Chapter Twenty One
Piper refused to cry in the backseat of a cab. Yet...she wanted to cry so much that she was starting to make those really ugly faces. Her anger made her leave Alex alone on the street when her best friend was missing.
Yet Alex was acting like a complete ass. She was keeping things from Piper and actually felt it was appropriate to hug Becca in front of her. Piper had seen her do that before...with Nora. It wasn't a sexual hug or anything like that...and reasonably Piper was sure Alex wasn't sleeping with Becca. No, she was upset that Alex was talking to her. She felt that pulsing surge of emotion again and anger filled her.
"Are you alright Miss?" the cab driver asked. Piper looked up at him and saw he was a young clean shaven man. He spoke perfect English and seemed to be genuinely concerned.
"Yes, sorry...I had a fight with my wife," Piper said as she cleared her throat. "I'm running to my best friend's place. Like...I always do when we fight." Piper snorted some as she realized that fact. Alex would probably take a cab right behind her. Unless she decided to ignore Piper's exodus and go after Nicky...Piper's stomach dropped when she thought of Nichols.
She just kept thinking Please Nicky, don't...please don't leave us. "Um, changed my mind...take me to Coney Island," Piper said suddenly. He nodded and cut over to cut over and head back the other way.
Piper remembered one day when she and Nicky worked alone at the shop during the flu epidemic. Nicky always bullshit about her drug use or said the funniest things about other prisoners. But this conversation was different.
"Nah, I love New York...some parts more than other. You gotta get a dog at Coney Island for me when you get out," Nicky said. Piper's head was down and she was trying to figure out the exact voltage for the pieced together lamp before her.
"I don't really eat those things, do you know what is in them?" Piper began. She was about to discuss all the nitrates and disgusting bits when Nicky slammed a drill down on the table top. Piper yelped and jumped back looking at her warily.
"Look here Chapman, I don't give a rats ass what is in them, I asked you to eat a damn hotdog for me and you're going to do it. It won't kill you. But look, you gotta find a bench, clean it off if you have to or what not...and eat it while looking out at the people. Most folks look at the water but the people are more interesting. Everyone comes there...you see all of humanity...it helps me figure my place sometimes. You do that, got it?" Nicky spoke this while leaning forward and looking her in the eye. No one was around. There was no need to bravado.
Piper leaned back, somewhat not sure why it was so important to her. She thought she'd dismiss it but then again, Larry loved hotdogs.
"Yeah, sure thing, Nichols," Piper replied. Nicky nodded and turned to go back to drilling holes for a vice grip on the new wooden table made by the construction crew. Piper watched her for awhile and after Nicky finished Piper decided to be nosey.
"Did you get high and go there?" Piper asked her.
"I got high and went everywhere Chapman. But yeah, the night I went to the hospital...the night I died and had heart surgery. I don't remember much of it but I know I wanted melt into the planks...might as well let all of humanity walk over me," Nicky said with a sardonic grin. Piper swallowed and grinned back.
"You didn't need drugs for that Nichols, you just had to come to Litchfield," Piper snarked. Nicky had snorted but not really laughed at the observation. Piper started to thank Nicky for sharing but she remembered that would make Nicky call her a pussy or make some snide remark about being emotional. Instead, she told the story of her first time there with her brother (though it seems it is brothers...I forgot the doctor one that we never see) and Grandad. Nicky spoke about how her Nanny would take her there the week of her birthday. Nicky didn't mention her childhood much and never around anyone other than Alex or Piper. She learned from Alex how to observe people especially possible mules. Nicky changed the subject after that to ask Piper what she wanted to eat when she got back home.
Piper remembered she welcomed the change of subject. Sometimes things could get too real and then Nicky would act like Piper was a gullible smuck. She never knew with Nicky and that was one of the perks of having her for a friend. Piperknew she could be cold and hard in a second. Piper paid a huge taxi bill and hopped out to start the walk. She just watched people as Nicky told her. She was thankful that thinking about Nicky kept her from freaking out about Alex. Her phone was in her pocket completely turned off. Piper thought that maybe, just maybe that was exactly what Nicky had done.
She saw her from yards away and stopped walking. It was a windy day and her hair was blowing all about. She didn't look high but Piper knew she couldn't tell from that distance. She thought about turning on her phone and calling Lorna or Alex. She didn't really want to talk to any of them.
Piper walked up to Nicky and as she got close to the bench Nicky actually started laughing. Piper sat beside her and stretched her long legs out. She watched the people walk by with Nicky for a few moments.
