Jamie

I was so annoyed with Alex she was meant to be my best friend but she didn't even stick around instead she headed off to her date. I know that I was the one who told her to go but secretly I wanted her there with me, just like you always want your mum when you're sick. Standing on Dave's front lawn my first response was to ring and scream at the woman, so that's exactly what I did. During the short call Dave came to join me on his lawn, the moment I saw him my palms got sweaty and my heart began to beat rapidly. I knew that I had promised Alex that I would give the man a chance to respond to my story but it didn't stop me from being nervous, in fact it just made me more petrified. I'd made a promise to my friend and while I wanted to bolt, for some strange reason, I always kept my promises.

It didn't take long for Alex to hang up on me, something she unfortunately did quite often. As I took my cell away from my ear I felt Dave's large hand cover mine taking my phone off me so that I couldn't take my frustrations out on it.

"Come inside. Its getting cold out here," Dave's voice echoed through my frustration once more. His voice was soft yet commanding at the same time and I lost all will to fight against him, but it wasn't like with Conner. I just felt at peace and no longer angry even though I wished that I was; I could deal with things better if I was angry.

"Take a seat," Dave indicated to the couch but I refused to sit, it's easier to run away if you're already standing.

"Okay, don't take a seat then. But I want to show you something," the man walked picked what looked like a piece of paper up off the mantle before making his way to where I was standing by the door and handing it to me. I took it out of his hand and found myself staring at a photo of a beautiful young woman and a young girl who looked about the same age as Eli. The girl looked slightly like Dave's oldest and I could only guess that the woman was his first wife, yet I couldn't understand why the man was showing me the photo.

"That's Michelle and Rachel, it's the first picture ever taken of mother and daughter," there is no way that the photo I was looking at was the first picture ever taken of the two.

"I took it about a month after Michelle and I started seeing each other. The second the photo was taken Michelle burst into tears telling me how it was real now, I'd made it real. Rachel was 3 when the photo was taken, for the first 3 years of Rachel's life her mother couldn't bare to look at her let alone have their photo taken. If there was proof of the two of them together it made the events surrounding Rachel's conception and her birth real." Dave took the photo and sat on the armrest of a nearby seat, he stared at is as he began to struggle with what he had to say,

"Long before Michelle and I ever met she was friends with this guy and while she wasn't sexuall attracted to him she enjoyed spending time together and valued their friendship. He however had different idea, when she kept turning down his advances he got aggressive and forced himself onto her. This continued for close to a year as he threatened to harm her family if she told anyone. Then one day she got a phone call, he'd been killed in a car accident. A few months later she ended up in the emergency room with severe abdomen pain and vomiting. She was 6 months pregnant, too far along for an abortion and her parents forbid adoption. So 3 months later Michelle was graced with the present of a perfectly healthy baby girl who she couldn't even look at for fear that she would see his face.

'From the time Rachel was about 2 months old Michelle would get a babysitter and go out most nights bringing home another guy, anything that would help her forget and take away the pain. Then one night she met me and the next morning I met Rachel, a 3 year old who couldn't understand why her mommy seemed to hate her. My oldest daughter is the result of a rape and I know that even now her mother struggles to get close and spend alone time with her." I just listened and couldn't believe what I was hearing, someone else in the same position that I was. I knew that there were lots of women in the world that had been raped and many of them have had children due to that incident. I'd even met some when at the insistence of Alex I went to a support group; however I left before the end of the first session as everyone seemed to have victim syndrome. Yes, it is a horrible thing but you can't let it take up every aspect of your life, yes its going to affect you, but you can't live with the 'woe is me I got raped' mindset.

"I'm not going to the usual apologies because it's not my fault that you were raped and I can't change the fact that you were nor can I change that Michelle was." Hearing Dave say that reassured me I hated the 'oh I'm so sorry' reaction that people have when they find out about something. You tell someone that you're sick; that you have a cold and their automatic response is, 'I'm sorry' as though it is their fault that you're sick.

"There are a lot of sick bastards in this world and aside from ensuring that I'm not one of them and kicking the butts of any co-workers that are, I can't do anything about it. People get raped it can be anyone; you, Michelle, Alex, Rachel, your mum, anyone. And everyone deals with it differently; you dealt with it in one of the most admirable ways, choosing to take the hard road, for that I will eternally be in awe of you." Every time he said the R word my world came crashing down, I hated that word it turned me into a victim and I refused to be a victim, I just had some issues to deal with.

"You were raped,"

"Stop it" I whispered finally daring myself to speak,

"Stop what?"

"Saying that word," I muttered focusing on my feet so that Dave wouldn't see the tears forming in my eyes. Silence fell across the room, he didn't know how to respond, and I knew it I'd freaked him out. Finally I looked up making eye contact with the man.

"You got pregnant," he continued, his voice wavering slightly.

