Thanks so much to those who have chosen to follow, favorite or review this story! It means a lot to me, and keep me going with this even when it seems like I should be focusing on real life. As always, the characters are all Veronica Roth's and not mine, except for Cerb and Annie.
"My current life began when I was...deposited...here, nearly 20 years ago. I was 27 years old, and I had been reset," begins Cerb dramatically, as he sits in an extra chair borrowed from an empty hospital room down the hall.
Cerb has our rapt attention, as Tobias and I, Christina, Cara and Matthew gather around him for our appointed meeting, to find out what the Bureau's chief scientist wants from us. Tobias' arms tighten slightly around my waist as I remain on his lap in the other chair, with a warm robe covering my flimsy hospital gown. Christina, Cara and Matthew sit transfixed on the edge of the bed.
"Like everyone else who has been subjected to this - process - Iwas initially dazed, confused and desperate for some context...to help me make sense of my new existence," he continues, moving his head to alternately lock his sharp dark eyes with each of us as he speaks.
"David and others here provided me... plausible explanations... and I soon become just another loyal scientist-soldier in the war for Genetic Purity," he says bitterly.
"That persona was only my outer shell, though...and the only side of me you've ever known, Matthew," he says, with a slight nod to his longtime employee.
"I suspected that you might not totally agree with the Bureau's direction, but I never guessed...," began Matthew.
"No, you wouldn't have," responds Cerb, shaking his head with self-disgust. "You see, the person you've known is the puppet I became after the resetting. While I can never truly be the person that I was before that...I have reclaimed bits and pieces of my old self, over time, and I've worked to make myself stronger...in ways that I've hidden from the Bureau. I've been waiting for the right time...and now is that time."
My friends and I glance nervously at each other, and Tobias' hands clutch mine.
"I'm sorry, but we still don't know what you want from us," says Cara anxiously, as she runs a hand over her hair to smooth an already-tidy ponytail. Cerb sighs, and looks thoughtfully at each of us.
"As I told some of you last night...I have no wish to harm any of you. I set-up delivery of the Weapons Lab video as insurance - to convince you all to at least listen to what I have to say and seriously consider it. Blackmail is not my style, though," he continues, sighing. "You are all anxious and perhaps fearful of me, and my plans. As a show of faith, though - and to quell your anxiety for this discussion - I'll cancel delivery of the video now."
That's a tremendous relief, and I let out my breath. After all that we've been through, though, this seems almost too civil, and too easy. I turn my head to look at Tobias, who seems fascinated by the small device that Cerb is pulling out of the pocket of his button-down shirt. He begins to rapidly type on it.
"There. Done. I'm now truly at your mercy," he says solemnly, handing the device to Matthew as proof, while the rest of us look on, with some confusion over what just transpired.
"That's a computer? I've heard of ones that small, but I've never actually seen one," exclaims Tobias, suddenly.
"Yes, it is," replies Cerb, with a grim smile. "Believe it or not, nearly everyone over the age 12 used to own one, in this country, just a couple of centuries ago."
"Delivery of the video is cancelled," confirms Matthew, with a nod to us, but looking somewhat perplexed. "But how did you connect it to our network...without a wire?"
"I think it best that I keep just a few tricks up my own sleeve - for now," he replies wryly. "If you're satisfied that I've kept my word, Matthew, please hand it to Mr. Eaton next."
Matthew nods, and hands it to Tobias, who stretches his arm out to grab it with the other still around me. Tobias looks at the screen quickly. His expression darkens as he hands it to me next.
"Everything is there," says Tobias quietly to Cerb, to my surprise. He doesn't trust easily, and he was dying to look at the device...so why is he passing it so quickly?
The answer is obvious, as I look at down at the screen. The cancellation message contains what must be the first frame of the video, with a triangular "play" button imposed on it: Caleb and I, fighting over the backpack in front of the Weapons Lab.
Tobias has no desire to watch me almost die. I have even less desire to re-live my brother's last moments.
Cancellation of the message's sending to "all Bureau users" certainly looks legitimate, though, and for that I'm grateful. I can't begin to imagine how I'd face people like Annie, if they knew their lost memories were my doing. I sigh, and pass the device to Cara.
"It's only a matter of time before the hospital staff become suspicious about the closed door - even in their dazed state - so I'd best continue," announces Cerb, gravely.
"With a little help from a sympathetic colleague and superior hacking skills, I was able to covertly access some materials, over time, that told me a little bit about who I'd been before the resetting. I am originally from the city of Indianapolis," he continues, his clipped tone becoming more ragged.
