well this chapter number 4 i hope you like it this my birthday present to y'all so review and tell me how you really feel
Chapter 4: Three Months of Pain
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the original story.
I dread days like this. When the sun is shining and the birds are singing because it creates the perfect morning but in reality it is anything but perfect. Since Damon left nobody ever speaks his name, asks about him or even care that he left. It has been three months and it has sucked. Three long months have passed and still no word from Damon. I am missing him like crazy but I refuse to admit it even if it is a little obvious. From the blood being forced down my throat now days and the crying his bed all day and night with little to no sleep to the erratic behavior I give everyone you cannot miss it. It was not always like this, I thought at first I was handling it pretty well. I mean after my first breakdown, the day after he left in his room, I tend to avoid the subject of him at all cause. I pretended as if he never existed and all my love for him was put away in a Pandora Box. I did my best to live after that with Stefan, only allowing myself to think of him for only a few minutes when I look at the rings.
My world came crashing down around me a month after he left. That's when reality set in and I was forced to relive everything through nightmares…
2 Months Ago…
Damon: "Katherine?"
Elena: "Um, no... I'm Elena."
Damon: "Damon."
Elena: "Well, Damon, it's certainly creepy that you're here out in the middle of nowhere alone."
Damon: "You're one to talk; you're out here all by yourself,"
Elena: "It's Mystic Falls! Nothing bad ever happens here."
Damon: "I see. Why are you out here all alone?"
Elena: "Fight with my boyfriend."
Damon: "What about? If I may ask."
Elena: "Life, our future. He's talking houses and children and marriage..."
Damon: "And you don't want it?"
Elena: "I don't know what I want."
Damon: "Well, that's not true. You want what everybody else wants,"
Elena: "Oh, is that right? Well, tell me Damon, what do I want?"
Damon: "You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, adventure, and maybe even a little danger…"
Elena: "And what do you want?"
Damon: "I want you to get everything you're looking for. But right now I want you to forget that this happened. Can't have people knowing I'm in town just yet. Goodnight, Elena."
Damon: I'm Damon, Stefan's brother.
Elena: He didn't tell me he had a brother.
Damon: Well, Stefan isn't one to brag.
Elena: If you wanted me dead, I'd be dead.
Damon: Yes.
Elena: But I'm not.
Damon: Yet.
Elena: This is kidnapping.
Damon: That's a little melodramatic, don't you think?
Damon [to Elena]: I didn't compel you in Atlanta because we were having fun. I wanted it to be real. I'm trusting you. Don't make me regret it.
Damon [to Elena]: You think Katherine is gonna send me off the deep end, don't you? I don't need her for that.
Damon [to Elena]: Whatever happens, it's on you.
Damon [to Elena]: You and Katherine have a lot more in Katherine than just your looks.
Damon: Cute PJs
Elena: I'm tired Damon
Damon: brought you this
Elena: I thought this was gone…thank you…please give it back
Damon: I just have to say something
Elena: Why do you have to say it with my necklace?
Damon: Because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I ever said in my life
Elena: Damon don't go there...
Damon: I just have to say it once you just need to hear it…I love you Elena and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you and why you can't know this…I don't deserve you but my brother does…God I wish you didn't have to forget this…but you do
Damon: You need to stop doing that.
Elena: Doing what?
Damon: Assuming that I'll play the good guy because it's you who's asking.
Elena: You touch her and I swear I'll never speak to you again.
Damon: What makes you think that has any power over me? Cause I took an arrow in the back for you? You are severely overestimating yourself.
Damon: And you're going to die, Elena.
Elena: And then I'll come back to life.
Damon: That is not a risk I am willing to take.
Elena: But I am. It's my life, Damon. My choice.
Damon: I can't lose you.
Elena: You won't.
Damon [to Elena]: I will always choose you
Elena: you think I like going behind your back…I don't…but if I hadn't asked Stefan to help then you would have ruin everything
Damon: sorry for trying to keep you alive…clearly Stefan doesn't give a crap anymore
Elena: now, you're mad at me because I included Stefan
Damon: No, I'm mad at you because I love you.
Elena: Well maybe that's the problem…no that's not what I meant
Damon: no I got it Elena…I care too much I'm a liability…how ironic is that
Elena: deep down I don't want to be like…
Damon: you don't to be like me
Damon [to Elena]: Goodbye Elena
I woke up with sweat dripping from my face as the sound of Damon saying 'Goodbye Elena' was on replayed in my head. 'Why now?' was the only question I could ask myself. I looked around the room hoping for some kind of explanation, but there was none. This was the first time I dreamed about Damon in over a month. I got out of bed and walked over to my jewelry box and pulled out the chain with the most beautiful rings I ever saw.
