"Just so I understand then, you are a Goddess from Heaven?"

"Yes," said Belldandy, for the third time. She was having some difficulty keeping the pleasant smile on her face changing into amusement.

"And you are here to grant me a wish, anything I want?"

"Yes, anything you want, up to and including the destruction of the Earth, although if you were likely to make that kind of wish, we would not have chosen you in the first place."

The lanky young man looked pleased and absently ran his fingers through mop of dark brown hair that needed a cut. "So if I wanted Aristophanes' Lost Comedies, you would get me a copy?"

"Yes. And may I say, that is precisely why we chose you, Mr. Clay. You are poor because of your quest for knowledge. You gladly give away that you have to enlighten others, and seek new knowledge no matter the cost."

The young man looked exceptionally pleased with the compliment. "And if I wanted the entire destroyed Library of Alexandria?"

"We could give you it. Urd would have to work a bit for that, but it should not take too long."

"Where do you keep all of it?"

"Oh, it is stored in Yggdrasil."

"I thought Yggdrasil was the World Tree? I know it's a big tree, but it would need to be large indeed."

Belldandy thought for a moment. "Yes, I suppose it is like a tree. But is more like a great computer that stores information and maintains the cosmos." A touch of worry began to consider making its way across her mind. She had been warned in classes about this sort of line of questioning.

"A computer, like ENIAC? With punch cards? That would be a lot of punch cards"

"Oh yes. But if you do not object Mr. Clay, it would be best if you made your wish. I think that Aristophanes' Lost Comedies would be an excellent wish."

"I wish" William Clay stopped and thought for a moment, then continued, "I could use Yggdrasil."

Belldandy's face fell. "I am sorry, this wish cannot be granted. Yggdrasil command interfaces are not able to be located on Earth." She knew she had to do something to persuade him of another wish. "Would you like another wish, perhaps for the Library of Alexandria?"

"Oh, no. We can do better." He smiled a friendly smile. "Let me think. I know. I wish I could live in heaven so that I could use Yggdrasil to study."

Belldandy's blue sigil exploded in a blue light, but all she could think was that this would definitely go on her next review. William slammed his eyes shut at the brightness. When he opened them, he gasped, then fainted in uncomprehending wonder at the infinite vastness of Heaven. Before he could make personal and impactful contact with Heavenly ground, the angel Holy Bell leapt out and caught William. Belldandy put the human on his stomach and tilted his head to the side as she had been taught in Wish Management 511 - Coping with Unwise Wishes. Fortunately for everyone involved, William had been too poor to afford much food.

\

William awoke in a small, dimly lit room. He had a bit of a headache and immediately regretted not brushing his teeth before he went to bed. Through the headache, he struggled to remember what had happened. Half remembered stories of Nordic gods flooded into his head, mixed with the religion he had learned from his youth in a Baptist Sunday school.

"You're awake," came a female voice. "How do you feel?"

"Uh," was William's uncertain response.

"Uh? Don't tell me I learned English for nothing." Her voice became mildly petulant. "They said you spoke English."

"Oh," said William into the pillow, "My name is William Clay. How do you do?"

William pushed himself up and focused. There was a lady standing on the far side of the room. Belldandy had been beautiful, but this was something else altogether. She had a beautiful blue triangle tattoo on her forehead, dusky skin, and a purple dress cut so deeply as to make William's eyebrows rise and eyeballs lower. Her white gold hair was perfection.

"I do very well, William. You, however... You've made an absolutely ridiculous wish and they want me to supervise you. I don't even work for the Goddess Relief Agency. Hrmph. My name is Urd. And it's not like I don't have things to do." She made a face, sniffed, and then made a worse face. "The bathroom is over there. You need to use it - badly. I will be outside. Please take your time. I insist."

The woman called Urd stood up and flounced herself over to a doorway. Standing in the doorway, she said, "My goodness you've caused a world of problems."

William was enchanted.

\

Urd walked into the nearly empty classroom. She was wearing a starched white shirt with a severe collar, a wool skirt, and eye glasses. William was dressed in a sky blue short sleeved polo shirt with navy blue trousers that had been provided. His Elgin wristwatch (purchased at a pawnshop and repaired by himself) was the only approach to fashion about him. He was sitting in the middle of an empty classroom.

