A/N: Sorry for the wait :)
Chapter 10 - I Guess We'll Never Know
"I've had a wonderful time tonight Wheeler," Victoria beamed at him as they stood outside her apartment door. "I'm glad you finally decided to take a break, and I'm sure my Aunt will be glad too."
The American grinned back, "Dr Derrick did say something about my working too hard... kind of a first for me as I'm sure my friends would tell you. But I'm glad you were free tonight, I've had a good time too, it was definitely what I needed."
She gave him a predatory look and moved closer, pressing herself against his chest. "Is it all you needed?"
Wheeler didn't pretend to misunderstand, instead he claimed her upturned mouth with his own, kissing her roughly and trying not to make comparisons.
When they parted she gave him a smug look and invited him inside. Again he refused to think about what he was doing, he'd decided he needed to get over Linka and this seemed to be the best way. Victoria was at least very willing to help him try.
Not much into foreplay, she had him backed up against the door as soon as it was closed, her fingers already working on his shirt buttons as her mouth again devoured his.
Their second kiss was as empty as the first, and for the first time in his life, Wheeler really had to concentrate on what he was doing. His hands rested on her hips, seemingly uninterested in what else she was offering. Victoria paused in undressing him to place them on her breasts and then carried on, though he had to release her again to let her finish taking his shirt off.
Next she led him to her bedroom and pushed him down on the bed straddling him and striping off her own blouse and bra to reveal a perfect figure, whilst rubbing herself over him in a manner that failed to excite. She seemed unaware of how little reaction she was getting from him.
Feeling that something was required of him, the ex-Planeteer reached up to cup her generous breasts, rubbing them and feeling mild disgust when she threw her head back and moaned like he'd just done something amazing. God that's fake! She's one of those girls who think we won't notice as long as we get what we want.
"Yes!" She squirmed some more and then reached down for the fly on his jeans, "Time for little Wheeler to come out and play, and I bet I know just what he likes."
She's got to be kidding.
He caught her hand as it cupped him through his jeans. "Vicky stop... I don't feel right about this."
"You don't owe her anything, you know." she said, gripping him through the fabric. "Just relax and let yourself enjoy it."
She brought her head down close enough to stick her tongue out as far as it would go and lick his belly along the line of his shorts in a manner he supposed was meant to be sexy but struck him as rather gross. He had a brief vision of her in other positions, making fake noises of pleasure and pulling fake sexy faces and suddenly he was pushing her away.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this." he got off the bed and headed to the other room to find his shirt. "Please understand Vicky, I'm not over Linka. I'd just be using you and that's not right."
"I'm ok with being used right now." she told him, "I'm not too happy about being walked out on. I wasn't asking for your heart, just a good seeing to."
He finished tucking in his shirt, "Goodnight Vicky, I'll see you at work."
She shut the door forcefully behind him and the American sighed with relief. He could tell himself that the problem had been Victoria but the truth was that there was a time when none of that would have mattered to him.
The real problem was closer to what he'd told her, that she wasn't Linka and his Russian ex was still the only woman he wanted.
Things were better for the two ex-planeteers once their inspection tours started, it meant that they weren't seeing much of each other for one thing, and when they were together their whole focus was on their work.
Linka missed Wheeler's jokes, his carefree attitude and his laughter, and their absence only increased her guilt. At the same time she was impressed with his knowledge and dedication, he'd found a subject he excelled at and clearly loved and she found herself admiring this new side to him. If only he didn't take every opportunity to slap her down.
Wheeler felt Linka's presence as a complete disruption to his life. He'd broken up with Megan and had avoided hooking up with anyone else, though he made sure to mention having dates to his colleagues so that they wouldn't ask awkward questions. When he'd thought that he would never see Linka again it had been easy to fool himself into believing that it didn't matter, that love wasn't real, and brief meaningless relationships were enough to satisfy him.
Having the beautiful Russian back in his life had forced him to admit that even after all that time and the things that had happened between them, it was still her he wanted. Seeing her with the team, everything she ever was but with a confidence that a few years independence had brought, was devastating. He channelled the hurt into anger and though he felt guilty every time he saw the pain of his jibes flicker through her eyes, he couldn't seem to stop.
If she doesn't like it she can always leave! He told himself. In his defence it must be said that he never once suspected that it was her heart he was hurting. Pride perhaps, a renewed sense of guilt over betraying a friend, even the loss of that friendship, but nothing more than that.
Their team didn't know what to make of them. On the one hand it appeared as if they cordially disliked each other, Wheeler's feelings a little stronger perhaps, but Linka avoided his company whenever possible so the feeling was obviously mutual. On the other hand, they worked together seamlessly. They would feed ideas off of each other, even finishing each-other's sentences without noticing, when they were on a roll. It had also been noted that they had the same sense of humour, as long as someone else had cracked the joke.
"If I didn't know better," Karen commented one day, when a few of the team had gone out to lunch together. "I'd say they'd known each other for years, but I don't see how that could be possible."
Alexi agreed, "I have worked with Linka for almost three years and she could only have just been out of university when we met, though she never talks about it."
Peter shrugged, "Could they have been at Uni together?"
"I doubt it, I do not think Linka could have afforded to go to the U.S.A., she comes from a small mining town. And I am sure that Jason would not have chosen to study in Russia." Alexi shook his head.
"Oh he didn't," Amanda chimed in, looking smug, "He studied privately while working for that scientist… Derrick, you know? Anyway, he developed the new solar engine that they use in all the Goodair cars now. He told me all about it… after I found out and coaxed the details out of him."
