feel more at ease."
Unbeknownst, to either of them another man had been watching Merlin, a knight dressed in blue and gold, who rose from the table and left by the staff entrance.
-0-0-
Merlin left Gaius with Romney and wandered downstairs to get Gaius's birthing bag. He was pleased for Romney, he and Mathilda were so in love and the arrival of a little baby would complete their family and, he also thought of Rhylan as an uncle. He grabbed the satchel and throwing a couple of logs on the fire to keep the chamber warm, he made his way up to the married knights' wing. He thought back to when he had first met Romney, he was a young knight who as a squire along with Gielbert had been responsible for watching over the young Arthur.
The corridors were deserted and he jogged as it was cold and in some areas draughty. He entered the knights' wing and started up the stairs. He handed in the bag but decided not to go in. He would be of no help and anyway he wanted to get back to his chambers and try to sleep.
One of the maidservants handed it to Gaius who said, "Did Merlin not come in?"
"No, Sir, he didn't!"
Figuring, that Merlin had decided to go back to the chamber, he thought nothing of it. Everything was going according to plan and he told Romney he would return to his chamber and be on call but Romney pleaded with him to stay. He felt uncomfortable being the only male with chambers full of women bustling around and doing things about which he had no knowledge or any desire to know about. He remembered Gielbert saying to him, 'Let the women get on with it. Your job won't start until the baby is born.' He had visited Mathilda and she had seemed stressed but she had held his hand and told him not to worry.
So Gaius and he sat in front of the fire and waited. Gaius nodded off but he couldn't.
-0-0-
Merlin avoided going past the dining hall on the way down to the chamber which he was once again sharing with Gaius. It was cold; he could have done with his dressing robe which he had left at Arthur's when he had been thrown out. He didn't even bother washing, he slipped out of his clothes and threw himself on his cot, pulling up his blanket, smiling as Gaius had added another one to his bed in his absence… He tried to fight it but sleep, nonetheless claimed him.
He was disturbed by the chamber door opening a couple of hours later as Gaius returned. He was going to call to find out if it had been a boy or a girl but even as he tried to form the words, he fell back to sleep.
Arthur with Merlin's dressing robe over his arm, crept up the stairs and into the little chamber. He looked at Merlin and his heart broke. He hadn't been able to sleep and his guilty conscious kept plaguing him. He had been in the wrong. He should have welcomed Merlin upon his return, Leon's words still bothered him. He was honestly his own worst enemy. What had he been afraid of, that he would have been pushed away? He smiled sadly, Merlin had seldom pushed him away, he was always agreeable to hugs and cuddles.
His arms ached, longing to wrap them around his love, but he knew he had first to explain a lot of things. He moved to the little stool beside Merlin's bed and sat down. How had he been so stupid? He looked at the hair which had slipped across Merlin's brow and unconsciously moved to brush it away. He stopped himself in time.
He carefully laid the dressing gown across the bottom of the bed.
He heard the sentries ring the bell for two hours after midnight. Later on this morning, he would call a meeting with the returning knights and get their information. He would insist that Merlin attended and try by seeing him face to face to set to rest the doubts which besieged him. Merlin would forgive, he would understand, he had to…he couldn't imagine living without him. He'd felt so lonely and sad over the last couple of weeks. He sighed aloud and it disturbed Merlin. He rolled over and now Arthur could see his face clearly. He leant forward and placed his wrists on the bed smiling softly. He was so handsome when he was awake but…when he was sleeping like a baby he was without a doubt, at his most beautiful. His heart filled with love.
Merlin was mumbling in his sleep, "Arthur…?"
Arthur stayed perfectly still till he settled again and said in a whisper, "Go to sleep, Merlin, you're safe, I'm here..."
It was Gaius's opening of the chamber door which disturbed Arthur, he had fallen asleep half leaning on Merlin's bed.
He hadn't awakened earlier when Merlin's eyes had opened. If he had he would have seen the love which shone from them. Merlin's hand stretched to gently touch the top of Arthur's head without disturbing him. Everything was instantaneously forgiven, the shock, the hurt, the pain of dismissal, the awkwardness of his return were swept from his mind. He knew that Arthur did really care and regardless of how long it was going to take he would wait for him to ask him to live with him again. He would wait because he wanted to give Arthur the opportunity to explain what had happened. It was important as he had to sever the ties he had formed with the stories of his mother; to face that he had been hoodwinked by a crafty knight and to explain his reason for dismissing him. Then he could tell the person in the world whom he most valued that he still and always would love him.
Gaius came up the stairs and saw Arthur. He thought, 'Oh my poor boy, you are also suffering…both of you need to wake up and face the facts.' He smiled at him and putting his finger to his lips, beckoned for Arthur to come down into the main chamber.
Merlin smiled, turned over and went back to sleep.
"Arthur, you must be cold and stiff." He put some logs on the fire before swinging the kettle over the low flame. He threw Arthur a blanket telling him to wrap himself in it.
"I have to go, I didn't mean to come…I just found myself here…!"
"You don't have to go, you know Merlin, given the chance, he'll sleep until noon. You did mean to come, you love him and this separation had gone on long enough. We both know that he also loves and needs you; he was upset when you ignored him on the steps but he kept making excuses that that was the right thing to do as you had dismissed him. You both need to go somewhere out of the way with nobody to disturb you and get this mess ironed out." He handed Arthur a mug of warm ale.
Arthur left when the mug was empty. He then remembered why Gaius hadn't been in the chamber overnight. He stopped and walked back, opening the door and saying, "So, what was it?"
Gaius smiled, "The Lady Mathilda was safely delivered of a baby boy around dawn and both baby and mother are doing well. Romney is now the father of a bouncing baby boy."
Arthur smiled. The news was bittersweet. He thought, 'How long before it no longer hurts?' He strode along the corridor, swinging his arms and shifting his back to get rid of the kinks. He surprised Thomas when he strode in his dressing gown into the chamber from the corridor.
"Ah, Sire, I was just going to get your breakfast!"
"Go ahead, I'm really hungry!" He stopped and said, "I think you might consider going back to your own chambers tonight."
Thomas walked out into the corridor and smiled to himself, 'The King should be easier to deal with now that Merlin was back…'
-0-0-
Reginald stomped into his chamber. Neville seated before the hearth called over his shoulder, "Well, he's back but I didn't see any signs of reconciliation. He just seemed to ignore him."
"Don't count on it, I have a feeling that that sneaky manservant has more hold on the King than anyone realises. I'm so close…I'm not backing down now. If you and Sid would keep your eyes and ears open instead of hanging around these chambers, I might be able to plan something. Find out where Merlin went and why…that might be a good start."
Neville said, "Don't get into a snit with me. It was your idea to play this game… Blimey!"
Reginald had thrown his boot at him which had caught him on the side of his face. "No wonder, Nev, you made nothing out of your life…you're hopeless. Why don't you get a real job and stand on your own two feet?"
"You promised me that if I followed you around as a manservant, you would ensure that we were set up for life. I left my wife and kids to follow you and you've done little in the time I've been away from home."
"Stop snivelling! You're living in a well-appointed chamber on the royal floor in Camelot. The king recognises you, you are well fed, you ride a good horse supplied by the King …and all you do is complain."
Sid chose that exact moment to walk in and Reginald yelled, "…both of you, get the hell out of my chamber!"