A/N: I hadn't planned on this chapter ending quite the way it does because it's still early days for them, but Linka seemed to have other ideas… I hope you approve and will bear with them a little longer.

Chapter 15 - Baby It's Cold Outside

For the first time in a very long time, Linka felt happy when she woke. She was under no illusions that they would be getting back together because of one brief kiss but everything felt so different to her, knowing that Wheeler no longer hated her, and she felt more like herself than she had since he left Hope Island.

One day at a time. She told herself, not able to reign in her feelings enough to stop the grin that spread over her face.

A brief shower and some fresh clothes, this time just plain jeans and a jumper, and she was ready to face the day. Her mood only improved when she entered the kitchen to find that Wheeler was already there, and plainly happy to see her.

"Good Morning Beautiful, how're you feeling today?" He grinned, pouring out a glass of orange juice for her and bringing it over to the table.

"Better, thank you." She replied, and it was true, though she was still grateful to sit down and let him make breakfast. "A couple more days and I will be as good as new."

He nodded in approval but said, "No rush."

She sipped her drink, trying to hide her smile and when asked, requested toast and marmalade as if they did this every day.

"It's still a Holiday today so I can't go shopping 'cos nothing's open, but I don't think we'll starve." He brought the toast over with the butter and a jar of marmalade to let her doctor it how she liked and then went back to cooking his bacon. "Any idea what you'd like to do today?"

"I do not think I have the energy to do much, just watching films' is ok with me, but if there is something you want to do, you should go ahead." Linka licked some of the golden spread from her fingers as it seemed to get everywhere but then picked up her toast, coating them again.

Wheeler hesitated, he wanted to spend time with his ex-girlfriend but she was there because she hadn't had much of a choice with being so sick. He knew she was happy enough to be there but he wondered if she wanted some time to herself. "Well I guess I have some work I could do…"

The blonde's eyes flew up to his immediately, "You were planning to work over Christmas?"

He shrugged, "I like to keep busy."

A now familiar look of pain crossed her face and she lowered her breakfast back to the plate as her throat tightened. "This is my fault."

"No!" Wheeler sighed, "Linka not everything I do is your fault."

"Nyet, not everything, just the bad stuff." She shook her head, looking down at the table without really seeing it.

Moving to the chair beside her, Wheeler took her hand in his. "No Babe… I blamed you for a while, I admit, but my choices were my own."

She nodded, "But you would not have made them if I had not destroyed everything between us."

"Maybe… so maybe I should thank you." Linka looked up, startled by his suggestion. "Don't get me wrong, I regret a lot about what I gave up, but being an engineer… that wasn't given to me like being a Planeteer was, I earned it on my own, and I'm proud of what I have achieved."

"You should be." She replied with a sad smile, "For what it is worth, I am proud of you too."

"It's worth a lot." Wheeler told her quietly and felt his heart swell as her smile brightened.

Giving his hand a squeeze, Linka said, "You should be proud of your time in the Planeteer's too Yankee, it might have been given to us initially but you earned your place there a hundred times over… and I do not think it was given to us, Gaia felt we deserved a position of trust."

"I guess I broke that trust though." He winced, "And don't say it was your fault, I didn't have to leave, that was my choice."

"To get away from me." She pointed out.

He gave her a wry smile, "Yeah, because I knew I couldn't stay mad at you if you were right there. I wasn't ready to forgive you and I guess I wasn't thinking very clearly, but I've wondered since…"

"What?" She watched him closely and forced herself not to reach for him as he released her hand.

"I've wondered, if maybe… I was waiting for it to go wrong." He ran a hand through his hair. "I had an escape plan… I mean I didn't think of it as an escape plan, I wasn't looking to get out, but it was obviously in my subconscious somewhere."

Linka chewed on her bottom lip as she thought this over, finally saying, "You did say that you would be like your mother for staying with me… I have a feeling that you have never really believed in happy endings so da, you probably did think that way on some level... but I was the one that proved you right."

