Dipper looked up from his program as his sister slid into the seat to his right. "Hey," she said cheerfully. "We're not too late, are we?"
"Nah, show doesn't start for a few minutes yet," Dipper replied. He waved at Wendy, who was draping her jacket over the seat next to Mabel's. She nodded in response. "How was the petting zoo?" Dipper asked.
Wendy smirked. "You mean before or after we got kicked out?"
Soos, who sat in the chair on Dipper's right, let out a snort of laughter. "Dude, you didn't!" he said. "What happened?"
Mabel crossed her arms with a huff. "It wasn't our fault!" she pouted. "One of the alpacas was being a bully to Waddles, and he had to stand up for himself, right? And that petting zoo director guy was a meanie in the first place. Anywho, that's why it took so long to get here. Had to take Waddles back home."
Her brother smiled. "Well, try not to get kicked out of this show, okay? Stan's already in a mood on account of this whole festival, and I'd hate to be stuck at the Shack all week with that."
"Speaking of Stan," Wendy said, turning to face Soos, "You'll never guess what he's been having me do to the gift shop."
"Lay it on me, dude," Soos said enthusiastically.
As the two of them took up their own line of conversation, Mabel leaned in to Dipper. "All right, so, did you manage to find out anything new today?"
Dipper sighed. "Nada. Seeing as the tent was closed, I tried Gideon's house. See if his dad knew anything. He wouldn't open the door. And I asked Blubs and Durland if they needed help investigating, but I think they're still bitter about the wax sculptures incident."
"Or they don't want to employ a twelve-year-old into the police force."
"Or that." Dipper rolled his eyes. "Honestly, I don't know what else to do. I mean, if I'm not even allowed into the crime scene, how am I supposed to get any new information?"
"Well-" Mabel began, but she stopped short when the lights in the room began to dim. The murmur of the crowd packed into the tables became more subdued as the audience all turned to the stage.
A man walked out in front of the curtains, wearing black dress pants and a black polo shirt, his blond hair in a crew cut. "Ladies and gentlemen," he announced, practically shouting in order to be heard without a microphone. "Rose Thorn's Magical Extravaganza will begin momentarily. Please take the time now to silence all cell phones, pagers, and other mobile devices. All that data flying around really messes with the magic in the air!" Very few people chuckled at that, but half the crowd leaned down to turn off their phones.
"Why do they even mention pagers anymore?" Wendy whispered as her phone's screen turned to black. "It's like no one bothered to update that spiel since Seinfeld was still on air."
"Shh!" Mabel responded, as the house lights faded all the way and the audience was left in darkness. "It's starting!"
Right as she said it, two spotlights suddenly flashed up onto the thick red curtains of the stage. They seemed to chase each other in laps around the curtain as a drumroll sounded, before joining together in the center. The drum crashed, and the curtains split to reveal Rose Thorn, standing in profile with one hand on her hip, the other at the brim of her top hat, and one knee angled enticingly. Besides the top hat, she wore a low-cut white button-up shirt with a sequined red bow tie, a shimmering black cape that reached her waist, fingerless black gloves, a short black skirt, black fishnet-style stockings, and precarious-looking ruby-red heels.
"That's Rose Thorn?" Dipper muttered. "She looks like she belongs in a Bob Fosse musical, not a magic show."
Wendy held a finger to her lips and then gestured back to the stage. A jazzy score had begun to play, and Rose seemed to be starting her opening trick. She pulled a red handkerchief out of the pocket of her skirt, waved it about so the audience could get a good look at it, then shook it over her hand. A deck of cards plopped onto her waiting palm, and the crowd clapped politely. The magician then began shuffling the cards, but it was much more elaborate than any shuffling Dipper hand ever seen. The cards were shot from one hand to the other, toss and caught as if she were juggling them, twirled on her finger tips, and yet all came neatly back together. Rose fanned them out in her upturned hand, then dropped them to the floor, revealing a white dove hiding behind them.