"How many hotdogs have you eaten?" Piper asked. It seemed a better question than, 'hey Nicky did you get high today?'...yet she didn't really know how to approach her.
"I thought maybe Lorna would figure it out and find me here today. I never thought you'd get it. How did you?" Nicky said in a soft voice that almost got jerked away in the wind.
Piper shrugged. "I just thought about you and not your disease. Alex pissed me off and I ran...like I always do...I was worried about you and felt like an ass for letting my anger flare now. I started to think about things you've said to me and it came to me that maybe you were here." Piper leaned up and looked over at a mother with a small child. She was fighting to keep the small adorable hat on his head..or her head, it was kinda hard to tell.
"Kinda windy today but it has made for some amusing chase scenes. I've seen three break up fights and one proposal. I'm not high. I have thought through how to get it and get completely high or dead about five times today. I would get up and go get some coffee or a hot dog...or a pretzel instead. My stomach hurts actually. I was considering purgin' over the edge of the pier when I saw you walk up." Nicky snuggled down more in her jacket. Piper looked over and then sighed.
"Red called me this morning. Don't get pissed but I took the call," Piper said. Nicky stiffened.
Piper thought for a moment that she was going to let it go. "Fuck no...I should have known. Red knew you were the weak link. We're screwed if the Fed's don't make the case." Nicky retorted and punched Piper in the bicep. Piper winced.
"Ow, don't get violent. They have no way to know what we were talking about. Besides, I hated it when people I thought were friends didn't pick up the phone when I was in prison. I didn't want to do that to her. Do you want to hear what she said? I promised her I'd talk to you but it is your choice. She seemed worried though...like we all are that you're gonna take drugs-" Piper quickly tried to explain as she turned to Nicky and met her eye-to-eye.
"You didn't tell her-" Nicky started.
"Shut the fuck up Nicky...of COURSE I didn't! I know better. She didn't ask how you found out she just wanted you to know that yeah she first took care of you as a favor but all the rest was all you. She told me she made you her daughter because she believed you could make it. She saw you had grit."Piper stood and walked back and forth in front of the bench. Nicky just leaned back and looked up.
"I know. It just sucks because I wrote off my own family...everyone was fucking lying to me...now I'm a snitch. I had to choose. I still have to choose. Sit your ass down Chapman, I hate looking up to talk to you giantess lesbo wannabes as it is." Piper raised her middle finger and plopped down telling Nicky to fuck off.
"Not my fault you're a lilliputian fucktard of a lesbo," she mumbled back. They both smiled some and watched people walk by for a few moments. Piper watched this huge tattooed man with the smallest girlfriend. She didn't seem his type, just kinda plain Jane sweet.
"I just couldn't turn on the phone today. I was afraid she'd call me and...I want to talk to my mom. I can't tell her the truth so I'm trying to just...not get high and I eat junk food. That was all I could handle today. "Nicky's voice trailed off. Piper nodded and pulled her knee up and circled her arms around it. She wished Alex was here. She always seemed to know what to say or not to say to Nicky.
Nicky didn't elaborate or explain further. Piper turned her head and looked at her. She gave her a small smile and just sat with her. She was fucked up herself and was a work in progress. She thanked her lucky stars again she walked away from her time with Alex completely free of addiction.
"Why are you pissed at Alex?"
Piper snorted and sighed. Nicky always liked a good distraction chucked full of lesbian drama. "She is talking to Becca and accepted a hug from her right in front of me. Granted she was worried about you...and I really don't think they're..you know. I got so fucking mad I just got in a cab." Piper looked away from her and down the other way. They weren't in the thickest tourist area...a good ways from the Wheel. Piper enjoyed the beach though it reminded her of Larry's proposal.
"You've every right to be pissed. They spoke at that meeting we went to...Becca got up and shared about her dinner out with her daughter," Nicky shrugged. She went on to say she wanted to talk afterwards and try to make amends with Alex. Nicky told her they left and got a coffee on the way home. They talked about next year's business plan...general stuff. "You said they spoke on the phone?" Piper nodded. "She told Alex she'd call her. When?"
"She took her call when she walked in our home and didn't tell me that night when she got back," Piper explained.
Nicky sighed. "Alex is letting her guilt her in to going through the steps with her. She wants to cause trouble and you both are letting her." Piper couldn't really disagree with her.
"I don't want to talk about it. Turn your phone on and call Lorna. She is worried and deserves better than this shit. Come on...you didn't go off and give in to your worst urges. She deserves to know that." Piper punched her in the arm, happy to get her back. It wasn't hard but it was enough that Nicky got her phone out and turned it back on. Piper did the same and saw she had a voicemail from Alex and Polly. She saw she had text messages as well. Piper put the phone back on her jacket without checking.