The team were suitably impressed and the conversation turned to their work, the mystery of their leaders' relationship forgotten.
Wheeler stretched and rose, picking up the latest version of his blueprint and pinning it to the board. "Can you check this over for me Babe?"
"Da," Linka hid a smile knowing that he didn't realise what he'd called her and not wanting to spoil it. She got up and walked around the other desks to stand next to him, trailing over the design with her eyes.
Both Planeteers had come to love and hate nights like this over the last six months, when they had to work late to meet a deadline. They would call out for takeaways and ignore how tired they were getting, and when it was just the two of them and the rest of the office was empty, like tonight, they would often forget that anything had ever gone wrong between them. It was only later, when they realised how close they'd come to what they had lost, that it would start to hurt again, but they didn't try to avoid it whatever it cost them.
"I think you might need to widen the vent here." She pointed, tilting her head to one side as she considered it, "This will work as it is but there is no contingency for rapid evacuation."
"Good spot, thanks." Wheeler retrieved his pencil and ruler and made the adjustments. "Better?"
Linka nodded, "It is looking good. I think they will be pleased."
He shrugged, not looking for praise, "We all make a good team I guess." The American took down his drawing and replaced it on his desk, heading for the phone, "I'll go over it in ink after dinner, what do you want?"
"The usual." She smiled at him as she returned to her seat, and got a rare one in return. When he hung up she asked, "No plans with Chelsea tonight? You do not usually work late on a Friday."
Wheeler hesitated, "We broke up… a while ago actually."
"Oh… I am sorry." She lied.
He laughed, "I'm not… but to answer your question, no I don't have any plans tonight, I'm kinda between girlfriends again."
"Oh." Linka didn't know what to say, he obviously wasn't bothered by it, nor did he see it as anything but a temporary state. She turned her attention back to her own work, hoping that the pizza would arrive soon since she couldn't seem to concentrate.
Wheeler watched her, a part of him wishing that he could tell her the truth but knowing that it was too late for that, for both of them. "What about you? No plans? Or do you have someone waiting back in Russia?"
The ex-wind planeteer was oddly grateful that he assumed she would be faithful if she was involved with someone, however much he might question her motives in being with them. She shook her head. "I have not met anyone that I have wanted to be with since…" Linka caught herself and continued, "I suppose I am too wrapped up in my work."
Since me, or someone else? He wanted to know but didn't dare ask. "Not even Alexi? He's quite taken with you, I've noticed."
"He asked. I made the mistake of going with him to an official function, until then I do not think he had the courage to say anything." She smiled and looked up from her work, evidently unembarrassed by the story. "He is nice, but I do not see him that way… I think he understands that."
The phone rang to let them know that their dinner had arrived and Wheeler went down to fetch it, giving Linka the chance to finish what she was working on without distraction. When he returned, they cleared a space and made themselves comfortable to share their meal.
They ate in silence, alone with their own thoughts until Linka commented that she hated drinking out of cans and kept meaning to buy a glass.
"There's some plastic ones in the bottom of my desk," Wheeler volunteered, "Help yourself, they're left over from the last birthday party."
"Spasiba." Wiping her hands she went over to his desk and pulled out the bottom drawer… and stopped. Retrieving a full bottle of whiskey she held it up, more accusation in her voice than she intended. "Is this left over from the party too?"
Turning in confusion to see what she was talking about, Wheeler stiffened. In fact it had been a Christmas present the previous year and he hadn't known what to do with it, so it had stayed in his drawer, but given what she was obviously thinking, he wasn't about to explain. "No, that's mine."
Linka hesitated and then replaced the bottle and took a cup from the plastic tube beside it. Walking back to her seat in silence she poured herself a drink but in the end, couldn't leave it alone. "You always said you would never drink… especially whiskey."
It was an accusation, however she phrased it, and he didn't appreciate it. "Yeah well, that was before."
"Jason… please tell me that you do not…" he raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to finish and accuse him of being an alcoholic like his father. "What could have changed that could possibly make you see that differently?"
The anger that was always bubbling away beneath the surface returned, where does she get off..?
"Oh I don't know," he shrugged, "Maybe because I was always afraid of hurting someone I loved and now that doesn't matter anymore?"
Tears started in her eyes at the implications of what he said, "Do not say that Yankee, please… it does matter and when you find someone to love…"
"I don't want to love anyone!" his voice rose, "Don't you get it? It's not real Linka, it's just something we tell ourselves, like fairytales for adults, to make our lives more interesting."
"You do not believe that!" Her cheeks had gone pale.
Wheeler looked away, "Yeah I do, I've believed it since I was a child, and while I might have been stupid enough to buy into the lie for a while, in the end you proved me right."
Linka shook her head, "I do not know how many times I can say sorry Jason, but I am. I can only hope that you meet someone who can change your mind… someone better for you than I was."
"I'm not interested." He stood up, having lost his appetite." We should call it a night, I can come in tomorrow and finalise the design."
Linka helped him tidy everything away without saying another word. She couldn't speak in fact without losing what little control she had left. She kept telling herself that he was just angry and that his feelings would change when he met the right person, but that just made her heart ache even worse than the guilt.
But what if he does mean it? What if he meets the perfect person and will not allow himself to love her because of the mess I made of things?
He took the unfinished pizza, and the bottle from his desk, and followed her down to the basement parking garage. Despite everything, she knew he was making sure she got to her vehicle safely and like everything else seemed to it just increased her misery.
How long can I stand this?