They sat in silence for a minute or so before Wheeler tried to shake off the mood, "Well this is depressing." He moved back around the table to his now slightly cold breakfast. "We need to get past all that, Babe. It's over with, we have new lives and new careers and I hope, a new friendship?"

The look in the Russian's eyes was still mournful but her smile was genuine, "Da, we do, and I will not give it up willingly."

"Same here." He smiled back, relaxing a little. "So does that mean you do want to spend the day with me?"

"Of course, I did not mean to imply otherwise!" She rolled her eyes. "I assumed that whatever you wanted to do, it would be here with me… though I do not think you should work."

Wheeler shrugged again, "I guess we still have a few communication issues. Um, I might have some playing cards somewhere, and maybe a few more DVD's. I haven't really looked at the stuff in the spare room since I moved in."

"Why did you not put me in the spare room?" Linka asked curiously as she once more applied herself to her breakfast, "You did not need to give up yours."

"Because it's full of boxes that I haven't looked at since I moved in." He grinned, "It's no big deal, you're sick, you should be comfortable and I can sleep anywhere."

She nodded, regarding him affectionately, "I remember."

The next couple of days were peaceful and happy while the pair enjoyed spending time together without any outside pressures but the closer it got to New Year's Eve, the more conscious Linka became of their time running out.

At last she felt compelled to say, "I think I should move to a hotel tomorrow."

She said it quietly, not looking up from the hand of cards she was playing so she missed the look of panic that crossed Wheeler's face.

"Why?" His voice surprisingly steady, "I mean we've been getting on ok, at least I thought we were, and you weren't going to try for a flight until after New Year, right?"

"Da..." The Russian swallowed, not really wanting to explain. "I just thought it would be for the best."

"Why?" This time he sounded more urgent and perhaps a little upset.

Linka sighed, "I know you do not put any store in superstitions but I do... And it does not seem fair to you."

He looked at her steadily for a minute or so, making her shift uncomfortably under the scrutiny, then said. "As you celebrate the New Year, so you will spend it?"

She nodded.

"I can't say it was wrong, can I?" He continued sadly. "But here's the thing; I don't want you to leave, I don't want to spend another year without you in my life, so I'm prepared to tie you to the bed until the second just to make sure your damn superstition kicks in, if that's what it takes to keep you here."

Linka gave an uncertain laugh, not sure how serious he was and not completely objecting either way so long as he really did want her there. "I can think of worse ways to spend the year than being tied up in your bed, but it will not be necessary if you are sure you want me to stay?"

Wheeler's face (not to mention certain other areas,) felt hot as he digested what she'd just said but he knew she was joking. Not that the physical side of things was ever a problem for us, maybe she would...

He shook off the thought and addressed the more pressing issue. "I'm sure. Even if you still go back to Russia, I want us to do everything we can to keep our friendship alive, I'm not asking for more than that, I know we'll never be what we were before."

Both hearts ached in private at the thought of being forever divided but not knowing that, they each resolved to be happy with what was possible.

"That was why I came here in the first place," She sighed softly, their game forgotten. "I could not bear the way we had left things, I needed some level of forgiveness, but I swear I never meant to cause you more pain."

Wheeler took her hand lightly in his. "I know. I don't think I realised how guilty you felt though, until the Christmas party. Amanda said to tell you thanks for making her talk to...er..."

"Carl?"

He nodded, "Yeah that's it. She said you told her not to put her Duty ahead of his feelings."

"Actually I told her not to put her duty ahead of theirfeelings." Linka corrected him, "I could not let her make the same mistake I did."

Wheeler shook his head, "It wouldn't have been the same, their first impulse was a selfish one, yours wasn't, it was logical."

"What do you mean?" she asked warily.

"Well, they both thought the other should give up everything for their own careers and made it into a test of their love." he explained. "You saw an opportunity to do something useful, it would please our leaders, and it was in-line with what you knew I wanted so you were only prioritising your own feelings and duty won."

She gave a little shake of the head but he didn't notice. The phrase that had haunted her for the past four years once more came back to inflict its particular brand of torture, and she remained silent. "…there's nothing you can ever say to me that'll convince me you ever cared about me."