The Goddess walked over to the blackboard and wrote her name. "Mistress Urd," William said absently reading aloud.

"No talking," said Mistress Urd. William blushed, then remembered he was an adult and tried to stop. He did not succeed. Urd ignored this.

"Today class, we are going to read Theory and Application of Yggdrasil: A Musical Interpretation of Wave Harmonics by Dr. Gellor. You will find this book in your desk. Please read chapters 1 through 20. There will be a test tomorrow. Failure will mean expulsion." She turned and left the classroom before William could say anything.

William opened his desk and gasped. It was bigger on the inside. He became nauseous again, but controlled it this time. He reached his hand in and pulled out the book. It enormous and weighed several pounds. Chapters 1 though 20 were 800 pages.

\

The next morning, Urd looked into the classroom. William was at his desk. He obviously had been awake all night and was appropriately disheveled. William himself was chewing on a pencil at his non-assigned seat. A pocket knife was absent mindedly stuck in the desktop. A slide rule was on the desk, and two more were on the grate under the chair, one which may have been bent. The front matter of other books, the title pages and printer key pages, had been cut out for notepaper. She had forgotten to give him notepaper. She made a tching sound in annoyance with herself. She needed to expel him fairly. Still, that was a fairly ingenious source of paper. Inwardly, she admired it for a brief moment.

The goddess walked into the classroom. She was wearing equally marmish clothing, this time a slightly different cream colored shirt and brown woolen skirt. In her left hand, she held a stack of tests.

"Good morning, class. I have your tests here."

Urd distributed the test. William looked through it. All the material on the test came from Chapter 20. He had skipped studying chapters 15 through 17, guessing that the material would come from later in the book.

It paid off. Urd raised her eyebrows. He had enough correct answers for a passing grade. For a moment, she doubted herself. If Belldandy could be persuaded to give him a wish, maybe he was… Nah. "I want a 12,000 word essay on the proper mechanical and ethical use of Yggdrasil Control Terminals." She turned on her heels and left the classroom.

William's jaw dropped. How was he to write an essay with no blank paper? And how did one ethically use a computer? He didn't even get a chance to talk to her. William leapt out of his seat and ran to the hallway. But it was empty. She was gone.

When he walked back into the classroom, he opened several windows. The fresh air felt good on his face. He knew he had not eaten for a day, but he could not let himself get expelled. He walked over to the teacher's desk. Urd had left other copies of the test on it. "Who exactly were those other copies for?" he asked to himself. Then, he noticed that the last page of each test had no writing on it.

\

The next morning, Urd walked in. She was dressed in a heavily starched high collar blouse with a camel wool skirt. William was feverishly writing. He had not noticed her come in. William had rearranged three desks to increase his work space. About William were scattered several volumes. He would glance at one, then at a crib sheet he had put together for himself. But his hand kept writing. Once he pulled off his glasses to clean the sleep out of an eye. 'He's left handed' she thought to herself.

"Ahem," said Urd. "The essay is due today."

William looked up with bloodshot eyes. "Oh, uh, may I have 3 minutes please?"

Mistress Urd made a huffing sound and sat down at the teacher's desk. William returned to writing. She watched him, casually and then intently. His studying was so unselfconscious. He would read, process, and continue writing. There was an instinctive elegance about him, the way that he had his books and notes arranged. She was surprised to realize that she respected him. Surely he had to realize that heaven would not permit him to remain. "Time to end this farce," she said under her breath, and then aloud, "Please turn in your essays."

William looked up again, nearly distraught. He gathered up his essay and walked to the front of the classroom with it. He put it down on the teacher's desk. Urd said to the classroom at large and no one in particular, "Return to your seats, class."

William sat down and watched as Urd read through the essay. The way she licked her finger to switch between pages. The way she perched herself in her seat. He was falling in love. No, he corrected himself, he had fallen in love at first sight. She was the personification incarnate of beauty.

Urd was impressed. The handwriting was less than perfect and the ideas fairly pedestrian, but William had a solid theoretical knowledge. He had some wild ideas about Yggdrasil, waves and quantum physics, but that was not what she was grading on. His mathematics where it mattered was solid, and where it did not was not far off the mark. The ethical dimension of his paper mirrored the books available to him. But still, she was supposed to get rid of him, fairly, but get rid of him nevertheless.

