Sirius spent most of the following day in a bliss-soaked daze. It was a wonder to him that James and Peter and everyone else at St Godric's could not read what had happened written all over his face. He could not look at Remus without imagining being pushed against the nearest flat surface and swept away once more in a whirlwind of passion, nor at Remus's bed without recalling the ecstasy they had achieved there only hours before.
It was rather like being thirteen again, Sirius reflected when, by teatime, his tally of inconvenient erections had reached double digits. Thirteen had been a very trying year for Sirius. He had barely been able to look at another boy - even James or Peter, much to his embarrassment - without wondering what it would be like to snog them, and suffering a raging hard-on for his trouble.
When supper came and went without Remus accosting him in an alcove even once, some of Sirius's euphoria began to evaporate. What if Remus regretted what they had done? From the way he caught Remus looking at him once or twice, he did not think that was the case, but Sirius could not help worrying. Everything to do with Remus made him feel uncharacteristically insecure. Patience had never been one of Sirius's virtues, but he tried to give Remus the space he seemed to want. While Sirius had ever been one to meet confrontation head-on, however ill-advised that course of action might be, he was beginning to understand that it was Remus's way to avoid a subject until he felt ready to face it.
Sirius managed to endure one full day without physical contact with Remus, and one night of the curtain drawn between their beds, before deciding that enough was enough. The following afternoon, when lessons had finished for the day and there was no sign of Remus, Sirius went looking for him.
"Come in," said a resigned voice, when Sirius knocked at the door of Remus's study room.
He slipped inside, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it. "D'you regret it?"
"No."
Remus had a wary, hunted look about him, and with a guilty start Sirius realised that he was blocking the only exit from the small room. Hastily, he moved to lean against the wall instead.
"Then what's the trouble?" he asked more gently. "We haven't done anything wrong. I thought you liked it."
"I did. I just don't - I can't -" Remus's face was a mask of frustration. He crossed his arms protectively over his midsection, shoulders hunched.
Sirius's resolve softened. "Come for a walk with me? It's not raining."
Remus nodded, looking relieved. He always seemed to feel safer and more relaxed out of doors.
Sirius retrieved their coats and met Remus at the dormitory door. The late autumn twilight was damp and chilly. It had rained that morning, and would probably rain again by nightfall, but for the time being the clouds held back their soggy burden as the two boys trudged slowly up the path in the direction of the library.
"Talk to me," Sirius urged, once they were alone and out in the open.
"I just - don't know," sighed Remus, hair sweeping forwards to hide his eyes as he stared down at his shuffling feet.
"Do you want to stop?" asked Sirius tentatively. "Just be friends again?" Could he go back to being just friends with Remus after knowing the taste of his mouth and the fierce joy of his body pressed against him?
Remus shook his head. "I don't know," he repeated.
Sirius stopped and turned to face him. "Then tell me something you do know," he snapped, fear making him impatient.
Remus bit his lip. "I know I like you. And I liked what we did. More than liked."
Relief flooded Sirius, but Remus was not finished.
"I can't just do things like other people," he said, brown eyes pleading. "You've seen what it's like when something sets me off. If we're - doing things, and it suddenly reminds me of something, I don't know what could happen. I might hurt you without meaning to."
Sirius wanted to reach for him, to take his hand, but they were out in the open and someone might see. Instead, he inclined his head, indicating that they should walk on.
"What we did the other night - that was all right, wasn't it?" he reasoned. "Could you do that again, do you think?" Sirius blushed at the bluntness of his own proposition.
Remus's ears reddened. "Yeah, that was OK. But what if you wanted to do other things, and I couldn't? It doesn't seem fair to you."
They dropped their conversation momentarily as they entered the library. Remus nodded to Madam Pince, the thin-lipped, gimlet-eyed librarian, as they turned to walk a loop around the stacks, feigning legitimate business. When they reached the last rows of shelves, Sirius stopped and faced Remus once more, taking the other boy's hand in his. It was safe here. They would be able to hear if someone was coming.
"What I want," he said softly, looking into Remus's eyes, "is for you to feel safe with me. I would never hurt you. We don't have to do anything unless you want to, and if you say 'no' or 'stop', I will. I promise."
Remus looked stunned. His mouth opened, but no sound emerged, and he closed it again.
"You, on the other hand," Sirius continued, a wicked gleam lighting his eyes, "may do anything you like to me. For example, should you happen to want to snog me right now, I would have no objections at all."
The corner of Remus's mouth curled up, and he ducked his head, lips colliding clumsily with Sirius's. Sirius leaned back against the stacks, fingers resting on the edge of a shelf, and let Remus have full control over the direction of the kiss. Remus had apparently been missing their stolen moments as much as Sirius had. His mouth quickly turned hot and greedy, and Sirius felt far too warm in his wool coat, and too far from Remus, with all the layers of fabric separating them. His fingers went to Remus's buttons, but Remus caught his hands and broke away, laughing.
"Not here!"
It was so good to hear Remus laugh that Sirius did not mind the interruption of the kiss. They left the library, but there was no safe place to go for a private interlude. Even the back of the chapel was out. The groundskeeper, a big bearded man named Hagrid, was working nearby, readying the school flowerbeds for winter. He gave the two boys a friendly wave, which they returned as they passed, heading up the hill to the games field.
