A/N: Sorry I left you hanging for a few days, it's a long week for me, but hopefully this slightly longer update should help make up for it.
I also want to thank Becks for providing some of the inspiration behind their conversations in this chapter and helping to keep it fun when I was struggling to write, I really do appreciate it.
Chapter 14 – I'll be home for Christmas
Linka sighed and stretched, putting off the moment when she would have to open her eyes for as long as she could. It is Christmas Eve.
She could hear Wheeler crashing about in the lounge, she had no idea what he was doing but knowing that he was there made her smile. She'd spent most of the previous day sleeping and taking medicine, or so it had seemed to her.
The bath hadn't been nearly as embarrassing as she had thought it would be, thanks to Wheeler not making a big deal out of it, and it had been nice to settle back into clean sheets. After that he'd made himself comfortable on the bed beside her, fetching and carrying when needed, watching movies or just talking to her as if there was nothing wrong, while she drifted in and out of consciousness. Their conversation hadn't strayed near anything personal, in fact it had mostly revolved around whatever was on the television and the food she didn't want to eat, but he insisted she have.
Finally facing the inevitable, Linka made herself sit up and open her eyes. Then she headed to the bathroom on slightly wobbly legs, determined to have a shower. By the time she managed to dress herself, the lovely Russian was exhausted but she had no intention of spending the day stuck in bed so she forced herself to make her way into the lounge.
"Linka!" Wheeler was at her side almost immediately, his arm snaking around her waist to support her as he helped her over to his couch. "You shouldn't be up!"
She sighed, "I am not going to spend another day in bed."
"Why didn't you call me then, I'd have carried you out." He persisted.
"Because you would have carried me out?" She gave him a weak smile and sank gratefully against the cushions of the settee. "I am fine Yankee, really. I wanted to get up and I need to start moving around again."
He muttered something under his breath that sounded very much like, 'Stubborn Ruskie', before saying aloud, "Have you had your medicine?"
"Not yet." Linka smiled sweetly at him, "But I am sure you are going to see that I do."
Wheeler huffed and headed for the bedroom to fetch the cold cures he'd bought for her, though she caught his eyes twinkling before he left so she knew he wasn't really annoyed with her.
Looking around his apartment, it slowly dawned on the young woman that the noises she'd heard had been her friend's attempts to put up some Christmas decorations. At first her eyebrows raised, and then her eyes widened at the display.
"Go on. Tell me what's wrong with it." Linka jumped, not having noticed Wheeler return.
"Nothing… nothing is wrong with it." She took her medicine silently, purposefully not looking at him. When she finally did glance in his direction, she found him watching her, trying to look stern but with his eyes betraying his amusement. "Do not let me stop you."
Wheeler grinned and knelt beside her to arrange her things on the little coffee table so that she wouldn't have to get up. Handing her the TV remote he asked, "Is there anything else you need?"
"Nyet, spasiba." She smiled and began flicking through the channels while Wheeler returned to his decorating.
Wheeler could feel her eyes on him, though he knew it was the decorations that were driving her crazy. She never had liked the way he arranged things. Without turning around he said, "You're gonna burst a blood vessel you know."
"What do you mean?" Linka pressed the mute button and turned her full attention on her friend.
"I can feel the little bubble of frustration building up behind me." He turned and grinned at her, "Seriously Babe, if you want to change something, just say."
The Russian shifted uncomfortably. "I do not know what you are talking about... Besides they are your decorations and you can put them up like that if you want to."
He laughed, "Last chance."
Linka bit her bottom lip and finally gave in, "Well if you just spread those out a little it would be fine."
Wheeler opened his hands in a questioning shrug.
"Well first, take the long blue tinsel that you have arranged in that bizarre spiral and loop it across the room from the corner." She began.
The American followed her directions, slowly re-arranging everything he had already put up and carefully placing the rest while re-learning the definitions of left and right, 'a little bit', and 'towards you', and biting his tongue many times before at last exclaiming, "That's where it was in the first place!"
