Keisha: Answer - That's not why this chapter is titled that... Whether that's good or bad, you can decide for yourself.
Chapter Twelve - When I Fail
It got dark quickly and Mint let us spend the night. Coincidentally, I was escorted to the very room I had entered earlier. The bed was predictably luxurious, and the rug still smelled faintly of tea where Ichigo had broken the cup before. I couldn't help but wonder what nonsense she was going to say when she was interrupted by her phone call from Aoyama. He'd always be her top priority. I flopped back onto the pillow. It was filled with feathers, I could tell. Comfortable as it was, I would have traded it for my bed at home anyday. I laid there awake for what seemed like days, thinking about everything. I was actually quite tired, but I just couldn't sleep. I even wanted to sleep.
A tapping sound came from the door as it swung open and footsteps grew in audibility until a shadow hovered over the bed.
"What do you want?" I asked in what must have been a very drained voice.
"Everyone else is asleep..." she explained.
"And why aren't you?" I asked smartly.
"I woke you up didn't I? I guess I should appologize even with you being who you are," she sniffed.
I repeated more sternly, "Why aren't you asleep, Ichigo?"
"I was... but... I had a dream. At home I go to okaa-san, or when I'm with Masaya I tell him about it, but they're not here and no one else is up this late. I was stupid to think you'd listen to me."
"You're such a girl!" I joked.
"You're such a jerk," she shot back in a whisper, "And you're going to wake everyone up."
I dragged myself up to a sitting position, "Dreams aren't real. Dreams are dreams."
She climbed onto the edge of the bed and sat there, "I know that! It's just... it seemed real... and Masaya had dreams about things that really did happen once... before he turned into Deep Blue..."
"So? That's him."
"Yeah, but I usually have really stupid dreams that make no sense at all. This wasn't like that. I mean, it didn't make any sense either but, atleast my other dreams are funny..."
"Fine, let's hear it," I sighed.
Ichigo grew quiet as she tried to interpret what she had seen, "Well... first, in the dream, I woke up in this red room. It was solid red - the walls, the ceiling, everything... And then Masaya was there... I could see him through the window but as I stretched out my arm, he seemed to get further and further away and I couldn't reach him."
She stopped long enough to make sure I wasn't laughing. When she saw my expression was serious, she went on, "Then everything went black, like someone had turned out the lights and there was this loud screaming. When I can finally see again, Masaya's gone, but there's this shadow-figure person standing in front of me. I can't tell who it is, but it's just standing there. And Masaya is gone. I'm pretty sure the shadow isn't him - it's too tall to be him."
"I see..."
Ichigo clung to the front of my night shirt, letting her head fall against my chest. I could feel her body lurch as she let out a sob, and it was easily audible in her voice as well, "What if- what if something happens to Masaya? I could never forgive myself if he got hurt..."
"I'm sure he'll be fine," I murmured after a moment, petting her hair without really thinking about what I was doing.
"You can't be sure! My dream could be trying to tell me something and-" she choked.
"You can't really be sure either. I'm no fortune teller, but a lot of times the meanings of dreams are less obvious than one would think. Sometimes they mean the exact opposite," I explained, trying to remember something about interpretations of dreams.
"I still don't like it..." she grumbled.
"You don't have to, it's a dream. It's not like it can materialize and bite you," I teased, pinching her nose.
"You're bad with time aren't you? It hasn't been 24 hours yet!" she hissed, pushing me away and wiping her eyes.
"Seriously, though. You should quit worrying about it and go back to sleep," I suggested, "I'm sure you're overreacting. Everything will be fine once we defeat that Chimera... Ichigo?"
There was no response. I glanced across the bed and found Ichigo curled up asleep at its foot. Truthfully, it was a huge bed. Big enough for five or six people. I checked the clock awkwardly. It'd be morning soon. She needed her sleep and I knew she'd wake up and make a huge fuss if I tried carrying her back to her room. Then again, she'd probably kill me if she woke up in bed with me. Grumbling, I rose and walked off to the sitting area. Someone had left the radio playing over the speakers, and a whispered melody flowed from them.
