Thanks so much for your reviews, and for following and making this story favorite! Like everyone else, life is busy but your encouragement really helps me to keep me going with this. Lynda Loyde, your review was especially helpful (changed my summary to hopefully better reflect the direction of the story). As always, most of the characters are totally Veronica Roth's and not mine.
Our hours together on Tris' hospital bed are comforting but not restful. After coming so close to losing her- again - it is an intense relief to have her short blonde hair fanned over my chest, and to feel the warmth of her body next to mine.
And yet, neither of us is able to sleep much. Even when I eventually move back to the chair to give us both more space, she grabs my hand in hers. We share an almost childlike need to stay connected.
Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, we decide to try to convince her doctor to have the intravenous tubes removed from her arm. She is now able to eat, drink and take medications independently. More to the point, though, we are anxious about the meeting with Cerb, and want the capacity to flee immediately afterwards, if needed. We obviously can't tell the doctor that primary reason, though.
"She's been stable for less than 24 hours," he initially replies, with a deep scowl directed at me. "We still don't even know the full impact of the poison, and will need to put her through a number of tests, now that she's getting stronger."
Cara walks in then, and hands me a very much-appreciated blueberry muffin and large coffee. Tris doesn't seem to even notice the muffin; a sure sign that she's still a long way from total recovery.
Not surprisingly, Cara has developed a strong bond with many of the doctors and nurses. She understands medical terminology- pretty much the only language many of them are comfortable speaking in their post-memory serum state - and has tried to help several to re-learn aspects if their personal lives from their computer records. Since the hospital staff all wear name badges, their basic identities are no mystery, at least.
One of the nurses - Annie - follows Cara into the room and begins to check the IV bags. I'd sort of met her during the night, while I was half-asleep. A tall, pretty brunette who looks to be a few years older than me, she'd found us cuddling on the bed during the night. While she initially seemed shocked to see me on the bed with Tris, who was sleeping, she hadn't asked me to leave. Annie ultimately went about the business of taking Tris' vitals in stride as if I wasn't there. Her only acknowledgement of my presence was a shy "good night," as she left, and she's shown no sign of recognition since she re-entered the room.
"Doctor - may I talk to you out in the hall?" she asks, suddenly. Tris, Cara and I all look at her with concern.
The doctor assents with an annoyed nod and follows her. I want to hear this discussion, and get up to follow them.
"Four," says Cara quietly, shaking her head to discourage him. "I've gotten to know Annie...and I think she'll tell us afterwards."
I'm suddenly a little less hungry for my muffin, but gulp down the coffee. My free hand holds Tris', but we avoid each others' gaze.
The nurse returns alone a few minutes later.
"Am I...okay?" Tris whispers.
"Probably as okay as someone can be who been through what you have," says Annie, with a small smile, as she leans over Tris. "I'm going to take your IVs out."
I put my coffee cup down with a thud, and share startled glances with Tris. Cara looks relieved, and almost...amused.
"So that's what your talk in the hall was about?" I ask, grateful but somewhat perplexed. She nods, focused on Tris' arm.
"We're not fully staffed right now, due to...the incident. I convinced him that ...unless we can provide 24 hour supervision or keep you out of here, it's not in our patient's best interest to keep in her IVs, at this time," she says in a business-like tone, her freckled cheeks turning pink as she looks at me.
Cara actually laughs.
"In other words, the hospital isn't currently staffed to keep two lovesick teenagers off of each other and accidentally ripping out IVs?" she asks.
"Precisely," says Annie, as she completes the removal process. "But if her condition worsens for some reason, we'll have to put the tubes back in."
Tris and I look at each other, and then at Dana and Cara, a bit stunned. I'm more than a little mortified and angry to be labeled as a "lovesick teenager," and apparently one with no self control, to boot.
However, there are times in life when it's best to stay silent, and this is one of those times. We got what we needed.
"Thank...you," says Tris awkwardly to Annie, her scarlet cheeks clearly showing some of the same discomfort as I'm feeling.
Annie sighs, wipes her brow and looks at us thoughtfully with large dark-fringed hazel eyes. "Truthfully, I'm a little jealous of the two of you. I saw you together earlier...and I thought I remembered...being like that with someone."
Now I feel terrible. It's momentarily easy to forget all that we've taken from the Bureau residents when we subjected them to the memory serum and labeled them all as "evil" and deserving of their fate. While that's no doubt true of some people here, some, like Annie, may be guilty of nothing more than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
"Annie told me earlier, and I've been trying to help her...to remember more," chimes in Cara, looking equally troubled. "I looked up her records on the computer. She's never been married - we know that much. We looked around her apartment for photos, or momentos of a boyfriend, and didn't find any. She moved here from Indianapolis a few years ago, so it's possible, that it's an old memory..."
"Or...a new...boyfriend," whispers Tris, gripping my hand tighter. Her eyes mirror the guilt in mine.
"Maybe Matthew...or some of the others who weren't reset...knew you before, or will remember seeing you with your boyfriend," I offer."I'd be happy to ask them."
Annie suddenly looks at me, Tris and Cara with an odd expression, for a moment.
