AN: i took a tiny hiatus as i had mock exams, a musical grade, and rehearsals for a play. As well as what i like to call a social life - others disagree. other than that i'm intensely sorry for my lazy slacking ways *slaps self* enjoy x
"No one will recognise you… Quinn, can I just call you Lucy." Frannie Fabray applied her sister's lipstick.
"A new school a new me, I'm Quinn now, Lucy's gone." Quinn Fabray said staring at herself in the mirror.
Beth looked around the room she shared with to other girls, if she wasn't here she'd be in freshman orientation. Beth stared at the slip-knot posters that adorned Marie's bed, and the One Direction posters adorning Sylvie's bed. She didn't have anything against them, but she would much rather be at freshmen orientation. Maybe she was the only person on the planet who wanted to be in school.
She watched the clock tick by until three o'clock; she'd just missed her first day of high school. This was ten million times worse; she would join later and be the new loser girl with a freaky eating disorder that made everyone uncomfortable. She lay on her bed, letting the tears escape she was so stupid, she wished her mum could visit her, she'd gone off Quinn a bit since then, the girl that made her feel this way. She wished Quinn didn't visit so much.
Quinn rung Shelby's bell, she hadn't seen Shelby since Beth had been put in hospital. Shelby opened the door and froze for a second before inviting Quinn in politely, but with no affection.
"I'm here to…" Quinn ran her fingers through her hair.
"I'm listening," Shelby stared at Quinn her eyes harsh and cold.
"I guess I want to apologise, and explain, and just try and make this right."
"I'm a forgiving person Quinn, I forgave you for trying to convict me of being an unfit mother, I forgave you for trying to take Beth, and everything else. But I don't think I can forgive you for the part you played in this."
"whether you forgive me or not I want you to know that I'm so so so sorry. I made mistakes when I was first allowed back into Beth's life and I promised myself I wouldn't make them again.
"You just made entirely different even more horrific mistakes." Shelby stared at Quinn.
Quinn didn't know where to go from here, she couldn't use her past as an excuse, she couldn't walk away and never explain why her past made her act like this. She couldn't just stand there and not try to make this right.
"I can never re-write this history, these are my mistakes to carry forever. And I'm to blame you mustn't blame yourself. I triggered these emotions in Beth, I set this downward spiral in motion."
"I blame myself for not getting help sooner, but the rest is all you." Shelby agreed, "it's you encouraged her."
"I need to tell you something about myself."
"you had a teen pregnancy! You fell of the rails! I KNOW QUINN BUT I HANDLED BEING IN RACHEL'S LIFE! WHY COULDN'T YOU HANDLE BETH!" Shelby closed her eyes and contained herself, "you bring destruction wherever you go."
Quinn ran her hands through her hair wishing she could scream and scream wishing that Shelby would understand.
"I'm trying to find the words to explain, but…" Quinn stamped her foot and swallowed hard, "When I was in middle school, I was just like Beth."
"what?" Shelby furrowed her brow.
"I was fat, chubby, spotty, no one liked me, I didn't have any friends. I was no good. I felt like everywhere I went people would stare at me. Every time I ate people judged me. Every lesson I sat alone, and people pitied me. But everyone hated me. And I hated myself for wanting them to love me. I hated the fact that I was jealous of them. Those pretty little girls that could be lifted up by their boyfriends, and stand on the top of a cheerleading pyramid."
Quinn sighed: "I had this day dream that there would be this pretty new girl, and everyone would want to be her friend, but she would want to be my friend. She'd make me into this beautiful bewitching new person. And everything would be okay. I thought that Beth needed this, she needed someone to help her."
I wanted to help her.
I didn't mean to bring her crashing back down."
Shelby walked across the kitchen and held Quinn, and the two women stood in silence. Nothing was quite fixed or forgiven, but at least they understood.
Puck sat opposite Quinn, "I can give you fifteen minutes and don't give me a big speech about yourself because I don't fucking care Quinn. Just apologise."
"I'm sorry Puck." Quinn hands shook as she gripped her coffee, "I thought moving to new York would be great for you me and Beth, but I fucked up. I'm sorry."