"You could have had an abortion or chosen adoption but you chose to keep that baby and raise him and if you ask me you're doing a damn good job of it. Every time you see that child you know what happened and you can't change that but still you love him with everything fiber of your being. The look of disgust that you saw wasn't at you it was at the man who did those things to you, if you'd given me a chance you would have learnt that and you would know that there was no way I would have made you leave. Everyone has a past, some are just messier than others but it's not like you asked for it."

"How do you do it?" I asked finally taking a seat shocked at the man's reaction.

"Do what?"

"Always know what to say," I sighed glancing up at him. I was still trying to let what he'd said sink in.

"It's a gift and curse," the man replied flashing the cheeky smile that so many fans had fallen in love with.

"It used to drive Michelle and Angie insane because not only did I know what to say I was also the voice of reason and logic and for some reason when females are mad they don't like logic and reason," Dave kept that cheeky smile and the heaviness hanging over the room was gone.

"So what about you? Any deep dark secrets?" I asked wanting to keep the attention off me for a while, I needed a chance to think about what the man had said.

"At 13 I stole a car and got arrested… Twice," he shrugged. His criminal record wasn't much of a secret but only one arrest was ever mentioned.

"Twice?"

"I'm a slow learner," Dave smirked and I found myself laughing along with the man. I stopped suddenly; I couldn't let myself fall back into a familiar pattern.

He knew about my past and it wouldn't be long that everyone backstage knew and I'd lose all respect as a photographer. Everyone would think that I was easy, that I was a ring rat or something. Dave noticed my change and came to sit in the chair opposite me,

"Just because I know about your deep dark secret doesn't mean I will tell anyone. Your past is your past it is no one else's business, your deep dark secret is safe with me."

"I need to get back to Eli," I lied through my teeth I just couldn't deal with the conversation, the environment, the man any longer.

"No you don't"

"I beg your pardon? You can't tell me that I don't need to get back to my son."

"Actually yes I can since 1) I know he's not talking to you and 2) follow me." I followed the man through his house to a familiar area only stopping when we reached a door which he quietly opened. There were the boys sound asleep with their bags neatly packed by the door. I couldn't believe it those boys were meant to be with Mark.

"What are you doing with my son?"

"Alex asked me to look after them"

"They're meant to be with Mark"

"Well they're with me and your son is happy and smiling. Your son needs a male role model and whether we like it or not he chose me. So please let me be there for your son, let me be there for you," he said gently, I could tell he wanted to reach out and touch me but I was glad he held off.

"I don't know. I don't know that I can trust you"

"What you don't seem to realise Jamie is that you already trust me as much as you know how,"

"You don't know what you're talking about" I muttered with my voice wavering. I couldn't handle it anymore, what did that man know about me trusting someone? He hadn't lived my life; he hadn't had every man he's ever trusted hurt him.

"You told me your deepest darkest secret you don't tell that to someone you don't trust. I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't even told your parents well not the full story anyway." He was right, my parents only knew very little of what had really happened with Conner.

Luckily one of the boys started crying and I was able to get out of the situation,

"That's Eli I better go make sure he's okay." I pushed open the door as my son began calling my name; he'd probably had a nightmare,

"Mommy!" My boy sobbed as I reached him, he may have been upset with me but a nightmare was still a nightmare and the only person that can solve a nightmare is your mommy.

"Shh, I'm here baby," I sighed holding my son close. Eventually his sobs subsided and he managed to tell me what his nightmare had been about. Once he was calm he looked up at me,

"I'm sorry I was angry mommy. I just wanted to stay with Davie and you said you couldn't look at me."

"Shh, it's okay sweetie," it was late for my son and I didn't need want to get into this with him.

"Davie said something really bad happened to you and when you look at me you see my dad and that makes you sad. I don't wanna make you sad mommy, I love you."

"You don't make me sad sweetie. I love you too"

"Do you miss my dad sometimes?" What a loaded question for a three year old to ask, he didn't even know that he had a father but he was asking if I missed his father?

"I miss the fact that you don't have a daddy," I finally muttered in my son's ear.

"Me too, my friends all have dad's."

"Yea you miss out on everything that dad's do with their sons" I couldn't believe I was having such a deep conversation with my three year old.

"But Davie does those things with me."

"Aunt Jamie?" Asked a sleepy Jimmy who had been asleep beside my son and I.

"Yes Jimmy?

"Will you two be quiet and go to sleep now? I'm tired." He asked crawling up and resting his head against my chest, similar to the way my own son was resting.

"Alright Jimmy," I kissed both boys and within seconds they were both asleep. I looked up and noticed Dave casually leaning against the door frame he had been witnessed the entire conversation.

"For Eli" I whispered making eye contacted,

"And for you?"

"And for me," I sighed trying not to think that I was letting myself get close to a man, who was undoubtedly going to hurt me. It didn't matter if we had a romantic relationship or a friendship he was going to hurt me and I knew it.

A/N: After much annoying persuasion from a certain Minnesotan Cough Ash Cough. I've taken time off my very important uni work to finish updating…

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I'm thinking of changing the name of this story to Davie and Jamie, which is what my friends and I affectionately call this story what do you think?

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