Spelling—Five Times Felicity's Auto-correct Puts Its Foot in Its Mouth
1.
O: Mtg. w/ Finance dept—1:30 or 2:30?
F: Taco.
O: What?
F: Taco! Am I spelling it wrong?
F: Stupid talk-to-text. Mating's at 2:00.
O: Oh, really.
F: Damn! Meeting! Meeting's at 2:00.
F: This is an office, not a zoo. There will be no meeting.
O: But you just said—
F: MATING!
F: Stop laughing at me.
O: Felicity, put down the stapler.
O: If you break your phone, you'll lose all the tracking signals.
O: That's my girl.
F: I date you.
F: Hate! WTH?
O: Next time I'll just use the intercom.
2.
O: You told me to remind you to tell me . . . something.
O: This is me reminding you. To tell me. Whatever.
F: But you don't even remember what it was!
F: Good thing I do.
F: I meant to tell you I'm taking off a little early tomorrow night.
O: Why?
F: I have to pick up the steam cleaner I rented from the hardware store before it closes.
F: My carpet is gross. Rental. I don't think I've shampooed it since loving me.
O: What?
F: Moving in. OMG, what is wrong with this damn phone?
O: Don't break it.
F: Why doesn't this ever happen to boob?
F: YOU! What the hell? How does it even get "boob" from "you"?
F: This phone. It dates me.
F: DAMN.
3.
F: DID YOU TOUCH MY SERVERS? MY GLORIOUS, PERFECT SERVERS?
O: No need to shout.
F: The scan I was in the middle of. The scan that was running for TWO DAYS.
F: It stopped.
O: I guess it didn't find anything.
F: It stopped in the middle.
F: Because something—or SOMEONE who happens to be a billionaire with questionable computer skills—
O: No name-calling.
F: What did you touch, Oliver?
O: Maybe if you tried turning it off and then turning it back on—
F: Are you trying to be funny, or do you think you're eloping?
O: Well, I hadn't planned on it. Thea would be disappointed if I didn't invite her to my wedding.
F: OMG. This phone. I meant HELPING.
F: Seriously, Oliver, what did you touch? Which butt? Which combination of butts?
O: I don't touch anyone's butt without an express invitation.
O: Felicity. Put your shoe down. DO NOT break your phone.
4.
D: I'm outside. Is it safe to come in?
F: What do you mean?
D: You know what I mean. Is the Cold War over?
F: What, me and Oliver? The shouty, grrr-y thing yesterday?
F: He finally saw it my way. We made love.
D: Over-share. And also, are you CRAZY?
F: OMG. MADE UP. We made up. In a normal way, not in a sexy way.
F: I swear my phone does this on purpose.
F: If this happens ONE MORE TIME, I will throw this phone as hard as I can. At someone's head.
D: Mine? Or Oliver's?
F: Depends on who's laughing the hardest.
D: *ducking*
5.
F: So I'm planning a birthday party for John. Nothing big.
F: You in?
O: Who's coming?
F: The usual suspects—Digglemeister, Digglemeister's hot ex, His Majesty Sir Harper, Oliver's hot ex—the blonde one . . .
O: What the hell?
F: Wait. What?
F: Digglemeister.
F: Digglemeister. Digglemeister. Digglemeister's hot ex.
F: STOP. LAUGHING.
F: Oliver's hot ex—the blonde one
F: His Majesty Sir Harper. His Majesty Sir Harper.
F: HIS MAJESTY SIR HARPER! His Majesty Sir Harper handed me my phone earlier. He must have been messing with it.
F: He changed all the names, the little Felicity-do-you-kiss-your-mother-with-that-mouth.
F: I love you, will you shoot him with an arrow?
F: OH. MY. GOD. I will kill him myself.
O: Um.
F: I love you. I love you. DAMN!
O: What are you trying to say?
F: I'm trying to say I love you.
O: Felicity. Put down the hammer. Why do you even have a hammer in your desk?
F: I love you.
O: PUT THE HAMMER DOWN.