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I stopped dead. It took me a minuet to actually process the situation at hand. Jack Sparrow was lying in a heap on my floor. In the middle of the night. Having climbed up a building and through my window. And I had just attacked him. "Sorry." I mumbled looking at my feet, my eyebrows knitting together. Jack hooped to his feet with surprising agility. He was wearing his usual baggy shirt and brown trousers, but nothing else. His curly hair was up in a blood red ribbon sans bandana, and looked slightly windswept and unruly, a few of his curls falling around his face. His eyes were sparkling especially brightly and his cheeks flushed slightly pink. He smelt like fresh air, cold and salt. He looked so utterly beautiful, I almost had a brain haemorrhage. I spoke slowly, attempting not to stutter or just leave my jaw hanging open. "You climbed…through the window of a tavern…in the middle of the night…to bring me an apple…" I looked at his feet and almost laughed, "Without any shoes?" I raised my eyebrows at him, he seemed to consider what I had said for a while before smiling coyly at me. I caught a glimpse of a golden tooth near the back of his mouth, and was beginning to have a hard time not falling over. It was difficult having a friend who was this handsome. A long silence stretched between us as I tried to stop thinking about his cheekbones, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other, chewing on my lower lip. There was one question I had to ask him as much as I would rather just stare, "Uh…why?" He smiled softly and ridiculously sweetly at me. "I wanted to see you." He replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I smiled back, my heart felt like it was about to burst at those words. Someone wanted to see me, not just someone, Jack wanted to see me. I could have gone without food for another year and just lived off those words. "Why the apple?" I asked. That question seemed to throw him for a while as he chewed his bottom lip in consideration. "Well there's no easy way to say this Fin but…uh well, it kind of scared me when I saw you again, you look starved half to death." I could feel the tears begin pricking at my eyes. "Thanks." I whispered trying and failing to hide the fact I was kind of offended by this. Or more, I didn't want to actually here what I knew was true, I did try to be healthy! Well sort of… I turned and walked to my bed sensing the cautious smile drop from his face behind me. "No wait, I didn't mean it like that! You know I didn't, o come on Fin…" He moaned but I sat down on my bed folding my arms and looking away. I heard him walk over and sit down beside me. "Go away" I said now, thoroughly in a huff. I had no idea why I was being so moody, I knew I was being a little stupid but I had a bad day and I wasn't totally relishing being told I look so bad it's actually frightening. Okay so maybe the bed didn't dip under my weight at all, and perhaps I had no real reason to be in a bad mood. Especially now that now that someone had just sat down next to me who might actually care. "Fin come on." He said softly, a touch of pleading in his voice, I could feel his hot breath on my face. "I know, I know, I should be out in the rain, repenting for my sins, I don't deserve this life! Oh woe is me! He said melodramatically, but he still kept his voice quite. I couldn't help but smile when I elbowed him playfully in the ribs. He chuckled softly and I could feel my anger melting away no matter how much I wanted to stay mad at him. He wrapped one arm around my shoulders and held up the apple with the other. "Please." He said making sure I could just feel him giving me huge puppy dog eyes. I turned to look at him, slightly shocked when I realised his face was just inches away from mine. "Fine." I said with a smile, yanking on the ribbon holding his hair back so that it flopped in front of his eyes and made him look like a wet spaniel. He put on a fake angry pout, stuck out his lip and blew his hair upwards. Which of course had no effect except making me giggle like an idiot. He shoved he apple in my mouth to shut me up, which made him laugh much harder than I had. I scowled at him, but began to eat the apple obediently. It was so sweet and utterly delicious that I almost forgot that Jack was there. I probably would have were it not for the fact he looked pretty much just as sweet and delicious with his shirt hanging open down to his lower torso. He was skinny but in a lean, muscular way. When I finished he was staring out of the window at the other side of the room. With, I dare say, expert aim, I threw the apple and hit him right in the side of the head. "Ahhh!" Jack wined, rubbing his head. I laughed at him. A lot. He attempted to look daggers at me, but failing and maintaining a wolfish grin on