"I eventually learned that...I'd had... a beautiful wife...and a baby girl. They...theyq both died," he continues, his voice beginning to choke with emotion, as he looks down. Despite all the misery I've seen and even personally experienced, I'm stunned and horrified by his revelation.
Cerb reaches into an envelope that he brought into the room, and pulls out a large photo. He hands it to me first. Tobias looks at it too, with his chin on onto my shoulder. It is a wedding photo: The man and woman gaze at each other with equally enraptured expressions and joined hands. While only their profiles are visible, the man is clearly Cerb - younger, thinner, happier, and with more hair, but with the same sharp, dark eyes and awkward smile. The woman is pretty, with dark olive skin, long and upswept black hair, deep-set brown eyes and a wide, warm smile.
I look up at Cerb with sadness for all he's lost, and unsure of what I could or should say that would be of any comfort. There are no words.
"I only have a birth certificate..and a death certificate...a for my little girl," he continues, bitterly. "No one alive has a single memory of my baby."
Christina, Cara and Matthew move to stand by me and Tobias, to see the photo, which he hands to Matthew. Christina soon has tears running down her cheeks, and Cara puts an arm around her.
I turn my head to look at Tobias. His dark blue eyes are nearly black;. his pupils are huge and fierce, and his mouth his is grim. We say nothing, but his arms tighten around me protectively.
"How did they die?" asks Christina, looking fearful of the response.
"We were of the privileged class - well educated and with comfortable and happy lives. Many in Indianapolis were...not so lucky, and tensions were mounting. There was a major riot between the 'haves' and 'have nots,' and we were caught in it," he replies quietly, now standing next to Matthew to gaze at the photo with us.
"Just at the wrong place, at the wrong time, then?" asked Christina, sympathetically, still dabbing her eyes.
"That's what the official report says," says Cerb gravely. "But I don't believe that anymore."
He sits down again in the chair and leans over with his head in his hands. He looks up again after a moment, locks eyes with each of us, in turn, and is then seemingly resolved to tell us the rest of the story.
"I was with them that day, but only injured in the riot. As I told you earlier, I was reset, and then brought here," he continues, slowly. "Like most who are reset, I initially just craved...some stability. I initially accepted the explanations I was given - that I'd been a single man and prominent scientist who was miraculously rescued from the riot, reset at my own request to escape the terrifying memories, and then relocated to the Bureau."
"But I couldn't seem to connect with anyone here, on a personal level. I was...almost a robot in a human body. I only knew how to work," he said. "A woman here...knew the truth about my family, because she had grown up with my wife. At some point - at great risk to herself - she could no longer stand to know that her old friend was utterly forgotten by her own husband. She located and presented me the official riot report - a highly classified document - which listed my wife and daughter as fatalities. She thought the facts had been hidden from me as some sort of warped kindness, to help me to move on."
"That was a turning point for me. I soon became obsessive about covertly digging into my past on the computer, every chance I got," he says, and pauses for a moment, to collect his thoughts to our utter silence.
"You see, from years of studying the resetting serum, I was certain -and still am - that the drug doesn't erase memories, but instead cloaks them. I was certain that if I just came upon the right piece of information from my past, it would miraculously unlock the memories that are hidden away in my mind - my wife and baby, and our life together... my childhood, my parents. Everything I've lost."
"As hard as I tried...I couldn't reverse the memory loss that way. So I tried something else, in utter desperation. I really felt that I had nothing left to lose," he says, sighing. "I theorized that the resetting serum directly impacts the prefrontal cortex lobes of the human brain...so maybe the 'de-cloaking' also needed to be triggered...directly."
Matthew looks up, excited.
"So you developed a serum to do that?"
"I did, yes," replies Cerb, a sad smile playing upon his lips. "I took all the factual information I had about my prior life - documents, photos, videos, interviews with my wife's childhood friend - and coded them into liquid form, with chemical qualities similar to natural brain fluid. I then... injected myself."
Noting his growing weariness, Cara hands Cerb a bottle of water, which he takes gratefully. He drinks some, wipes sweat from his brow and begins again.
"Did it work?" asks Cara, appearing nearly as excited as Matthew. Cerb sighed.
"No. Or, more to the point - like many of our greatest inventions throughout history, it didn't work as hoped. It didn't jar my memories to the surface," he replies, sadly. "But it didcause me to stumble upon something...quite significant. My brain began to immediately assimilate all of the information...all of it."
"Like people with photographic memories?" asks Matthew, excitedly.
"Precisely," Cerb replies, with a thin smile.
"That's...amazing!" exclaims Cara."The implications..."
"...Are rather daunting," interrupts Cerb, briskly. "There are limitations, though One can only inject small amounts of information at one time."