"I would like a practical demonstration of knowledge. Please prepare a project to be turned in tomorrow morning." Urd turned on her heels and made for the door.

"Wait," William yelled.

"Yes, Mr. Clay?"

"Uh, what sort of project?"

"Mr. Clay, I have already explained myself enough. Impress me." With that, she left the classroom.

\

The next morning, Urd arrived. William was leaning against a wall in the hallway outside of the classroom looking inward. He was a mess. His face had been washed, but there were ink stains on his fingers. His hair was dirty and he needed to shave.

Urd ignored this and stepped into the classroom. It was a disaster.

William's scrawl was over the blackboards, including three that been brought in from other classrooms. Pages of Theory and Application and other books, pencils, and Almighty, were those screws from the desks?were scattered haphazardly over the floor, together with handwriting all over the page margins. Everything was complete bedlam, and on top smelled of a human that had not bathed for several days.

"Mr. Clay, you are not at your assigned seat," said Urd as she walked into the room and stood in front of the teacher's desk. Clearly he had gone insane. Well, it was for the best. She could return him to Earth and fix his mind. It might give her a chance to try out that new potion.

Impassively, she pulled a piece of paper that had become impaled upon her left stiletto heel. She tossed the paper to the ground, then looked at the paper. There were symbols that Urd had seen before on the paper. In astonishment, she looked up. The destruction of the classroom was not haphazard. "William, what is this?"

William looked into the classroom with bloodshot eyes. "I am sorry Mistress Urd. That was the best I could come up with. I have never studied musical theory."

Urd looked more closely. He had built a computer. Not a mechanical or organic one, rather a theoretical computer. She was standing in a miniature Yggdrasil, with circuits, inputs, outputs… There was operation code on the blackboards and scattered papers. It was a simplistic representation, but in the main accurate.

"Does it work?" asked Urd quietly. But she already knew the answer. It would be horribly tedious, but simple equations could be run. It would take hours to run a program, maybe days, but it would work. William walked over and moved a paper, then a screw, then a desk, then a bolt, then another desk, and finally wrote words on the blackboard at the back of the classroom. "Almighty," she said quietly.

William looked back at her. "When did you last eat?" Urd asked. William made no answer. He just looked at her. His eyes were black and intense. Urd looked more carefully at the base12plus1 (full octave plus sharps and flats with an octave shift function) output behind him. She read it aloud, "I love you."

Urd looked at William and felt her heart thump. She knew her an answer. Urd turned and fled the classroom, running like a spooked hind. William stared for a moment, then sat down amid the chaos and dejected, fell asleep for the first time in three days.

\

When William awoke, it was dark outside. He had not noticed before, but there was a moon shining outside. Heaven has a moon he thought. "Ah, you're awake," came a female voice he did not recognize. It was friendly, in a detached manner.

"Uh, yes," said William. He reached for his glasses, found them after groping, rubbed his eyes and put them on. There was a tall goddess standing in front of the classroom. She was dressed in a white and blue dress that came down to a bit over her knees. In her hand was a very ornate staff. William sat up but did not stand up.

"This is very impressive," she said. "I was playing with your computer, I hope you don't mind." She waved her hand and the location of various objects around the room shifted. "I have never seen anything like this. Would you mind if I brought my youngest here? She would love to see this."

"Uh, of course." He felt horribly dejected and in a bit of a daze looked around for a sign of Urd.

The goddess looked a little closer at William sitting on the ground. "You look thin. When did you last eat?"

"I am sorry, I don't know what day it is." He wished this goddess would go away and leave him to sleep.

"Your aura has several nasty black streaks across it. She didn't feed you, did she? Honestly." The goddess looked annoyed for just a moment before the emotion on her face disappeared behind a bland friendliness. "You'll feel better after you eat. My name is Anzusa. I don't think I'll need this today." The staff disappeared. "Let's take you home." She stepped forward and pulled an unwilling William to his feet. She held him close. William was annoyed at her breath on his neck. "Close your eyes, William," she said. William obeyed out of sheer exhaustion.