"Where the hell are you Damon?" I whispered a loud to thin air. I walk back over to my bed slipping the chain over my head in the process. Then I lay down and cried myself to sleep.
That night was the start of a downhill spiral for me I would rarely eat or drink, I tried to focus on my school work only and when I wasn't at school I was in my room staring into space. I barely slept because the dreams were too much to bear. It was my fault he left, he always choose me no matter what and when it was my turn to choose him I couldn't bear to make the choice. He could be dead or hurt (couldn't bring myself to think he was actually happy) and I wouldn't know because I'm here to busy being with his brother. He loved me but I strung him along and told him his love was a problem. What's wrong with me, I'm no better than Katherine. Now I know how she feels to have the love of her life be gone for good. Stefan and I were still together but started to drift apart. The guilt of loving his brother was so much that I didn't want cause Stefan anymore pain. Well at-least I thought he was in pain boy was I wrong.
One month ago…
I walked up to the door that leads to so many memories. The boarding house was like a safe haven for me since I met the Salvatore brothers but this was the first time I had been here in little over two months. Since Damon no longer resided here, I could not bear to step foot in this house it just didn't feel the same. No one ever questioned why I never went to the boarding house and I was relieved by that. I took a deep breath and gently knocked on the door and waited for the inedible disaster soon to take place.
I stood there for a good 5 minutes without receiving a response, before I let myself into the house. "Stefan" I called out but was met with silence. I extended my senses and was greeted with the sounds of grunts and moans. Immediately thinking something was wrong, I accessed the sounds from Stefan's room. I walked to his door stilling myself for any possible danger as I slowly opened the door. I looked it the room to find Stefan in bed moaning but it wasn't moans of pain it was quite the opposite and he wasn't alone. The person in bed with my boyfriend was no friend of mine. It was none other than the world greatest backstabbing best friend, Bonnie Bennett. As they scream out in pleasure, tears begin to roll down my face. When I hear the words of affection, I could no longer stand there. I fled to the only place that could make me feel safe, Damon's room, unnoticed by the two who cuddled in afterglow.
I locked the door and cried out all the pain I felt from my ex-best friend and my ex-boyfriend, for losing Damon because of my own stupidity, for basically everything that I put Damon through because I thought I loved Stefan. The guilt I felt for loving my boyfriend's brother quickly disappeared, leaving in its place the growing feeling of anger. I could hear them scrambling around his room as they begun to walk toward Damon's room. I sent a quick text to Caroline because I knew that I couldn't be along with them hoping she got here quick.
"BOARDING HOUSE NOW"- Elena
The message sent as soon as Damon's door opened to reveal the faces of two guest of honor, Stefan Salvatore and Bonnie Bennett. Bonnie looked as if she seen a ghost and Stefan displayed look of hurt, confusion, anger, and regret. Regret for what I do not know.
"Elena…" Bonnie whispered plea
"Elena, what are you doing in my brother's room?" Stefan asked. Completely ignoring the tear stains on my face or the fact him and my best friend stood there with little to nothing on, let alone what they was doing a mere 3 minutes ago.
"Wow" I whispered "Well, if you must know I came to my boyfriend's house to see him, but to my surprise I found him in bed and he wasn't alone. Oh no, he wasn't because he was fucking the hell out of this bitch I called my best friend." I answer seeing both of them wince at my choice of words and my cold detached voice. Caroline walked into the room and before Stefan could utter the words that were sure to come I continued. "I mean here I was feeling guilty for not paying enough attention to my boyfriend for the last 2 months and came here to talk about what was going on between us. God forbid that I actually thought he loved me enough to break up with me if he wasn't happy but this is all the explanation I need to say otherwise. So Bonnie, was the sex good because from the sound of it, it sounded pretty damn good to me." I smirk while my words were dripped in sarcasm as each one left my lips. A look of pure shock settled on Caroline's face. "Well I hope to you it was worth it because it seem as if it meant more to you then our 13 year friendship." I say looking at her with disgust while tears roll down her face.
"Elena please…we can" she started but was cut off by the deadly glare Caroline and I shot her way.
