Thorin appointed Bofur to guard the main entrance before noticing the dwarf give him a skeptical look, and also Tharwen was giving him short glares before rubbing circles on a shaking Bilbo's back.
He lay down to sleep, turned to face away from the two that glared a him, so protectively over Bilbo, but it did not come so easily to him as he thought.
After a few moments, Thorin heard three voices.
"I'm not though am I, Thorin said I never should have come and he's right, I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. I don't know what I was thinking." Bilbo said in exasperation.
"You did know what you were thinking, you thought that their quest was a noble one, that they deserved to return to a home that was stolen from them, and you're not leaving here without me Bilbo."
"I never should have run out my door." Bilbo said silently.
"You should have, and you did, now you're here Bil." Tharwen said.
Tharwen felt like throttling Thorin with her bare hands. 'The nerve off that dwarf!' scowled and looked at Bilbo.
"If you go, I go." She hears herself say.
"You're homesick," Bofur tells him gently, "I understand."
"No, you don't understand, none of you do, you, you, you're dwarves! You're used to living this life, to living on the road, never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere!"
Bilbo paused, realization dawning on him as he realized what he had just said. "Look, I'm-I'm sorry, I didn't..." He sighed quietly.
"No, you're right. We don't belong anywhere." Bofur sighed admittedly.
Bofur gives Bilbo a friendly slap on the shoulder, Tharwen gives him a tight hug and whispers words of warning and comfort in his ear and Thorin feels his heart weighed with guilt.
"I wish you all the luck in the world. I really do." Bofur said sadly.
"Go straight back to Rivendell, promise me you stubborn hobbit, stay with Lord Elrond, I'll come get you after this dammed quest is over."
There's a slight pause and a sound of a footstep before Bofur pipes up, stopping Bilbo in his tracks.
"What's that?"
"Your sword!" Tharwen says.
'Why does it feel as if the floor's sinking underneath me' Thorin thought as he rolled over.
There was a slight sound off gears turning and he shot up screaming orders at the others.
"Get up!" He screamed. "Get up!" Thorin felt like smacking his head against the wall.
They're tumbling down what seems to be a slide.
"Hakethri! Histharin, garthet!" (Oh fuck that shit hurts!) Tharwen curses as she feels her head slam against the rocks.
'It's a fucking massive slide of death!' Fili thought, screaming and feeling sick as he slide down, crashing into rocks on the way down before landing on top of Dwalin.
He groaned before rolling off Dwalin and onto his uncle.
There was terrible noise that would make any ear ache and they looked up to see a screeching hoard off goblins rushing towards them.
'You've got to be kidding me!' He thought, tripping over his uncle's leg as he tried to get up, landing with his legs draped across Thorin's chest.
"Crush, smack! Whip crack!
Smash, grab! Pinch, nab!
You go, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
The black crack! the back crack!
The black crack! the back crack!
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
You go, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
Goblins quaff, and Goblins beat
Goblins laugh, and Goblins bleat
Batter, jabber, whip, and taver hoooooo!
Below, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
The black crack! the back crack!
The black crack! the back crack!
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
You go, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!"
The Goblins sang, giving Tharwen an ear ache and a head ache.
"Wait!" Thorin yelled.
"Well, well, well, look who it is." The goblin king said in mock surprise.
"Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror! King under the Mountain..." The goblin king announced.
'We already know that.' Tharwen thought as she snorted.
"Oh, but I'm forgetting, you don't have a mountain, you're not a king!" He shouted, arms out wide, as if he was speaking to an audience.
'Well, I do suppose he has an audience.' Tharwen raised her eye brows.
"Which makes you," He paused, head tilted to one side looking at Thorin. "Nobody really!" He chuckled and Thorin looked as if he was about to hit the Goblin King right in the face there and then.
"I know someone who'd pray a pretty price for your head..." He trailed off, eyebrow raised.
'I think I know where this is going.' Tharwen thought.
"Just your head, nothing attached." He finished slyly.
"Perhaps... You know who I speak off?" He asked, gazing down with a smirk.
'Come on, think Tharwen, stall for time, stall'
"A pale orc, sat astride a white warg!" The goblin king hinted.
"Azog the defiler was destroyed!" Thorin said. "He was slain in battle long ago!"
"You think his defiling days are done!? Do you?" The goblin king taunted.
"Send word to the pale orc." He ordered a little goblin in a bucket-pulley like thingy. "Tell him I have his prize." He said, sending Thorin a look.
"Stop!" Tharwen shouted, pushing past Thorin.
"And who are you? Not dwarf, not elf, but not one of men. What are you?"
"I'm a Tharken your majesty." Tharwen gave a small curtsie.
"A Tharken, it's been a long time since I've seen the likes of your kind in the mountains." The Goblin kind said.
"Well, that's true."
"What do you have to say?" He asked.
"Well, wouldn't it be better if you had someone more valuable than the dwarf, he has no kingdom, nothing to offer but his death, and how do you know Azog the Defiler would not turn on you the first chance he got?"
"What are you saying Tharken?"
"I am Tharwen Karewin, daughter of Karin, son of Farin. Princess of the Tharkens, I'm a much better trade. There would be Tharkens and a power much greater than Azog the Defilerwilling to pay greatly for me , more than Thorin Oakenshield. Leave him and his kin, take me for ransom."
"Such a noble request princess. I think I might take up that offer. Chain her! Bound her!"
Three goblins brought chains forward and began fastening them onto Tharwens arms and at her waist.
"Tharwen no!" Bofur struggled agaisnt the two goblins holding him back.
Nori managed to stick a small knife in one off them and only managed a few paces before getting pulled back.
"Oi leave 'er be!" Dwalin yelled as the goblins groped and ran their hands over her.
Thorin just managed to reach forward and grad Tharwen's arm.
"What are you doing?" He hissed.
"Saving your arse, now hush, I'll be fine." Was all she managed to say before a blast off white light sent them stumbling back.
Tharwen felt the chains go limp and they were off her in a blink of an eye, she looked to see Nori, who picked the locks off her chains before passing her, her swords and daggers.
Tremendous vertical slide of doom; negative five out of ten, would not recommend to annoying meddling wizards.
"Well that could be worse." Bofur said cheerfully when they landed in a heap
The goblin king landed on them causing them to groan in annoyance.
"You've got to be joking!" Dwalin groaned.
"GANDALF!" Kili cried as Dwalin helped him up.
Looking up to see hoards of Goblins rush down to attack them, considering that Gandalf did ,send their king falling off a platform arse over tit. Fili grabbed Kili's hand and ran, following Gandalf who was leading them through small cavern like corridors.
Translations:
Hakethri! Histharin, garthet! = Oh fuck that shit hurts!