Lesson Three: Hypocrite

Naruto hadn't spoken to me since our last encounter. It had been a month since he waltzed into my office. Since then he hadn't made any attempt to converse with me again. He wasn't rude and he didn't outright ignore me. He would be polite as we passed each other in the hallway and say hello but, very quickly, he would announce that he was too busy for chatter and would run off very quickly. During faculty meetings he would make small talk with me but nothing more than that.

…And when he smiled at me, it felt forced.

Not that I cared or anything like that. We were simply childhood friends and, as we're adults now, that doesn't mean that we would carry that same friendship into adulthood nor would we just pick it right back up if we lost it. Life didn't work that way. It just didn't.

It was the end of the day and the students were excited for reading week to begin. Foolish. So many of them thought of the week as a time to kick back and "party"; during the time off they would reject their responsibilities and forget to complete their assignments. I wasn't uncomfortable by this. Only diligent, responsible students deserved to succeed in such a rigorous environment.

I watched the students file out of the lecture hall and I sat back, staring at the ceiling. I observed the patterns on the ceiling before closing my eyes. My mind felt heavy, my heart heavier. At this moment Sakura was shopping for wedding dresses with her friend. She had already announced our wedding date to her girlfriends and family. And she announced it to all our old high school and college friends that we still kept around. The invitations would be sent out soon. I would have to be involved in the planning as well soon.

I couldn't understand why I felt this feeling that sunk to the core of the earth as I thought of the wedding.

I kept my eyes closed. I kept concentrating on locking the air into my lungs and then releasing it. I wished that it was that easy to escape. But what was it that I wanted to escape from?

I had no clue.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Sakura's phone number. If there was one thing I knew, I couldn't face going home tonight. I couldn't sleep in that bed with her. I couldn't…

Why did everything feel like such a lie?

I imagined Naruto in my mind. I imagined us as teenagers and…

I leaned my forehead against my desk and groaned.

"What is wrong with me?" I growled, wanting to tear myself from limb to limb.

Why were we condemned to this bloody hell in the first place? Why did we have to live like this in such confusion with no path, with only questions and no answers? What was the point? What was the point in seeking love and companionship, in success? It led to nothing! It was a chase for more and more and it never ended. There was no key to the door of happiness, there was just nothing. Once the door opened you just find another door. There are so many doors that either you give up or keep running to the last door only to find that the last door led to an empty room with nothing. And that is exactly what is left when you have made it through those doors. Nothing.

So, what was the bloody point anyway?

I pressed the call button, my forehead still leaning against the edge of the desk, I waited for her answer.

"Sasuke!" She was happy, and all that filled me was disdain. I am such a terrible, bitter man.

"Sakura, I have a lot of work to complete tonight. I'm going to be home late. It would be preferable to not wait for me to come home," my voice was dry.

I was dry.

I think that she could sense the void that had once again enveloped me and I could hear the excitement drain from her voice as she whispered, "Okay."

And then she had hung up the phone.

I listened to the slow beep of the dial tone, and felt like a horrid man. What kind of man was I? I was no man. My spine was filled with jell-o. I felt like I wobbled around as I walked and everyone could spot my weakness in a second. I often pride myself in being a strong man but, at times like this, damn, I was just as spineless as everyone else in the world. And all that inadequacy that I felt as a child came rushing back to me. It never did leave me. Ever. It was always there. The inadequacy I felt next to my brother, the images of my parents, gone. That was when I made up this stupid, fucked up plan. This god damn plan that led me nowhere. All it did was lead me to another fucking door, in a messy fucking room, with no idea where the bloody key was hiding. And I wasn't interested in cleaning up the mess in the least bit this time.

Fuck that.

I lied when I told myself that it would be better to feel pain than to feel like iron. The iron is stronger, and the iron doesn't feel like this.

But I guess pain wasn't all that bad because, no matter how much I felt it, I could never shed a tear. Not since…then.

"Hey, Sasuke," I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was warm. And I hated the feeling. "You're lookin' pretty down today."

I shrugged the hand off, "Don't talk to me."

"Oh, come on," I could feel his warmth approaching closer to my body. It riled such anger inside of me that I couldn't contain it.

I stood up quickly, surprising Naruto, he backed off a bit. He could sense my hostility, my anger. It was his fault. I would have felt more content with a void in my soul than this sort of pain. Fuck this.

"Fuck this!" I screamed, my voice echoing through the lecture hall.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Naruto began waving his hands around. "I don't have a clue what's going on here or why you're so pissed off but, whatever it is, it's not my fault, dude. Look, I just-"

"Fuck off, Naruto!" I growled, stepping closer to him, jabbing my finger into his chest. "You have no business coming around me and acting all buddy buddy with me like we've been lifelong friends! You have no business coming here and acting like I'll just jump up and talk to you like we're the best of fucking friends after you come around me acting like we're good old friends and then practically ignore me for a month. Well, you know what, Naruto? Fuck you! Just fuck you!"