"Stefan" I say finally bringing my attention to him as I started to circle him. "Stefan, Stefan, Stefan, the good brother, my knight in shining armor, my 'epic love', the guy that can apparently do no harm." I continue in mock humor. "All these years you looked down on Katherine for using and cheating on you, when apparently you're no better. I mean what exactly was your words again 'she is a conniving Bitch who likes to play games' but I mean if that is true I can say the same about you right? So you do call each other and asked for tips?" A flare of anger shot through Stefan at this. "Oh, does that piss you off, Steffi? Well let's see how you react to this…"
"Elena…" Caroline tried to cut me off.
"No Car, this is a day of honesty. They revealed, well more like their secret is out now so it is only fit that I reveal a few secrets of my own right? Fair trade and all." I reply to Caroline. Turing back to the couple I let everything out, "I came here to break up with you, at first I felt guilty about it, but my sympathy for dragging you along knowing I am in love with your brother is gone. To think I ever felt bad for hurting you is ridiculous to me now. I mean, I only chose you because I thought you was the safe choice and I felt I owned you another chance even if we fought the first time around I thought this would be different. But damn you fucked this one up too." I let out a dry chuckle. "I will own up to not giving a 100% to our relationship but for you to cheat on me because of that is obscured especially with my best friend of all people. Then you had the nerve to smirk and get angry at me for being your brother's room. To tell you the truth that smirk on you face did not look good so I recommend you don't do it again. But whatever I just have one last question. How long have this been going on? A month? 2? 3? 4? 5? 6?" I stopped when I saw Bonnie look down. "Wow. 6 months so basically just as long as we been together, which was way before I discovered I had feeling for Damon. Which mean you can't use that as your excuse, Wow. I mean you could have just told me, I been told I am a very compassionate and understanding person. But Whatever." At that moment I snapped, and at the same time snapping Stefan's neck in the process. A look of pure shock crossed Caroline's and Bonnie's faces as it all happened. I shrugged my shoulders brushing pass Bonnie in the process.
"Caroline, be a doll and make sure the lovely couple get out the house for me. Thank you!" I yelled over my shoulder as I descended the stairs. I walked into the parlor straight for Damon's liquor. I pour me a generous amount and sat down like nothing happened.
That day was one of the best days I had since Damon left. At the time all I could think about was I wish he was there to see me because I had a feeling he would be proud of me.
I was lying in bed after a night of no sleep for the millionth time since he left. I unwillingly dragged myself out of bed before the infamous Caroline and Jeremy made their appearance in Damon's room to check on me. This has been a recurrence every day since I broke up with Stefan. I feel closer to Damon in his room as if he knew I was in here and would show up one day. Loving Damon and him not knowing is tearing me up inside. God only knows what girl is lying in his arms this morning and how he probably forgot about me already.
I could feel the tears start run down my cheeks at the thought of another woman kissing him or him not knowing I love him back. I look at his mother's rings around my neck, as I do every morning, and pray for his return to me or some sign of where to find him. I look at the nightstand and see the usual glass blood that is waiting for me. I force myself to drink the red liquid that I no longer have a taste for.
"Elena" Caroline called. "Are you up yet?" she trailed off as she walked into the room stunned by the fact that I was dressed and actually feed. "I see somebody eager to start the day."
I just nodded my head while searching for my phone on the floor. I cursed myself for dropping it at the sound of Caroline's voice. As I reached for the battery under the dresser, I felt something else that was hard and rectangular. I pulled it out, to see that it was some kind of book of the sorts. I opened it and read the front page.
To Damon,
I hope you feel it with all your dreams. I won't be around much longer for you to talk to, so I hope you find peace in writing in your journal as if you were talking to me. Fill this journal with anything you want. I love you son, always remember that I love you with all my heart and not even death will change that.
Love, Mom
"Elena lets go" Caroline said impatiently as she waited by the door.
"I'm coming" I said aloud, shutting the journal and clutching on to it as if it was a life line. I knew the journal will hold so many memories for Damon and I wanted to know what they were. It was the only leak I had to him and I was going to keep it on me at all times. Today we are continuing to search for Damon like we did for the pass month. We have not had much luck seeing as I kicked Stefan out and Bonnie is still trying to beg for forgiveness. I have already forgiven her, but she just doesn't know it yet so I want to keep it that way. The longer I keep it that way the longer she won't complain about how she don't want to find Damon and no offence I just didn't have time for her 'but he is bad for you Elena and he tried to kill me' speech. Even though we haven't had much luck, I'm not giving up. Hopefully this journal can clue us in on where he might be because we are slowly running out of ideas.
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