The American continued unaware of the pain he had caused. "It made sense... it just wasn't enough for me, but it wasn't a selfish choice, I know that. I forgave you long time ago, or I thought I did, but when you walked back into my life like you had it all together and I was still this train wreck. I was so angry, I just wanted to get back at you and show you how over it all I was, but it was a lie, I tried but..."

"Sometimes it feels like all we do is hurt each other." Linka commented sadly, deciding to accept his misapprehension about her feelings rather than risk losing his friendship by contesting it. If he refuses to see the truth, but can forgive me anyway, that is better than nothing.

Wheeler squeezed her hand, "Not anymore, all that stops today, from here on out we're on the same side and we'll have each other's backs every time, ok?"

The Russian nodded, unable to resist his confident enthusiasm. "For the record, I was just as much in a mess over everything as you were, even if I managed to hide it from you. But I am so much happier when we are together, even when it was at its most painful, I knew it was better to be with you than apart."

"Ditto." He grinned back, glad they finally agreed on something. "So you're staying for New Year?"

"Da." She smiled back, pleased despite the ache in her heart that spoke of an insurmountable barrier between them, "I will stay."

"Do you want to go to a party tonight or anything?" Wheeler asked casually as they sat in the lounge on New Year's Eve. He was going over some plans for work while Linka read.

The lovely Russian looked up from her book, "Not particularly… if you have made plans though, you should go."

"The only plans I've made is to spend New Year with you, you know that." He told her seriously, and then shrugged. "I just thought you might like to get out after being stuck here for the last week, Tom is having his usual 'do', there'd be people you know there."

"I appreciate the thought and I know how Tom feels about his parties, if you want to go for a few hours, I really do not mind." She gave him a smile, "I will be here when you get back."

Wheeler shook his head, "I don't want to go, but I was prepared to go if you wanted to."

She tilted her head to one side curiously, trying to work out if he was being honest. "You will not be missed?"

"Not at New Year no." he went back to his work.

There was something about the way he'd said it that bothered Linka, "Why not at New Year?"

He hesitated and then gave a sigh. Looking up into her eyes he said, "I don't break my promises, Linka, not ever. But I did… I promised you we'd spend New Year together and I stayed away deliberately."

"To let me know that it was over between us, I know." She said quietly.

"No!" He shook his head, "Because I was mad at you, and with myself for being so gullible. I was more angry than I'd ever been in my life, because you hurt me and I don't let people hurt me. I didn't know how to deal with it other than to walk away, I sure as hell wasn't going to deal with it the way my Dad did… I couldn't be with you but it killed me that I had to break my promise and after that it just felt wrong to spend the evening with anyone else, like it was breaking it all over again."

Linka swallowed painfully, hot tears running down her cheeks. "I am sorry."

Wheeler groaned and moved over to the couch to sit beside her. He took her in his arms and held her against him, "You've got to stop apologising Babe, we're both sorry, we both feel guilty, but what's done is done."

"At least we will spend this New Year together?" Linka told him, "Then you will be released from your promise and will not have to worry about it anymore."

He gave her a squeeze. "Yeah, but I don't think I'd ever be happy spending New Year without you… maybe we could agree to meet up or something, even if it's just on New Year…"

She hesitated and it worried him but her reply brought a huge smile to his face. "Da but, I hope it is not just New Year that we will meet up. Not now that we have found each other again."

"You got it Babe," He cuddled her close, "Hey, maybe we could call the others, have a big reunion?"

"Do you keep in touch with them?" Linka asked, sounding nervous.

Wheeler shook his head. "No. You?"

"Nyet… Gi tried to keep in contact for a while but I did not encourage her, another thing to feel guilty about." She confessed. "I do not even know if they are all still on Hope Island."

The American didn't say anything so after a few minutes she asked, "Do you think they hate us?"

"They probably should, but I doubt it, they were all too nice." He gave a soft laugh but she knew from his voice that he didn't feel any better than she did. "Maybe we shouldn't call them after all, I'm not sure they'd be too happy that we're friends again after abandoning them the way we did."

