It felt like a thousand minutes but when the words finally escaped from the holograms mouth she could barely understand him. She watched his lips move and listened to the sounds he made but she couldn't comprehend what he said. She had been preparing. Knowing that any second the doctor would come out of the sick bay and tell her Tom was indeed dead. She had been preparing for the news that she would have to live the rest of her life without Tom and spend most likely the rest of her life alone. She couldn't handle any other man on the entire ship besides Vorik and Chakotay and she didn't want a relationship with either of them. Even if she had wanted one with Chakotay in the past he was in love with Kathryn, at least it seemed that way.

The words kept coming but her focus was in the open doors staring at a motionless Tom. She didn't need the doctor to tell her he was dead. He wasn't moving, naked on the table. There was enough said. The doctor was long winded and said too much, never getting to the point till the very end. He was grooming his ego, talking about the brilliant techniques he used to try to save Tom but wouldn't get to the point. She needed to hear it from him, needed to hear the words.

"He's dead." That was all she needed to hear and she could just get on with her miserable life. It wouldn't be real until he said it. And yet he kept talking about the procedure and how his body fought the treatment and how he had been fighting an infection. Just say it she kept thinking. She didn't care about what he did. She wanted to know about Tom. She wanted to hear the words come out of the cocky little holograms mouth so he could finally shut up.

Finally she tuned in at the right moment to listen to the doctor finally say the words she needed to hear. "I did everything I could B'Elanna. And after a very long surgery it seems that Tom, is going to be okay."

B'Elanna had been looking down throughout the whole speech but in this moment she looked up with a tear in her eye not being able to comprehend what she heard. She had spent the last hour trying to make herself okay with Tom's death, and now suddenly he was going to be okay. Part of her wanted to scream in anger at the doctor, for making her wait so long to hear it; and parts of her wanted to hug him. She didn't want to do either too much, she just wanted to see Tom. The best she could do was nod at the doctor with the saddest little smile then run in to see Tom.

He looked beat up but he was in one big piece once again. He had a blanket covering the bottom part of his body and burns going all the way up. She couldn't see any incisions because the doctor had already repaired them but she did see how tender his entire body was. She still couldn't help but smile at him. She thought he was going to die the entire day, he did too though they had tried to not show it. Now she didn't have to learn what it was like to be lonely again, she had nearly forgotten since she and Tom had gotten together. He made her feel like she wasn't an outcAst in her own home.

She took his hand and he jerked. She let out a small laugh. "Tom. You're okay."

"I am? Didn't realize." He laughed a little but it hurt to move. "Sucks for you, you said you'd marry me."

B'Elanna widened her eyes. She had forgotten she had promised him that but only because she thought he was dying. She didn't completely resent the idea but the way he had asked was so strange at the strangest time but he must have been serious. "Fine" she said sourly. Tom grew a great smile and squeezed her hand. He was happy he was alive too.

Without B'Elanna repairs in engineering were four times slower. Vorik was her best engineer but he was nothing compared to her, but he was a hard worker. No one on the ship disliked Vorik, he was the most human vulcan anyone had ever met. That made him unique and people couldn't stay away from him. He on the other hand could only tolerate certain people and was true friends with only a hand full of crewmen. Chakotay wasn't one of those people but Vorik was fascinated with the commander. He saw him in a different sense than he saw anyone else. The commander was very private and yet you could read him like a book if something was bothering him. Or if he was happy or in love. He showed exactly what he was feeling whether he wanted to or not.

In this case something was definitely on his mind. As he worked he mumbled to himself or drop a tool from lack of concentration. Even if something was bothering him, Chakotay never let it interfere with his work. Vorik was fascinated in his behavior but didn't want to ask him up front what it was about. He found that when he did that it made the person he was questioning feel nervous.

"Do you think that lieutenant Paris will be alright commander?" Vorik asked.

"I don't know. I'm not a betting man so I couldn't tell you." He answered not turning his head, a tool between his teeth.

"I contemplate what it would be like for B'Elanna if he does not survive."

"Yeah, it's incredibly hard when someone you love that much dies right in front of you, and you can't do anything about it. You can't even imagine."

"Do you have that particular experience commander?" Vorik asked intrigued.

"Well, she wasn't right in front of me. But I was just as helpless when it came to her death." He said this time refusing to look up.

"She sir?" He raised his brow.

"Her name was Talia. She um. She died while in the academy. I blame myself."

"Was it your fault?"