Naruto's eyes glazed over with a sort of anger I had not seen him direct at me in years. He pushed me further away from him and grabbed the collar of my shirt, as a reflex, I grabbed his. We stared each other down, so much anger welling up inside of us.

"You have no right, Sasuke! No right! What's one month compared to five fucking years? Huh? Explain that to me Sasuke?"

My eyes widen, and suddenly I felt like an asshole. That was right. I was the jackass here. I let go of the collar of his shirt and he pushed me away. I pulled myself together and watched him, his body contorting into that of a small child. He looked…helpless and sad. Just as sad as I was.

"I was right, Sasuke, you didn't change a bit. You're just as selfish as you were back then."

"Naruto," I whispered but he was already walking away from me. He was already turning his back on me, just like I did so long ago. He had the right to, so there was no point in my trying to chase after him.

I fell back into my seat and let the emptiness of the room absorb me.

The void may be better than the pain but I deserved to feel this pain right here. But I still wouldn't cry. I deserved this. And I deserved anything that would follow this. I could envision myself asking my brother as a child if he really was that dead.

Now, I could understand his answer.

I stare up at my apartment. The light has just turned off in our bedroom. She has decided to give up on waiting. It's just past midnight, and I still don't want to go inside. I turn away from the apartment and walk down the street. I don't know where I want to go but I just keep walking. I allow the night to consume me. I allow it to embody me. As I continue into the busy side of town, the entertainment district, I see young kids and adults tumbling around and yelling excitedly. I see them smile and laugh with each other and I wonder how it is that they are able to be this way. I wonder how it is that I could be that way too.

I stop at a grungy looking bar. There are rusty looking bikes and chains hanging from the top of the bar, such gaudy decoration for a bar. The people surrounding the bar are dressed in mostly black. Either the females are wearing combat books with fishnet stockings or the males are wearing ripped up skinny pants with leather jackets. I may wear all black most of the time but I, at least, don't appear so gaudy. I hear music reverberating from the inside of the bar and I listen for a bit.

"Skin so soft but never touched!" I hear the gruffness of the voice, it should sound god awful, this screaming, but I could see how it works. How the violence and chaos of the music could work. The sound, it's familiar, like that hardcore music Naruto used to listen to. I continue to listen in on the song. "Every door you open only leads closer to the void in your heart! Never will you see this. Never will you reach this."

I recognize the voice, the sound of Naruto's gruff voice. I quickly walk towards the door and a large man pushes me back and stares at me. I am tall and loom over him but I don't attempt to be intimidating.

"Seven dollar cover, man," he smirks. I don't really think he's trying to be rude.

I shuffle around in my pocket and pull out a ten. He searches around his pocket for change but I just pat his arm and tell him to keep it. He nods in return and allows me in.

I watch the people standing around the bar. There is a band playing in front of the crowd. I had not seen a show like this since hanging out with Naruto as teenagers. There's no stage or anything like that. It's one of those intimate shows at a bar where the crowd just writhes around the band and interacts so closely with them. Naruto used to talk about this underground scene, he would banter off about it and most of the time I would just ignore him. I wasn't really interested then.

I watch Naruto, yelling and writhing, his eyes widening every now and then. The intensity is brutal and his emotions are on such a high that it is almost painful to watch him. There is a crowd of people shoving, kicking, and punching at each other. I don't really understand it, why people would want to knock each other out like that.

Finally, Naruto finishes, covered in sweat, his face red, he raises a hand and nods at the crowd. Everyone claps, screams, and hoots. And he walks away from the scene. He heads to the bar and the bartender hands him a bottle of bear and grins at him. She flips her hair back and bats her eyes but Naruto seems uninterested in her.

He turns his back on the bartender and people approach him, talking to him, chatting him up, and he smiles and grins. He looks completely different from his performance. It's almost like watching another being take over his body. Completely different. He looks around the bar, it's very small, very intimate, and his eyes land on me. For a while, we stare at each other. For a while, the noise, the loudness of the bar, dies down and I feel my ears ringing.

I turn away and leave the bar.

I head back in the direction towards home. I look back for a second and continue walking. We aren't teenagers anymore. No one is there. But, I walk faster and keep going. I accelerate until I'm running, and I laugh. I laugh like I have never laughed before. And then I stop…

…And suddenly, I feel like crying. But I don't. I just straighten myself up and walk back into my home.

A/N: Hope you liked the chapter, sorry for the long wait. Let me know what you think. :D