It takes Darren two long days after that to get home to his apartment.
When he steps inside it's too empty, too quiet, and too wrong.
Where he once found comfort and called home no longer feels like that. He knows the only home he has now is with Chris.
Falling in bed, he burrows under the covers and falls asleep. He sleeps for hours on end; welcoming the time when he doesn't have to experience the pain of having Chris leaving him.
It takes him three days before he climbs out of bed to try and eat something unsuccessfully. It's as if his body can't function properly anymore without Chris next to him. He knows it's crazy to be so broken over somebody, but he also knows Chris wasn't just somebody. Chris was his heart, and without him, he can't live properly.
It takes him almost two weeks before he calls his family to tell them he's home from his trip. If he thinks his mom suspects something, she doesn't press him for answers, only tells him she's glad he's home safe and sound, and that to visit soon.
Some nights he'll sit in front of his window looking at the stars wondering if Chris is doing the same. Other nights, he'll aimlessly pluck the strings on his guitar; one night realizing he's playing the song Chris sang to him at the karaoke bar in Paris. After that, Darren doesn't touch his guitar again.
The sound of silence accompanied by not playing only makes it harder to drown out all the questions left unanswered that run through his mind. He goes from confused to angry to sad to wronged all in less than an hour.
In total it takes a month and a half for Darren to ignore Chris' request.
With his brother's help, he finds out where Chris lives and makes the decision to go get him back.
Rushing home, he packs a bag without care and heads to the airport to get to the one person with answers to all the questions he has; to the one person that he loves, and will make him feel alive again.
The entire plane ride he nervously fidgets with his phone and other things to keep his mind off what he's doing. He never thought he would be like that person in those romantic movies he occasionally watches who decides to go get the person they love. If like those movies, he hopes this plays out with a happy ending.
Stopping on the curb of the house, he gets out and begins to walk to the door. He nervously plays with the keys in his hand, stopping in front of the door and immediately knocking. It doesn't take long for him to hear someone unlocking the door and opening it.
"Hi," Darren smiles at the woman standing in front of him, guessing this to be Chris' mom. "You must be Mrs. Colfer, I'm-"
"Darren, I know," she cuts him off, her voice comforting like a mom's always is.
"You do?"
"You were all he talked about when he came back," she replies, closing the door and gesturing to the porch swing not a few feet away. "You should have seen the way his eyes lit up when he said anything about you. I'm pretty sure you've figured out me to be his mom. I'm Karyn."
Darren's smile gets minutely smaller when she walks to the porch swing and pats the spot next to her where she is sitting; he wants to see Chris, and hates that he's in the house so close, but sits down.
"He's here, isn't he?" he asks, letting hope slowly begin to creep back into his thoughts.
"Yes," she smiles at him, waiting for him to sit next to her. "He's here."
"I want...Can I see him?" Darren desperately asks.
"How much do you know?"
"About...?"
"Why he left?" she responds, laying her hands in her lap.
"I don't know anything; but that didn't stop my mind from running rampant with thoughts of somebody else or he made a mistake or...I don't know."
She smiles at him as she says, "There's no one else, I promise."
"Why?"
"Darren, there is something you need to know, something important about Chris," Karyn says, looking out to the view in front of her of the blue, afternoon sky; the breeze blowing cool on their skin. "First, you must know, when he was born he was the light of my eye, and I loved him immediately-I mean he was my little, baby boy, he was perfect. For the first eighteen years of his life that's how he was: perfect, with the world at his feet. But, two years ago, all that changed when he collapsed one morning standing in the kitchen helping me make breakfast."
Darren can hear the sadness in her voice, and sees a tear roll down her cheek; watches as she brushes it away with the back of her hand.
"The doctors said it's not the worst form of leukemia, they said treated it would be fine."
At those words, Darren feels his heart break for a million different reasons, but mainly for the Chris. It's then he understands what Chris was trying to protect him from. He realizes the one person he loves most on this earth is fighting a battle he is losing.
"You can't imagine the feeling you get as you watch your son realize he's had the world ripped away from him." Karyn continues, pulling Darren from his thoughts. "Chris went from the son I was going to watch grow-up and live, to the son that I might have to-" she stops, covering her mouth to quite the sobs escaping from her. Darren can feel the vibrations in the swing as she cries. He wants to break; wants to let go and cry himself. But he doesn't. He tries to be strong for her. "He went into remission early last year, and we thought it was over. But in March it came back worse than the last time."
"What about treatment?"
She turns to look at him with a small smile on her lips. "Chris has stopped responding, so the doctors told us to just let him live the last few years of his life as normal as possible.
"After that is when he made the decision to go to Europe and have fun for a few months. Of course, being his mom, it took a lot for me allow him to do that."
"He got sick, that's why he left?"
"Yes," she nods her head, clutching his hand in hers. "He's getting over this rough patch and should be good again...Well, as good as he can get."