"What would she say / I wonder would she just turn away / Or would she promise me / That she's here to stay / It hurts me to wait / I keep asking myself / Why don't you kiss her/ Why don't you tell her/ Why don't you let her see / The feelings that you hide/ Cuz she'll never know / If you never show / The way you feel inside."
I must have fallen asleep sometime afterwards, because I was awoken by Mint who was standing above me with her hands on her hips.
"Really, Ryou, if our beds were too comfortable for you, you could have just said so," she said in a light and somewhat indignant voice.
"No. Ichigo stole my bed," I replied with a yawn.
"Oh. Why'd you let her? If it were me, I would have pushed her out," she raised an eyebrow at me and shrugged, "Then again, I'm not in love with her..."
"I never said I was, either," I answered in a somewhat cold tone.
"You didn't have to. You make it quite obvious, you know. Anyone who isn't a complete idiot would notice that. Unfortunately for you, Ichigo's a little slower than most," she waved her hand dismissively, "Then again, it would probably help if Ichigo wasn't currently dating Aoyama-san. If you really want her to know how you feel, I suggest you go tell her in a straight-forward way."
"I didn't say that I did..." I voiced my words slowly.
"Don't be silly, Ryou. Unconfessed love is no fun. I mean, what's the point in loving someone if you're going to keep it a secret?" she sighed, thinking of the person of her own affection, "Ofcourse, oneesama isn't dense like Ichigo. She knows how much I admire her."
"I agree with Mint." I nearly fell from my spot on the couch as the second voice came from behind me. Zakuro. Girls like ganging up on people, don't they?
"Good... morning..." I replied.
Looking me in the eyes, she added, "If you're going to tell her - tell her; if not - don't. Don't just play around with Ichigo's heart or with your own, or you'll end up hurting the both of you."
"Well, I hope everyone slept well," said Keiichiro as he joined us, "I suppose we should be going soon." Yes, he always managed to step in at just the right (or just the wrong) moment...
"You might as well stay for breakfast," Mint suggested, "Besides, I have a feeling Ichigo will be a while." On cue, we heard a loud thud as Ichigo zoomed out of my room and towards her own to change.
"She certainly has a lot of energy in the morning, ne?" Lettuce asked with a sweatdrop.
"Apparently so..."
...
"Geez! I can't believe I fell asleep in Shirogane's room!" Ichigo whined as she took another large bite out of her waffle. Even though she was dressed, she still looked like she had just gotten out of bed. Mint tried to fix her hair, but finally gave up and yanked at it instead. "Ow! Mint!"
"You didn't even brush this yet, did you?" she asked calmly.
"No. I haven't had ti- ow! Quit pulling, Mint!"
I heard Zakuro sigh in the corner.
After finishing up, we thanked Mint for her hospitality and started back for the train station. It was snowing lightly, something that I welcomed openly. Some had accumulated overnight. I've always liked the snow ever since I was young. Unlike rain, it seems to be a very tranquil and magical form of precipitation, and when the sun hits it, it'll sparkle.
"Pretty!" Ichigo announced, stretching her arms, "I really hope it sticks, then maybe I'll get out of school tommorrow!"
"Ichigo, that's really no way to think about it..." came Lettuce.
"Wouldn't you like to get out of school, Lettuce? Then we could go sledding, and make snowcream, and build snowmen, and make snowangels..." she rambled, trying to convince her friend that a snow day would be a truly wonderful thing.
"Lucky for you. I have an evening class no matter what," I interrupted.
"Aww! Too bad," Ichigo teased. When I didn't come up with a smart reply, she blocked my way, "I was kidding you know..."
"I know." Raising an eyebrow, I sidestepped out of the way and resumed a normal pace.
"Are you still mad about last night or something?" she wondered aloud.
"No. I never was."
"He's just upset that he'll miss out on the weather, Ichigo-san..." Keiichiro explained.
"Yeah right," she mused, "Is that really it, Shirogane?"