When everything was finally done, including the tree (with fibre optic lights which he thought the best invention ever, since it meant not having to unravel strings of broken bulbs,) Wheeler dropped down beside his guest and leant his head on the back of the seat. "Doesn't look bad at all, does it?"
"Nyet, it turned out very well." She gave him a shy smile, "Thank you for letting me help."
It took a lot of control for Wheeler not to comment and he was sure she guessed the reason for the amusement creeping over his face, "I'm glad you're feeling better."
Her smile widened at his subtle jibe about her usual bossiness, but she looked down at her joined hands in her lap. "I hope you have not cancelled any plans for me, I want you to know that I will be fine alone here if you need to go out."
There was a pause, and then Wheeler gently pulled one of her hands into his, entwining their fingers. "There is nowhere else I would rather be. But actually, I didn't have any plans… I didn't have any decorations either. I bought them when I got your cold stuff." He cleared his throat. "I haven't felt much like celebrating anything these last few years."
"Me either." She squeezed his hand, "Fortunately for me, Christmas is not such a big deal in Russia and I have mostly been able to work."
"What about your family?" He shrugged, not releasing her. "You didn't want to see them?"
Linka shook her head, "I have been back a few times… to Mishka's wedding and to see my nephew, but not at this time of year."
"Mishka's a dad? Cool." He grinned, "I bet your Grandmother loves having a baby around."
"Da," Linka laughed. "She spoils him… actually Nina is expecting again, they are hoping for a girl this time."
"Do they hate me?"
The question was so sudden her eyes flew up involuntarily to meet his, but she shook her head. "They do not know what happened but even if they did, they would have no reason to hate you."
He looked away, "I bet your Grandma knows, she doesn't miss much. Don't tell me she never asked you why you left Hope Island."
Linka swallowed, her Grandmother did indeed know she was unhappy but she didn't want to make Wheeler feel worse than he apparently already did, although she also knew she couldn't lie. "She did ask... she asked about you too. I told her that it was just time for us to leave and that I had chosen a different path to you. I think… that is, she knows I have regrets about that time, but she has never pushed me to tell her more and I have not volunteered the information."
He nodded. Releasing her hand, he stood up and headed for the kitchen area, "Ham and cheese sandwiches ok for lunch?"
Shivering from the abruptness of his departure, Linka felt her throat close up and her eyes start to tear but she forced herself back into composure. "I am not hungry, thank you."
"You didn't have any breakfast Babe, you're not skipping lunch." His voice sounded a little raw and she guessed he also needed time to get his feelings back under control.
Linka sighed, "Ham and cheese is fine thank you, but without the gunk you put in it."
"Gunk?" The note of humour in his voice returned as he found himself on firmer ground. "Mayo and Mustard is not gunk!"
"It is when you put it all in together, especially with the amounts you use." She pulled a face, "It turns my stomach just to think of it."
Wheeler shook his head sadly in a slightly exaggerated manner, "You don't know what you're missing. Lettuce?"
"Yes please." She replied cheerfully. "And I know exactly what I am missing, I made the mistake once of kissing you just after you had eaten one of your concoctions."
After she'd said it, it occurred to her that reminding him of their former relationship again was a bad idea but he didn't seem to notice.
"Oh Babe, that's cold." He faked a hurt look but he was clearly enjoying the banter. "Did I complain about kissing you when you'd been eating that foul death paste?"
"There is nothing wrong with Vegemite!" She replied indignantly.
He gave her a triumphant look, "You knew what I meant though."
"Because you kept playing that song over and over, how could I not know what you meant?" Linka laughed.
Wheeler laughed along with her, and brought her lunch over. Handing it to her with a mock bow, "Your excessively bland sandwich, without all the trimmings, Ma'am."
Linka rolled her eyes but they were sparkling with amusement. "Spasiba. What is for dinner?"