"And if you don't?" asks Christina, quizzically. Cerb sips more water as he seems to be considering the best response.
"It's... rather like trying to download a large file on a computer drive that has very little space left," he explains, with a short laugh. "It slows everything down. It could presumably even cause the brain to crash all together, if severe enough."
Tobias has been silently holding me, but now shifts uncomfortably in the chair.
"So it could be used as a weapon, too?" he asks warily.
"Yes," says Cerb thoughtfully, "like virtually every thing else on earth, it could be harmful, in the wrong hands. That is a very important consideration. It simply can't get into the wrong hands."
"It is also vital to understand that memorization is not the same as learning. For instance, we could inject an illiterate person with the sounds and corresponding letters for the entire alphabet. He would immediately have that information memorized - very helpful - but he would not automatically know how to read."
Cara jumps in, excitedly.
"He would still need to learn how to connect all the sounds together, and then comprehend the information. Is that right, Cerb?"
The older man nods and beams at Cara. Tobias groans lightly, behind me.
"It's like we're back in school. What... a dream come true," he whispers sarcastically a few inches from my right ear, rolling his eyes. I turn to smile at him, but find that I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. His grin quickly turns into a concerned frown. The others are all watching us now.
"You need to lay down, Tris?" he asks anxiously, as the others all turn to look at us.
"Yes. Just..exhausted," I whisper, minimizing the raw throat pain still caused by virtually every sound I utter. "Okay...otherwise."
I begin to gather my robe together before I slide off his lap. Before I can do so, though, he places one arm underneath my knees with the other cradled around my shoulders, picks me up with ease, and walks over towards the bed. I really should hate this, but I don't.
"Shoo, guys," he says brusquely to Cara, Christina and Matthew. They in turn swarm from the bed to battle for possession of our now- vacated chair.
A moment later, Christina ends up at the bottom of the huddle, a little out of breath, laughing and blushing slightly with Matthew on her lap. Cara is balanced on an arm of the chair.
"Children...please," says Cerb, with some annoyance. "Matthew - please be a gentleman and give the chair to the ladies."
Tobias pulls back the covers, and gently places me under them. I have to actually work to not sigh contentedly, as he tucks me in - which I also definitely shouldn't like.
Tobias grins, watching me. He reads me like a book sometimes. I stick my tongue out at him, which makes his smile even broader. Recognizing that our friends - and Cerb - are all watching and may find our lovesick behavior less than adorable, I turn to my side to face the others. Despite my fatigue, I intend to remain in the discussion.
Matthew obliges Cerb's request grudgingly, and the girls squeeze together into the chair. I offer Matthew space at the end of the bed, with Tobias sitting behind me, turned towards the others.
"Like that's fair...Tris gets the bed with both guys," mumbles Christina, making the rest of us laugh, save Cerb.
"Are we quite through now with our Chinese fire drill?" he asks. We all look back at him blankly for a moment, before he realizes, with a scowl, that we have no idea what he means. That just causes us to just chortle more.
"I'm...sorry...Cerb," I croak softly, and then gratefully take a cup of ice water from Tobias, and sip from it. "I'm...just...so tired...and we...still..need to..know..what...you want."
"Yeah..sorry Cerb," chimes in Matthew, looking guiltily at his supervisor. "We all know that this is really, really important and...we don't mean to seem...insensitive. It's just...we didn't know what to expect...and now we're so relieved about the video. And your story...your serum...it's just a lot to take in all at once. We just needed to let out some steam."
"Understood," says Cerb, with a thin smile. "Believe it or not, I was young once, too. I just can't remember it."
That, of course, shuts us all up completely. I cannot even fathom what it would be like to have no memories of childhood, little less young adulthood.
"I know this is a long and convoluted story. Unfortunately, I think you need to hear all of it to understand what I'm asking of you, and why," he continues, solemnly. "I mentioned earlier that I don't believe my wife and daughter's deaths were just a matter of...bad timing."
He reaches into the envelope at the side of his chair, again, and pulls out several documents.
"These are the death certificates, my daughter's birth certificate and the official incident report for the day they died," he says, passing them to Cara and Christina first.
"I located the last document I'll show you only s few years ago, and only after considerable hacking," he states grimly, handing it to Matthew first.
"I became especially curious about my professional endeavors before the resetting. I was a faculty member for the human biology department of prestigious university - I knew only that much. I couldn't locate any research papers, though," he says, stopping only to sip more water. "It turned out that I was looking in the wrong places. My research papers were not at the university, or in research journals, but instead buried beneath several layers of encryption, right here, on the Bureau's server."