"Possibly. Is there a rule that says I can't like the snow?"
"No, I still get the feeling there's more to it than that, though..." she prodded suspiciously, "I'll save you some snowcream incase the snow gets yucky and melts, alright?"
I shrugged, "Suit yourself."
"Ha!" I sidestepped quickly as Ichigo hurled a snowball in my direction. It hit the ground instead. "Darn it! I missed!"
In a quick motion, I gathered the matter up into my hands, formed it, and shot it back at Ichigo. My aim was low and it hit near her knee.
"Nyaa!" she shivered, "That does it!"
SMACK! Her aim hit the tree above me. "Nice miss, catgirl."
"I was aiming for the tree..." she insisted, face falling a bit.
THUD! Awakened by the impact, the limbs above me dumped their weight... right onto my head and shoulders and knocking me off my feet. I shook out my hair, "Brrr..."
Ichigo burst out laughing, "I so got you! Ahahahaha! Hahaha!" Lettuce and Keiichiro chuckled slightly, but that soon subsided. Ichigo, on the other hand, crouched near the ground trying to compose herself.
"Very amusing..." I said, smirking slightly as I brushed the dust from the arms and shoulders of my jacket and regained my lost footing.
"Yeah, I thought so, hehehe..."
...
Sure enough, the next day was a snow day for most of the public schools in the area. Tokyo University, however, didn't believe in snow days, which meant that I still had an afternoon class. My students were in a similar mood to my own; they just wanted to get through class and go home. Today's topic was heteroygous and homozygous alleles and how they were affected by traits found in both parents. About 45 minutes had passed, and I was finishing up a diagram on the board when the notes of "This Love" sounded from my back pocket. I could have sworn I cut my cellphone off... not that anyone ever called me.
The class stared at me critically as I pulled it out and saw that it was Lettuce. "Um, gomen..." I muttered an appology.
"Just answer it, Professor-san!" one of the girls shouted.
"Fine, one minute," I sighed, clicking it on, "Lettuce, you know I have class."
"RYOU! IT'S AWFUL! The cafe... the cafe is...!" she panicked.
"What is it?" I was getting worried now. I had never heard her sound so terrified in the time that I had known her.
"The Chimera... and the cafe... fire... and Ichigo...!" she was out of breath and it sounded like she was under too much stress to think. A quick translation. The Chimera had attacked the cafe, set it on fire, and now Ichigo... Ichigo!
"Lettuce! Is Ichigo alright? Are you still there?"
"We don't know! They just took her away in an ambulance. She was unconscious... and we couldn't wake her up! Ryou!" At that point sweet Lettuce burst into a fit of tears.
This had to be a joke! There was no way something like this could have happened. No. A lump formed in my throat as I reminded myself that Lettuce would not lie to me, and that she'd never lie to me about something so serious. I couldn't muster up even the shortest of replies. I switched off my cell and turned towards about a hundred pairs of watching eyes.
"Something's come up... Go home."
Without another word I grabbed my coat and rushed out the door and down the steps, jumping the last three and searching frantically for my mode of transportation.
Traffic seemed to be creeping along at snail's pace. I cursed under my breath impatiently as every single traffic light decided to go red on me. I finally reached the hospital around three. In that time, about every imaginable thought had flashed through my head. 'What if she doesn't wake up? What if she's already dead? What if she loses all memory of her life? What if she has to go through the rest of her days with a handicap? What if she's suffering from internal injuries? What if I never get to see that silly smile of hers again? Or tease her again? ...or see her breathing and alive and full of energy again?'
I tried my best to suppress my emotions as I made my way breathlessly to the waiting room where the others sat or stood around with worried looks on their faces.
"Ryou!" Lettuce was the first to notice me. She ran across the room and took the coat from my arms, "I'm so sorry I didn't call you sooner, and that I interrupted your class, and... Ichigo's in the emergency room right now. The doctors say her condition is unstable, but they're doing the best they can. They say they can't tell us anything for sure... so we're waiting..." her eyes glistened with more of the same tears that now stained her face. "Ryou, I'm scared. What if Ichigo doesn't make it?"