When he opened them again, he was standing in a small kitchen overlooking a garden. There was old furniture and stone floors with plaster walls. It looked like something out of a Jane Austen movie. There was a green lawn outside and a small stone fence beyond that. It was pleasantly sunny.

"An old vicar left this to me," she said with her head inside a cupboard. "The original is in England, or at least was. Where is that kettle?"

William suddenly felt faintly nauseous from fatigue. Without looking back, Anzusa said, "Sit down at the table. I'll have some tea on in a moment. Is Darjeeling okay?"

"The kettle's on the stove," said William, sitting down. "Darjeeling would be fine, thank you very much."

"So it is." She pulled a pot out, waved a finger at the stove, which lit instantly under the kettle. She reached into another cupboard and took out a bottle of milk, an egg, and a container of oatmeal. She whipped them together and soon a meal began to take shape. In a minute, William had a cup of milky and sweet tea. Anzusa was sitting at the table with him, occasionally wagging her finger at the pot of oatmeal to stir the contents.

"You look like you've been in the wars," Anzasu said amicably. "I am afraid that my daughter did not treat you kindly."

William sat up. "Urd's your daughter?" he asked, with a mixture of hope and shame.

"Yes and so is Belldandy. I have another daughter, my youngest. She is named Skuld. She's a little mad at me right now, but should be around at some point today. I don't think you will see her today though. If I have my way, you will be in a warm bed after this meal."

"That's kind of you, but not necessary. I can shift for myself," said William. "I have gone several days without eating before."

Anzusa sniffed. "You're in heaven. You can no more shift for yourself than a newborn lion cub with its eyes still closed can set about a cape buffalo." Then in a slightly hurt tone, she said, "And you would not be so impolite as to refuse my hospitality?"

William was caught a bit by surprise. "Uh," he said.

"Good boy," said Anzusa.

They were quiet for a moment. "So why is she mad at you?" asked William.

"Pardon?" asked Anzusa.

"Your youngest daughter Skuld, why is she mad at you?"

"Oh, she saw something on a television show a few days ago and invented some killer robots that went around shouting the word annihilate and shooting lasers. It was very annoying and marked up the walls. I grounded her."

William looked a mildly alarmed. "Does that happen often?" He took a sip of his tea in an effort to hide his alarm. It was good.

"Oh no, we just got the television. I am afraid that she sometimes just sits in front of it for hours. Do you ever watch television?"

"Well, I never owned one myself, though I did occasionally like watching the Cardinals at my father's house."

Anzusa's eyes lit up. "The Cards? I love baseball." She paused for a moment. "You mean baseball, not the football team?"

William smiled, starting to relax. "Yes. Back when I was on the farm, we used to move the radio out on the porch and listen to the games at night. Goddesses like baseball?"

But Anzusa had recollected herself and merely smiled. "Oatmeal's done," declared Anzusa. She walked over to the range and pulled the pot off and filled a bowl, then placed it in front of William. William began to eat it, rather gratefully.

A smallish girl with a blue sigil and short black hair walked into the room. "Mom, when can I... who's he?"

"He is a friend of your older sisters. And Skuld, that's impolite. You should introduce yourself."

The young girl looked rebellious, but then said, "My name is Skuld, Goddesses Second Class, Limited License." The girl looked closely at him. "Who are you and why are you sitting in my spot?"

"Skuld!"

"My name is William Clay, Miss Skuld. I am pleased to make your acquaintance."

Suddenly, the small goddess spoke with great rapidity, "Mom, he's human. Why is he human? Humans aren't allowed in heaven. He shouldn't be here. Why is he here?"

"Out. When you are ready to behave, you may return." Skuld opened her mouth to protest, but saw her mother's face, thought better of it, turned around and left. "I'm sorry, her older sisters spoil her terribly."

"I thought she was funny," said William between spoonfuls of the oatmeal. "You must be happy to have a daughter that can speak her mind." Out in the hallway, a door slammed opened and then closed more quietly a moment later.

"A little less speaking and a little more minding would do that one a world of good."

William took a few more spoons of oatmeal. Anzusa sat with her head in her hands waiting for the inevitable question with the default smile she usually wore on back on her face. "Is it true that humans are not allowed in heaven?" he asked.

"I do not want to lie to you," said Anzusa casually. "It is not forbidden as such, but it is certainly not encouraged. Most gods and goddesses would probably think the same as Skuld."