his face the entire time. He picked up the apple core and began to walk towards the window. The sky was the darkest I think I have ever seen, but the steady glow of candles and lanterns bathed everything in a soft, dim light. It was warm and muggy outside, the kind of humidity that makes it slightly uncomfortable to breathe. "Watch this." He said, hearing the mischievous smile in his voice I hopped off the bed to go and stand next to him by the windowsill. Jack pointed to the people down below, specifically to a man in quite fine clothing for Tortuga, who was busy chatting up a prostitute. "See that man, I bet I could hit him on the head from here." He smirked at me. "No way he's too far." I said, shaking my head, the man was ages away, surely Jack's aim wasn't that good. "Tell you what, if I hit 'im, I'm allowed to come back tomorrow night." I wasn't so sure, if I got caught with a non-paying customer, I was out of a job. "Jack…" I said hesitantly. "It's a deal then!" He said cheerfully, I rolled my eyes at him but consented anyway, truth be told I did desperately want him to come back. "Now." HE said aiming his shot. "Never gonna happen." I taunted in a sing song voice. He shot me a smug sideways glance and with a flick of his wrist chucked the apple down into the street, and sure enough hit the man square on the head. I saw the man cuss loudly then turn around and look exactly at us. Jack's eyes widened and he pulled me to the ground as quick as he could. We had to cover our mouths to stop ourselves erupting with laughter, waking all the other girls and getting chucked out. So we just sat there making stupid sniggering noises. We heard the man hurl a few more curses at the window but soon he grew quiet and so did we. When the air of humour settled everything suddenly grew quite serious. I stared into his huge chocolate eyes, which had just a little bit of very neat kohl lining them, I understood it was for the sun but it also made the white of his eyes shine brighter, made him look dangerous and even more breath taking. I just wished with all my heart I didn't have secrets to hide from him. Part of me said I should just tell him but how could I do something like that? Just tell him, oh and by the way Jack I'm an insane drug addict who starves and mutilates herself, you know just for the hell of it, nothing to worry about, bye now. Oh yes I could see that going down very well. I still couldn't stop the constant fear that he would find out, well the insanity bit he already knew about I suppose, god knows what he was thinking about that. He bought a hand up and rested it on the base of my neck. "About last night." He began. Ok here it comes, the great I never want to talk to you again you lunatic now goodbye. My breath hitched in my throat. "Mmm, I'm no expert and I can't really judge but I'm just really worried about you because that, well that wasn't decidedly normal luv." He looked up at me through his eye lashes, but I was frozen. He sighed "Finvarra breathe." It was stupid that he had to instruct me to do so but he did. I drew in a sharp jagged breath that stung slightly. "I see things, I…I hear things." I whispered. Jack's eyes got very big and very sympathetic, almost pitying which I didn't like. He took his hand from behind my neck and placed the back of it on my cheek, using his thumb to wipe away some moisture from below my eye which I had no idea was there until now. "Terrible things." I breathed, staring right through Jack and into the eyes of all my demons. I didn't see Jack anymore. I didn't see anything. I just stayed very still because I could feel he shadows laughing at me, they eat me from the inside out. Colours I couldn't understand that had no shape but terrified me to no end, that's what I saw now, or rather what I felt. I often couldn't differentiate between what I saw, what I heard and what I felt. I didn't have a heart. I didn't have a soul. Because they were floating somewhere, lost and far away. But I was still here, trapped in a prison made of bones and flesh. That's why I didn't want to eat lately though I only realised now. Because the less flesh there was to my prison the closer I felt to being free. And I couldn't figure out for the life of me what the freedom I wanted was. I just couldn't put my figure on it. And if that freedom was death I could never take it and be happy. I was utterly addicted to self-mutilation. Because I felt so trapped. A prison within a prison. Only there were other prisons in it too. I wanted to be free of the one I was bound in, free of my body and mind but not free of the world. Only I could not leave one without leaving both. It only made sense to me, only made me upset. Some little black flames danced and flickered in my mind, some little black flowers began to grow in my sky. Did other people see them? Could other people see them? No. That was why I was crazy. But I didn't feel crazy. If I could just catch that damn soul…

