Halloween Part 1

October 31st

Sasuke looked at the calendar today was October 31st. Already a month had flown by since the beginning of the year. It was a lot harder than grammar school he had to admit but, when progress reports came out his averages in all of his subjects where 90 and above. He was still the top-of-the-class genius he was back then in elementary but, on his grades for conduct behavior was a big fat "F". September had bombarded him with projects and homework, and ever since he's had no time to hang out with anybody. But today was finally the day that he and Gaara could finally hang out. Sasuke looked through his drawer once again but since today was Halloween he did something new. He was going to be Ozzy Osbourne for the children's holiday. He threw on his Black Sabbath tank top, and put on a pair of ripped jeans. To top off the outfit he put on a black leather jacket, black spectacles, and a long wavy black wig. He looked up at his reflection and laughed he realized he looked nothing like him but, it did give off an Ozzy aura. And for once he put on some eyeliner and mascara instead of eye shadow. He locked the front door behind him, and there was Gaara waiting in front of his house just like he promised. They crossed the street and began to chat. "So what do you want to do today?" asked Gaara. "Well I definitely wasn't planning on trick-or-treating." said Sasuke. "Hey you wanna go kill little animals with me?" Gaara said with a twisted grin. Sasuke stopped walking for a brief moment and looked at him with a funny face. "Well I was thinking we could go to the mall?" Sasuke said with a more serious tone. "Well I thought you would wanna go egging or teepeing houses?", "Yeah but, the mall won't be open all day it closes at 10:00 tonight", "So if you want, after we go to the mall we can go throw rotten eggs at farting seniors." said Sasuke. "That's fine" said Gaara but, then he looked at Sasuke and said "Wait which mall are we going to?", "Mmm.." Sasuke mumbled. "What about Konaha Outlets?". "SASUKE, THAT'S A 30 MINUTE DRIVE FROM HERE, HOW'RE GONNA GET THERE BY FOOT?!" Sasuke was going to open his mouth but, before a breath could be drawn from his lips Gaara asked "Where are we?". They where entering a small clearing filled with flowers, which was the same garden Sasuke walked into a month ago. "You'll see.. FOLLOW ME!!!" and Sasuke grabbed Gaara by the arm and ran down the exotic pathway.

Did you do the muffin man?

They reached a stop by an old oak tree facing the opposite side of a bird bath and Sasuke said "Wait here..". He let go of Gaara and at first it looked like Sasuke was peeling of a piece of bark but, as Gaara examined it more from the background he realized he ripped of a paper bag from Nara Shikamaru's sleeping head. Sasuke smacked Shikamaru awake and screamt "GOOD MORNING MUFFIN, MY PALM SAYS YOU'RE SEXY." Nara looked up and mumbled "Grandpa I-I don't want to play footsies with you anymore..." and he nodded of into slumber again. Sasuke then said "HE REALLY WANTS YOU TO KNOW, YOU TURN HIM ON". Sasuke then started smacking Shikamaru's face back and forth while saying "SEXY MUFFIN, SEXY MUFFIN, SEXY MUFFIN, SEXY MUFFIN, SEXY MUFFIN..." following each statement with a slap. Once reaching the 5th "SEXY MUFFIN" Shikamaru snapped. Shikamaru grabbed Sasuke by the tongue and yanked it down and yelled "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP, SEXY MUFFIN, IS GONNA FEED YOUR TONGUE TO THE NURSING HOME." Shikamaru's coal black eyes met with Sasuke's coal black eyes and he finally released his tongue. "Tell me what you want or forever hold your peace." Sasuke reached into his pocket and retrieved his power puff girl wallet and took out a wad of singles. "I'm willing to give you some moola, to kill off my brain cells. You can call me Peter Pan". "Ahh.. One moment" said Shika and he retrieved a small plastic bag of marijuana and handed it to Sasuke.

There are no igloos in Japan?

The school corridors where brightly decorated with skulls, bats, spider webs, and other eerie objects to celebrate the holidays. But what caught his eye the most where the flamboyant costumes his fellow classmates where wearing. As him and his friend strutted past the walking Christmas trees they went to Sasuke's locker to exchange his books. After that they walked off to Gaara's. Gaara stood in front of the locker and started to dial the combination. He went to reach for the handle but, hesitated for a moment and looked around the room to see if anyone was looking. He opened the door and from the locker an icy blast of air hit their faces. The locker was covered with what looked like a thin layer of frost or snow but, what was really shocking what was in the locker. Inside the tiny compartment was a baby penguin on a treadmill bike. The wires of the treadmill led to a miniature oven, and in the corner was a little toilet. The penguin was still pedaling even though someone had opened the door to it's "room". Gaara placed his hand inside the locker and poked the penguin in the belly with his index finger. The little penguin stopped pedaling, got off the bike, and opened the oven. The small creature waddled towards it's master with a tray of cookies. "Thank you, Yoseph", Gaara then poured a bag of skittles into the creature's mouth and fed it some chocolate milk. Gaara looked at the penguin and gave it a tiny kiss on its forehead and it walked off to the corner and took a dump in the toilet. When finally over all this was over Gaara turned around to face a slightly cross-eyed Sasuke, with the shape of his mouth hanging in an impressive "O". "Gaara where the FUCK, did you get a penguin from?" said Sasuke with his mouth slightly twitching. Gaara laughed out loud, and looked at Sasuke and exclaimed "I stole him from a zoo, where do you think genius?". Sasuke turned around to face the crazy guy "GAARA, YOU'RE GOING TO GET ARRESTED." he said. "Pfft.. they didn't notice, I got him when he was still an egg.". As they continued arguing they looked up from there spot to see a young guy in an S.W.A.T uniform with his head in the locker making moaning noises. They walked slowly past him and watched his tongue go up and down the My Chemical Romance poster. "Sie wuv lew Gurrawd" came from Neji's tongue-twisted voice.