The jazz in the background sped up. Rose removed her hat and pulled from it a foot-tall mirror. Rose held it up next to the dove. The bird gazed at it for a moment, before Rose quickly snatched it away. The bird's reflection, however, stayed, since apparently another dove had materialized from within the mirror itself. More applause. She set the hat down onto the stage and snapped her fingers. The birds dove into the hat, and reemerged each carrying the end of a long bolt of fabric. The flew up toward the ceiling and unraveled the fabric, revealing that it was actually a banner, which read: "Rose Thorn's Magical Extravaganza!" The music ended with a cymbal crash.
The audience broke into applause. The magician onstage acknowledged it with raised arms, then dipped into a low bow. "Thank you!" she said as she straightened up. "But you've seen nothing yet! I don't waste all my best magic on the opener, so you shouldn't waste all your best clapping either!" That earned her a few light laughs. "Hey, now, I'm not much of a comedian, sure. But I'm not here to make you laugh: I'm here to astound you!"
As she spoke, two people began wheeling an enormous wooden box onto the stage. One of those wheeling was the man who had made the pre-show announcement. The other was a slender woman, also blonde, with her hair in a ponytail and wearing an outfit identical to her partner's. Rose gestured toward them. "I've got a couple people here to help me out tonight. Everyone, give a warm welcome to the lovely Joanne!"
The crowd clapped as the ponytailed woman waved. "And my other assistant," Rose continued, "The not-quite-as-lovely-but still-makes-a-good-cup-of-coffee Kenneth!" The crowd laughed at that, and applauded him as well.
"Now," she continued, as Kenneth and Joanne finished positioning the box and stepped to the side, "judging by some of the faces I see out there, you've probably guessed by now what trick I'm about to perform. What can I say? It's a crowd pleaser. But first, I need a volunteer." Hands instantly shot up from every table. "Did I say volunteer? I meant victim. I don't like picking based on whose hand is up. I'm not a schoolteacher. Instead," with her foot, she flipped the top hat that still rested on stage into her hand, "I'm gonna let Hatty here decide!" She reached into the hat and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "Would whoever is sitting at table five, seat B, come up to the stage?"
Everyone turned the the number label on their tables' centerpiece. "Darn," Mabel muttered, as she saw that they were at table number fourteen. On the other side of the hall, a college-aged girl with a brown bob cut stood up and made her way onto the stage.
"What's your name, hon?" Rose asked as the girl climbed up to join her.
"Gabby Wilson," the latter replied.
Rose smiled. "Well, it was nice to meet you, Gabby. It's too bad, of course, that this is the last anyone will ever see of you. Are you ready to disappear?"
"As I'll ever be." Gabby replied. Rose pulled open the door to the box, and Gabby stepped inside, the door shutting behind her. Kenneth and Joanne each took hold of the box and begin spinning it, as Rose called out, "Even as we speak, Gabby here has found herself trapped in a vortex to another dimension. She is ceasing to exist on Earth's material plane. By the time I open that door again, she will be," she held up a hand to signal Kenneth and Joanne to stop, then opened the door, "Gone!" Indeed, the box was empty.
The crowd clapped loudly. Rose took another bow, and her assistants dragged the box off the stage. "Don't worry, folks! I'll bring her back to this world later! You know, if I remember!"
Dipper and Mabel smiled and settled deeper into their chairs as they continued to watch the show. Rose and her assistants flew through trick after trick, beneath an impressive lights display and a fusion of background music. She conjured animals, vanished them, levitated audience "volunteers", pulled card tricks and coin tricks, and somehow made fireworks spring from her fingertips.
"We're nearly done for the night, guys!" she announced at one point, and she smiled broadly when the statement was met with sighs and 'aww's from the audience. "Hey now, that doesn't mean I haven't got a few more tricks up my sleeve! And for this next one, I'll need another volunteer!" She whipped off her hat and pulled out a paper. "Table fourteen, seat E, it's your lucky day!"