"It depends on how you look at it." There were a lot of ways to look at it but Chakotay truly did blame himself for her death. And after she died he was never the same. "And I look at it in an independent way than anyone else."

"From where I stand sir, not knowing what you did, the only logical ways where it can be interpreted as your fault would be if you murdered her or accidental man slaughter. Those are the only logical ways. Did you do one of those two sir?"

"No." He answered the logic in a bitter way. Tuvok had enough to fill the ship, he didn't need anymore in his daily routine.

They continued their repairs on engineering but the more they got running the worse it looked. Deck twelve was gone. Life support was offline on the entire deck, and there was exposed space in several sections. Internal sensors detected only twelve life signs but it was obviously malfunctioning. They had seen over fifty living crew members throughout the ship up and walking. But it was only the beginning. Power was low and draining, they would be in danger of losing all if the power array wasn't restarted in the next ten hours. It was the hardest repair to do on the ship, and so massive that Janeway often had to land the ship on a planet to get work done. If not beanbag would need her whole engineering team to do it.

"Do you know where the rest of the the engineering crew is?" Chakotay turned to Vorik. He nodded. "Get them." He ordered. Vorik did as he was told and climbed inside the Jeffreys tube.

Once again Chakotay found himself alone. During an emergency it was the worst thing to be and this was the worst emergency voyager had probably ever faced. He still didn't know what to do about it. He felt so guilty about what had happened and anyone who saw him knew it, the look was plastered onto his face. There was nothing more he could do in engineering, vorik was getting everything under control. He was one of the best engineers he had. He had to remember to promote the guy when it was all over, he deserved it. But there wasn't anything for Chakotay, his best option was to find the rest of the bridge crew. And Kathryn. He needed to find Kathryn. It had been a long day and when he thought that it was no time for a relationship he didn't realize how bad he needed one. In these times as he had seen, people can die at any second, and not living every moment to the fullest wasn't an option. He needed to find her, make things right, and help his crew.

Chakotay felt like he had lost himself. Talia was leaving for the USS Adonis in two days and they hadn't spoken in a week, since their explosion, her explosion to be more accurate. When he saw her walking around campus she did everything she could to avoid the hell out of him and give him the most uncomfortable face ever. He didn't blame her for being angry but he was angry at her behavior. Trills did have one hell of a temper but he had never seen her use it. She was as hot headed as a Klingon in the cold. If she would just calm down enough to have a conversation with him he could explain himself to her, he didn't even want to go with his father anymore. But he wanted to make the point of why he had wanted to go, it was his father and he didn't want him to die as much as he would want himself to. And it was true what she said, if he died out there it would be his own fault. It wouldn't be his fault if his father died but he felt like it was.

Chakotay sat at the end of the bar with bolion whiskey in his hand. He had sent out an olive branch to Talia to join him but he doubted she would accept. With every drink he became more angry with her. Why didnt she listen to him a little bit? She had just smashed the concept without a second thought and then bolted out of the room. It was offensive and just irritating. He stayed silent and kept his face straight not letting any emotion show on his face but whenever he did that his face radiated anger. He signaled to the bar tender for another drink. The guy nodded and then pointed to the entrance. Chakotay wasn't that drunk, he wasn't going to leave! He was just about to speak his mind when he looked into the direction of the where the guy had pointed and saw Talia walking into the bar. Chakotay set down his empty cup and stood from his stool in shock. He didn't think she would show but she was looking in his exact direction with a straight nearly sad face. She was wearing a civilian silver blue jump suit and had put her dirty blonde hair in a side braid which rested on her shoulder. She walked up to Chakotay then sat on the stool next to him. Not saying a word she held his tan face in her hand and kissed his forehead. Chakotay didn't understand what this meant. He wasn't mad anymore all of a sudden. No matter what he did he couldn't stay mad at her when it came down to it. He was now mad at himself for giving up so quickly ironically.

"Is that an apology?" He asked her nervously not knowing exact what to say.

"No. But it's the best you're going to get. Because I'm leaving in a few days and I need to know you are going to be safe here. Here. Being in the academy."

"And I will be. Ill be waiting for you right here. At the bar." He joked pointing to the stool. "And you be safe and stay on your side of the border."

"I will. I'm not letting the cardassians get anywhere near me." She said looking into his eyes. She didn't let him see the deep concern in her eyes. She wasn't completely convinced he was going to stay and she was still a bit mad, but she had to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was the greatest love she had ever had. She wasn't going to let sheer stupidity get in the way of it.