Disclaimer and Apology: First, the disclaimer—No, I don't own Fruits Basket.
Now, the apology—OH, I'M SO SORRY! FORGIVE MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! It's all my fault because I didn't have any good ideas and even when I got a half-way decent idea I didn't know how to type it out and even when I knew how to type it out I was too lazy to actually do it!!!! I'M SORRRYYYYYYY!!!!! (sends Ritsu back home)
Verisimilitude
Twenty-Nine: Declaration of War
Hatori and Shigure, the latter limping along with amazing speed, bolted into the bedroom and stared at the scene before them.
This scene, by the way, looked disturbingly similar to the battlefield model that Haru had once built to accompany his report on the Onin War. In other words, lots of blood, swords fallen on the ground, and a couple of warriors fighting viciously.
It was something of a relief to realize that the blood was actually red bed sheets, the swords were bedposts that had been ripped from the main frames, and the warriors were two ten-year-old kids. They were fighting viciously, however, which made the relief short-lived.
Before, Hatori never would have thought they would ever do anything to harm each other. But now…
Why couldn't Akito have been cursed, too? Make it a little easier for the rest of us reasonably decent people to handle…
"Hey! Wait!" the dog yelled at the boys; he slipped on one of the red sheets as he darted forward with the intention of pulling his cousins away from each other. He surprisingly didn't fall over, though, and continued his advance.
The medical student frowned—well, more than before—and folded his arms over his chest, commenting, "How you two got this much done in the two-point-eight seconds it took us to get in here is beyond me."
"Maybe the walls are soundproofed," suggested Kyo with a sneer, throwing another wild punch in Yuki's general direction.
Hatori said in a loud-but-not-quite-shouting voice, "Everybody freeze!"
Everybody froze. Of course they froze. After all, would you want to face the Wrath of Hatori?
"I'M SORRY!" a wail came from the other room about three seconds later. "I MOVED!! I BREATHED! Oh, I'm SO SORRY! I'm UNWORTHY of FRESH AIR! Or even POLLUTED AIR! OR—!"
"Not you," the dragon informed Ritsu through gritted teeth.
"…Oh. I—I'm SORRY!! I MISUNDERSTOOD YOUR GOOD AND PERFECTLY CLEAR MEANING!!!"
Shigure, grinning eagerly, looked to Hatori and all but pleaded, "Want me to poke him in the side?"
"Leave him alone, Shigure," ordered Hatori firmly. "We have about two problems here that we have to handle." He nodded his head at Yuki and Kyo.
"Aww—I mean—right!" Shigure turned to the cat and the rat, scolding fervently, "Shame on you two!"
Hatori stepped in then, saying, "For starters, apologize to each other."
Yuki folded his arms over his chest and tilted his head back slightly, glaring at the orange-top through lowered lashes. This expression clearly indicated that he expected Kyo's apology to come first.
Meanwhile, Kyo seemed to have steam pouring out of his ears as he glowered at the rat. A low, almost inhuman growl rumbled from the back of his throat. Apparently, the idea of saying he was sorry did not appeal to him in the least.
"Well?" demanded the dragon.
"My sentiments exactly," sniffed Yuki, still expectantly glowering at the cat.
"There's no way I'm apologizing to that—that -censored-… RAT!" Kyo exploded.
"Kyo…" Hatori scolded the profanity.
Ignoring his older cousin's comment, Yuki icily jibed, "How long did it take you to come up with that one, baka neko?"
"C'mon, you guys," Shigure put in. "Apologize already so we can make you clean the room."
"YOU WISH!" Kyo refused to speak a single word of penitence.
Shigure was about to ask for an apology one more time, but Hatori said first, "Alright. You don't have to apologize."
The three others in the bedroom stared at him.
"But, Ha'ri—" Shigure began.
"No. Shigure, why don't you call out for something to eat? I'm sure everyone is starving half to death," suggested Hatori.
"B-b-bu…"
"Go."
"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b…." And so Shigure, still sputtering out a pretty fair imitation of a damaged motorboat, slowly left the room.
"Now," Hatori began, facing the cat and the rat. "Here's the plan: We eat. You clean this room. Then we three will go for a little walk in the park. Until our walk, neither of you is to say a word. Not a word. Are we clear on that?"
"Whatev—" Kyo started, before clamping his mouth shut and nodding.
Hatori withdrew his patented Warning Glare of Death and nodded back. "Let's go to the living room." He started to turn around but then looked at the two boys again, ordering, "On second thought, you guys go ahead of me. I don't want anyone to be able to say, 'Oops, I tripped and my fist just happened to clonk my new archenemy on the head'."
Kyo sighed. Plan A was officially out the window. And he sincerely wished that Yuki would join it. Really fast. And really hard. And really, really painfully.