Mabel glanced down at her placecard, which was labeled with a big 'F'. "Dipper!" she cried, poking her brother in the arm. "That's you!"
"What?" Dipper said. He looked at his own placecard. E. Soos patted him on the back and whispered, "You got this, dude!" Wendy shot him a thumbs-up.
Tentatively, Dipper stood up and walked up to the stage. Rose extended a gloved hand to him to help him clamber up, her unnaturally white teeth smiling widely all the while. "And what's your name, sweetheart?" she asked.
"Dipper Pines."
Rose froze. The hand holding Dipper's tightened, and the corners of her mouth fell. It only lasted a second though, since before Dipper could comprehend it, her smile broke out again and she said, "Well, Dipper, you're going to play a very important part in my next trick. I imagine you're a good student, right?"
"Straight A's," Dipper replied proudly. Even from on the stage, he could hear Mabel snicker.
"That's good," Rose said. "Because tonight, we're going to give this crowd here a little history lesson. Sound good?"
Dipper nodded, and Rose turned to address the audience. "You're all familiar with the French Revolution, right? 'Let them eat cake' and all that? Well, in 1789, one Joseph-Ignace Guillotin came up with a little invention that some of the French rebellers had a great deal of fun with during those years."
The moment he heard the name, a feeling of dread came over Dipper. Sure enough, he looked to his side, where Kenneth and Joanne were pulling an enormous guillotine onto the stage. "That's right, everyone!" Rose said gleefully. "This little guy right here played a big role in some fantastic French executions, such as those of Nicolas Jacques Pelletier, Collenot d'Angremont, Arnaud de Laporte, and, most famously, Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI. But, as I said before, I'm not a schoolteacher, so I'm not going to give you a lecture. Instead, my volunteer and I will give you a demonstration!"
"I- uh-" Dipper stammered, backing away. "I- I don't-"
Rose grabbed him and began steering him toward the guillotine. "Don't worry, Dipper," she said. "I hardly ever mess this trick up." It was clearly meant as a joke, since the audience laughed, but it just made Dipper feel like he was going to vomit.
He climbed the little steps of the guillotine numbly, and he got a glance at the silver blade reflecting the stagelights before Kenneth gently pushed him down and secured his head and hands into place.
"Dipper here will be playing the illustrious role of Louis XVI," Rose declared. "Hopefully, he'll turn out a lot better than the original."
Dipper tugged his hands and neck, trying desperately to get out of contraption, but it held fast. He could feel his legs shaking like a baby horse's as Rose came up to him and grabbed hold of the blade. He squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath.
Something whisked by. Silence. Dipper was sure for a moment that the deed was done, and he was dead. But then, muffled by the roaring in his ears, he heard Rose shout, "Long live the king!" Applause.
He opened his eyes. He flexed his fingers and turned his head, making sure everything was still intact. He was fine. It seemed the blade had passed him by. Rose lifted up the bar that had kept him in place, and Dipper quickly stepped out of the guillotine. "Take a bow," she said softly to him, then, more loudly to the audience, "One more round of applause for King Louis, everyone!"
How Dipper managed to walk back to his table without collapsing, he had no idea. As he climbed back onto his chair, Mabel gave his shoulder a playful punch. "You're such a goofus!" she squealed. "You looked like you were going to pee your pants up there!"
"Aw, shut up," Dipper said. Still, he smiled in relief as he turned back to the stage. Without the enormous blade looming right above his neck, the contraption didn't look nearly as intimidating. He supposed it was mostly just a huge change of pace for him: for once, the danger hadn't been real at all.
A/N: This chapter's significantly longer than the others for this story, isn't it? I guess because I'd really been looking forward to writing this chapter, and I let it run a bit wild.
Today I bought some Christmas Oreos. For every review I get, I shall eat one Oreo. Help me finish the whole box!