I woke up. Not from sleep. From something far worse and far less preventable. I was still sitting on the floor. The sun was beginning to rise and a warm breeze blew through the open window. Why was the window open? "You've stopped breathing again." Oh yes, Jack. I had forgotten he was hear. I gasped, oh yes, I had forgotten to breath. "How long have I been…you know." I didn't know what to call it, catatonic? Or delirious? Maybe that would fit. The look on his face told me I didn't want to know the answer to my question. I mumbled an apology. He sighed heavily "Don't dare say sorry, I'm so worried about you, none of this is your fault and I want to say I understand and I want to help and I want to say I know but…I'm not sure how." His tone was so despairing it made me quite sad. I rolled my eyes at the world. "No one does." I said as though it was a line I had learnt and just repeated, not really hearing what it meant anymore. I didn't hear what it meant, I felt what it meant. "But I can don't you see, we're each of us only eighteen or there about, we have our whole lives ahead of us and I can learn, we can learn. I can learn to know and to understand and to help and you can teach me." He smiled at me. A heartbreakingly beautiful smile with so much depth and care to it, I felt it wash through my whole body. I couldn't believe that even when I felt so low and so ashamed, Jack could still conjure a feeling from me that made me capable of smiling back. "O.K." I said quietly. His smile turned into the biggest grin I had seen on his face yet. "And…maybe I can teach you a thing or two as well." I cocked my head to the side questioningly, doubting my ability to speak much at this point in time. "To read, and wright if you'd like. I can tell you about ships and how to sail them, so you'll never feel useless. I can show you the constellations and what they are, and how to navigate by them so you'll never be lost. I can show you the best poems in the world so you'll never be short of words. Anything and everything I know, you name it I promise to teach you and show you. Because there's a world out there that you have been kept from for too long." His eyes went somewhere far away when he was speaking about all this. HE was looking at a place, either in the future or the past, I couldn't tell, but the wistful smile on his lips and the twinkle in his eye told me it was wonderful beyond all imagination. I hoped he would show me it. It felt like he could. I couldn't deny I was incredibly moved by his promise. I looked over his face again but I only had time to stare at him like a girl possessed for a few seconds because we began to hear people stirring down in the tavern. Jack leaned into me, putting his cheek next to mine, obviously causing my heart to nearly fly out of my chest and my breathing to become yet more ragged when he leant to whisper in my ear "I'll come back tomorrow at dusk and stay on to dawn, I promise." He drew back and placed a lingering kiss on my cheek before springing back up and levering himself out of the window. I heard a dull thud when I suppose he had gotten to the street and stayed as still and as silent as possible so as to listen to his footsteps until I hear the very last one fade into the night. I slowly got up and walked over to the bed, lying down and curling up on my side. I needed sleep. And, for the first time in a long time I felt as though I had the right to sleep, I deserved sleep. And so sleep I did.

I think knowing that Jack was coming back to see me was the only thing that gave me the strength to get through the next day. Because as far as mental stability was concerned, it wasn't the best day. It came over me suddenly. I was serving drinks in the bar as usual, when I placed one next to a man who then turned and spoke to someone next to him. They were talking about me. I could feel it. Then, I knew. Everyone in the tavern was talking about me. I got this notion that they were all involved in a conspiracy, they were going to keep Jack from seeing me, they would hurt him and then hurt me. It felt as though everyone was in on it. I was so gut-wrenchingly terrified I just sort of stayed in one dark corner for most of that day. But then just as always, as quickly as I had gotten the notion, it passed. Everything was normal again. I think the fact that I knew it was a ridiculous thing to think once it had passed proved I wasn't completely delusional, just anxious perhaps, paranoid at most. I had just gotten back up to the room I had apparently earned the right to stay in now. I bit back my tears. This madness was killing me. And all I could think was 'Jack, hurry'

Hope ye enjoyed me lovelies, it's a little dark but hey, I did warn you ;) REVIEW PLEASE!