"You were all very lucky to have not been infected," she says carefully, alternating eye contact with each of us. We are all silent for a moment, as she seems to consider the situation. I suck in my breath, silently.
"I would..appreciate it very much if you'd speak to anyone who might remember something about me," she says finally, with a tinge of coolness.
"Of course we will," says Cara kindly, before I can respond. I nod, and look at Cara with silent gratitude. While my sympathy is very genuine, I'm not sure that I can mask the guilt that goes hand-in-hand with it. My acting ability is at least a notch below Tris'.
"Thank you," says Annie, still a bit coldly.
"Annie...thank you...for getting the doctor to agree...about the IVs," whispers Tris. "I'm...much more..comfortable."
Annie shrugs, but responds with a warmer expression.
"You two made it real clear this morning that it was needed," she says turning to me. "Just take it slow, Loverboy, okay?"
I nod, feeling my ears turning as red as Tris' cheeks, while Cara rolls her eyes. Christina and Matthew just happen to walk in at that moment.
"Loverboy? What did Four do now?" asks Christina, with a wicked grin.
Annie laughs, but notices the time on the wall, and begins to walk out of the room.
"Shoot - I'm way behind on rounds. I'll let your friends explain. I'll see you later," she says, grabbing a clipboard. She stands at the doorway with a more serious expression.
"Please do let me know...if you hear anything," she says, with an almost pleading look in her eyes.
"We will," says Cara. "Absolutely."
Tris, Cara and I all look at each other with relief, after she leaves. I let out a deep breath. Christina and Matthew look at us quizzically.
I let Cara explain while I lean over to Tris, our hands still entwined.
We already recognize the need to leave the compound immediately, if it appears that Cerb really will release the video of Tris and Caleb. Regardless of the video, though, many here may eventually wonder why some people, like me, were conveniently absent for the resetting, and why others were surprisingly immune to the serum.
"We may not be safe here...no matter what happens with Cerb," I say to Tris softly.
"I know," she responds with a sigh, as she squeezes my hand. I want to lean over and kiss her fingers, but suddenly feel very self-conscious, as Christina nearly doubles-over laughing at Cara's telling of why the doctor reluctantly agreed to approve removal of Tris' IVs.
"Help...me..up?" Tris asks me softly. "I'd like...to go...to the restroom..."
I put my arms around her to boost her into a sitting position. Christina wordlessly goes to her other side, puts an arm around Tris waist and helps her to her feet.
"I'll help you wash up, Tris...Loverboy here can't help you with everything," she says, looking at me with a taunting grin.
As I watch the two of them retreat into the bathroom, Matthew and Cara get into a deep discussion about Cerb's scientific pedigree. I think more about Annie's story.
My mother once called Tris a temporary person in my life. I despised her for saying that to Tris. Yet, if Tris and I had been reset, there would be no material evidence that we had been anything more to each other than Dauntless trainer and initiate; and the last two to ever transfer from Abnegation to Dauntless. There are no records, photos, mementos or gifts that would even hint at what we mean to each other.
This is due in part to our Abnegation upbringing, which taught us that photos are a vain indulgence, and gifts a waste of resources. In truth, it's not something I've ever really thought about much before, but it now disturbs me for reasons I can't totally explain, even to myself.
Tris and Christina leave the bathroom, giggling, with their arms around each other. While Tris still can't walk unaided, the opportunity to get somewhat clean has definitely re-energized her.
To my surprise,Christina leads Tris directly to me rather than the bed. I instinctively grab her onto my lap, wrapping my arms around her waist so that she's sitting sideways on me.
"Nice catch," she whispers in my ear, with a small smile. "If...they all...think...we're lovesick...teenagers, we might..as...well...enjoy it."
With that, she brings her lips to mine. I want to respond enthusiastically, but Christina and Matthew's catcalls behind us instinctively make me stiffen and pull back.
Tris looks a little disappointed, and quizzical. I nuzzle my forehead with hers.
"I just wish we were alone," I whisper, hoping to make it clear that I wasn't rejecting her proactive approach. I like that.
"I...almost... always wish... that," she responds softly, with a small smile. Our eyes lock, and I think she know there's something else bugging me. Now isn't the time to explain to her, though.
I know that Tris' attitude about just enjoying our status as "lovesick teenagers" is smart. After all we've been through, though, it bothers me.
I am still technically a teenager, I am deeply in love, and I recognize that cuddling on a hospital bed with a patient who has IVs in her arm probably appeared a tad obsessive. However, I don't like being lumped with all of the shallow, hormone-driven, temporary couples that surrounded me both in high school and in Dauntless. After all,I've had to care of myself for most of my life, and Tris and I have handled some pretty weighty adult issues for the past few months. Our relationship has had little opportunity to be anything but serious. There is nothing flighty about us.
For now, I know we need to focus on the meeting with Cerb, who should be arriving soon. Also, Zeke and the rest of Uriah's family will be arriving this afternoon for the moment we're all dreading: Uriah's imminent death. I pull Tris a little closer, knowing that we'll need each other's strength to get us through the next few hours.
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