Nicky spoke to Lorna and told her that she wanted them to take a few days away from the stores. She couldn't really leave the state with the investigation going on but she wanted them to get a few days away together. Piper smiled when she apologized and tried to explain. Lorna wanted to know where she'd been. Then she asked if she had windburn. After she hung up she told Piper that Lorna was sending a car.
"I'll wait with you until it gets here," Piper assured her. Nicky looked over as if to say she didn't care but she stopped.
"You still avoiding Alex? She hasn't called Lorna yet but I'm sure she called her once she hung up." Nicky probed Piper to speak up and share what she was going to do. Thing is...Piper didn't have a clue. She was afraid of her anger just exploding outward and she was afraid she couldn't focus on listening to her wife through all that fury. Piper remembered so well what it felt like to lose her body and mind to the fury. She knew she could never hurt Alex but she was afraid all the same. She had such insecurities and they were wrapped up their time apart.
She just shrugged in response to Nicky. "Look Piper, you hate that Becca was there for Alex when you weren't. It was a terrible fucking time for both of you. What really pisses you off about it is that it didn't have to happen. You pride yourself on communication but that time you didn't say the right things. You didn't tell her the right details of your life so you could have protected her from that hurt." Nicky's observations were strategic like a surgeon's scapel.
"Both times," Piper murmured. It was carried away by the wind so Nicky rose and walked up next to her. She asked her to say it again.
"Shit, you weren't together when she started...so put that down girl. Alex would be the first to tell you that she is the only one to blame. I know she yanked your chain in Litchfield, but you weren't talking to her and she was really scared to reveal her drug abuse to you." Piper looked at Nicky and frowned in a questioning way. "Oh yeah, she debated on attending that meeting but I pushed her to do it because you would be in there doing yoga. I think the desire to see your ass up in downward facing dog was the final push. She was totally sharing to push your buttons but it was a total defense." Piper smiled at the memory. She was furious then too but she hadn't lost control yet. She remembered wanting to kill the man that raped Alex. She felt the cold fury flutter in her mind.
"My therapist told me to avoid her. I have handled her a couple of times without knocking her teeth out. But I want to. I imagine it will feel good to see them fly out of her mouth. It is a sickness Nicky just a different kind of sickness. You're right we weren't together then. I wish we were but at the same time, who knows...I would have joined her." Piper sighed. It was useless to live in the past. She knew she needed to call Alex.
"Walk with me and I'll drop you wherever you want," Nicky said to her as she took up her arm and walked Piper back up the boulevard. Piper went with her and wondered where she would go. She needed to see her wife but she wasn't thrilled at the prospect of arguing with her. The car called and they walked a couple blocks over to meet it. Piper sighed and asked her to take her to the brownstone as it was closer. She read a few texts from Alex. They weren't friendly at first, and then she seemed to understand what Piper had witnessed. Piper just told her she was going to have dinner with her parents and would be back to their place tomorrow. Piper had some final arrangements to make before her trip on Tuesday. She was going to have couples therapy with Alex on Monday. She knew they could use the time but really Piper would rather shoot her own foot with a nail gun. Their sessions were hard on a good day. They had more stress lately and neither of them handled it well.
"Hey give her a chance Piper. Call her, don't just text. I hate that...you made me call Lorna," Nicky nagged.
Piper nodded. "I'll call her tonight. Thanks for the lift and enjoy your time away with Lorna. I'm heading out of town for work on Tuesday. I'll be back next weekend. Um...thanks for " Piper explained as she got out.
"Chapman...thanks for finding me today and for telling me about Red. I hope you really do call your wife...and well I think you were pretty smart this time leaving. I can tell how you feel about that Becca woman. I don't know what I'd do if Lorna was hugging up on an ex lover in front of me." Piper smiled at Nicky and closed the car door wondering if Nicky would get in touch with Red...hoping also that she stayed clean. She watched the car pull away and reached up to rub her neck. Piper turned to go up the stairs to her old place and felt kinda like she was being a coward. She'd call Alex and talk after dinner. Maybe by then she'd think of what to say.
***Weekends are busy times in the Spring. I love watching Orphan Black and all the sneak peaks at OITNB. The premiere photos are stunning. I'm really going to try and finish this out by Season 2! Who knows what I'll or if I'll want to write after I binge watch Season 2. I just want to get this Piper and Alex where I imagined them at this point. Blessings to All and please keep reviewing! Please...pretty please...with a cherry on top ;) Peace Fae!***