Linka nodded sadly. Or they might want us to go back, and I do not think I could do that, there are too many memories that my present relationship with Wheeler would only make even more painful. It would be a constant reminder of what I have lost.

"We're doing it again aren't we?" he said after a while.

"Cuddling?"

She made to get up but he pulled her back down. "No stoopid, getting morbid about the past. I know we both have reasons to feel bad, but we do have to move on and I think by now, the others will have too."

Linka relaxed against him, content to remain in his arms but still felt compelled to say, "Why should they have moved on? I did not. What if they are still waiting for us to get over it and come back?"

"I just can't see that somehow… they didn't have any guilt getting in the way. They must have known when we both left that it wasn't likely we'd go back." He shrugged, "They'll have been forced to adjust, and then they'd have had to start thinking about themselves. I think they'll do ok, I hope they have because the truth is I don't see going back as an option for me, even with you."

"Nyet." She agreed, once more lapsing into silence.

Her words still on his mind, Wheeler found himself saying, "You weren't the only one who didn't move on you know, I was just as much in limbo over what happened between us."

"Chelsea might be surprised to hear you say that, and so would most of the office given some of the stories I heard." The Russian hadn't meant to say anything, the words just slipped out.

Wheeler was surprised, she sounded jealous but that didn't make any sense to him, "Er… that's not quite the same thing."

"How is it not?" Linka blushed at her unruly tongue and immediately began to back track, "That is none of my business I should not have said anything."

"It's ok." Still puzzled, the American thought for a moment and then offered an explanation, "There's no nice way of saying this… I was using them for sex. It made a warped kind of sense to me for a while, it was like eating or drinking, just a bodily function I needed to take care of."

She'd stiffened in his arms but he continued anyway, "Try and understand Babe, I was in love with you and I waited for you… well after I met you I did, but that was all over. Worse, I felt like it was all just in my head, so what was left? I told you I didn't want love again but I wasn't cut out to be a monk. I just figured I'd keep things casual, I made sure they all knew where they stood and ended it if they started to get serious."

Linka chewed on her bottom lip, "Do you still feel that way?"

He looked away, "Pretty much. After you came here though… I broke up with Megan er Chelsea." He shook his head, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "I couldn't lie to myself with you right in front of me, no one can replace you, no one ever will. I'm not saying I'm going to be celibate after you leave, I just can't see you and want someone else."

The lovely blonde's heart was beating fast and she was very close to suggesting that they could have another type of relationship. But I cannot, it would be wrong for both of us.

"You should not give up on love Yankee," she told him softly, risking his anger again. "Promise me… promise me that even if you do not look for it, if you meet someone you can care for, you will give them a chance?"

I'm not going to meet anyone else Beautiful, he thought sadly, that's the point… I can't fall in love again when I'm still in love with you.

"Sure, why not?" He said it so easily she felt confused but she nodded slowly in acceptance. I am helping to heal him for someone else. When there is finally no guilt left, I will have lost him for good.

Linka put the television on mute, there was really nothing going on anyway until midnight, and turned the CD player on, finding some music they could dance to.

Despite their awkward conversation earlier in the day, the two ex-planeteers were in a good mood and Linka's suggestion that they have their own private party had been readily accepted.

"Champagne doesn't go off does it?" Wheeler asked, emerging from the spare room with a bottle.

The Russian shook her head, "I do not think so, how long have you had it?"

"Dr Derrick gave it to me on my graduation." He grinned, "Totally wasted on me, but I figured maybe tonight we should celebrate, what do you think?"

Nodding, Linka followed him to the kitchen to fetch some glasses. "Dinner will not be ready for another half an hour but I do not think it would hurt to have one glass now, to try it."

Wheeler filled their glasses and made a toast, "To our new friendship."

"To our new friendship," Linka echoed, "And to getting it right this time."

They both drank, agreeing that the champagne was good and would go well with their meal.

After dinner, Wheeler told his companion that he would do the dishes in the morning, and pulled her into the middle of the lounge so that they could dance. Linka laughed and fell in with him, letting him twirl her around in time to the beat.

