Lesson Two: With One Smile

I can feel the adrenaline rising as I quickly walk towards my classroom. Somehow, I feel his presence following behind me. It's almost like he is touching me, grabbing on to me. I shouldn't feel so unsettled by this. This shouldn't be so troubling. He was an old friend that I lost touch with. This isn't something to become so troubled over. It isn't.

I plop down onto my seat and run my fingers through my hair. My sweat is cool against my skin. The feeling of my fingers running through my hair calms me. I concentrate on my breathing and I think of Sakura. I think of her luscious pink hair, her silky porcelain skin, and her bright, thrilling eyes. I play the memory of her sweet voice in my mind and I relish in the feeling of love that I hold for my fiancé. It helps.

I drum my fingers against the arm of my chair and stare at the empty seats that lie before me. How long has it been now? I'm twenty three, and the last time…

Five years. It has been five years.

I venture into the depths of my thoughts that I have kept bolted for so long. I wonder if he has thought of me, if he has…missed me. Again, I scold myself for losing touch with what it is that I truly want.

Frivolous. So frivolous. This is all so damn frivolous. I am no longer some confused teenager. I am an adult. I have responsibilities and the ability to compose myself.

I lean forward and grab my bag, setting it onto my desk. I pull out papers and books, piling them neatly on my desk. I look over at the photograph of Sakura and I. We're smiling and we're happy.

"Sasuke."

My heart skips a beat and I feel as if the blood is draining from my body. I simply want to be at peace. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to have to endure this physical reaction to him. I thought I had escaped this and here I am feeling helpless once again. I thought I had left that all behind me at eighteen. Hadn't I grown up? Hadn't I?

I turn my head, stand from my seat, and set my eyes upon him. We match height and the built of his body has strengthened. If anything, I am slimmer in build than he is. He loosely wears an orange tie around a white dress shirt and his hair is still as bright a blonde and tousled as it was when we were teenagers. His cobalt eyes have deepened in intensity but he still smirks the same way with the same cocky confidence he always held. His softness isn't as evident as it once was, as if he has hardened a bit through the years, but it is still apparent as he observes me. I feel as if I am staring into a mirror that reveals my past. There is so much raging inside of me. I have no idea what to say to him or what I should do. I stand awkwardly before him as he watches me, feeling more and more uncomfortable by his stare.

Still, after all these years, his voice, the way he speaks my name, it is the same as it always has been. But I also know that five years is a long time and there is a lot that must have changed.

"It's been a while, eh?" He steps forward and I take one back. He grins, obviously entertained by my discomfort. "You haven't changed."

"Neither have you," I scoff, turning to my desk, organizing it as if to make it seem that I am too busy to speak with him.

"It's been five years now?" I hear him step closer to me, my heart feeling heavier as he approaches me, violating my personal space.

"If you don't mind, I'm a bit busy," I shuffle the papers on my desk. My body temperature is rising and I can feel a drop of sweat grazing my skin. "I have a lot to-"

He grabs my hand suddenly, stopping everything that I am doing. I look up at him and he is still smirking. I still want to rip the grin off of his face. But, even with such animosity raging within me, it feels as if time has suddenly stopped. It feels as if my heart has dropped from my chest to my feet. I feel helpless, as if suddenly I have lost all control.

"I do mind," he lets go of my hand, and pats my back. "You can't even greet an old best friend of yours? Now, that just hurts, Sasuke."

"Please, I am quite busy with all these lesson plans I have to plot."

"Oh, please, Sasuke, don't be so shy," Naruto jumps up onto my desk and sits right in front of me. He is much too close for comfort and so I step away. "How've you been? Really? It's been too fucking long."

He still lacks in manners as much as he did when we were kids which is a bit of a comfort knowing that he hasn't changed so much.

"I guess I have been okay. I have really just been working."

"Yeah, but you're always like that. I take it you haven't changed a bit. It doesn't seem so. Still awkward, silent, and prudish."

"I am not prudish," I snap.

"Oh, oh, oh, okay," he waves his hands in the air. He is mocking me and it is irritating. "So, are you still with Sakura?"

"We're engaged," I sigh as I gesture for Naruto to get off my desk. "That is not a seat."

"Oh, sorry," he laughs, and jumps down. "So, the two of you are tying the knot. I'm not surprised. It was always in the plan for happiness that you set for yourself. Always there. I thought you would achieve it all."

