Chapter 2: I Lost Him

If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second. -Johnny Depp

Elena's POV

When I finally woke the next morning, I felt as if I had slept for days but still did not get enough rest. When I opened my eyes I knew something was off, I felt as if I was missing something very important, like something happened while I was sleep that I should be aware of but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what exactly that was. I shook the thought off and dragged myself out of my bed. I got up and went in the bathroom to take a shower.

As the steaming hot water rushed down my body all the guilt of last night came rushing back to me. I felt guilt over losing control at the party last night, guilt over lying to Stefan, but especially guilt over how things ended with Damon. At the thought of his name I felt my heart ache. I really messed up this time, he was only trying to help me and I basically told him not to bother. The look on his face after I said I shouldn't be here with him but with Stefan, that look of hurt the flash in his eyes for only second then became the detached looked I know all too well. Was nothing compared to the look he gave me when I basically called him a monster when I said I didn't want to be like him? Funny thing is I was already like him. I was feeding without hurting people and I loved it. I shouldn't be like this and I hate it.

I turned off the water and reached out to pull a towel around me. I walked into my room to my dresser and pulled on my rouched silk lace red and black underwear with the bra to go with it. I walked to my closet and pulled on my red tank top, my dark skinny jeans, black leather jacket, and my black leather boots. As I was putting my shoe on I remembered that Stefan texted me last night. I got up and walk over to my phone next to my bed. I grabbed it and that's when I saw a note with my name on it. I put my phone down and grab the note. I saw Damon's handwriting and immediately opened it, dreading words I knew were written on the letter. As I begun to read I can hear Damon's voice reading off the words that was written so nicely.

Hey My Dark Princess,

It has been a very, very long time since I have written a letter to anyone. I find it funny, in a way, that it is you I wound up writing one to. You have been so many of my firsts lately, and I write that without sarcasm or humor. You were the first person to make me smile a real, genuine smile - to laugh a real, a genuine laugh. You were the first person to hug me and tell you were sorry, when it was never your fault. You were the first person to see a part of me that no one had ever seen - a part I didn't know existed since my mother died. You were the first person to truly see me - the good, the bad - and accept it. The first person I truly fell in love with.

And I thank you for that. I thank you for being the caring, compassionate, loving and beautiful person you are. I didn't understand how you could continue to be so kind to me, so patient when all I did, over and over, was hurt you and let you down. How could someone care about me - a murderer, a monster? Now I finally understand. When you looked at me, you saw more than that, until tonight. Tonight, the look you gave me broke my heart, for the first time in a while you looked at me as if you saw a monster. I thought I redeemed myself from that role but I guess that will never happen.

I just want to say I am sorry for letting things get out of control and trying to turn you into your worst nightmare, me. Yes I am apologizing, its rare so don't get used to it. Back to what I was saying, you don't have to be like me, just don't go torturing innocent little bunnies like my brother, I swear one day all the forest animals are going to ban together and attack him but don't say I did not warn him. I laughed at his reference to Stefan's eating choices before I continued to read.

You know, I spent my entire existence chasing someone who did not care for me. I was broken when you first met me so many years ago. Broken in a way you cannot possibly imagine. You slowly gathered the pieces and began putting me back together. You were patient and kind and understanding and forgiving. You did not give up on me. You saw the man I could be underneath the man I had become. I'm not the man you saw quite yet, but I will continue to work on it for you. Always for you.

So here begins the tough part: I'm leaving. I can't stay here anymore and plus it's not like I had choice I did promise Stefan. I've done enough damage to your life already and staying would just make me even more selfish than I've been. And I don't want to be selfish anymore with you.

But nevertheless, I will be selfish with you at-least one last time. I love you, Elena. I love you in a way I didn't know was possible. And it isn't the dangerous, explosive, heated love I felt for Katherine. No, my love for you is so much different. It's warm and comfortable and sweet. It's tender and happy and beautiful. It's the kind of love a man is lucky to find and will only find once in his entire life, even when it's a life like ours: eternal. So I will say it one last time: I love you.

I tried to force you to love me, and I will regret that choice for the rest of my existence. I have taken so much from you, Elena, but I hope by leaving I will give you some of it back. I am starting to see why you chose my brother, why everyone chose my brother, he was the better choice and he deserves you. I will give you a chance at a normal life; well as normal as you can get being a vampire and all.

So this is goodbye. I'm sorry I couldn't say these things to you in person; I knew I wouldn't go through with if I did. I'm sorry I was selfish. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I'm not the person you deserve. But most of all, I'm sorry I never got the chance to see you be the beautiful strong, independent woman/vampire I know can be.

Don't sell yourself short kitten, you have more control then we give you credit for. Tonight you let loose and had fun and that's all I ever wanted for you. Enjoy being a vampire because it has its perks. :) Being a vampire doesn't mean your monster it just gives you time to make and regret a lot of mistakes but also learn from it. You will be fine, you will be one of the lucky ones that want lose their humanity do to reckless acts, like me.

By the time you read this, I will be long gone. But I left something with you. It is my mother's ring; I put it in your drawer by your bed. It means a lot to me, so take care of it. My heart is yours, Elena Gilbert. After all, you were the first person to make it skip in over a century - it seemed only fit that I give to you the one thing that belongs to you anyway.

Thank you, Elena. Thank you for saving my life multiple times. Thank you for pushing me to be the better man. Thank you for caring. I love you, and I always will. I may not be your first choice, but you are mine Elena, I will always choose you, above all. I'll miss you more than you will ever know, but its time for me to let you go. Give Stefan my best and live life to the fullest, if all else fells, be Happy and stay Safe Elena.

Farewell My Love,

Your Dark Prince ;)

By the time I finished the letter tears was falling down my face onto my lap. I quickly opened my top drawer and there it was a vintage royal blue heart shaped engagementring box. I took it out and opened it. When I saw the combination of beauty and grace, it was this heart shape sapphire engagement wedding set stamped in sterling silver within a prong setting. Its features was a breathtaking blue sapphire created heart shape diamond set atop of the ring with an additional 60 very lovely round brilliant diamonds that surrounds it. It had to be at-least 5 karts. I fell in love with it as I stared in awe. As I looked at the ring, tears rolling down my cheeks, realization dawn on me. That this was why I felt off this morning, why I felt as though I lost something I can't get back, because I did. I went to my jewelry box and took out my chain and slipped the rings onto it before I put it around my neck.

I went back to my night stand and returned the box and grabbed my phone. I dialed Damon's number while ran down the stairs trying get to the Boarding House as quickly as possible. He can't be gone; he said he would never leave me. When Damon didn't answer his phone and I started to panic. I called again and again but each time reached the same faith. I finally made it to the boarding house after what seem like an eternity but was only a few minutes. I walked to the door and walked in without bothering to knock.

"Damon?" I yelled into what seem like an empty house.

"Damon?" I said again but still getting no reply. I ran to his room and hesitated before I finally opened the door. I walked inside but nothing seemed out of place but a sense of emptiness came over me. I walked to his closet to see that half his cloths had disappeared. I walked over to his bathroom to find it empty of his toiletries. I looked at his bed and it looked as if it never been slept in.

I fell to my knees as the dire of the situation dawned on me. He's gone. He left me. He left me all alone. He said he would never leave me. He lied. I sobbed my heart out at that very moment when I realized I might have just loss the one person who believed in me. The one person I truly loved.

"Oh God" I love him and I lost him. Why did I have to be so stupid and chose Stefan over him. Why did I always realize my mistakes after it was too late? I lost him.

I Lost Him Forever

I Lost Damon Salvatore, and there was nothing I could do about it.