With that, the shy Lettuce had voiced my own fears. I looked away, "Well... Ichigo is Ichigo... she'll make it through this..." Now all I had to do was convince myself. She must have realized this because she buried her face in my shirt and cried. I rubbed her back lightly, trying to comfort the girl in the glasses as I looked around at faces which all held a similar expression.
"Pudding doesn't want Ichigo-oneechan to die..." Pudding whimpered, sniffling. Zakuro and Mint were looking off in random directions, not saying anything. Keiichiro was trying to sooth the monkey-like girl. I glanced around further and found a dark-haired boy staring out one of the windows. His eyes were cloudy as he wondered how this could have happened to his beloved.
After an eternity, one of the doctors approached us. She nodded slightly and gave us the diagnosis, "Ichigo's resting right now. The surgery went very well, and we think she'll pull through alright, but we're still keping a close eye on her. I'm afraid we can't allow visitors for a while, however. You should all go home and rest as well. We'll let you know if her condition changes."
"Please..." Aoyama spoke up, his voice was pleading, "Please let me see Ichigo."
"I'm sorry, but I can't let you see her yet. If you come back tommorrow morning, then maybe, but she's still too weak for visitors now. I'm truly sorry. If she wakes up, I'll let her know that you all were here."
Aoyama gave a nod and looked at the floor.
"She's right. We should head home. There's nothing we can do here. We can come back first thing in the morning," Zakuro stated firmly. Slowly we all nodded agreement and retraced our steps towards the exit. Keiichiro must have noticed I was walking slower than the others, because he stopped, waiting for me to catch up, and laid an arm around my shoulders.
"She'll be fine, you know. And about the cafe... you can stay at my apartment for a while if you wish. Better than being alone in a hotel room."
"Thanks," I muttered.
"Ryou, we're here for you..." he added gently.
I shrugged, thrusting my hands into my pockets. Keiichiro saw that he wasn't really helping, and removed his arm, "Just don't do anything you'll regret, alright?"
I came to a halt and watched him leave. He could see through anything, couldn't he?
"Ryou? Is something else the matter?" came a soft voice. I hadn't noticed Lettuce behind me.
"Um, no... I was just going to get a drink of water before I leave. My throat gets rather dry when I'm on my bike."
"You're planning on sneaking in to see Ichigo, aren't you?" she asked in an even softer tone.
"Uh... yeah..." I confessed.
Lettuce smiled up at me, "That's so sweet of you. Please tell Ichigo-san that I'm praying for her safe recovery."
"...Okay." I smiled back slightly, nodding.
A few hours and one disgusting plate of hospital food later, I stood by the door to Ichigo's room. One of the nurses saw me and scolded me for standing there.
Her voice came out harshly and very loudly, "Hey! The doctor said we couldn't allow visitors!"
"Yes, I know that, but..." Now was the time for a clever excuse. "But Ichigo is like a sister to me. I know the doctor said he couldn't allow visitors until tommorrow morning, but, you see, I'll be flying overseas on a business trip. Since I am the Shirogane Ryou, and this is an important business deal, they won't let me postpone the meeting, even by a few hours..." I gave her what I hoped was a pleading look, "Please let me speak with my imouto-chan, even if it's only for a moment!"
"Shirogane Ryou? So you are him! But still..." she glanced around nervously. The hallway was empty except for us. Sighing in defeat, she gave a slight nod and patted me on the shoulder, "I understand, just make it quick. If anyone finds out I let you in, I'll be in huge trouble."
I gave her a wink, "I promise I won't tell a soul." That inspired a redness in her cheeks. She bowed quickly and scampered off. I smirked to myself. Apparently those drama classes paid off.
I turned the nob slowly and let myself into Ichigo's room. It was a plain, bare, white room with that annoying hospital smell. I immediately headed for the bed, and found Ichigo lying there on her back with an IV jabbed into her arm, asleep. I leaned over her and brushed a few stray hairs away from her face, convinced that she was indeed asleep by the rhythmic in and out of her breathing. I remained leaning forward on the bed, searching for words whether she heard them or not.
