A/N.
I forgot to say this.
I DO NOT OWN SNK ISAYAMA DOES. AND HES SO EPIC.
AND THIS CHAPTER IS SO FUCKED UP IM SORRY.
WELL, ITS HANGE's POV AND I LOVE HER,
All done~! :)
Kurogami! Thank you so muchies! :) I feel like my funnies, might, just might be back! ( lol maybe )
AND THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR FAVS.
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-(Hange)-
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"...Gardening." Hange deadpanned, looking at the tall blonde before her incredulously.
There was no way (NO WAY) in hell she would enjoy staring at pansies, grow some banana trees, and cultivate crops or some flowers.
"Erwin, you know I'd rather kiss Levi's ass than garden," she reasoned, giving him a lousy smile. "Plus, I'm a black thumb."
He stared at her, his stony expression unfaltering.
"I don't see why no-."
Levi stood up loudly, glaring at them, a scowl on his face.
The brunette smiled innocently at him.
"Yes, Levi?"
"Why the fuck are you two bickering about my ass?"
"Because your ass is so beautiful, plump, white, and creamy that even I, can't kiss it." She replied, smiling at him ever-so-honestly.
The raven made a disgusted scoff. "...you retarded perverted glasses."
"No problem, Cinderella~" She winked.
"To fucking hell with you and your stupid-as-shit nicknames." He rolled his eyes and turned to Petra, who was observing their conversation amusedly. "C'mon Petra, lets get out of this retarded shit's range."
"O-okay, sempai."
"To hell with that formality too." He muttered, taking the orange-haired teen by the hand and leading her out of the meeting room. (To Hange's joy) "Just call me Levi."
"Eeeeeeeey~ YOU TWO SHOULD JUST KISS AND MAKE MEH SUM BEAUTIFUL BEBEHS ALREADY." She cooed.
Oh wait.
"THEN AGAIN, IF LEVI'S THE DAD, THE BABIES WON'T BE BEAUTIFUL. THEY BECOME GRUMPY SHITs-"
"FUCK OFF!"
A large Auruo was flung at her, making her flinch.
She raised her arms in surrender.
"Fine, fine, just chill Elsa. Hey, you see what I did there? You know, chill, Elsa?"
The door slammed shut.
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Erwin let out an awkward cough, gaining her attention.
"...about joining my gardening club?"
She shook her head blatantly, feeling a sudden shiver in her spine upon noticing an ominous glint appear on his eyes.
"u-uh...Erwin?"
"I'm afraid...I'll have to black mail you then."
The tall blonde leaned down to a locked drawer in his desk and opened it, a loud snarl escaping the dark corners of the drawer. He reached his hand inside it and pulled out a...
...
...
What the bean was that thing?
...Was that an overweight Venus flytrap?
HOW WAS OBESITY EVEN ABLE TO AFFECT IT?!
WHAT THE HELL?!
HOW WAS THAT POSSIBLE,
WHAT THE HELL DID STONY FACE EVEN DO TO THE POOR THING?!
I'M SO SORRY FOR YOU, YOU FAT FLYTRAP.
Erwin stared at her for a moment, and sighed, shaking his head.
"...it's not an overweight Venus flytrap, Hange."
"Then what is it?"
He smiled sinisterly, his face starting to not look like himself at all. (Maybe a bit more like Auruo's? Were they even related?) "I genetically engineered it. The first of its kind, the eyebrowicus carnivoreas. It's a plant that eats meat. Any kind of meat."
"Erwin." She grinned at him, temporarily forgetting that she was creeped out. "I never knew you were so shitty in naming things~"
"This plant can eat your precious Sonny and Bean-"
"OH HELL NO."
He smirked victoriously. "So you're saying that you'll join the club?"
"NO."
"Sonny and Bean love you, don't they?"
"YES. BUT STILL NO."
"Well, Browie here would love to visit your house to have a little snack sometime."
"NO- WELL FINE. I JOIN YOUR STUPID CLUB."
His abnormal expression turned stoic again, and he returned the plant back inside the drawer.
"Good. Now sign here." He pointed at a small line on the piece of the registration paper, handing her a sign pen.
Hange nodded reluctantly and did as she was told.
"...will you join my baking club, then?" She asked, slightly glum.
She hated gardening, but she did enjoy 'experimenting' on pastries...and chemicals...and huma-animals...
"I don't see why not." he chuckled.