"Pizza or soup." He shrugged, getting his own lunch together and bringing it over so that he could sit beside her again. "I got more in for tomorrow but I didn't really think about the time in between. The local Chinese or Indian might be open if you'd prefer take-out?"
She nodded, "It might be easier for me to eat Chinese, we should see if they are open before deciding."
"Curry is supposed to be good for colds?" he suggested.
Linka turned up her nose, "I have not been able to stand that since I got sick in India."
"That wasn't the food." He protested.
She shook her head, "It does not matter, it is the smells. I could not even be in the same room with it."
Wheeler sighed in defeat, "I guess that's why I was always out voted back home, the others never wanted it either after that trip but I never made the connection."
Linka couldn't help but notice the fact that he referred to Hope Island as home and it made her heart ache. He left the only place he has ever really thought of as home because of me… and he gave up Christmas and… and he said before that he does not want love, but I do not believe that. Perhaps it is good that I am stuck here after all… perhaps I can help to undo some of the damage I did.
He drew her attention to the television just then and their conversation once more drifted towards safer topics.
Linka woke with a start to Christmas music blaring out from the main room. Before she could get her bearings Wheeler entered, without knocking, holding a steaming cup of coffee. "Merry Christmas Babe!"
She stared for a moment longer and then started to giggle.
"What?" He asked, pretending to be offended, "You don't like my Christmas boxers?"
"They are very stylish Yankee." She told him, still regarding the red silk garment that was printed like part of a Santa suit. "I love the matching hat."
He grinned and sat on the bed beside her, handing her the mug as she sat up. "I did consider the pair with the mistletoe hanging from the waistband but I thought you might think it in bad taste."
Linka sipped her drink and then nearly choked as his words caught up with her. "Wheeler!"
Leaning forward to kiss her cheek, Wheeler laughed. "I'm glad you're here."
"So that there is someone to see you walk around like a half-naked Santa Claus?" she teased back, her eyes betraying her pleasure at his words.
"Absolutely." He began sorting out her medicine. "I hope you're ready for a day of fun and silliness?"
The Russian leant back against the head-board and continued sipping her coffee. "I think that might be just what I need."
"Good." He smiled at her, a calm smile which was more a part of the mature Wheeler she had come to know at work than the young 20 something she'd fallen in love with, but it suited him and she was glad to finally have it directed at her. "I'll leave you to get dressed, call me if you need anything?"
She nodded and he got up, heading for the door. "Jason..." he turned and waited, "I am glad I am here too."
Wheeler's grin widened and as he turned and opened the bedroom door he began dancing to the music still playing in the lounge, deliberately waggling his well-fitting pyjama bottoms before closing it again.
Linka sat there chuckling over her coffee before taking her medicine and heading for the bathroom in a much better frame of mind than she had been in a very long time.
"Wow." Wheeler stared at the form fitting blue dress Linka had chosen to put on. It had short floaty sleeves and only came down to just above her knees.
"It does not compare to your Christmas Boxers." She said, turning so that he could get the full impact, her long blond curls swaying slightly as they fell over her shoulder. "But I thought I should make an effort… and it is nice to feel partly attractive, though I know with the red nose and runny eyes I would be better in a reindeer costume."
Wheeler laughed, "Rudolph never looked so good."
Not wanting him to see how weak her legs still were, Linka joined him in the kitchen area and sat at the table. "You look very smart too." She commented, taking in the tight blue jeans and white shirt. "That suits you, even with the hat."
"I've still got the boxers on, incase you were wondering." He brought the toast he'd been making over to the table. "Scrambled Eggs and Bacon ok? I didn't really think about breakfast… I guess I'm not good at the domestic stuff."
Linka smiled, "Just the egg please, I do not have my appetite back yet. And I think you are doing very well as a host, you certainly make a wonderful nurse."