"I love you Quinn, that's the pathetic thing, after it all I still love you so much. But I'm not sure I want to."
"isn't it weird, Sophomore year we didn't know what we wanted, junior year we were all over other people, senior year I wanted you… and now it's just messed up."
"yeah, well I think we can leave it here for now, see you around, Quinn."
"bye Puck!" Quinn took a sip of her coffee. Puck leant over and whispered in her ear
"for your peace of mind. I forgive you."
Puck handed in his script, he'd finished it last night, he watched his boss open the first page and read. Puck sat there for ten minutes watching him read. Finally he set the script down.
"It's very different the Beautiful Witch convincing the Jewish girl she needs to lose weight. The Rock star confessing his love, and being shunned. The Jewish girls inner-struggle. It's so raw, fresh and edgy just the perfect mid-season plot twist to get us a hit!" The Boss grinned at Puck
"Thank-you sir," Puck said returning the grin, "it came from the heart."
"The endings quite sad though Noah, can we adapt that?
"No. Real life doesn't always end happily. No one can change how they feel, I wish they could but this isn't a cheesy Rom-Com. Sometimes help comes too late, sometimes you're offered it when you're not in need, sometimes you're screaming for help and it doesn't come. But life does that, the bad guys aren't always bad, the good guys just don't understand them. Human beings are complex, we feel emotions that no other species experiences. It's time we addressed that."
"But, it's so sad."
"Don't jump to conclusions, you haven't read the next episode yet."
Beth had been allowed out the hospital for the afternoon. And because she's beth she'd asked to go to a coffee shop concert and watch the comeback of Pucks show after a hiatus.
"The last episode was so sad," Beth said as she cuddled with Shelby under the cosy blanket.
"are you mad that he used your eating-disorder as inspiration?" Shelby asked.
"no funnily enough, he sort of got it right you know. I feel better knowing that he gets it, and it's important to have some positive representation. There's this stigma around eating disorders, that we do it for attention that it's not a real issue. They don't realise it's also effects our mental health. Some of the girls I'm in hospital with are suicidal; thank god I don't feel that way. Puck portrayed it like I wanted him to: With delicate understanding."
"and how do you feel."
"not quite better, but like I could be."
"I'm glad!" Shelby grinned kissing Beth's head, "now let's shush, it's starting.
Quinn was at her laptop finishing her scathing review of a downtown performance of The Fiddle on the Roof when her phone buzzed.
Puck: Put my show on now!
Quinn picked her remote up and turned it on:
"I know you said that you don't love me too, but"
Quinn stared at the screened intently
"I have a feeling we're not done. I am aware how clingy and stupid it is, and I know you've already shot me down and broke my heart. Anyone with a brain would stop pursuing you. But you keep calling me, and I keep finding you next to me. It's just I love you and if there's the slightest possibility of us somehow finding what we used to have. I'll ask you once more, then I'll leave you to live your life without me. Would you possibly want to love me back my dear?"
Quinn froze on the spot as the credits rolled slowly across the screen. She reached subconsciously for her phone and dialled the all too familiar number.
"Hello," the all too familiar voice answered.
"Hi Puck,"
"so… did you enjoy the show."
Quinn grinned: "I think the speech at the end was awkward, I means she's made her choice, he needs to accept that and move on. No means no, it doesn't mean ask again later."
"Urrm okay, I wasn't planning on them…" Puck began nervously.
"However sometimes, when you know someone well, you know when they are rushing into a decision. I think sometimes when you ask a girl again -once all the shit in her life has been cleared up- she may be glad of a second chance. Just maybe…"
"would you like to let me love you Quinn Fabray?"
"no, I'd like to love you back."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"these episodes just right themselves!" Puck grinned before hanging up.
AN: So there we are! I want to leave it here, but if you think i should continue just let me know. I thought up this story ages ago before 100 and before Cory died, so my original ended involved a Finchel engagement. I had to scrap that idea because it broke my heart to write it. I really enjoyed writing this and i hope you enjoyed reading it. if you are kind enough to review I promise I'll bake you biscuits in heart shapes.
I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, i can see no way
It's always darkest before the dawn
Ronelle xoxo