Sakura the girl with many personalities

Yay it was finally 10:30, the time for the Halloween party. School finished at 11:15 today, and not only that but, all the grades met in the cafeteria for this small conference. Sasuke walked down to the cafeteria by himself going to the table he's been sitting at which seemed like all of his life. But as he went to sit down he looked up in astonishment to see Jeffree Star. "OH MY GOD" was the only thing that left Sasuke's mouth. But then he looked up and a very familiar voice said "Hey Sasuke, it's Sakura-chan." and the Jeffree Star look-alike sat down next to him. He looked her outfit up and down, the costume was perfect. Her hair was a much hotter shade of pink, and her face looked pointy-er with facial makeup. She was wearing three layers of fake eyelashes and mascara on top of it. "There's no difference... it's scary" Sasuke thought in his mind. Then Gaara sat across from them and said out loud "I HATE JEFFREE STAR." and gave Sakura an obnoxious look. "Well Gaara what are you for Halloween, your mom?" then a soft "Oh Burn.." left Neji's voice. "Go wash your half transvestite body in the sewer, hoe." came from Gaara, then Sakura changed. Sasuke couldn't tell what it was but, something about her body language and face expressions weren't hers, and she said "Oooh Pedro I love you, like ze moon loves ze stars" and she hugged Gaara. Gaara pushed her off and Sakura changed again. SMACK came from her hand and she said "DAVEY JONES I FOUND MY VAGINA!... m-mommy where am I?!?! It's it's snowing in here.." and Sakura rocked back and forth crying. "Sakura?" came from Gaara's almost merciful voice. But as soon as she started pounding her head into the table over and over again, Ino went over to their table and started walking Sakura toward's the nurse's office. "Ino what's happening to her?" Sasuke said but, no reply was found.

We Are The Akat-suck-me

Sasuke looked a little dumbfounded, and Gaara looked happy. He had no idea what just happened, and the cupcakes and candies weren't making him feel any better. He was still very confused, so he decided to take a little walk to clear his mind. As he was walking he almost forgot that all the grades where gonna be down here today. He looked around "Where is he? where is he?" his heart was racing, he walked past six tables of juniors until finally he reached a table filled with a group of people wearing black cloaks with red cloud designs on them. This was the first time he saw any of the members besides Itachi, from the Akatsuki. Itachi was well known to be home late from school practicing his vocals with his group but, he never expected them to be like this... As Sasuke walked past the odd variety of people he saw his brother sitting next to a guy jotting down words on a notebook. "Ahh Sasuke! sit down.. I want you to get acquainted with these people." came from Itachi's amiable but, apathetic voice. Sasuke still didn't like his brother, and never would but, he had respect for him since he was the father-figure.. and he was curious to see what type of people Itachi hung out with. He looked over to see a passage written in the notepad "Her last kiss embalmed with death from the vanity she leaves on your lips, she is the death wish in your bible", The Bloodlust Liturgy. "This is our song writer, he has a name but, we call him Leader." said Itachi. "This is going to be our top song" said Leader as he looked up at Sasuke with a tone of determination. "I like it" said Sasuke with a mellow tone. And then he got elbowed in the arm, "Oh sorry, un" came the voice. He looked up to see a very beautiful face with blue almond shaped eyes and long blonde hair, he then looked down the whole table and saw a pretty red-haired boy, a guy who looked like a plant, a guy who looked like a fish, a guy with a mask, and a guy with half of his face covered. "Un, I hear you're Tachi's brother, un?", "yeah" Sasuke replied then he saw the blondie stand up and scream "ZETSU, KISAME EVERY TIME YOUR TONGUES TOUCH JESUS LAYS AN EGG." The fishy guy looked up and said "Aww Weiwaduh zis nuff zretch tishung, zits tufh-oh-wah", "Suuure it's tongue-of-war, un, you gay heathens." said Deidara retorting. "Tobi's a good boy, I wiped my ass last night with shampoo" said the guy in the mask. "Tobi you still have to pay me for the anal sex, the back massage and the whipped crea-." the guy with his mouth covered said but, got cut off. "KAZUKU IS A MAN WHORE, WE ALL KNOW THAT ALREADY, UN" said Dei trying very hard not to burst out laughing. Sasuke was enjoying this, these people are far from what he considered "normal". Then he realized something "Hey aren't there supposed to be nine current members?". "Un, there is, HIDAN!!" and Dei stood up from the table and kicked underneath his seat. Shockingly enough a man rolled out from underneath the table. He had a blue-ish white mohawk and a french maid outfit. "Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue... And if you really want it, Hidan will blow you too." Dei shouted "FAiL FAiL FAiL FAiL" and kicked Hidan back under the table. "nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom" came from the red haired boy. "Who's' that?" asked Sasuke with a bemused face expression. "Ahh... this is Sasori princess face, un yahh." "SHADDAPP I'M PRITTYY" Sasori screamt. "Nuh yer uglee" Dei said. Saso then gave Dei a conceited look and said "Look at my tiara, this is a sign of royalty, mhmm son. word up" as he pointed to the little crown on his head. "That doesn't mean anything, un, it's from C-Town" Dei replied. "Bitch please, my daddy owns a yacht." "Un fuck off" Dei said, as Saso flaunted his fingers. "Hey Saso I'm finished with your dildo, un yeah.", and Dei retrieved from his pocket a clay penis. "Fhgjhgdjkgh..." Saso stuttered. "I DON'T WANT IT, YOU SICKO" he wailed. "ART IS A "BANG", UN, YEAH" and he threw the clay penis at Saso's head and it exploded.

Author's Side Note: Next Chapter is a continuation