"Doctor, Babe." He frowned over his shoulder as he began dishing up their breakfast. "Guys don't play the nurse, they play the doctor."
"Isn't that a little sexist of you?" She teased, "This is the twenty first century after all, girls can be doctors and men can be nurses."
Wheeler gave her a look, "They can be, and in real life that's fine, but as long as we're pretending, I'm playing Doctor… but hey, if you want to play Doctor too I'm good with that. Orange juice?"
She shook her head but he could tell she was amused. "Da, yes, to the Orange juice, not the playing doctors."
He brought everything over to the table and sat opposite her and it was a few minutes before either of them spoke again. Finally Wheeler said, "So I have dinner all worked out but it's going to take me most of the morning, do you want to put a movie on or something, I can listen to it from here?"
Linka shrugged, "The music is fine, and then I can help you."
"You're my guest." He shook his head.
"I would rather be a friend." She said quietly, looking down at her plate.
Surprised at the way she seemed to take his words, Wheeler automatically put his fork down and reached over to cover her hand with his. "Why can't you be both?"
Linka blushed but didn't try to pull away. "A guest needs to be entertained, you would let a friend help."
She could feel his eyes on her as they sat silently for a few moments, neither moving nor speaking. At last Wheeler withdrew his hand returned to his breakfast, saying, "If you weren't sick I'd leave it all to you, as it is I'm just afraid you're going to sneeze and cough over everything."
Hearing the teasing note in his voice, Linka felt herself to be on more solid ground. "When I am better I will return the favour, but I would still like to help… I promise not to spread my germs."
"Ok." He shrugged but the look in his eyes was warm affection. "But no running around, you can sit at the table or on the sofa with a tray and I'll give you vegetables to chop."
"Vegetables?!" She said, in shocked accents, "You want to eat vegetables? Yankee, are you feeling well? Perhaps you should take some of my medicine?"
"Ha Ha." Wheeler rolled his eyes, "Very funny."
She gave him a delighted smile and then continued applying herself to her food.
Their good moods continued throughout the morning and into the afternoon, their lively conversation only once erupting into something like a food fight with some of the waste Linka had been cutting off their vegetables. They were both laughing hard when it ended, and they had to help each other retrieve stray leaves from the other's person. For once they were seemingly unconscious of the closeness it brought again, just giving them more scope to tease.
When everything was either cooking, or waiting to be cooked, they made themselves comfortable on the sofa and found a Christmas comedy film to watch.
Linka was actually feeling rather worn out and seeing that, Wheeler put his arm around her and pulled her against him. "I think you over did it a bit Babe, better let me finish up, there's not much left."
Initially surprised at her ex-boyfriend's gesture, the lovely blond realised quickly that it was an unconscious action, Wheeler having always been an affectionate and tactile person. She relaxed into his side and agreed, "Da, I am not sorry to rest a while."
For the first few minutes of the film Linka was more aware of her friend than anything else as she wondered if he was truly not thinking of their past when he held her like that. Gradually however, his laughter at the antics on the screen, pulled her in and they began joking over it.
In truth, Wheeler hadn't forgotten about their history for a second but it felt good to laugh with her again and he didn't want to spoil it by letting things get awkward. Giving her a hug had been a reflex action, but when she didn't object or pull away he found he was unwilling to release her. Finally able to hold her again he felt like he hadn't been able to breathe properly for the last four years and the thought of going back to that half-life terrified him. The young man figured that if he concentrated on the film, so would she and their closeness would last longer, and he was right.
What finally parted them was Linka reminding him to check on their dinner but when he returned to the sofa she sat up as if waiting for him to replace his arm around her, and when he did, resumed her former position against him. This happened two or three times before he was ready to serve the food so that by the time they sat down to their meal the last of their awkwardness had disappeared.
"Jason this looks wonderful!" the Russian exclaimed as she saw how he'd laid things out, with each option in its own bowl surrounding a pair of lit candles as a centre piece so that his small kitchen table seemed to be overflowing with food. There were even festive napkins. She was very impressed by his efforts, "I wish I was feeling better though, I may not be able to do it justice."