.
Her day was made.
.
On her way home, since the meeting ended, she spotted someone being pushed into the ambulance.
He he looked somewhat familiar.
The freckled freshie?
Whose name was, Marco?
"MARCO! S-stay with me man, you'll be o-ok." Jean assured, holding the half conscious boy's hand, stuttering a bit, thanks to his panic, and stepping into the ambulance.
Hange ran up to one of the para-medics, who was messily jotting some notes down, her eyes questioning. "What happened?"
"The freckles over there suffered a stroke, and he can only move half his body. At least, that's what we think."
"Did you use the portable x-ray?"
"We did. It has the same effects of a stroke, but blood is still being supplied to his limbs. Its unusual, it's like...only his motor nerves are down. Everything's still functional...his heart, organs, everything. He just can't move his skeletal muscles...?" The medic gibbered, slightly confused herself, and squinting her eyes at her notes.
"So it's a new case?"
"I guess so. He has about, a 99.9% chance of survival, in my opinion."
"Why not 100%?" She furrowed her brows.
"It might get worse." The medic stated, running off to the car door, notebook in hand. "That's all I can infer, I gotta go now."
Hange could do nothing but watch as the ambulance drove away, sirens blaring loud as ever.
Poor freshie...
She continued her way home, her mood slightly dampening.
She hoped he would get better...
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Literally waltzing into the house, she dropped her knapsack onto the couch and waltzed into the kitchen, looking for her Sonny, who was usually inside the kitchen trying to look for rats to eat.
Not that her house was messy.
Only her room was.
Unlike her, Hange's parents were similar to Levi when it came to cleanliness, being very critical when it came to the neatness and the organization of the house. They loved cleaning. Cleaning was their hobby.
They loved cleaning her room.
They praised her for messing her room because they loved to clean it.
This was also why they allowed Sonny and Bean to roam free in the house too, because cleaning their shit was one of their favorite things to do.
She could easily and proudly say that her parents were eccentric, just like her.
"Sonny~ Are you there?" She cooed, looking around the kitchen.
A small hiss could be heard from the cupboard.
"There you are!" She opened the cupboard and carefully plucked the creature out, her eyes shining as she saw it had a large lump in its slender body. "Good reptile~ you finally found the one who's been stealing all our fruits!"
Sonny hissed in reply, wrapping its body loosely around her neck like a scarf.
"Did Sawney poop yet?" Her mom yelled from the upper floor, a muffled thud of cushiony slippers being heard from her running down the stairs. "It's my turn to clean~"
"Uh, no, still, digesting?" She yelled back, strolling to the end of the staircase, waiting for her mother. "It's okay that I joined the gardening club, right?"
Her mom smiled, eyeing the snake coiled around her neck and shoulders. "Sure, honey, just make sure to come back home at around 8:00, your curfew." her smile turned into a crazed grin, very much similar to her owns.
"So, when's this reptile gonna shit?"
She returned the crazed grin with another one of her signature crazed grins. "He just ate a large rat. It'll take about one more day before he shits."
Her mom frowned. "Shame." She shuffled to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. "Are you hungry? I could cook up something for you. Your father and I just ate."
Hange shook her head, still grinning. "No thanks, mom. I'll be in my room if you need me!" She grabbed her bag from he couch and ran up the stairs.
"Tell me if Sonny shits!"
"SURE."
She reached the end and breathlessly slipped into her room, Sonny uncoiling himself from her and slithering towards cute little Bean, who was sleeping inside his shell.
"Beanie?" Poking the shell, she frowned when the little turtle inside stretched it's head out and bit her finger, HARD, before hiding its head again.
"I guess its hard for you to express yourself, eh? I'm sure you're going through puberty~"
Knock, Knock.
"H-Hange?"
Oh.
Him~
My assistant~
The brunette cheerfully flung the door open and grabbed the visitor's collar, pulling him inside the room.
Moblit let out a yelp.
She smiled at him. "So, what do you need?"
"Please, d-download the latest album of Miley Cyprus..."
Hange furrowed her brows and released her grip on his collar, scanning her memories for that name.
"...The fuck is a Miley Cyprus? Is that a...like, a singer? Or a tree?"
Moblit went on his knees, small beads of tears forming on his eyes. "Please download Bangarz for me! My wifi's so slow!" He started to sob quietly. "I need her album! I NEED IT. Or else!-"
"Or else what?"