For a couple of moments they just sit there gently swinging as they stare out at the world going by in front of them. The sound of children playing nearby can be heard, along with someone mowing their lawn. People living their lives as Darren thinks about Chris and his life.
"I'm glad I let him go," Karyn says after a while. "I'm glad he went to Europe, because he met you. Even though I barely know you, I love you for making him happy when he needed it most."
"He made…makes me happy, too," Darren whispers, hearing his voice trembling the slightest.
"I'll give a few moments to yourself, and then you can go see him." The porch swing moves as she stands and walks to the front door. Hand on the knob, she turns back to him and smiles. "I want to thank you, Darren; you gave him the one thing he wanted most."
After she goes inside, Darren sits on the swing thinking about everything he was just told.
He wonders how a person as beautiful as Chris could have something so horrible happen to him.
Looking back, and remembering certain things during their time together in Europe, Darren realizes all the signs were there-even though he didn't know he was supposed to be looking.
It explains the bruises, tiredness, sickness, and sudden weight loss. Now that he looks back, he wonders if he made Chris do too much, wishing he knew but knows that's exactly the opposite of what Chris wanted. He knows Chris didn't want to take it easy, he wanted to have fun and live normal for a few months.
Standing up after about ten minutes of sitting there, Darren walks to the front door and goes inside. He finds Karyn sitting in a the living room reading a book. Looking to her for help, he asks, "Where is he?"
"Last door on the left upstairs," she quietly tells him, giving him a warm smile.
Walking up the stairs, Darren looks at the pictures of a young Chris smiling brightly at the camera and grins at the pictures.
When he reaches the door to Chris' room, he opens it and sees it's almost as normal a room you would expect from someone Chris' age. He sees Chris sitting on the window bench with his knees to his chest, arms around his legs, and staring out the window.
Just by looking at him, Darren can tell he's lost more weight since last seeing him, his skin paler than usual and bruises on his arms.
Even seeing him like that, Darren still considers him the most beautiful person he's ever seen.
"Hey, Chris," he whispers-his voice uneven and shaking-and closing the door behind him with a soft click.
"Hi, Darren," Chris barely says loud enough for Darren to hear, keeping his attention on something he sees out the window.
Darren walks over and sits on the bench next to Chris, realizing he's been looking at a group of young kids playing across the street at a playground. He moves his hand to try and reach for Chris, but drops it when he sees him flinch.
"Why'd you come?" Chris whispers, pulling his knees closer to his chest-as if afraid of Darren trying to touch him again. "I told you tha-"
"Because, I love you," Darren interrupts him, sounding honest and sincere.
"Dare, loving me isn't a good thing."
Darren looks around the room for a few seconds before turning to look back at Chris. "Chris...loving you is the only thing."
For a few moments after he says that, the room is silent as Chris continues to stare out the window. Waiting until he is ready to talk, Darren sits there and just stares at him, glad he made the decision to come here. He doesn't care that he went against what Chris told him. He needed to see him; needed to fight for him. And finding out the truth about him doesn't change how he feels about him in the slightest. He still loves him with all his heart.
"Do you ever wish you could go back to when you were young; when everything was simple, and made sense?" Chris finally says with a soft voice.
"Don't we all at some point in our life. Why do you want to know that?"
"Because, I miss that. I miss thinking I was going to be the person to make a small difference in this world; I miss having nothing to worry about but when I was supposed to come inside from playing."
At that, Darren remembers seeing the picture of a young Chris as he walked to his room, and imagines him playing outside, cheeks red from exertion, hair a mess and clothes dirty and running home to his mom babbling about what he did. He chuckles at the thought of Chris with a frown on his face when forced to come in. "I bet you got in a lot of trouble when you didn't want to come in?"
Chris lets out a small laugh at that. "My mom got so angry when I ignored her. She doesn't do that anymore...get angry at me. I miss it sometimes; wish she would just snap and yell; make things feel normal for a while."
For a few seconds he doesn't say anything else, just continues to stare at the little children playing across the street.
"I envy them," Chris says, nodding his head at the kids, and squeezing his arms around his legs tighter, Darren hearing him sniffle as he tries to hold back his tears. "They have everything to look forward to, and don't know how easy it will be."
"Nobody has it easy, Chris."
"Yeah, but for some people they would love to worry about the small things and not about time."
At hearing that, he has to ask, has to know how long they have. "H-how long do you...How much ti-" he can't finish the question, not wanting to think about a world without Chris in it.
"A little under two years. But that could change fast," Chris responds, hugging tighter to his knees.
Two years. Twenty-four months. Never before has a number sounded so good and so wrong at the same time. He huffs out of relief knowing that he still has time with him (even though it's less than he wants, but he has time.)
"What is it you want, Darren?" Chris tries to demand, and failing miserably, voice coming out weak as he asks, finally turning to look at him with tears rolling down his face.
