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Chapter 14 - Carol

I opened my eyes and I wished I hadn't. The sun glared down at me and I turned my head away, rolled over 'til I was face down in the dirt.

Pathetic.

I'm more comfortable hiding in the dirt and my own shadow than I am in the sunshine.

I heard foot steps and I slid my eyes as far right as they can go to see Daryl's boots pacing. Straining my eyes that far right was uncomfortable. I'm surprised I even noticed. Everything hurt. Everything. Still, I closed my lids and let my eyeballs slide back forward.

That's better.

I heard his pacing stop and I wondered if he thinks I've gone back to sleep and I can avoid what's coming a little longer.

"I know you're still awake."

Damn.

"I can tell by your breathing."

I rolled my eyes behind my closed lids.

My mind rolled over all sorts of sassy retorts I can send back his way, but there were only two words on my lips and I'm so tired I let them slip.

"I'm sorry."

I heard his steps come closer.

I felt his eyes on me and I knew he was trying to read me like I was just another set of tracks.

"You know at first it was just dumb luck. You would happen to come upon me in a bad way, and, whether you want to admit it or not, you're too good a person to leave me to my fate."

I felt a tear role down my cheek and I buried my face further into the dirt so that he wouldn't see. I'm sure he was repulsed enough by my confession without him seeing me blubber. I wished I could burry the words tumbling clumsily from my mouth as easily.

"Then it seemed like you weren't coming upon me when I was in trouble as much as you were coming FOR me.

"I got to relying on you, because I could, because you let me. I don't know why you let me. It wasn't pity, I'd know it if it was, I'd see it in your eyes and never speak to you again. It wasn't that you needed anything from me. You don't need anything from anyone. But, despite never understanding why, you were alway there.

"So then, so then I did the most selfish thing I ever done. The only thing I've ever been ashamed of. I came to you. Brought this all to you. Put this burden on you.

"I'm so sorry."

There was silence for a long time.

I heard him go into his tent, heard stuff getting moved around.

Oh god, I've done it now. He's done with me. He's leaving, striking out on his own like he wanted to on the highway.

Then I heard him coming back to me. Felt his hand gentle and hesitant on my shoulder and the side of my knee.

"Come'ere kiddo."

His voice was low like a whisper, husky even. I'd never heard him like that. My eyes opened of there own accord and my body was pulled around to face him, but not by Daryl's doing.

And there he was, eclipsing the sun, looking down at me. I searched his eyes as I did every time he saw a fresh bruise or a split lip. Every time I expected it and every time that expectation is disappointed. No pity.

His eyes burned with something but I couldn't tell what it was.

His arms slipped behind my knees and back and he lifted me up, cradled like a child.

My arms snaked around his neck and I let my head rest on his shoulder.

My eyes began to sink again and I didn't fight it.

I'm with Daryl, it's was o.k. to let my guard down this once.

When I woke up I was laid out on a blanket in a field.

We'd come across it on hunts and I'd always say how pretty it was and how I wished we still lived in a world were there were such things as picnics.

Daryl, ever the practical and productive one, was flenching new bolts for his crossbow, more than could even fit in his quiver.

"You snore like a lawnmower."

I gasped, "Do not!"

"Do too, I was afraid you was gonna bring down every geek in the damn state of Georgia on us."

I rolled over onto my side so that I was facing him, it was too much to ask my body to lean on my elbows at this point.

"You lie like a rug, I'd know if I snored, my father would never pass up an opportunity to criticize me."

Daryl winced visibly to that and I felt guilty for bring down the mood.

After a moment he said, "Listien..."

He grimaced then like there two directions this conversation could go and he wasn't sure which one he wanted to take.

"I know I said I'd teach you to build traps today, but we've got a surplus of food for the first time and I could go for a day off."

I smiled. He was an unusually kind person.

"Don't count fletching arrows as a day off," I said, swiping the arrow way from his hand. It was a meek gesture, weak and slow from the pain, but he let me do it anyway.

"That is why I snagged this here book out of that bag you keep at my camp. Felt wrong to read it without your permission, so I figured I should wait 'til you woke up."

"Very considerate of you," I said, rolling onto my back and tucking my hands behind my head. "What'd you grab?"

"Wizard of Oz," he said and I heard the spine creek open.

If it had been anyone else I would have flipped out, but it was him.

"That's a good one. One of my favorites. Used to belong to my mother."

He was silent, waiting to see if I had anything else to say. I didn't.

"Well, if there are no objections," he said as if he really didn't care one iota if there were, "I prefer readin' allowed. Help's me keep my place."

Again, I felt a smile play at my lips. An unusually kind man indeed.

For this one morning I wasn't Carol Peletier, I was a set of ears listening to the stumbling oration of a little girl's magical adventures after she leaves home. I was a set of eyes watching morphing clouds drift like sail boats in a sky blue ocean. I was a set of hands with no greater task than supporting the head they were cradling. I was a set of lungs pulling in deep steady breaths. I was a set of feet being tickled by the long grass after kicking free of their boots.

I was not greater than the sum of my parts, and at this moment, that as a terrible relief.