The American shrugged, pleased with her approval, and began carving the meat. "Eat what you want, the turkey and ham will last us for days but I didn't have much of a choice in size when I got it."
"I thought you only ate turkey for Thanks Giving, do you not normally want roast and casseroles with the ham?" She began to take spoonfuls of vegetables to go with the meat he had cut, glad that he had picked up some traditional English ones, even though he hadn't known what to do with them.
"Yeah, well I've kinda missed Thanks Giving since I've been over here and the Brits eat it for Christmas, so I figured, why not?" Wheeler took mashed potatoes, stuffed mushrooms, cabbage, broccoli and corn, which he was used to eating in his childhood and added the peas, ready made roast potatoes and sprouts that he'd learned he liked since moving to England.
Linka watched him tuck in to his food with a small smile, "Will you not try the parsnip and swede too? You did buy it."
"Like I told you, the lady in the supermarket recommended it and I thought you might like it, but even though you've made it look like funny coloured mash, I'm not eating it." He gave her a mock glare and returned his concentration to his own selection.
The Russian giggled at his aversion to root vegetables, but continued to tease him. "They are delicious Yankee, will you really not try them? For me?" So saying, she scooped them up on her fork with some turkey and ham and held it out to her friend, "Please?"
He eyed the little heap distrustfully, "You just want me to feel as sick as you do."
"Oh I am sorry, my germs, I was not thinking." She began to lower her fork, consciousness returning to her face of how inappropriate her behaviour was.
Wheeler caught her wrist and brought her offering back to his mouth, "I'll risk the germs, I was talking about the rutabagas."
She waited for him to finish his mouthful and then asked, "Well?"
"Strangely good… bit hot." That reminded him that he'd forgotten the wine he'd bought, and he got up to get it and a couple of glasses. He didn't usually drink but it seemed appropriate to go with the meal and with the amount he intended to eat, the low alcohol wine wouldn't have much of an effect. "Here we go."
"Spasiba." Linka smiled and sipped her drink, "It is the black pepper in the swede that makes it hot but it also brings out the flavour."
Wheeler nodded and after a couple of gulps, raised his glass, "Merry Christmas Babe."
"Merry Christmas Yankee." Her grin widened as she returned the gesture.
Wheeler hadn't given any thought to dessert – which as Linka pointed out, was a first – but he had bought a tin of sweets so when they decided they couldn't eat any more and had cleared up a little, they returned to their former position on the sofa with the bottle of wine and the brightly wrapped chocolate.
White Christmas had just been starting when they sat down and since Linka seemed so eager to see it, her red-headed companion had given in with good grace, especially as it seemed to make her snuggle against him even more than before.
He does not notice how often he touches me. The Russian thought, her mind straying from the film whenever Wheeler's fingers traced patterns on her arm, or he gave her a squeeze and kissed her temple. It still feels natural. It should not, but it does… like we are where we belong.
"Ok," Wheeler said when the film ended, "What's next?"
Linka shrugged, "Your turn to pick something."
He picked up the TV Guide and pulled a face, "They don't seem to play 'A Christmas Story' over here, I haven't even seen 'It's a Wonderful Life' advertised. There's the Doctor Who Christmas Special and a carol service."
"What about DVD's?" She asked, knowing he had some but not having looked through them.
"Action flicks mostly, how about 'Scrooged' or 'Home Alone'?" He asked still looking through the magazine.
Linka smiled at his determination to watch something at least set at Christmas time, remembering that he'd always been that way, "Either sounds fine."
He picked the first one but the adverts were still on. "Do you want some more wine?"
"Nyet, spasiba, but I do not ever drink so much." She took another sweet however and it was a moment or two before she realised he was looking at her rather uncomfortably.
