Its Always Going to be You

by Miss Pretty Girl

Happens after the frat party from hell. Looks was exchanged, words was said, and feeling was hurt not that he would ever admit that. Damon leaves and starts over somewhere new while leaving behind Elena to deal with the consequences of her choice. Will they eventually find they way back to each other. Delena Fic Old/New characters. I do not own anything. Reviews are welcome

6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: In Love and Out of Touch

January 19, 1850

Dear Journal,

'Dear Diary' sounds too much like a girl thing to say so I went with journal instead because it is manlier. Mom just gave you to me as a birthday present. I was told to write down everything I feeling here and it will help me or something, but writing down my feelings is too girly for my liking so instead I will tell you about me. My name is Damon William Salvatore and I just turned 10 years old. Today was my birthday and I celebrated with my mom and my little brother Stefan who is three. My dad was not here, like always, but I guess it's better that way. Well I have to go just wanted to start writing.

Damon

I laugh at how a like and nothing alike Damon is to his 10 year old self. His first journal entry was so innocent but at the same time so my Damon. I continue to read more of the entries; he wrote everyday like he promised his mom. Some held happiness or frustration. Every day he wrote and the more I read, the more I found out about Damon. The page that held the most anger, sadness, frustration, and pain but held the least amount words, was the page I just finished reading.

April 5, 1950

Dear Journal,

My Mom died.

Damon

I wonder what was going through his mind that day. He lost the only parent that seems to want him and the parent he was stuck with treated him like shit. To think I knew anything about the guy I say I love. I wonder if there is more, so I turn the page hoping to get more insight on the guy that held my heart.

May 3, 1864

Dear Journal,

She's dead. That bitch is dead after she gave my brother and me eternal life. I never wanted this without her but from the memories that are returning to me, she never wanted this with me. Katherine Pierce took almost every opportunity she had to turn me away….

"Elena" Caroline said.

"Yeah" I reply holding my place in the journal.

"Jeremy will be here in a little while and he has some information on Damon"

"Okay tell me when he gets here." I yell back eager to get back to the journal.

I hate her. Stefan's not the same sense he turned. He is more like our father now more than ever. This makes me hate Katherine even more, if that's possible. She had to play with us both. Did she even love us? Did she even love me? I have so many questions that will go unanswered. I'm leaving town with Stefan tonight. I don't know where we are going yet but I have to keep an eye on him, even if I don't plan to be around for long. I have to make sure he will be okay without me. Well I better go, talk to you another time.

Damon Salvatore

He seemed so angry and yet confused that day. He wanted to be there for his brother though he was clearly heartbroken. He seemed more open during this journal entry and it broke my heart to think of what might have changed that over the years. He loved so easily. I always thought it was Katherine that changed him, but she was another small factor after his mother died and his father's mistreatment. Katherine seems so insignificant at that moment. Yes, he seems heartbroken but he wasn't out raged. He still held on to his humanity and through he was not that open he still had hope. What was it that made him snap? Was it really the blood that changed him like it did Stefan? Does the blood actually do that to us? If that happened to Damon, could it possibly happen to me? I turned the page to continue reading.

October 17, 1900

Dear Journal,

I can't believe he did that to me, of all people. I'm going to kill that arrogant piece of shit. To take a stake and put it through my chest gracing my heart is unforgivable. I put up with his shit long enough. How could my brother do that to me? My only family left. I thought it was just phase and I could help him but fuck him. I'm tired of doing the right thing and fighting for my humanity when all it brought was pain. To think I was going to kill myself but I will make it my life's mission to make Stefan's life a living hell if it's the last thing I do. If he thinks he could attempt to kill me and walk away without a scratch like I'm a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe. Well I'm done playing Mr. Nice Guy. I will be stronger than him and I will feed. I will enjoy the thrill of being a vampire and I will return and make him pay. I am officially turning my humanity off and getting the hell on with my undead life. Since I am so unlovable fuck love, never again will I allow anything to happen like this. They should have known it was better to be on Damon Salvatore's good side than bad. He will pay. They will all pay.

Damon Salvatore

Tears begin to fall from my eyes as the entry come to an end. The thought of Damon dying rubbed me the wrong way. And to thing Stefan was the reason Damon lost all hope humanity is what cause me the most pain. All those times we took Stefan's side it was saying it was the good brother and me asking Damon to be the better man. When in the end he was. Stefan had changed through the years but so has Damon. Everyone he loved turned their back on him and he retaliated the only way he knew how. I'm not condoning the way he went about it or denying that what he did wasn't wrong but I understand why he did what he did. If I was to lose Jeremy right now I would shut out the pain too and embrace the killer in me, because having no one and being alone is too overwhelming to bear.