"Yes, I have," I turn away from him, staring down at the papers.

Am I really happy? Have I achieved that? I feel as if happiness-no, not just happiness but all emotions-have been drained from my body. I almost feel robotic like impenetrable iron. With that, is it really any better than feeling misery? When feeling so…vacant you almost wish that there could be a little bit of pain left in order to remind you that you are still alive.

"I am very happy and satisfied," I lie.

I turn my head and look up at him once again. He is staring down at me, hard, and I fear that he can tell that I am lying.

"I'm glad," he turns away from me, his body becoming tenser. "I'm glad that you have achieved that."

He leaves quickly, bumping into one of my female students as he does so. He quickly laughs, scratching the back of his head, and apologizes. She only stares up at him and blushes, a false sense of hope fulfilling her with simply a touch. I wonder if I had ever made him feel that way, if I had ever offered such false hope. I must have once. I know I had.

I sit outside, feeling the cool air against my skin. It feels good. For a moment there is peace settled in me as I watch the trees that surround me dance against the wind. The sky is blue and the sun is bright. If only I could feel like this forever. It is times like this when I don't have to question my own humanity.

The sound of music touches my ears and I turn my head to find Naruto sitting on a park bench, strumming a guitar. His eyes are closed and his fingers pluck at the strings causing such beauty to touch us. I wait to hear his voice and close my eyes as I listen to the words that reach me.

If only this could be forever. If only one could sit like this and feel such bliss surge throughout their body for eternity. If only I could feel myself like this more often. There are so many if only's that I must utter to myself day after day. How can I boast of happiness when I must question my own humanity at a daily basis?

The music stops and I open my eyes to find Naruto staring directly at me. He is smiling at me as he waves. I feel warmth surge through my body as I lift my hand to wave back. I feel heat rising to my cheeks and almost feel…

Well, I can't exactly describe what I feel. But, whatever it is, it feels good.

It almost seems as if he is laughing at me with his eyes. It makes me feel insecure and strange. Again, the same weakness overcomes me. More like vulnerability. But to someone like me being vulnerable is just the same as being weak.

He shakes his head, still smirking, and gets up to leave. I watch him walk away. All I desire to do is to grab him, to stop him. I just want to speak with him. I wonder if, over the years, if he has missed my friendship. I realize, after all these years, that I have missed having his friendship. I have missed having such a friend in my life.

It would be nice to just have a friendship like that again. It would be. But, for some reason, I don't feel as if I deserve it.

I lie in bed next to Sakura. She is sound asleep as I stare at our ceiling. I think of Naruto again, of his smile, and his presence. It sends such warmth through me that I haven't felt in some time. It almost feels as if this ice that has overtaken my body is beginning to thaw and release me.

I turn to Sakura and stroke my hand against her skin. She feels good. For once, she feels good. She turns to me, eyes still closed, and smiles.

"You feel warm," she whispers and she places her hand over mine.

"Do you realize how beautiful you are?" I whisper, leaning over her. I kiss her cheek, then her forehead, and as I make my way to her lips I picture Naruto in my mind. But it is nothing. It is simply the warmth of remembering our friendship that has reminded me of my love for Sakura.

"This is nice, Sasuke," she whispers, snuggling closer to me. The warmth of her body comforts me and I wrap my arms around her body. "Let's be like this forever, please."

"Of course," I smile, pulling her body closer to mine. "Of course."

She falls asleep in my arms, and I feel her body's slight movements as she remains in my arms.

I look over to the window and stare up at the night sky littered with stars. There is so much that I am feeling at once, so much that is rushing to me. I wonder how it is that I had become so vacant after all these years and how it is that in such a short amount of time the warmth, the emotion, has rushed back to me. It is almost too overwhelming to handle it all.

The world is filled with such inconsistencies. It almost feels as if so many things that happen around us are so illogical, as if all of this couldn't make any sense. In one moment, in just one second, an entire man's being could evolve into something he had thought he had lost forever. With just one smile life could be raised once again. With just one touch love could overcome and weaken a man.

I look down at Sakura and remember what it is that I had once felt. And there it was, the happiness hidden behind the door. I didn't have it in my grasp yet but it was closer, the key was readied to reveal whatever it was waiting behind that door for me and all I had to do was place it in and turn. And I would.

"Sakura, I have set a date for our marriage."

She looks up at me, her eyes brightening.

"Yes, I think we should marry next summer. I think that I am ready now."