"Will Belldandy get in trouble for having brought me here?"

"Yes," said Anzusa simply.

"Would it help if I went home?"

"Yes," replied Anzusa equally simply.

"Do you want me to leave?" asked William.

Anzusa opened her mouth, looked surprised, then closed it. "You would find it easier to leave," said Anzusa finally.

William thought for a moment, then said, "I try not to do the easy things. But if you say it would help Belldandy…."

Suddenly, like a force of nature, Urd entered the kitchen from the hallway Skuld left. "Under no account will you leave. Mother, put him in my old room." Urd looked shocked at herself, then said, "Pardon me. I need to be at work."

Anzusa said, "Urd."

Urd looked at William and said, "You get some sleep." Then she shook her head as if to clear out the cobwebs and left the room as abruptly as she entered. William blinked in astonishment.

Anzusa seemed pleased. "You heard the goddess," said Anzusa. In almost no time at all, William found himself swept into a small bathroom, and then a strange bedroom. Urd's bedroom he supposed. But before he could spend much time noticing his surroundings, he was asleep.

\

William awoke in what he supposed was the late afternoon. He was disorientated and struggled to recollect where he was. The various bottles of sundry colors on the wall made the place look like something out of a mad apothecary's shop. He would not have been surprised to see Bela Lugosi's Frankenstein and Wolfman playing checkers in the corner. He smiled at this thought.

A bowl of steamed vegetables was on the nightstand next to the bed, with a note telling him to eat them slowly. There was also an earthenware mug containing a frothy liquid. William smiled. A beer would be good. He ate the vegetables and then put his lips to the beer. It was not beer. Neither could he stop drinking once his lips had touched the side of the mug. Only once it was all down his throat could he take a breath.

It was vile. William drank what was left of the water in the bowl that had contained the vegetables. He threw on a cotton robe draped over a chair and went in search of toothpaste, milk, or if he could find nothing else then grass to get that horrid taste out of his mouth. The bathroom was nearby. A few minutes and many gargles later, he decided that it would be best not to bite his tongue off.

That matter settled, William returned to Urd's room. In his flight from extreme peril, he had not noticed the clothes under the robe. William put on the sport coat, shirt and trousers. He found his belt, shoes and watch, then made his way downstairs in search of Anzusa or Urd.

Instead, he found Belldandy sitting in the sitting room, reading a book. She immediately looked up as he entered the room. "Oh, Mr. Clay! How do you do?"

"I do very well, Miss Belldandy." He stood there awkwardly. Belldandy looked at him awkwardly.

"I understand that my wish inconvenienced you. I am sorry," William finally said, rather stiffly.

"Oh no! It was an excellent wish," said Belldandy, flustered. "I'm only sorry that we did not have better facilities arranged for you. I understand that you have been studying the workings of Yggdrasil?"

"Yes," said William. "I have learned a very great deal." William and Belldandy were quiet for another moment, each feeling very guilty for the treatment of the other. "I am sorry to ask, but is there a glass of milk or something available?"

"Oh! I was to feed you. If you stay here, I will bring you a breakfast. Are eggs OK?"

"Eggs would be great. But is it right for a goddess to cook?"

Belldandy blinked in confusion. "Is it wrong for a goddess to cook?" she asked.

"No, I mean," said William, unsure how to proceed, "aren't goddesses usually worshipped?"

Belldandy's confusion increased. "Yes, I mean, no, I mean, does this mean I cannot cook breakfast for you?"

They looked at each other, then both laughed. They made their way to the kitchen companionably. Belldandy found the eggs, milk, and tea. William began heating up a pan and coated it in oil.

"How do you want your eggs cooked?" asked William.

"Oh, goddesses do not necessarily need to eat," replied Belldandy.

"Well, do you want eggs?"

"It would be a waste to make them for me, as I do not need to eat."

"Sunnyside up?"

Belldandy blushed slightly, "How are you having yours?"

"Scrambled."

"Like that," said the goddess.

"Do you have any catsup?"

"Pardon?"

"Ketchup? It's a kind of tomato sauce."

Belldandy shook her head solemnly.

"Ah well. It's only a man's cooking, but I think you'll like it." William served up then ate with relish, Belldandy a little more slowly, mimicking William's motions until she mastered the American style use of the knife and fork. William never noticed.