"I had forgotten how much I love this." She exclaimed, drawing an answering laugh from him.

The CD she had picked changed to a slow song after a couple more numbers and the two friends slowed with it, moving closer and swaying naturally in each others arms.

After a while Wheeler said, "You've been apologising a lot, I think it's my turn." She tried to say that it wasn't necessary but he hushed her. "No, listen, I want to clear the air, at least a bit, before midnight. I'm sorry for the way I acted over the last few months, really sorry. I knew I was hurting you but it was like I needed to get a reaction from you, I guess I wanted you to be as miserable as I was… it was selfish of me."

"You had a reason." She said sadly, "I never blamed you."

"I know that because you never put me in my place, you felt guilty and that just makes it worse." He looked away.

Linka rested her head against his shoulder, "I forgive you."

"You shouldn't." He tilted his head to lay it against hers and nuzzled her slightly.

"I need to. And you have forgiven me for worse, da?" She looked up at him.

"Yeah." Wheeler gave her a wry smile, "Though I guess it depends on what you call worse."

Linka snuggled back against him and received a kiss in her hair. When the CD finished they put another slow one on so that they could stay like that until it was nearly midnight.

When it was time, Wheeler put the sound back on the television and found that the presenter was just beginning to announce the count down. "It's kinda weird not seeing Times Square."

"That will not be for another five hours anyway." She told him, pouring out another glass of champagne and handing it to him. "The British toast the New Year when Big Ben chimes, da?"

"Da." He grinned at her, "I still prefer the American tradition though."

"I thought you said you have been spending New Year alone?" she teased.

He feigned offense, "I have! Just because I haven't been following the tradition doesn't mean it isn't better than the English one."

Linka rolled her eyes but she was secretly hoping that he would insist on his New Year kiss, another American tradition.

"Happy New Year!" They cried in unison, along with all the crowds along the Embankment. They touched their glasses together with a tuneful clink and took a quick sip of their drinks.

While the cheering was still going on, and the fireworks were starting, Wheeler decided he had nothing to lose. Putting his drink down and leaning towards her, he spoke softly, "Babe?" and then closed the distance as she tilted her lips towards him.

He'd meant it to be a brief, friendly gesture as it had been under the mistletoe, but their mutual need… and perhaps the alcohol, got the better of them and it ignited into something more.

Breathlessly breaking apart, a somewhat flustered Linka walked over to the window to watch the fireworks as they continued to light up London. Wheeler followed her, wordlessly wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning in to prop his chin on her shoulder.

They stayed like that until the brightly coloured explosions began to fade, and then Linka surprised them both by saying. "Sleep with me tonight."

"What? Linka we can't…" Wheeler began, hating himself for being a gentleman.

The Russian turned in his arms and put a finger up to his lips to silence him. "I know it is a bad idea, I know why we cannot, but I still want it… want you. Just for tonight, Jason please, it will not change anything, it does not have to mean anything."

He looked into her eyes wondering if she could be right or whether they were risking the fragile friendship they'd built up over the last week. "A one night stand? Are you sure you'd be ok with that?"

It is not a one night stand for me Yankee, she thought. It is just one more night with the man I love.

"With you, da." She smiled and he was finding it hard to remember why he was resisting.

"Promise me you won't panic in the morning and leave." He told her seriously.

Linka's smile widened and she leant into him suggestively, "I promise."

He began to grin, "You know it's the Champagne talking right?"

She shook her head, "I have not had that much, I am not drunk."

In fact it was, in part, the alcohol in that it was giving her the freedom to express her desires, but she had a very real need to connect with him again. This is probably the last chance I will ever have to be with him, I want the memory of our final love making to be a happy one, an act of friendship and joy with no guilt and no ulterior motives... Not like the night he left...

"Yankee, you said you have not been with anyone since Chelsea because of your attraction to me, but I have not been with anyone since you… I have never wanted anyone but you, and I need you tonight."

Wheeler's willpower only extended so far. He brought their lips back together and scooped her into his arms, carrying her to his bedroom and pushing all other thoughts from his mind.