"My life will be over!" He cried.
"I have Eu de Bean oilè...maybe that can restart your life because it smells good."
"Please download it! I'll be your assistant for a week, a month, I don't care!" He reasoned out, sobbing even more. "Even a year! Please just- I NEED BANGARZ."
Giggling, the eccentric grabbed her IPhone and turned it on, tapping the ITunes Store. "Is that so? Well, I don't see why not then~ Bangarz? What a queer, queer name~"
"It's not queer! It's just Cyprus!"
"Done. Now I'll send it to you via bluetooth~" She sang the end of the line, happy to have his time being her assistant renewed.
Moblit took out his smart phone and began to play one of the songs, 'We are unable to cease'.
.
Hange suddenly regretted downloading it.
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"GOD DAMMIT, MOBLIT, PLEASE STOP. MY EARS ARE FUCKING BLEEDING." Hange yelled, tossing her precious Bean at him.
Bean's shell smacked him on the face brutally, but for some reason, Moblit was too obsessed (possessed) to even care (more or less, notice). The small turtle landed safely all-fours on the floor, frantically scurrying away from the possessed Cyprus addict.
Unlike other turtles, cute, tiny Bean was an incredibly abnormal one, being able to perform tricks like back flipping, jumping, and other whatnot thanks to her genetic engineering~
In all honesty, she was trying to make a turtle titan...which was not logically possible, but she still wanted to try. (No one could blame her, since she was high on caffeine that time.) Her experiment failed, creating an acrobatic turtle instead.
BUT SHE STILL LOVED HER BABBY.
"My poor Bean, sorry I threw you at Moblit! I just wanted him to stop playing the infernal music!" She apologized, lifting the small turtle up from the floor and kissing its shell. "It didn't work, though.."
"LALADEELADEEMOVINGOURBODIESFRANTICALLYWITHCYPRUS~"
"Moblit, kindly get the fuck out~" She cooed, grabbing him by the collar again, butting him outside her room.
"ANDWEAREUNABLETOCEASEANDWEHAVENOWILLTOCEASE~" Her assistant sang loudly, his voice somehow managing to burst through her door, racking her eardrums.
Suddenly, it hit her.
What if she brought him to Levi's house?
Interesting.
"AND WE'RE UNABLE TO CEAAAASE." She yelled, playing the same song in her phone.
In the manner that the pied piper would be proud of, she marched out of the house, leading Moblit to Levi's direction.
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"Leviiiiiii~" She knocked (a.k.a. Violently banged her fists) on his door, yelling.
A small patter of foots steps could be heard, including groans. Levi opened the door slightly, scowling at her.
"What do you want, shitty glasses?"
"Nothing~" she grabbed Moblit's smart phone from his grasp and threw it inside Levi's house, laughing loudly. "Just a little prank!"
"NOOOOOO MYE BANGARZ!" The blonde yelled, somehow managing to enter the house. He grabbed the phone and started to play the same song again, singing along to it rambociously.
Levi's right eye twitched with extreme irritation.
"NOT THIS FUCKING STUPID SONG AGAIN FUCK YOU ZOE!"
She stuck a tongue out at him and waved. "I'm leaving him to your caaaare~ See you tomorrow!" She started to jog casually back to her house.
"YOU FUCKING GLASSES COME BACK HERE!"
"NO WAY. IM GONNA GET SOME SLEEP, HAVE FUN WITH CYPRUS~ HE WONT TWORK, IF YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH." She yelled back, laughing maniacally.
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"Honey, did Sawney shit yet?"
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"Oh god, ew. He did, although its kinda early...It's diarrhea...maybe it was too big for him?"
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"Go to sleep, you have classes tommorow~ In the meantime, I'll take my time and enjoy cleaning this watery shit~"
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"Moblit also made a big mess, by the way."
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"I know, this is why I love that boy. I'll call your dad to help me clean this~"
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"Night~"
A/N
Okay, so I don't know why I did this, I know its shitty, since its so...not normal. ;-;
just to make things clear
I parodied Miley so it would be legit, I hope it's okay with you readers if you like her
and MOBLIT is OBVIOUSLY a crazy fan for her. Other than that, he's normal. I just enjoy giving Erwin and him a crazy side~
IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN A WHILE. JUST REMEBER THIS. I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON THIS STORY. NEVER. NEVAAAR.