I'm sorry about the amount of time it has taken me to get this next chapter up; I don't really have an excuse other than lack of ideas and motivation. It's been so long since I uploaded the first chapter that I thought I better put the end of chapter 1 at the start of this chapter to remind you what is going on! I decided to vaguely stick to the storyline used in the episodes but I have added different things that I would have liked to see. Some of it is similar to what happened in 'Aftertaste', some from 'Exit Strategy part 2' and some from 'The Cruellest Month'. It's not really in the order that the episodes came out but I think this explanation is making it seem more confusing than it actually is so I'll just let you read it. Enjoy :) (Sorry for such a long author's note).
"Your mother and I loved each other so much, when she signed the DNR it made me so angry and at first I couldn't understand why but now, I do,"
Zosia looked up at him and waited for him to continue,
"it was to protect us. Not just you but me as well. It sounds stupid as we both would prefer it if she was still here now but we all knew that if she kept being resuscitated that it would only delay the inevitable which was fast approaching. It would have been a long and painful death for your mother to go through and it would have been hard for us to watch."
"I wouldn't have had to watch it because you kept it a secret from me, I should have been there to help and I should have been there to say goodbye but you took that away from both of us."
Zosia couldn't stop herself from crying any longer and she got up and left the office, bumping into Colette on the way out. Colette entered the office to see Guy fighting back tears,
"I keep trying, she just doesn't understand and I'm not sure she ever will."
"She will understand once you've told her the truth, it may take time for her to listen and for her to understand but she will feel better for it. I can talk to her if you like, tell her she needs to talk to you and to let you tell the full story."
"Please," Guy replied. Colette walked over to him and supportingly put a hand on his shoulder and told him once again that once she gives him a chance, Zosia would understand.
She was sat in the cafe staring at her cup of coffee, in a daydream. Colette approached her slowly before taking a seat opposite her. Zosia waited a minute before looking up and breaking the silence.
"What could you possibly want now?" She asked, already irritated by the presence of Colette. Ignoring the junior doctor's rude tone, Colette replied,
"you know you should really give your dad a proper chance to explain things."
"I already know what happened, her cancer came back and he didn't give me the chance to say goodbye. What more could there be to it?"
"That's what you need to talk to him about, please just give him the chance to explain."
"What difference will it make now? She's gone and isn't coming back." Zosia was getting frustrated, was she going to continue bugging her all day?
"It will make you both feel better when you know the full truth; I've got to get back but at least think about going to talk to him." Colette said before walking out of the cafe to get back to work.
Throughout the rest of her shift, Zosia tried to keep focused on her patients but the thought of what Colette said kept coming back to her. Zosia's initial method of dealing with the grief of coming to terms with her mother's death was to get stuck into her work and she was determined not to talk to or accept help from her dad. It was becoming clear that this wasn't working; she was on probation, had been suspended once and had recently been threatened by Sacha to get suspended again. Did she need Guy after all? Maybe she would go and talk to him, she was hoping that whatever he had to say would either bring her more comfort or help her to understand why she wasn't informed of her mother's cancer returning.
Several mistakes and mishaps with patients later, Zosia's shift finally ended. After getting her stuff together, she found herself walking towards Guy's office, she wasn't entirely sure when she decided she would go and talk to him but she really felt like she had to, it was important to both of them. Zosia hesitated before knocking on the door, when she heard his voice inviting her in she doubted whether this was really what she wanted. She shook off that feeling before confidently walking into the CEO's office where he told her to sit in the leather seat in front of his desk.
"How can I help?" Guy was the one to break the silence.
"Colette told me you wanted to speak to me about mama, I didn't want to at first but I realise that my way of dealing with things isn't working," Zosia replied nervously, she didn't want to admit that she needed her dad.
"And what is your way of dealing with things?"
"Shutting you out and working but I realise I'm carrying my anger for you into work which is why I've been suspended recently and why I'm on probation. Colette said that if I give you a chance to explain things it may help so that's what I came for." Zosia hated admitting that her behaviour at work was because of her dad, she had been denying this for so long.
"I keep thinking about the reason we kept it from you, it seemed appropriate at the time but now it's hard to explain. Your mother was the one who persuaded me to keep it from you but then we both agreed that watching her slow death would only hurt you. We didn't want that to be the way you remembered your mother, which would have made dealing with your grief even harder. The memories you have of her are the way she made you feel better and the fun things you did together, they are much happier than what they would have been if you had quit school to look after your mother. There was nothing we could do to help other than sit around and be there, she didn't even want me there, and she was embarrassed that she wasn't independent anymore. If we had told you, you would have come and sit with her until she died, that meant you wouldn't have passed your exams so when she died you would not only be grieving, but you would not be in the job you are now. It was for the best."
They both sat in silence for a while, Zosia avoiding eye contact with her dad. Maybe he was right; maybe she would have been even more unhappy if they had told her. But at least she would have got to say goodbye and be with her mother when she needed her. Maybe it was her fault she signed the DNR, maybe it was because she didn't want Zosia to find out she was ill again because she would have wanted to drop out of her exams and would never have become a doctor.
Guy cleared his throat before breaking the silence once again, "well?"
"I still wish you had given me the chance to say goodbye. Did she sign the DNR because of me?"
"She signed the DNR because she thought it would make things easier for everyone."
"How would it make things easier? Having more time is what would have made things easier." Zosia was crying again and was getting angrier. There were so many unanswered questions that she would never be able to understand because her mother was the only one with the answers.
"It would make things easier for her because she wouldn't have to suffer any longer, it would make things easier for us because we wouldn't have to watch her in pain. You were the one we were trying to protect, if she hadn't signed the DNR yes we may have had more time and yes you would have been aware of what was going on at the time but even if she hadn't signed the DNR she wouldn't still be here. She was too ill and resuscitation would have only given her a little more time, a little more time which she didn't think was worth it, it wouldn't have been spent making happy memories; it would have been spent with us watching her lying in a hospital bed."
Zosia just made out the last few words he was saying through her sobs, she was trying to wrap her head around everything her father was saying, things were slowly starting to make sense. Guy got out of his chair and walked over to where Zosia was sitting, taking her hands away from her face and bringing her into a hug, her head resting on his shoulder. This was something that hadn't happened in years and to Guy's surprise; Zosia didn't pull away or try to stop him comforting her.
Sorry if this wasn't the best end to the chapter, hopefully it all made sense. Let me know what you thought and if you have any ideas what else could happen with this. Thanks for reading. :)