"Lettuce told me to tell you that she's praying for your recovery..." I murmured to the sleeping girl. There was no response, not that I expected one.
"I'm so sorry, Ichigo. This was my fault. If I had just realized sooner that this Chimera still existed... and if I hadn't wasted time going after her... this never would have happened. The only thing we were waiting on... was me. Because I was planning to inject the solution myself. You can call me a coward if you want to, but I wasn't afraid of her, or getting hurt myself... I was afraid that she'd hurt you somehow." I laughed bitterly, "I sound like such an idiot. You'd laugh at me if you heard me saying all this. Mr. Leader getting all depressive and sappy on you."
I studied her face again. Her expression was still the same one as before - that of innocence and of sleeping. "In case you were wondering, Masaya was here for you, and so was everyone else. We're... all really worried, so you'd better get well quick."
I took a few steps back from the bed, "But... what I wanted to say... no... what I never could say... is that... is that I love you, Ichigo. I know you think I'm a jerk, and maybe I am... but that's why I always treated you the way I did. I wanted you to notice me, because Masaya was the only person you ever really saw. Sometimes... I thought maybe I had a chance... but I know now that I was just being selfish. I hope after this battle is over you can go back to your life with him and be happy. And I hope someday I find even a fraction of the happiness you have. That's all I wanted to say. That, and I'm sorry that I failed. I said I'd always protect you, but it looks like I broke my promise."
It had gotten fairly late. I heard the door squeak in protest as it was opened and a nurse waddled in.
"Goodness!" she exclaimed, rushing towards us. She picked something up off the bed and tossed it towards a trash can. A flash of green fabric disappeared inside the metal bin. "Really, they shouldn't leave things like that laying around! Stupid newbies! And they call themselves nurses! It could be contaminated..." Huffing, she left the room, rolling her cart with the trash can away.
I crawled out from my hiding place under the bed and transformed back to normal. I was fairly sure that no one would return to check on Ichigo until morning.
"You owe me a new bandanna after all this, kiddo," I grumbled, easing myself onto the edge of her bed.
"I'll keep watch over you tonight," I decided.
The morning came early. I had managed to stay awake all night long, with basically nothing to occupy my time except for my thoughts. I greeted the sun tiredly. I was never pulling an all-nighter again.
I started at the shifting of covers. Ichigo mumbled something, turning her head towards one of the walls and gradually opening her eyes. That wasn't the only thing to open, however.
I cursed inwardly as the door inched open and Aoyama stepped inside.
"Huh? Was someone just here?" his eyes darted across the room towards me, but because of his position and the angle of the wall, my form was hidden from view.
"Oh, Masaya!" she announced in a tired voice.
He smiled softly, "Ichigo! You're awake. How are you feeling?"
"Honestly, I feel awful," she answered with a laugh, "What happened? Where am I?"
He frowned, replying in a serious tone, "Ichigo, there was a fire in Cafe Mew Mew. You fell. You're in the hospital now. You were in pretty bad shape, but they say you'll be fine. I'm so sorry I didn't-"
"And you were so worried that you stayed by me all night. Thank you, Masaya."
"Hmm? Ichigo?"
"You were with me all this time, right?"
"Figuratively. I'm always with you, koneko-chan. But nobody was allowed here until this morning."
"But I was sure someone was here..." she insisted.
"Nope, I don't think so, Ichigo."
"Well then, I must have been dreaming about you!"
"I guess so."
My shoulders drooped. Ofcourse, if she had heard even a single word of my monologue last night, she thought it was Masaya talking. How many times could a person fail in one day?
Notes: Lyrics from Jesse McCartney's "Why Don't You Kiss Her?". Suika pointed this one out to me.
"This Love". Yup. Maroon 5.
A/N: Chapter Thirteen next, "Chosen One". Still looking for party games suggestions. Please review. Thanks so much.