Lesson Six: Phone Call

I stare up at the ceiling, my eyes settling to the darkness. I wasn't quite used to sleeping alone yet. A dark feeling crept up on me that I couldn't quite understand. It was making me sick. I was making myself sick. This weakness was despicable and I wanted to destroy every bit of it, but I could feel it pumping throughout my bloodstream, infiltrating my heart and spreading throughout my entire being. It wasn't like I missed Sakura, to be honest, even sleeping next to her still felt lonely at times. I loved her but...I never quite felt fulfilled, and I wasn't quite sure what it would take to ever feel the satisfaction of fulfillment. I yearned for something, and I didn't know what.

I closed my eyes, and my mind drifted. I could almost smell the scent of Naruto creep into my nostrils which caused my heart to clench further. This was just painful. There was a storm of confusion flowing through my mind, and it was inhibiting me from grasping on to sanity. Ever since Naruto had breezed back into my life, he distorted everything. I wondered what he was thinking, and feeling. I wondered if he had obtained a sense of clarity while I remained clouded.

The cloudiness created by my confusion was beginning to drive me insane. It always felt like Naruto was the only one who could ever make me feel this way. It also always felt like Naruto was the only one who ever really knew what was going on too.

I was beginning to feel like...I should somehow try to understand what was raging in my mind, the depths of myself that I refused to look at, but the idea was frightening in many, many ways. The thought was so discomforting I just wanted to keep burying it. Our friendship had always been grand and dramatic. It was the definition of tumultuous so I couldn't quite understand why my entire being seemed to yearn for his friendship.

I looked over at the red flashing numbers of my alarm clock, it was only nine fifteen in the evening but my exhaustion overcame me. I thought that I could fall asleep, considering how heavy my eyes felt but my mind wouldn't power down. I couldn't even completely comprehend every thought that passed through me.

I was just a jumbled up mess.

I reached over to grab my phone, and stared at it for a while in the darkness. What did I even want to do? I put it down, but turned in bed to stare at it. Seriously, what was it that I wanted to do?

I grabbed it once again, feeling the weight of it in my hand. It felt heavier than usual, as if it was slowly accumulating all of my worries, weighing my hand down further to the surface of the bed. I was so confused, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what steps to take or where I was to go next and the feeling was beginning to upset me.

"What am I supposed to do?"

I close my eyes once again, and yellow fills the view of my eyes. I see his face, his ridiculously bright blonde hair in my eyes, and once again the scent is filling my nostrils.

"UGGGGGH!" I yell, ruffling my own hair in immense frustration.

I just don't know what the fuck is going on!

I then hear the phone vibrating. I stare at the phone as it vibrates; the screen is bright in the darkness of my bedroom. I feel my nerves creeping into my being. I hesitate as the letters that spell Naruto Uzumaki fill the vision of my eyes. I can feel my hand trembling as I grab it, flip it up, and place it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Sup, Sasuke," his voice is gruff and alluring to my ears.

Alluring? What the fuck...?

"What do you want?" I groan, mostly frustrated with myself.

He doesn't say anything for a few seconds. The seconds feel like months, each month passes, slowly creeping up to losing another year of my youth. The unknown is beginning to torment me, as I'm not sure what it is that he wants and why this feels so heavy. I imagine him on the other end, wondering if he is lying in the darkness of his room too. Or is his room filled with light. What does he look like right now?

"What?" The silence is beginning to drive me mad.

"I couldn't sleep, Sasuke."

"How does this concern me?"

"It does concern you," more silence, and then, "It very much concerns you. I am concerned."

"About what, Naruto?"

"I can't get you out of my head," my heart speeds up, the nerves overtaking my soul, pumping through me with so much severity. I feel like I might bleed out of my nostrils and ears.

"What?" I can feel my voice croak a bit, and hope that he doesn't notice the change in pitch.

"I mean, I'm just worried about you, Sasuke, with the whole Sakura thing."

The sigh of my relief is loud and powerful. What a big dope? But a part of me wonders what it is I am so relieved about, and if I am even relieved because underneath this feeling of relief I feel a heaviness that pulls me deeper into my bed.

"You're such a dope. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm fine?"

"Sasuke, a person can say they're fine and not really be fine at all."

"I'm fine, Naruto," my voice is stern, suggesting that this conversation should end, and I could hear a laugh escape him on the other end.

"If you say so then..."

"I would really like this to be the end of this conversation. I will reassure you that the whole Sakura matter isn't something that I'm entirely wracking my brain over."

"Okay."

Once again, silence.

"Sasuke," suddenly, the energy feels heavy once again, and my heart races. There's something different in his tone.

"Yes...Naruto..."

"The other day, when your head fell onto my shoulder...did you-"

"Naruto, I have to go," I interrupt, not wanting to continue the conversation further. I just...couldn't.

"Okay..."

"Sorry," I sigh, and both ends remain silent. Right then, especially, I wonder what he may look like. "Bye, Naruto."

"Goodbye, Sasuke."

I press the end button, and gently place the phone onto my desk. I stare at it for a while as the feeling creeps up onto me. This feeling of the unknown is slowly overtaking me, and I am completely unsure if I will be able to continue running away. Eventually, your body will buckle from exhaustion, and you won't be able to run anymore. Once my legs decide to finally give in, will I be able to handle the repercussions? Do I even really understand what those repercussions are?

No, I have to keep running. I can't stop...it isn't like anyone's chasing me anyways. He stopped since that day. He must've given up on us...our friendship, right?

So, there was absolutely nothing to worry about. There wasn't...right? There really wasn't.

I sunk further into my bed, closed my eyes, and attempted to turn off everything. If only, I could turn off everything.