May 15, 2009

Dear Journal,

Elena is her name. Elena Gilbert. I met her tonight while I was waiting for my 'dinner'. She looks exactly like Katherine, I would say that was the reason I did not kill her tonight, but that would be a lie. The straight her was a dead giveaway and of course the scar above her right shoulder blade. It was the look in her eyes that froze me in my place, caught me off guard enough to for that nifty little off switch to turn on. Her eyes showed confusion for who Katherine was but they held a light that Katherine never had and I knew she was nothing like her. Thought she did not know me, I could see the trust in me she had had as we continued to talk. When she flirted with, I swear that my none-beating heart begun to race. When she smiled at me it skipped a beat. I felt alive, if that was possible, even if it was only for a few minutes. How is it possible for this one human to get me to be me even after it was gone for 124 years? If I was a sap, I would say I have fallen in love with her, and I don't believe in-love at first sight. I don't believe in love at all. What am I saying she can never love me? I will just have to settle for the conniving bitch Katherine. I will let Elena gilbert have her normal life without the knowledge of what the world is really like. I will let her keep her innocence because I was robbed of mine. This will be best for her, so I compelled her to forget about meeting me. So I compelled her to forget about meeting me, for her own good. Let's get back to business. Katherine's in the tomb and I will get her out. She will have to choose me because Stefan doesn't care about her anymore. At-least that is what I will tell her anybody in there right could tell their love was true. By she realize I lied it would be too late and I would have hurt them both just as bad when they will have to choose which of them was to live. Oh they will pay and it is almost time they all did.

Damon

He could tell us apart from the first moment he saw me. He noticed things about me that Stefan never did. I accused him of not knowing me but he might have been the only one who did. He knew I wanted a normal life without asking because he wanted to keep from turning out life he did. I affected him from the very beginning and I never knew that. To think I thought he hated me and it was all a cover or maybe he did hate me because I was there for his brother. The brother that tried to kill him, the brother I claim to be better than him so many times after that day. I wouldn't like me either. I would go out of my way to avoid me, but he retaliated by annoying me and getting under my skin. He wanted revenge and he was determined to get him. I was no better than the rest of them. I made him love me, he just as well as stated it right here, and I turned my back on him by going to his worst enemy. There look to be one more entry to go and pray this gives me insight on where he was but I no longer feel as if I have a right to find him.

September 7, 2012

Dear Journal,

I had become the love sick puppy I always hated just to get rejected by the one girl who made me this way. The girl who chose my brother, Saint Stefan, can't really explain why this is such a surprise to me. All the girls I love have a tendency of proclaiming their undying love for my brother. I mean I did not really love Katherine the same as Elena but I loved her enough to pine after her for 146 years and what does Stefan do, say that he never loved her and forgot about her. Then I finally actually find someone I truly love, Elena, all she do is through it back in my face every chance she get and then profess her love for Stefan. While Stefan runs off and kill up half the east coast, come back bits her, attempt to drive her off Wickery Bridge, the same bridge her parents died on might I add, and she still looks as if he can do no wrong. So what's that ten points for Saint Stefan, and none for me? I mean how I could possibly believe someone would choose me for change. I was always the one everyone rejected. My mother was the only one who had accepted me but when she died my life with to hell. Even my father saw Stefan as the better candidate and I was just the screw up who looked like his late wife. So why would think anyone else would think twice about choosing me over my no good brother. I have to get out of this place; I can no longer watch them together. She will get through this transition because she has Saint Stefan's support so she has no need for mind. Look at me I have turned back into the 1864 Damon Salvatore who wrote down his feeling like a girl. I loved her enough to become my worst nightmare and I guess it wasn't enough because even this Damon still doesn't get the girl. So I am leaving town and starting new somewhere far from here. I might just go to my villa inChianti, Tuscany for a few years or travel the world who knows, just as long as I get away from here, from her because if I stay I might do something I will regret. Don't worry no one will find me; you are the only one to know about these places except for me of course. And I will not go and kill myself but it did sound interesting since that might be better than dying from a broken heart. I was just going to turn it all off. So this might be the last time I write sine I want be coming back, I think it would be easier that way. I want have to see her happy with my brother like I did the last 3 years and plus I hold up my end of the deal to Stefan to leave once she chose and she chose him so I guess it is about time I leave and not walk around them with my heart on my sleeve. As long as she is happy I am happy. Sad thing is I can't help but still love her even after everything that has happen. I always thought I would never love again after Katherine but I was wrong, I can never love again after Elena. The love I had for Katherine is like a puddle compared to the ocean of love I have for Elena. And she once said it was a problem, and I believe she is right because now that I know what it is like to love I will die eternally because I will never know how it feels to be love back with same intensity. WHAT IS THE WORLD COME TO I AM MY FUCKING WORST NIGHTMARE, JUST KILL ME NOW AND PUT ME OUT OF MY PAIN. The town can rest easy now since their biggest threat is leaving town, it's not like anyone wanted me here anyway. The Big Bad Damon is checking out. So I guess I will go now.

Love sucks,

Damon William Salvatore

A sob caught in my throat, I made him feel that way. I hurt him worse than anything Katherine, Stefan and his father ever did. I have to fix this he needs to know that somebody loves him, that I love him. I scanned the entry again and found what I was looking for. I ran downstairs into the den where Jeremy and Caroline sat waiting for me.

"I know where he is"

"I called Damon"

Jeremy and I stated at the same time. I stood shocked looking at my brother in awe. "How?" I ask him.

"He and I have been keeping in contact over the past few months and I called him and told you were in danger and he said they will be here in a few days." Jeremy finished.

I didn't miss the 'they' but I chose to ignore it. He is coming home and that's all that matters. I will prove to him that I love him and we will get through this and whoever this girl is bringing back have nothing on me. I will get him back if it's the last thing I do.