"I don't either." The young man shifted in his seat, "That bottle of whiskey you found was a present, I wasn't going to drink it, I just didn't know what to do with it. When you asked about it I got mad…"
"I am sorry Jason." Her remorse showed in her eyes, "I should never have suspected you, I know you better than that."
He gave a bitter laugh, and looked away, unable to meet her eyes. "Yeah well, I'm not sure about that. When I thought you'd gone for good I downed half of it… that's why I didn't come when the hospital first called me, I was out of it."
Wheeler's self-loathing had obviously reached a new level and it was all Linka could do to stop herself crying out in pain. Instead she put her arms around him and held him tightly, relaxing a little as he held her back. "I do know you better than that Jason, it was my fault not yours, I should not have come here in the first place."
"Yes you should!" He replied quickly, hugging her close. "I didn't tell you about that to make you feel bad, I just wanted you to know that I'm not an alcoholic, I don't feel the need to drink, if anything I drank that whiskey to punish myself for driving you away and that is definitely not your fault."
She didn't reply, other than a gentle squeeze and as the film began they didn't talk again until the first set of adverts started, but stayed in each others arms in quiet companionship.
Returning from the bathroom, Linka found her friend deep in thought, though he automatically put his arm around her when she sat beside him. "Penny for your thoughts Yankee?"
"I didn't get you a present." His eyes focused on her and he sounded apologetic, "No dessert, nothing to unwrap, I did a pretty lousy job of Christmas huh?"
"What are you talking about?" Linka replied in surprise. "This has been a wonderful Christmas!" She indicated the sweet box, "We have chocolate for dessert and the whole day has been the best present I could have."
Wheeler smiled at her but she continued earnestly, her eyes filling with tears despite her determination not to let her feelings show. "You gave me the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world Yankee, my friend back."
"Me too Babe." He replied, his voice a little gruff, and pulled her against him, burying his face in her shoulder.
Eventually they settled back to continue watching the film together, and then chose another before Linka's cold began to catch up with her and she finally admitted she needed to go to bed.
"I'll walk you to your door." Wheeler teased though Linka couldn't help wondering if he actually thought she might fall over, her legs were still a bit wobbly. He leant on the door frame, smiling at her, more at ease than he had been since she'd come back into his life. "Goodnight Babe, sweet dreams."
Conscious of where she'd stopped, the Russian lowered her eyes, a faint blush stealing over her cheeks. "Good night Yankee, and thank you again, for everything."
Wheeler stood a little straighter, "Is something wrong?"
"Nyet… I am just a little superstitious." She opened the bedroom door and would have gone inside but he stopped her and asked what she was talking about. Linka's blush deepened and she pointed upwards, "The decorations, but it is fine."
Wheeler looked up to see what she was talking about. He'd strung some greenery up over all the doors but somehow it had escaped his notice (at least consciously) that there was both holly and mistletoe in the garlands, and she'd stopped right underneath it.
Again Linka would have left but in one gentle movement he turned her back to him and placed a tender kiss on her lips. It was very brief, no more than he might have given to any one of his female friends, but somehow it felt like more. For a moment when they parted they gazed into each others eyes as if trying to remember why they should stop, then Wheeler gave a sad smile and explained his actions, "I'm not taking any more chances with luck when it comes to you."
She smiled back, not really sure what this meant for either of them but willing to accept it as a gesture of friendship. "Goodnight Yankee, Merry Christmas."
Wheeler sat on the sofa for a long time after Linka had gone to bed, wondering what exactly he was trying to do. I shouldn't have kissed her… I'm not sure how I stopped! Her lips are so soft, so… so right. And the way she responded, even in that brief moment, it was like no time at all had passed. No one has ever come close to making me feel the way she does, and I'm right back where I started, hopelessly in love with my best friend. Except this time there's no hope of a future together as anything other than friends. I guess that will have to be enough, it's better than the alternative anyway... I've tried living without her, I don't think I can do that again.