"You," he quietly breathes out, reaching for one of Chris' hands, and linking their fingers together. "I'll always just want you."
"How could you still want me after everything I did, everything that will happen?"
"Because, I fell in love with you, and if that brings with it problems, I can handle that; because it's already brought some great memories, and I hope to add more."
"In less than two years?" Chris angrily says, forcefully wiping away the tears rolling down his face.
"Yes."
"Why did we have to fall in love?" Chris says through a shaking voice. "Why couldn't we have stayed friends?"
"Yeah, that would have probably made this a bit easier," Darren softly says, moving Chris into his lap and just holding him. "But, Chris, me falling in love with you was inevitable."
"Yeah," he hears Chris softly whisper, nodding his head as if he understands. "I could say the same."
He stares at Chris as he mulls something over in his mind, tears rolling down his face, falling off and staining Darren's shirt where they hit. Wiping one away, he asks, "What is it?"
"I can't give you forever, Darren," Chris sobs into his shoulder, clutching tight to his neck and pressing as close as he can get to him. "I can barely give you now, and you deserve so much more. Someone other than me."
Moving Chris to look at him, wiping the tears that roll down his cheeks, and staring at eyes flecked with more colors than Darren thought possible, he rest their foreheads together and just breathes.
"Don't you think that's a choice I should make?"
"Yes, but-"
"No," he cuts him off. "I want you for as long as you'll have me."
"But, if we stay together, we can only have a handful of months."
"I rather have now-however long that may be-than to have never been with you."
"I don't deserve you." Chris hiccups, wiping away the last tears falling down his face.
"Yes, you do, because we deserve each other." Darren smiles at Chris, loving when he genuinely smiles back at him. "And you did."
"Did what?"
"Make a small difference in this world," Darren responds. "You made a difference in my world; and that counts."
He sees a few tears slide down Chris' cheeks. Pulling him close, he presses his lips to Chris' in a gentle, sweet kiss.
For a few hours after, sitting with Chris lying against him and doing nothing but holding him, Darren finally gets the courage to ask him what he wants from him.
Both staring out the window at night sky, he gathers his strength and speaks. "Chris, you have to do something for me," Darren breathes into his ear, and looking at him when he pulls back to stare at him.
"What?"
"Fight," he tells him, finding it crazy how five letters-one word-could hold so much power behind them.
He doesn't need to say anything more for Chris to understand what he's telling him.
"For as long as I can." Chris leans forward and presses their lips together in a simple, quick kiss before laying his head back on Darren's chest. Within a few minutes, Darren holds a sleeping Chris as he finally lets go and cries.
The next night lying on the bed facing Chris, Darren runs his thumb back and forth over his hip, making sure to be gentle.
"I wanted to ask you something?"
"What?"
"Your mom said I gave you the one thing you wanted most. What did she mean by that?"
"Oh, umm...I have to show you if you don't mind."
Darren nods his head, and watches as Chris goes to one of his drawers and pulls out a black notebook. Sitting up against the headboard, he wraps his arms around Chris' waist as he lies back against him, resting his head back on his shoulder.
"A few months after I was diagnosed, I started writing down all the things I wanted to do before I died." Chris' voice breaking on the last word, and stopping to let the feeling of sadness pass. "Anyways, I guess you could call it a Bucket List. Some things were expected: go to Disneyland, make someone laugh until they cried, pet a giraffe. Normal things like that."
Darren flips through the book and reads some of the things he's already done.
"Anyways," Chris tells him, and Darren hearing the smile in his voice. "There were three things that were the most important to me."
Flipping the notebook to the third to last page, Darren sees written across the top 'Visit Europe' with a red line through it. Beneath he sees all the things Chris wanted to do while there-most of them crossed out with the same red line through them.
"This explains what you told me in that café in England," Darren says, feeling Chris chuckle next to him.
Turning to the next page, he sees 'Get Married' written at the top with all the details below it.
On the last page he sees written 'Fall In Love' at the top with the same red line through it, and below he sees his name written with no red line.
Seeing that, he understands what Chris' mom told him about giving him the one thing he wanted most.
"Why isn't my name crossed off?"
"Because, I knew if I crossed it out, it meant that it was officially over between us."
"Well, where's your pen at?"
"There's one in the drawer in the nightstand next to you. Why, what are you going to do?"
Reaching over and pulling out the drawer, he grabs the red pen that rolls to the front. Uncapping it, he grabs the notebook from Chris and writes something Chris can't see.
Handing him back the notebook, Chris laughs at what he did.
"I love you."
"I love you, too," Darren says right before capturing Chris' mouth in a kiss that makes him feel as if he's in the one place that everything makes sense; he's home.
When they move to lie down, his legs kick off the notebook to the floor-still open to the last page.
Written on it is simple and to the point: 'Darren Criss loves Chris Colfer, and a giant red heart drawn in for love.