"That was very good, thank you," said Belldandy.

"I should be thanking you," said William. Then, he turned bright red when his stomach rumbled.

"Oh!" said Belldandy a little too loudly. "Mom said you would be hungry. This time, I'll cook." Belldandy grabbed some sliced meat of the icebox. "I learned some cooking from a friend on Earth a few years ago. She said that you have to have a hungry boy for it to be good."

William's red continued unabated at this last remark. But Belldandy put the duck into the oven and sat back down. "It will be ready soon. Duck is OK?"

"I love duck," said William. "That's a real treat."

"I'm so glad."

"Do goddesses work in heaven, do you all grant wishes?" William asked.

"Oh no," said Belldandy. "There are a number of different roles. Some grant wishes, some are psychopomps, some administer Yggdrasil, some police the universe. It really depends on one's individual talents and inclinations."

"What does Urd do?" William asked in what he hoped was a casual voice.

"She is an administrator of Yggdrasil. Her duties include monitoring Yggdrasil for system bugs, assigning permissions, and repairing any bugs that might arise."

"It sounds complicated," said William.

"Most goddesses are required to spend a certain amount of time doing system administration. But Urd is rather skilled at it and supervising other goddesses."

"So, does Urd have a boyfriend?"

"Well," said Belldandy a little doubtfully, "she once was enamored with a plum spirit named Troubadour, but that did not end very well. I suppose she does not. Oh, I think the duck must be done."

William ate it while showering Belldandy with compliments. It was indeed quite good.

When dinner was finished and the dishes washed, the two retired to the living room. Belldandy sat in a chair near the fireplace, William sat opposite her. "What time is it, really?" asked William. "The sun seems quite out of sorts here."

"Oh, we were hoping you would not notice," said Belldandy. "There is not really a sun here. Most of this is a construct for you to reside in. Heaven is a multidimensional space. We have been setting the sun to what we think would be the most relaxing for you. In this case, we want you go get more sleep, so we set it that it seems like early evening."

"Oh," was the only response William could come up with. Then he remembered his manners, "Thank you."

"That's really not necessary, Mr. Clay," said a new voice. Anzusa stood in the doorway. "Belldandy, could you give us a few minutes? I think Skuld might need some help with her homework."

"Of course, mother," said Belldandy. She stood up and left the room.

Anzusa sat down at the chair Belldandy occupied earlier. "I am sorry, Mr. Clay. Urd told me about your output."

"Ah," said William.

"Love is a curious thing. You can choose who you fall in love with. Most people do. That is not a bad thing, sensible love is often the best kind."

William blinked in surprised.

"You would have seen in your studies that a goddess is powered by love," Ansuza continued.

"Yes," said William. "It's a function of the 9th and 10th dimensions. I mean, it's more complicated than that, but it's an easy way to describe that emotion."

"I suppose you could describe it that way," said Anzusa a little doubtfully. "When you experience it personally, it is not quite so clean."

"Yeah, I still have a problem with time," said William, hoping to defuse the tension.

Anzusa sighed. "Urd will not be returning home as long as you are here. I want my daughter here. You see, she is terrified of falling in love with a mortal."

"I suppose I can see why. We die early. It would be hard," said William, a little disappointed.

"Urd is stronger than that," said Anzusa a little testily. "There is no reason why you would have come across it, but there is a mechanism imposed by the Goddess Council to separate humans and gods. It is called the Judgment Gate."

"There are anti-miscegenation laws in heaven?" William asked, surprised.

"Essentially, yes. Urd's father and mother were separated by such a law. As a result, she has certain phobias. Well, phobia might be too strong a word, but the effect is the same."

"I see," said William. Was Urd adopted? Was she Anzusa's step child? Was Anzusa's Both questions were impertinent.

"For that reason, I would prefer if you could return to your apartment," said Anzusa. "I want my daughter to be able to come home."

"Of course," said William. "Would you be able to help me?"

Anzusa smiled, a smile that William did not recognize. He blinked, and found himself in the dark apartment he had originally woken up in. There was a Yggdrasil terminal here now. He sat down at it. After playing with the system for a few hours, he had found Aristophanes' Lost Comedies.