"It seems that nearly 20 years ago, I was ready to publish irrefutable research that the genetically damaged theories had no evidence behind them," he says bitterly, causing us all to gaze at him, stunned.
"So someone killed your family, reset you, and made it appear an accident...so that you couldn't go public with your research?" asks Christina, wide-eyed.
"I know for certain that someone made very sure that I'd accidentally end up in the midst of the riot. I don't know that my wife and daughter were purposely killed. It's very possible that they were only collateral damage," he says, nearly hissing the last two words.
"They were innocent...and their deaths were totally needless. Of that I'm certain. But I don't want revenge...anymore. It won't bring them back. I can't even honor their memory because I have no memories of them...yet. But I can... try to make our world a better one than the one that killed them."
"So you want justice...for your family?" asks Matthew, quietly.
"I want justice for everyone who has suffered needlessly for too manyyears because of cruel, senseless policies...and I don't just mean the so-called genetically damaged," he says, his voice now a dangerous growl. "For decades, large segments of virtually every major human population on earth has been subjected to some mass resetting. In each case, leaders theorized that the best way to rid society of what they perceived as terrible problems was to simply obliterate the past and start everyone anew."
"What our leaders have failed to grasp is all the progress we've lost by destroying our ability to learn from our own history so that we can improve. Instead, we keep making the same horrible mistakes, over and over again."
These are very troubling ideas - especially since Cerb knows we caused the Bureau's resetting - and we all look duly horrified. Tobias stands up.
"What I don't understand, Cerb, is how you could have lived peacefully for so long with people who caused your wife and daughter to die! They killed you too, really, or at least the man you were," says Tobias roughly.
"That's quite right, Four, and you're asking exactly the right question," responds Cerb, also standing to face him, although he is at least a head shorter than Tobias. "The answer is in my serum. You see, as I searched for my own research, I found all sorts of documentation for why people of that time thought opposition to the Genetically Damaged theory was so dangerous. I literally injected my mind with those facts, too. It didn't take away my anger... or my misery...and it definitely didn't change my own beliefs. What it did was to allow me to understand what happened and why...from perspectives other than my own. It gave me the patience to work through the problem and try to develop long-term and non-violent solutions."
He wipes his brow, and sips more water before continuing.
"You all know better than I the challenges that former members of Chicago's five factions - and the factionless - now face, in learning to heal to become one community," he continues. "There will be resentment and mistrust. Some may seek vengeance. Others will see this as an opportunity to grab power."
After all we have experienced in the last few months, it's hard to disagree with Cerb's assessment. I wish I could feel more optimistic about our city's future.
"From what I know - only from watching the video streams - there were strong values and good people in each of the factions. The city's problems were caused by a lack of understanding - and devaluing - between factions. While we can't rewrite history, we can build understanding - not only between the factions and factionless. We can also instill in people the truth about how their entire social system came to be...and how it fits into our nation, as a whole. My serum can help to make this possible - with your help."
I think I see where this is going. i turn my head to look up at Tobias,who is still standing with an unreadable expression. Christina and Cara look troubled. Matthew alone looks very pleased.
"Wow. After decades of isolation... Chicago residents would all be injected with...the truth?" he says almost breathlessly, without waiting for a reply. "They'dknow the facts about their history, each of the factions, how the city's progress ties into the nation as a whole and...current global reality?"
"That's my ultimate plan, Matthew," replies Cerb slowly and with a bit of a crooked smile, as if accustomed and maybe a little amused by his long-time employee's tendency to talk at warp speed when excited.
"To this point, though, only I have used the serum. I've run more tests on myself than you can possibly imagine to document its effect on me - my behavior, my overall health, my brain itself. The serum has had very few side effects, and none long lasting. I'll gladly share it all with you, and undergo more tests to assuage any concerns, if needed," he continues, sighs deeply, and alternately locks eyes with each of us.
"You see, I hope that all of you...or at least some of you...will agree to be injected as participants in a pilot project..."
"Why us?" interjects Christina curtly, making me more grateful than ever for her Candor tendency to ask pointed questions. "Why would you even trust us, after we just reset most of the population here?"
"Fair questions. To the first - you are all young and bright, and none of you have ever been reset. With the exception of Tris, you are all currently healthy, and we'll hopefully be able to say that of her soon, too," replies Cerb, nodding at me. "Perhaps more importantly - with the exception of Matthew - you've spent your entire lives, save the last, in the factions. You each have strong credibility with diverse segments of the population. Your background will cause you to be able to assimilate, interpret and analyze the facts in the serum in a much more relevant way than me - for the leaders and residents at least - because you already know Chicago at a much deeper level than I ever could."