The grass was brown and scrubby with the season, but the field was flat and open and good for running. They raced one another across the rugby pitch, laughing and shouting and trying to run off some of the feeling that coruscated in their blood. Sirius threw back his head and bayed at the rising moon for sheer joy.
By the time the bell rang, calling them down to supper, droplets of mist glittered in their hair and on their clothes, and they were flushed with exercise. They paused beneath the boughs of a holly tree for another stolen kiss. Sirius wanted nothing more than for Remus to tumble him onto the grass and repeat the thrilling adventure of two nights before, damp and mud and all. He only resisted because of the awkward questions that would be asked if they turned up for supper late and muddy.
That night, Sirius barely waited for James to complete his first snore before clambering out of his own bed and into Remus's.
"Can we?" he pleaded against Remus's mouth.
"Yes," Remus breathed.
Mindful of Remus's concerns, Sirius tried to remain perfectly still, fingers anchored in the sheets, but his body trembled with eagerness. Remus's hands caressed his arms and chest as they kissed deeply, and when Sirius felt a hardness pressing against his hip, he swallowed a moan of want.
The roaming hands moved to Sirius's waistband, and Remus hesitated. "I - um - it was sort of messy last time. I thought maybe -"
Sirius nodded, trying to ignore the butterflies in his belly. He lifted his hips to let Remus pull his pyjamas and pants down his thighs, exposing his bare skin to the chilly midnight air. Remus froze, staring.
"Remus," he murmured, drawing the other boy's look of morbid fascination away from his naked erection and up to his face. "All right?"
Remus closed his eyes and nodded. Hands trembling, he pushed his own pants down to his knees.
Two beds away, James snorted and turned over. For several dizzy, terrifying seconds, the two boys stared at one another, eyes wide, trying to stifle their gasping breath. A moment later, another long snore signaled the all-clear, but the interruption had broken some of the tension. Sirius grinned.
"Kiss me?" he invited the boy kneeling between his thighs.
Remus looked both terrified and mesmerised as he crawled up Sirius's body. When their cocks brushed together, Sirius, who had been planning to keep quiet to avoid any possibility of startling Remus, groaned and writhed.
"Oh!" he gasped as the slippery head of Remus's prick dragged across his own.
Far from being frightened, Remus made a small pleased sound, low in his throat. He descended on Sirius, all hot bare skin and devouring mouth. Pleasure sparked through every nerve ending as their hips collided. The slide of skin on skin felt ten times better than their first accidental experience had. Remus surrounded him, consumed him, until nothing else existed. He was sight and sound and smell and taste and touch. When Sirius's hips thrust upwards, hungry for more pressure, Remus ground down against him, making a sound that was almost a snarl against his throat.
It was that sound that undid Sirius. A treacherous whine escaped his lips as his cock pulsed, and hot slippery come coated his belly and Remus's.
"Fuck," gasped Remus as the resultant easy glide on his own cock sent him into a long, shuddering climax. He collapsed on top of Sirius, panting, hips still jerking.
Cautiously, Sirius unclenched his cramped fingers from the sheets and brought them up to rest lightly on the damp skin of Remus's lower back, just under his shirt. The only response was a contented sigh against Sirius's shoulder.
It would have been easy for them to fall asleep like that, pressed so close together that it was impossible to tell whose heartbeat was whose, but at last Remus groaned and rolled off him. This time, it was he who retrieved a stash of tissues from under the pillow. Stickiness dealt with, neither of them had the will to put their clothing in order. They pulled the blankets up over them for warmth and cover.
"Don't fall asleep," warned Remus, wrapping an arm around him.
"No promises," sighed Sirius.
There was a moment of stillness, but it felt pensive rather than sleepy. Sirius turned to find Remus watching him, a thoughtful set to his mouth.
"What?" Sirius asked, a nervous smile tugging at his lips.
Remus shook his head. "I just - I never thought I'd be able to have anything like this," he said softly. "You're - thank you."
Sirius chuckled. "For what? Letting you have your wicked way with me? I assure you, the pleasure was mine. Although some of it may have been yours, judging from the mess," he added with a smirk.
The laughter died on Sirius's lips as Remus raised a hand to his cheek, brown eyes warm with affection. "You're such a surprise, Sirius. I've never known anyone like you. How can it be that two months ago, I didn't even know you?"
Sirius blinked as Remus's lips touched his forehead. Had it really been so short a time? In just two months, he had met, fallen for, and somehow won this wonderful, enigmatic puzzle of a boy. It seemed impossible, but Sirius was not inclined to complain. He sighed in contentment, and submitted to Remus nuzzling his neck.
"You even smell good," said Remus a moment later, drawing back to stare at him. "How do you do that? I never thought I'd like -" He shook his head and returned to planting hot openmouthed kisses up and down Sirius's throat, the fingers of one hand tracing lazy spirals against the sensitive skin of Sirius's belly.
"Remus?" he gasped as a hot tongue teased the curve of his collarbone.
"Hmmm?"
"I - I'll be ready to go again in a minute, if you keep doing that."
"Is that so?" murmured Remus, hand sliding lower.