"I have already had some communication with one of the city's new leaders about the serum, and it's potential for the future. She is interested in it, and proposed appointing several of you as special advisors to her and other officials for a year, so they can see the serum's impact firsthand. That, of course, assumes that you will agree to participate. I believe most of you already know her - Johanna Reyes."
I take a deep breath. This proposal is all so strange and overwhelming, and yet it's also exhilarating, in spite of my fatigue. In the last couple of months, we've learned that almost everything we've believed about our existence was a lie. The idea of helping the factions and factionless to come together peacefully - around the truth - just seems so right.
The fact that Johanna is on board is also reassuring. I respect her, and so does Tobias. I look up at him, and we lock eyes. He frowns slightly at my enthusiastic expression, wordlessly reminding me that we still have a lot of unanswered questions. Despite my gut feeling, maybe this is not the time to be the first jumper into the pit.
"You still didn't explain why you trust us for this," blurts out Tobias.
"I guess that would seem odd, given your responsibility for the resetting here," replies Cerb wryly. He gulps down some more water before starting again. "Despite my hatred of resetting, I do appreciate the fact that your choice was by far the more ethical of two bad choices."
He looks down for a moment, as if to compose his thoughts.
"I also...very much respect the courage that it took to take that action," he continues, looking directly at me. "You see...in all the years since I was reset, the only person I've helped...was me. I've been telling myself that I was just waiting for the right time...to do... more. I've allowed bad things to happen to some good people - by doing absolutely nothing - all under the virtuous heading of patience.While there is a time to be patient, there is also a time to act. Your actions are what finally inspired me..to understand that the time for me to act is now."
I think of Caleb's selflessness in the end, and hope that he somehow knows the good he inspired. Tobias grabs my hand and squeezes it.
"There is one more thing you should know," continues Cerb, now looking at Matthew. "The resetting serum that you used on the Bureau was modified by Matthew, using a process that he and I developed that makes it more humane than the one used on me, which would have been the serum strength dropped on Chicago. Through our process, the serum's impact is targeted to memories that tie directly to specific key words and images. In this case, it related to the terms, 'genetically pure' and 'genetically damaged.' Once Bureau residents get beyond the initial resetting phase - in a week or two - many will regain some if not most of their memories."
I'm more than a bit relieved. We haven't uniformly submitted all Bureau residents to the same misery that Cerb just described, after all.
Cara still looks troubled though, knitting her eyebrows in concentration as she asks, "Some people here won't regain their memories, though?"
Matthew has been looking mildly annoyed by this part of the conversation. He jumps to his feet, making it clear that he wants to respond to Cara.
"That's right. I tried to explain.. .before...but I guess I didn't explain it very well," he replies, momentarily reminding me of the way Caleb would sometimes try to sound like he was humbly blaming himself for misunderstandings, when he actually believed they were due to others' limited intelligence. It's weird how that habit - which used to seem so annoying - now just seems like an endearing flaw.
"There's a difference in the way the brain stores deeply ingrained knowledge from how it retains information that we consider unimportant or inaccurate. Those who really believed in genetically pure superiority will probably never regain any of their memories," continues Matthew. "Those who just went along with the policies out of fear...or apathy...they'll begin to remember memories that had nothing to do with GD/GP soon."
Tobias lets out a deep breath as he drops back down on the bed beside me, still holding my hand.
"That makes me feel somewhat better about what we did," he tells Cerb, as Cara, Christina and I nod in agreement. "And I guess I understand why you want us for your...experiment. Can we have some time to think about it before we answer, though?"
Cerb smiles thinly in response.
"Of course. You can tell me tomorrow, if that's acceptable to all? Same time, same place?"
We all nod, and all but Tobias and I begin to get ready to leave.
"Cerb...," I croak weakly, but apparently loud enough to catch his attention."I noticed...on the documents...that your... last. name...wasn't...always...Cerburus."
Cerb looks down for a long time, making wonder if he heard the question. He finally looks up at Tobias and me with a grim smile.
"My original last name was Smyth. Changing it to Cerberus was my own little inside joke...a secret act of rebellion against the Bureau," he explains. "Cerberus is a character from Greek mythology. He's a 3-headed dog who is cruelly forced endlessly guards a treasure. Each head takes a shift while the other two sleep, but they're all very much a part of the same creature."
"My wife and daughter are buried deep inside of me, as memories. For now, only I stand watch, but I'll find a way to awaken them, someday."
This was a difficult chapter to write. Please let me know if it worked for you! While this chapter was pretty heavy on dialogue and drama with a new twist of sci-fi, it had almost no action (except "the chair grab")and not much of the lovesick teenagers. The next two chapters will have much more of the latter two elements. Thanks again for your support!